Thats How I Feel - Tumblr Posts

AS THE WORLD CAVES IN

pairing: hyunsu x gn!reader (they/them pronouns used) genre: fluff (??) word count: 976

notes: wrote this so i had an excuse to use this gif sndsln, maybe ooc!monster hyunsu, not proofread so pls forgive any mistakes !!

summary: as the apocalypse continues to destroy the world, hyunsu finds himself making a deal with a monster to protect the person he loves the most - you.

there’s predictability in the mundane. comfort in what’s familiar. fear in what isn’t. 

hyunsu’s life has never been easy. how could it be? the days blended together. life was racing past him and all he could do was silently watch from the sidelines, seemingly forgotten by everyone. his parents. his sister. his peers. 

now, however, he finds himself longing for the past. 

he misses quiet afternoons with you laying in his arms in the safety of his apartment. he yearns to be trapped in the back of a stuffy classroom, scribbling down notes for you as your head rests against his shoulder. he longs for slurping down overcooked noodles because you were too busy dancing around your kitchen to keep track of the time.

hyunsu even finds nostalgia in being locked in a stuffy storage closet with you - hushed whispers of suspicion from your neighbours ignored in favour of the reassuring sweet nothings falling from your cracked lips.

but there’s no going back now, he supposes. 

the ground is unforgiving to your muscles as you curl your body even closer to hyunsu. his body feels overly stiff beside you, almost as if you’re lying beside a plank of wood. despite the cool wind blowing in through the cracked windows, hyunsu’s natural body warmth is a welcome change from the cold concrete below. 

“is this okay?” your voice is almost startling as it cuts through the previous silence. you’re almost overly aware of your side pressed against hyunsu’s - desperate for comfort but afraid of scaring him off.

“yes,” hyunsu nods. he moves before he can give himself time to overthink his actions, wrapping an arm around you. his awkward affection is more than welcome as you nuzzle yourself even closer to his body. 

a comfortable silence overtakes the room once again. this time, all of your comforting reassurances and words of encouragement are left unsaid - most of them already exhausted over the months of the apocalypse dragging on. 

searching for comfort, you reach up until your hand rests on hyunsu’s chest. your fingertips trail along patches of dried blood coating his ripped sweater until they meet his bare skin. sparks ignite along his bicep as you brush your hand against his body where scars should be.

hyunsu’s mind rattles. his voice rings loudly in his ears. unbearable. inescapable. 

they’re worried.

shut up.

talk to them.

hyunsu squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, the taunting remarks are true. he resists the urge to keep arguing, instead shifting his attention back to you. “what’s on your mind?” he whispers. 

the mindless drumming of your fingers pauses at the sudden intrusion of his voice in the silence. you shift slightly to look up at him, now resting your hand against his chest. splotches of blood decorate his features. he isn’t sure who it belongs to. disheveled bangs threaten to fall into his eyes, blocking his vision just enough to be a slight annoyance. you resist the urge to fix them in fear of making hyunsu even more uncomfortable by the sudden touch. 

“nothing,” you mumble. “just… glad you’re here.” 

hyunsu doesn’t reply. at least, not verbally. not yet. 

instead, he hesitantly pulls you even closer. shaky hands wrap around your body, maneuvering around you until your head rests against his chest. he freezes when you glance up at him; your wide eyes meet his own for just a second before you relax in his arms. 

“i’m sorry,” hyunsu murmurs. you can’t tell if he’s talking to you or himself - or perhaps someone else entirely - but you let him continue all the same. “for everything.” 

“it’s not your fault.” you repeat the words like a mantra. like a prayer. like if you repeat them enough, hyunsu will begin to believe them. 

it is, he wants to reply. but he doesn’t. instead, he lets your conversation taper out once again. you both silently agree to ignore the tension that lingers in the air, like smoke from a slow-burning fire.

hyunsu’s gaze wanders. bugs occasionally scatter across the floorboards of the decrepit room you’ve taken shelter in. poorly patched up holes decorate the walls and shattered glass from the windows litter the floors, though he supposes cleaning isn’t a priority in the wake of a monster apocalypse. 

a large mirror lying abandoned on the floor catches hyunsu’s attention. the glass shattered long ago, leaving a spider web of cracks in place of its previous pristine reflection. piercing blue eyes stare back at him. 

why won’t you go away?

if i did, who would protect y/n? a beat of silence passes. hyunsu clenches his jaw, grip on your hips tightening ever so slightly in his irritation. do you honestly think you’re strong enough to keep them safe?

don’t talk about them.

poor cha hyunsu, the voice chides. so protective, but so weak.

shut up.

relax. he mocks. let’s make a deal. you let me take over, and i’ll keep y/n safe.

hyunsu pauses. breaking his gaze away from the other version of him, hyunsu refocuses his attention on you once again. at some point your eyes had fluttered closed and breathing evened out. you must’ve fallen asleep in the silence, he supposes. 

you look beautiful, even amidst the chaos as the world seemingly caves in around you. hyunsu hesitantly trails his fingers along your jaw before resting his hand against your cheek. you look beautiful. he can’t lose you. you’re someone worth protecting - even if he has to rely on a monster to do it.

fine.

hyunsu ignores how his laughter echoes in his mind; an unfamiliar noise despite the voice being his own. instead, he presses his lips against the crown of your forehead - a silent oath passed from one version of himself to the other. 

i’ll protect you. i promise.

notes (cont): slowly returning to my sweet home phase bc i'm so in love with song kang skndsln small disclaimer that i have not watched season 02 !! so forgive any mistakes please <33

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𝗶𝗺 𝘀𝗶𝘄𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 !! 🦋

i could probably accurately change my name to cynical melancholy.

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.