Shiiiiiet - Tumblr Posts

OKIE DOKIE.

FOUNDATION TIME?

LETS START WITH MY FATHER.

PHD IN COMP SCI - BIOLOGY FOCUS?!?!

MY DAD IS LIKE IF YOU BOILED NERD INTO SOMETHING YOU COULD VAPORIZE. SEEING VISIONS OF A SENTIENT SPACE SHIT WHO IS ACTUALLY A GREAT SPACE MERCENARY IN A COMEDY COMIC. I WITH MY DADS ACCOMPLICE DRESSED UP AS THE SPANISH INQUISITION FROM MONTY PYTHON. MIDDLE SCHOOL WASPS THOUGHT MY 70LB 2FT 38IN ASS WAS A PIMP! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A PIMP WAS.

I ASKED MY MOTHER IN FRONT OF HER AT THE TIME BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) WHAT EJACULATION WAS. SHE CALMLY EXPLAINED IT TO ME. I NODDED AND WALKED OFF. I'M A WREAKING BALL IF I JINGLE MY KEYS TOO HARD. I'LL START TELLING PEOPLE LIFE WISDOM WHILE LOOKING INTO THEIR EYES WITH PURE SINCERITY BECAUSE SO MANY OF THEIR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVABLE. NOT PERFECTLY, BUT LIKE A WELL PLACED VIBE SHIFT OR TWO.

ANYWAYS. MY MOM TOLD ME IN THE CAR - YEARS BACK - THAT SHE WASN'T SURE IF I COULD TALK ABOUT MY ACTUAL SELF UNIRONICALLY. WHICH AS AN OPENING STATEMENT IMMEDIATELY RECEIVED A SARCASTIC RESPONSE I HAVE COMPLETELY FORGOT.

SHE GETS I'M A SPECIAL CUPCAKE. NOW MORE THAN EVER. A GLUTEN FREE CUPCAKE. CELIAC.

IM STANDING IN THE DARK ON A SIDEWALK. STILL LISTENING TO RISK BY GRACIE ABRAMS ON LOOP WRITING THIS.

Anyways.

Work tomorrow! <3

Have a nice night stranger.

Ben