Spn Headcanons - Tumblr Posts

What if Sam didn't notice the first time Dean broke into his apartment? What if Dean got in, helped himself to a beer from the fridge, and then just wandered around the living room? Looking at pictures on the walls (in the dark, so he doesn't notice the corner of a picture of him and Sam sticking out of the LSAT study book on the coffee table), looking at the uncluttered, settled, homeyness of this place Sam lives. With a girl. With not Dean.

What if eventually, he gets tired of waiting for Sam's hunter instincts to kick in, because clearly Sam's gotten rusty if he hasn't woken up yet, so he makes his silent (maybe not-so-silent, maybe he's making a bit of noise on purpose because he wantsneedshungers to feel Sam against him like he used to, when they were younger and sparring) way to the bedroom. What if he pauses at the door, open just a crack, because those sounds are muffled but quite clearly involved and Dean's never had a chance to walk in on Sammy with a girl before. Walk in on Sammy naked, sure, that was inevitable with how they grew up. Walk in on Sammy jerkin' it, yeah. That was also inevitable (especially when he was trying to, needed desperately to see Sam when he was lost in pleasure, loose and wanton and so so forbidden). But Sammy with a girl? Heck, for all Dean knows, Sam left for college a virgin (thank god).

What if Dean peeks through the crack in the door, and suddenly he can't breathe because those sounds are muffled because Sam's biting a pillow, knuckles white where he's holding fistfuls of it, and a blonde goddess with a leather halter on her hips is thrusting into him and they're glistening with sweat in the moonlight and all Dean can think about is how much he hates that woman, how much he wants to be the one holding Sam's waist in a bruising grip, how much he wants to feel Sam tight and hot around him.

What if Dean sees the woman - Jess, her name is Jess, his stalking has taught him that much - lean down, what if Dean hears her say "you like that, baby brother?" and what if Sam's cry as he comes gets Dean harder than diamonds and Dean has to leave, has to get out now because if he doesn't...

if he doesn't...

god, if he doesn't he might have to pull her off of Sam, because that should be him and Sam knows it and clearly she knows it too.

What if Dean had to come back the next night, because he couldn't trust himself that first time he broke in?

when dean first got the impala from his dad, he made a bunch of his own mixtapes to play in it, just incase john wanted his cassettes back. he made one dedicated to each member of his family: his dad, his mum - even if she wasn't around anymore - and sammy.

driving little sammy around, he would play the tape dedicated to their mother, wanting sammy to get a feel for the person their mother was; even if sammy doesn't remember her, he should still be allowed to know her.

with sammy in the car, he never played his john tape or his sammy tape.

as the years went by, he updated the tapes sometimes, mainly the one dedicated to sammy; he didn't like messing around with the one for his mother and he didn't spend a whole lot of time away from john to feel the need to add new songs to the tape.

when sam left for college, he wiped the sammy tape for the first time and made it into something new: songs sammy liked, songs that reminded him of his brother, songs that seemed to scream his feelings about him.

dean didn't like pearl jam that much, but sam did, so sammy's favourite pearl jam songs made it on there. 'bitch' by the rollings stones made it on there, mainly because of the little back and forth he and sammy did: "jerk." "bitch." "bitch." "jerk."

then there were the songs that he never wanted people hear him dedicate to his brother; sappy love songs, power ballads, songs about pining and missing someone - everything he shouldn't feel about his brother.

'amanda' by boston was the the first song on the tape, but whenever brad delp would sing amanda, he would sing samantha over the top of it.

halfway through the tape, eddie money's song 'think i'm in love' can be heard. he hates that its there, hates that he feels that way about his brother but he can't help it; he just can't help it.

the last song on the tape is the song 'screaming in the night' by krokus. its the lyrics: 'screaming in the night, fighting for my life, i'd die for you. i knew it all along, headed for the sun, our love was true', has dean in tears he can't listen to the song in its entirety; only once he has an entire bottle of whiskey in his system can he have the guts to.

there are countless songs on there, but there is never a b-side; not even with copious amounts of whiskey in his system does dean have the ability to listen to sammy's tape that long.

picking up sam from stanford, dean pushes the tape so far down into the box, he almost forgets about it; buried deep in there probably next to the tape about mary, no where near the tape about john - he had binned that tape the night sammy left. but when sam throws himself into the cage, saving the world but leaving dean all alone, he digs through the box and finds the tape, playing it as he drives away from the graveyard.

it isn't until he pulls the tape out does he realise there is now a b-side; sams messy handwriting just legible enough for dean to make out his own name.

playing that side of the tape, the first song he hears is 'thank you' by led zeppelin and dean has to pull the car over just so he doesn't crash.

for the entirety of the tape, dean sits on the side of the road, listening to each and every song with tears in his eyes. there's 'here today' by paul mccartney, 'the one i love' by r.e.m - even though sam knows dean hates r.e.m, and it makes dean let out a painful chuckle.

one of the ones that hurts most is chicago's 'if you leave me now' and dean has to pause the song and skip it because he can't, he just can't.

song after song: 'brothers in arms' by dire straits, 'love to love' by ufo, even 'heat of the moment' by asia and that stops dean in his tracks because sammy didn't know if he was coming back - even though sammy buried him instead of making him a pyre, he didn't know if dean would be coming back - and wanted to wake up from all of this; return to the mystery spot and have all the answers they have now, so much earlier on.

much like how sammy felt, dean doesn't know if his brother will ever return to him; if he'll ever be able to confess with words, rather than songs, how he feels about his brother. what he can do though, is kiss the tape that holds their love and play it - listen to it in its entirety because after all, it holds all the answers to the epic love story of sam and dean winchester.

Dean calls Sam "baby" sometimes without realizing it and Sam never complains

"Sam! Sammy! Open your eyes baby! Come on, Sammy, open those eyes for me"

"Hey baby do we have any milk left in the fridge?"

"You're gonna be just fine baby, a broken leg is nothing, imma get you patched up and back to the bunker in no time!"