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132 Thoughts I Had While Watching: The School For Good and Evil (2022)

Jesper, what are you doing here, and why is there two of you? 

And where is your accent? 

One of you is evil and one is goo - oh, the title makes sense now. 

“I prefer chaos.” I mean we all love a bit, buddy, but you’re going too far. 

And bad guy fell off a cliff and died a tragic death, the end. 

Look at this ballroom. 

CATE BLANCHETT IS THE NARRATOR? I LOVE THIS ALREADY. 

Hey, it’s Lydia from Beetlejuice! 

That cottage is so pretty, I wanna live there so bad. 

Agatha makes me feel so much more confident with my Merida hair. 

She has a cat named Reaper, and lives by a graveyard? That’s adorable. 

“Hey, Ugly.” Dude, have you looked in a mirror? 

Deville’s? Like Cruella Deville? 

I love how people can call this girl a witch while she pets a baby goat. 

It’s spelt Deuville? Why does that look prettier? 

Wait, Cinderella exists in this universe? 

“It’s a place that cannot be found, except by those who know where it is.” 

“I want much more than this provincial life,” ~ Sophie, definitely. 

You’re going out into the woods late at night? Are you crazy?! 

Yep, girl is delulu. (That’s apparently a word now.) 

That bird kinda gives me Alice in Wonderland vibes. 

Wait, they got the schools mixed up? Princess and the Pauper, anyone? 

How To Lose a Girl in Five Seconds: Tell her her hair looks like cake. 

So this is basically Descendants? 

“It’s cleaner than my own hand, trust me.” ~ an actual quote. 

Okay, but why does the Never school look cooler? 

The Groom Room? Oh, I get it you groom yourself to look pretty. 

AHH, THEY’RE PLAYING SLEEPING BEAUTY MUSIC!!!!! 

You know, I don’t blame Agatha, some clothes can be itchy. 

I thought Hort would be Diaval’s son. Not Captain Hook’s. 

If you don’t know who that is, go watch Maleficent, please. 

Sword and dance routine? Get it? Instead of song and -- nevermind. 

“The brave prince charming approaches!” ~ Sophie, maybe

Actually, he’s King Arthur’s son. 

Yep, this is basically Descendants. 

Fire for the fire god. 

Agatha, you need some confidence. 

Laurence Fishburne? I swear you’re EVERYWHERE. 

“Cool, I get a whole room to myself.” ~ Agatha, maybe. 

We even have the daughter of the Sheriff of Nottingham?? 

Agatha, you should have known the statues would come to life. 

Wait, I thought Evil Jesper was dead? 

Oh, it’s some weird hallucination thingy. 

There’s evil and there’s threatening to drop someone from a building. 

Learn to tell the difference.

Find the school master and plead their case, yup sounds SUPER easy. 

“You know we can hear you narrating, you weirdo!” ~ An actual quote. 

The narrator is a pen? 

True love’s kiss can break the spell. 

I LOVE THE SONGS IN THIS!!! 

There’s an ugly class and beauty class? 

You fail if no one asks you to the ball? Guess that counts me out. 

Hold on, is that Michelle Yeoh? THIS CAST IS AWESOME! 

Gregor Charming is kinda cute. 

Poor guy is queasy around blood? I mean.... same. 

Why’s Sophie’s vanity kind of annoying? 

There’re people living in the trees! 

See? Tedros loves to hear her talk about cats? 

Did he say “open the effing door?” or am I going crazy. 

Gregor, you need a dash of good luck. 

Gnome humour is funny, guys, admit it! 

Gregor, NO!!!!!!!!!!! You were the only character I liked in this movie. 

Hort grew one chest hair in magic class. Good for you, buddy. 

HOLY -- THIS GIRL CAN MAKE HER DRAGON TATTOO COME ALIVE! 

IT’S ACTUALLY COMING OUT OF HER SHOULDER! 

Girl is wacko! 

Oh, but Evil Jesper comes in surrounded by bees to save the day. 

“Sophie, you’re not allowed to kill anyone until after graduation.” 

Bees are my greatest fear, so uh, I’d be outta there in ten milleseconds. 

This centuries old guy is weirdly into Sophie and I’m not sure I like that. 

Wish Fish? It sounds cool, but I don’t trust it for some reason. 

I kinda want the mean girls to fail. I know that’s not nice, but.....

Agatha wishes for hope and a person comes out of the lake? 

It’s because of a girl that all the wishes are granted? 

IT’S GREGOR, EVERYONE! HE’S THE BIRD -- AND HE’S DEAD. 

Professor, she just saw her friend die, that’s what’s wrong with her! 

Bad professor cut Sophie’s hair? I mean, not the worst that could happen. 

Girl, calm down. At least you aren’t dead. 

Rafal, dude, you gotta chill, friend. (Yeah, that’s Evil Jesper’s name) 

She wants to kiss Tedros, but I think he likes Agatha. 

Gonna admit, that dip was smooth. 

A finger glow? A finger prick? LIKE SLEEPING BEAUTY! 

Looks like it hurts. I’ll skip, thanks. 

Sophie looks good with the glow up not gonna lie

YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN!? 

GUYS, GO LISTEN TO THIS SOUNDTRACK RIGHT NOW! 

Sophie, Tedros is Aggie’s man. You’ve got golden retriever boy. 

DARK HAIR, WHITE SHIRT, BLACK PANTS? THE DEADLY COMBO! 

Aggie used her power to help her friend. She deserves better. 

Everybody Loves Tedros, except for the other Nevers. 

An Ever and a Never together? OH, THE HORROR! 

Hold on, why are they all mad? Wouldn’t this unite the schools? 

Never heard of a trial by tail before, or is it tale? 

The trial begins at sundown instead of midnight? Nice switch. 

Sending them into the forbidden forest? M’kay. 

DO NOT THE FLOWERS! 

“With the power of the finger glow, I save you!” ~ Tedros, maybe. 

Is that a mace-wielding pumpkin-headed grim reaper? 

The princess is going to save the prince? Interesting twist! 

Pumpkin man just exploded. That’s gonna be messy! 

Agatha saved them and this is the thanks she gets? 

Agatha is the only one with any sense around here. 

 She wrote Sophie a letter, too. :’( 

PLEASE TELL ME RAFAL DOESN’T KISS SOPHIE!

He’s centuries old and she’s seventeen at the oldest. 

Rafal and the Evil Professor were a thing? 

Agatha is the most devoted friend in the world. 

 I turned my back for one second and Sophie’s a witch??? 

Honey, we’ve all experienced heartbreak, but this is too much. 

The Never Ball looks cool, to be honest. 

I’m sorry, Sophie, I can’t take you seriously right now. 

Okay, she changed back, but now she’s crazy. 

You attacked them first. 

A COVER OF TOXIC DURING A BATTLE SCENE?? 

Have I mentioned this soundtrack is freaking epic?! 

This is the best scene in the whole movie. 

Since when does Sophie have shape-shifting powers? 

LAURENCE FISHBURN IS RAFAL? 

Oh, he just shapeshifted into him after murdering him. 

That’s where you’re wrong, my guy. I’m chaos! 

Wait, he kissed Sophie?? I should have seen it coming but... 

“My love?” Dude, what? SHE’S LIKE.... Seventeen, right?? 

AGATHA’S HERE TO SAVE THE DAY! 

 I TURNED AWAY FOR FIVE MINUTES AND SOPHIE’S INJURED. 

THEY SAID THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!! 

TRUE LOVE’S KISS. 

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE!!!! 

THE PROFESSORS ARE SO IN LOVE AND I’M HERE FOR IT!

Tedros and Aggie are separating??? Nooooo! 

Well at least she and Sophie will be together. 

It says they’re siblings in the book. DARN IT!!!!!

THERE ARE GONNA BE MORE MOVIES, THOUGH!!!

Staying for the ending credits visual and songs.