The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants - Tumblr Posts
Hey guys! Part 4 of my Zach Varmitech x OC fan fiction is out now! This part focuses on Alessandra and explains a bit of why she has feelings for Zach! I hope you like it!
When does magic die and pain take over?
Tumblr is not the greatest place in the world to get emotionally involved in fandom. The things I’ve heard about certain fans of certain shows (not naming shows here or I’ll get skewered) makes it a place to tread carefully or not at all.
But what happens when you’ve already given your heart out to a blog and it’s all for naught?
Once upon a time I was so much more balanced than this…at least I think I was. But as I aged perhaps I was kidding myself. I took being infatuated with a certain incarnation of a TimeLord pretty hard when things got rough, but I never got hit as hard emotionally as I did last night.
Actually, the pain started one month ago when a certain King Sombra blog started its wrap up. Seriously, it wasn’t my Sombra in my universe. Why the hell should I have cared as much as I do? It is because he was so well written and because the story was so good. I just gave my heart to the character (stupid me) and true to his vicious Umbrum nature, he ripped it out and ate it.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering it’s King Sombra.I was just taken aback because I didn’t expect to react as sickening lovesick as I am and because the blog author, I am told, has always considered her blog a comedy blog.
That’s the risk you take when you’re in love and unfortunately, love can’t tell the difference between flesh and blood and a certain Shadow King Pony who isn’t real. It doesn’t care. To quote someone - I can’t remember – “the heart wants what the heart wants”. I can tell it to stop making me cry every time I see the blog, it’s images or even think about what Kingsley (King Sombra’s name in the tumblr blog) went through for more than three seconds, but my heart won’t goddamn listen!
I’ve tried everything. Reason was the first thing tried and tossed out the window as not working. Not rereading it didn’t work because I can’t stop for some stupid, emotional reason. I lost sleep and sanity last night and throwing myself into my newest interest, learning Source Filmmaker, hasn’t made an impression either.
For some insane reason, I still want to write. I never do while under severe stress, but for some reason, a series of scenes for a Sombra story I want to start telling on FIMFiction later this year came forcefully into my head and hasn’t left since. I’ve been writing it since last night and sadistically, all my painful, turbulent emotions over Kingsley getting killed are fueling the intensity of these scenes I’m writing. And equally sadistically, as I realize I NEED this pain right now to write this, the writing is NOT acting as the catharsis it should to purge the agony from my heart and soul.
So all I am left to do is keep writing and hope tomorrow’s update of Ask King Sombra won’t gut me because I am too weak-willed to just not check it.
A stupid, useless hope.
It will, he’s dead and he isn’t coming back.
