Series: Tpq - Tumblr Posts

I adore the opening paragraph. The language you use is absolutely gorgeous!! And I love that emotion controls his powers for now! I'm sure that it'll serve for even more comedic moments

Burned Update; Chapter 1

As I redraft burned (hopefully to completion) this summer, I decided I wanted to update on a chapter-to-chapter basis, talk about progress, challenges, post excerpts, etc. (in other words, actually be a writeblr for once LMAO)

So here's chapter 1! This is the *mumbles into hand*th time I've started this novel and every version has been PRETTY different. Previous versions were pretty info dump-y and also tipped into melodrama and a lot of purple prose, but this time we're going for numbness and understatement baby!!

[id: His final shreds of memory curl, charred at the edges, drifting between his fingers in grays wisps--blurry polaroids, set ablaze and tossed to the side.

He knows his name. Neil. Neil Adrian Grant. He's eighteen years old. But when he tries to remember anything else about his life, who he is, he comes up blank. A forest burned to the ground.]

This is the opening passage, still fairly similar to the previous version. As much as I want to get away from overwriting, I do think this image is a really good way to set the tone (and I have already cut so much imagery you will have to pry this opening line from my corpse!!!)

Another thing I really want to do in this version is have the narration much closer to Neil. It's always been a 3rd limited, but the voice of the narration in prior drafts relied on some sort of obnoxious diction and made for some weird moments in the tone, so this time I'm aiming for something that relies more on the character's voice!

[id: “Why can’t I remember anything?”

Jayce sets down his mug on an open book. Neil eyes the table; there’ll definitely be a brown ring in the center of the page when Jayce removes the cup. “Would you like something to drink? I’ve got water, or there’s tea,” he says, gesturing to a kettle dangling above the fire.

What a stupid way to make tea. “Water, please,” Neil says, remembering the cooler. Jayce rises and fills a paper cup, then returns and hands it to Neil. He remains standing and gives Neil a knowing look.

Neil raises the cup to his lips. He tries to pace himself, but the cool water is rain after a drought, coating the inside of his mouth and throat.

“Another,” Jayce says, not really a question.]

In terms of plot, not a whole lot has changed just yet. Neil wakes up, realizes he has no memory, and Jayce explains to him that he's at Harmonium--a school for Psychs, or superhumans. He understandably struggles to accept that, but he also can't remember anything else and his only choice is to trust Jayce. His body starts responding in impossible ways to the situation, which definitely helps (or maybe doesn't, depends how you look at it lol)

[id: Silence stretches between them, thick and warm. A grandfather clocks ticks and tocks in the empty space.

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because, for now, you don’t have much of a choice.”

Neil scoffs, but says nothing further. He circles his arms around himself. “This isn’t real.”

“Maybe not. Maybe nothing is.”

What a pretentious response. A pilot light surges in Neil’s gut, literal heat emanating from his abdomen. Wide-eyed, he studies himself. Could that mean internal bleeding? Some kind of organ failure?

“You’re feeling angry.”

“Is it that obvious?”

Jayce bites down a smirk and points to Neil’s head. “Fuming, even.”

And Neil notices now that the room is suddenly smoky, though not from the fireplace. Dark wisps of it puff from his ears, each with the sound of a squirt bottle spritzing water.]

Hard to deny that you might just be a superhuman when literal smoke starts coming out of your ears just because you're a little bit angry!! Or when the person across from you is genuinely worried that your emotions may lead to accidental arson!!

[id: Neil exhales a sharp breath through his nose, head hung, eyes crammed shut. It feels like he’s going to puke, except the vomit is anger, magma, boiling acid. This can’t be happening.

“I need you to try to take some breaths. I rather like this office and it’d be a shame if it went up in flames.”

Under other circumstances, Neil might laugh at this. But now he curls his hands into tighter fists and presses them down into the brown pleather cushions, which emit a nasty hissing. Jayce cringes and lurches forward but seems to stop himself. “Though maybe it was time for a new couch anyway,” he mutters.]

The chapter ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, with Jayce confessing to Neil that Neil's mother, Celeste--who had been a sort of infamous figure in the Psych community--has just died. She would've been the bridge between Neil and this world, as well as his memories and past, so this obviously only deepens the issue.

And that's about it for chapter 1! This was actually a relatively painless drafting experience (I think since I've written this chapter 10+ times over the last ~10 years omg) but I expect once I actually get into it I will struggle a bit more ;-;

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