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Mad Max: Fury Road + Texts From Last Night [#001]

Mad Max: Fury Road x Mean Girls #001

Imperator Furiosa: Why didn't you just keep roaming the Wasteland?

Max Rockatansky: I figure it was time for me to socialize.

Nux: Oh, you'll get socialized, all right. A little smeg like you.

Max Rockatansky: What are you talking about?

Imperator Furiosa: You're a regulation Road Warrior.

Max Rockatansky: ... What?

Nux: OWN IT.

Imperator Furiosa: How do you spell your last name again, Max?

Max Rockatansky: It's Rockatansky. R-O-C-K-A-T-A-

Imperator Furiosa: Yeah, I'm just gonna stick with MAD MAX.

Max Rockatansky: ...

Nux: In the name of all that is shiny and chrome, would you look at the Bullet Farmer's war outfit?!

Max Rockatansky: *turns to look at three intimidating men from across the Citadel that caught Nux's attention*

Imperator Furiosa: Of ~course~ all the Brothers are in the same war party.

Max Rockatansky: Who are the Brothers?

Nux: They're desert royalty. If the Wasteland was AUS Weekly, they would always be on the cover.

Imperator Furiosa: *points out the Bullet Farmer to Max who is showing off his sniper rifles*

Imperator Furiosa: That one there, that's the Bullet Farmer. He's one of the ~deadliest~ guys you will ever meet. Nux met him once at the Bullet Farm last year.

Nux: He can shoot targets from a hundred yards away.

Max Rockatansky: ...

Imperator Furiosa: *points out the People Eater to Max who is fondling his pierced bitch tits*

Imperator Furiosa: That really big one? That's the People Eater.

Nux: He's ~totally~ rich because he's the ruler of Gas Town and controls all the guzzoline.

Imperator Furiosa: The People Eater knows everybody's business. He knows everything about everyone.

Nux: That's why his body is so big — it's full of secrets.

Imperator Furiosa: *points out the Immortan Joe to Max who is being carried on the shoulders of several War Boys*

Max Rockatansky: ...

Imperator Furiosa: And evil takes a diseased human form in Immortan Joe. Now don't be fooled, cause he may seem like your typical selfish, backstabbing, horse-faced, tyrannical warlord douchebag. But in reality, he is ~so much more~ than that.

Nux: He's the king, the star. Those other two are just his little workers.

Max Rockatansky: ...

Imperator Furiosa: Immortan Joe. How do I even ~begin~ to explain Immortan Joe?

Rictus Erectus: Immortan Joe is ***FLAWLESS!

Slit: He has a War Rig, and a Doof Wagon, and a kickass Gigahorse.

Coma the Doof Warrior: I hear his skull mask is insured for 10,000 gallons of mother's milk.

The Organic Mechanic: I hear he does car commercials... beyond the Wasteland!

Miss Giddy: His favorite Wife is the Splendid Angharad.

Corpus Callosum: One time, he rode all the way to Valhalla.

Scrotus: And the V8 told him he was shiny and chrome!

Prime Imperator: One time, he punched me in the face. It was awesome!

OKAY. THAT’S FUCKING IT.

Y’all need to stop saying that Max contributed to the death of Angharad because as you can CLEARLY SEE from this screengrab...

SHE DID NOT SLIP ON HER BLOODIED FOOT.

Oh, what’s that? You want this moment in slow-motion GIF, you say?!

I FUCKING REPEAT FOR ALL YOU MAX ROCKATANSKY BLAMERS

ANGHARAD

DID

NOT

FUCKING

SLIP

ON

HER

B  L  O  O  D  I  E  D

F  O  O  T

OKAY?!

To be clear, I had thought the same thing when I first watched the movie, but after several repeat viewings and actually paying REALLY CLOSE ATTENTION to the subtle details, I saw that Angharad’s death wasn’t any of Max’s fault AT ALL. And for good measure, the metal pipe on the War Rig where she stepped on (using her UNINJURED LEG, I might add) does not even have any visible trace of blood coming from her injured leg that would have been the cause of her lost footing.

Seriously, the fandom needs to signal boost this shit because I have FUCKING HAD IT with all these people blaming Angharad’s death on Max when it clearly shows that her untimely and undeserved demise was just an unfortunate and tragic accident that did not have anything to do with Max’s bullet ricocheting off from the War Rig and hitting Angharad on her leg.

Accidents always happen in life and in movies we love, and shit like that is beyond our control.

Deal with it.

Just a reminder

Angharad slipped on the blood from wherr Max clipped her on the leg

OMFG YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A GENDERBENT VERSION OF THE FIVE WIVES AND THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING PERFECT!!! UGH THE FIVE HUSBANDS ARE TOO LEGIT TO QUIT!!! DAMN!

Uhm, if I’m not mistaken, these guys from left to right would be... Capable (because of the distinctive curls), The Dag (that long hair is a giveaway), Cheedo the Fragile (the shy expression and the fact he’s next to the Dag), Toast the Knowing (short buzzcut hair, obvs), and The Splendid Angharad (cannot deny that death glare).

Not sure if the original names would work on men, though, but that could probably be just me. It’d be nice to give alternate and more masculine-sounding monikers for the Five Husbands/Brothers here, but sticking to the original names would still be fine given that they all look so amazing! If anyone has cool suggestions for alternate names of the Five Husbands/Brothers, that would be great for an AU fic!

To the artist who did this, thank you SO MUCH! The Wives/Sisters are my absolute faves from MMFR and this was such a nice surprise to see while I was trawling through the tags I follow for the Five. I was kind of hoping for a full-body sketch in color, but I definitely appreciate this sepia-toned one just showing off their well-sculpted torsos and handsome faces just the same.

Genderbent Furiosa, Max, and Nux perhaps too? And the Vuvalini? And the War Boys? And Immortan Joe? Okay, seriously. I need to stop.

UGH THIS PERFECT FAN ART IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.

Tagging the amazing bonehandledknife in this for commentary/meta/insight reasons.

Ts breeders

Immortan Joe’s Husbands

20150726

"Who killed the world? No one could say, but I remember the After-Time.

It was the Age of the Immortan, the Warlord of the Wastes. His Citadel rose high against the meat-eating sun. It was here he kept his Five Wives locked up tight, all shiny and chrome; his ticket to a full-life son and heir. Their teacher was Miss Giddy, the History Woman who fed their heads with Wordburgers and smarts.

Then there were the War Boys, the Immortan's rabid warriors. As their flesh failed, the War Boys refueled at the Blood Bag Bank where the Organic Mechanic primed their pumps with healthy Hi-Octane Red. Further down were the Cog Fodder; their ragged legs powered the lifts. Below us all were the Wretched, the deformed and rotting garbage of this world.

As for us, we were the War Pups. Too young to fight, we watched and waited for our time to do war...

This was Citadel.

Oh, what a lovely day..."

— As told by a grown-up War Pup of the Citadel ( x )

THE THIRD AGE OF ADELE IS UPON US.

Yes to all of these three, but they’re obviously missing some other key high-fashion labels from Zootopia Fashion Week, Autumn/Winter 2016-2017, namely:

ALEXANDER MooQUEEN BAALENCIAGA LOUIS MUTTON DOLCE & GABBAANA GOATCCI LAMBVIN

Someone clearly needs to work on the ad campaigns for the other luxury fashion brands of Zootopia.

Move over, Katy Perry’s SuperBowl sharks: Gazelle’s tiger backup dancers from “Zootopia” are slaying it way harder with their slick moves, piercing looks, glittered fur, and tight sequined black leather booty shorts.

Chapter 15

According to the letter written by "Dietrich", he found Belca, nursed him back to health and secretly sent him back to the castle...and now Belca is looking at the kneeling frame of the man who killed his older brother.

Taking them into another room, Kiliko assures Belca and Linna that Dietrich will be rewarded for his actions. But...he points out how weird it is of him to act carelessly and let such valuable people travel by themselves. Linna defends him by saying that since such "groundless" rumors about Belca and Hector were spreading throughout the kingdom, he thought it would be cool to accompany Belca by himself. Kiliko chuckles at the phrase "groundless rumor"...before asking the standing, glowering Belca if he would like to take a seat. Belca, already pissed by the whole innocent act Kiliko is putting on, instead demands to meet with Orcelito at once. Belca refuses to believe that any method that Kiliko can use to make Orcelito obey him can work...only for Orcelito to walk in, all smiles.

Orcelito says he's glad that Belca is safe but he doesn't need to worry about anything anymore. They can live together in the palace again! Kiliko says that he can arrange things so that Belca can return officially by tomorrow...and Belca wonders how can he act like that after all he's done. Belca demands to know why Orcelito is with Kiliko and Orcelito tells him that Kiliko is assisting him in being the crown prince. He has the lineage and the experience for it, after all. Belca desperately tries to remind Orcelito that Kiliko is the reason their brother is dead but Orcelito cuts him off, saying it's sad that Hector passed away due to illness.

Furious, Belca manhandles Kiliko, demanding to know what he did to his brother. Linna has to pull him off as Kiliko says that, as Belca is clearly tired, for the highness to be taken to the rest chambers in Regia Mare. Orcelito waves goodbye to his wilding brother...only for Belca to collapse on the floor out of nowhere.

While he's knocked out, Linna tells Kiliko that, because of the extent of Belca's injuries, he was given a bunch of powerful drugs that are affecting his temperament. Kiliko buys this excuse even though he points out Dietrich left that out of his report...but he chalks it up to Dietrich's cautiousness. He leaves Belca in Linna's care, saying that the Arlons know more about drugs than the Lagens. Belca "wakes up", having pretended to be knocked out and congratulates Linna on telling such a believable lie. Linna says that the two should stick close together for a bit if they want to get through the next few days...

Later on, Eco wakes up in a room at the Outer Gates, complaining about the noise. He looks outside to see soldiers stepping into the castle walls, wearing Callione uniforms. Remembering that women are permitted among Callione ranks, Eco guesses that they're there to perform the Hand Dance of the Isle of Adine for the Investiture Ceremony. Eco is all randy to see it...only for his roommate to tell him they will not be attending the Investiture Ceremony. Eco falls over, depressed.

In the castle, Belca frets over his real mission: how is he supposed to figure out that Orcelito is the real one? Then a familiar intruder falls on him: Orcelito, from the upper balcony.

Belca shouts at him (this is the second goddamn time he's fallen on him) and Orcelito apologizes, saying he really needed to talk to him. He asks if Linna is asleep and reveals he remembers what happened in Sana...before expressing relief that the boy he is speaking to is the real Belca.

Belca says that's his line and that he came back to make sure Orcelito was the real one. He then asks if Orcelito's deal with Kiliko is a long game or if the elders really did something to him. Orcelito hugs Belca, saying he can't tell him what's going on yet but he's glad he's okay.

Belca is back in his room, fuming that he still doesn't know if Orcelito is an imposter or a puppet. He's sane but is he really that crafty?

The answer is yes but in the worst way possible. Orcelito is completely under Kiliko's control and his reason for confirming Belca's legitimacy was for him and him alone. All they need is Musca and they can be a happy family again. The chapter ends with Orcelito calling Kiliko and himself "accomplices"...meaning that they are definitely working together but Orcelito is not brainwashed.