This Is Just So Good I Felt Like I Was Feeling It - Tumblr Posts

okay, so...I'm actually crying over this...first and foremost, thank you. so much. for writing this. I don't know if it was difficult or not, but I know these are heavy feelings for really, any type of writer to do, and its really brave if I'm being honest

this hit my heart so deeply, way deeper than I thought it would and gosh...some parts of this were just amazing. taylor's reassurances in this are some words I wouldn't think to hear, but they are just perfect.

that family part struck the hardest. I'm never getting over that, and with the part where you described R's hard breathing being like a kid.

forever winter has also just been my lifeline song for so so long, so this is really special. this whole thing? amazing, purely. you're amazing. now come here for a super big hug<3

Request: No Title: Summer Suns & Forever Winter Genre: Comfort, angst/fluff, Songfic {inspired by Forever Winter by Taylor Swift} Pairing: Taylor x Reader CW/TW: Agender!reader, Emotionally Abusive parents, anxiety attacks, mentions of self medicating, Mention of prescription meds (Xanax), Age gap relationship [10-12 years], Summary: Taylor notices her partner has been acting off and when she swings by their apartment one night she realizes how much they need her and takes care of them

Not everyday was this bad. Y/N knew it, the next bright day might have been just around the corner. That was the kind of silly old mantra that they has been teaching themselves for the better half of their life. Sometimes it worked better and they just powered through whatever curve ball handed them by life with a gracious smile and a sweet word of advice to everyone, offering hugs, cuddles, or just a ear to lend someone who needed to get their problems out their chest. That was simply how you operated.

Not everyday was this way. Some days were endless sunshine giggles and you felt like the world was spinning at just the write velocity for you to keep up. But there was always someone who couple throw you to the floor and you sometimes wondered if they did it for some kind of sick twisted thrill.

Your parents. [You pick which one] it often felt like they had some kind of inner radar and all ir rook was your mental health improving however minuscule and suddenly there they were. Among the myriad of things, they mocked your dreams, your love life, you career plan, your desire to rest, they ignored your complaints when you were unwell physically and chalked it all down to o you being lazy. Most days it was easy to just say it wasn't that bad. You weren't hit. You had a roof over your head.. Food for dinner. You were thankful. Or at least you tried to be. Things could be much worse... but there were days like today where you felt like your entire existence was one soul sucking pitfall of endless chores and even if you were to put 200% of yourself it still would not feel like enough.

Sat on the floor of your bedroom you took shaky inhale after shaky inhale not noticing any of the texts on your phone. The familiar beep announced its 3am. You were some Xanax in trying to make your chest feel hurt and stabilize your breaths. You wanted to cry bur barely felt like you had a right to not when so many people have ir worse. Besides your parent just wanted what was better for you.

So why did it hurt so much? Was a hug or a miserably fake "love you, kid" so hard to say?

You could not wrap your head around how some people could be so rude especially to their own family. Earlier that night you had gotten into another argument with your folks, you had been having so many if them lately. Bad enough for you to start to be second guessing your own worth while you went out, faking smiles, greeting old friends with feigned interest. Once upon a time their successes were yours you loved your friends and none of this was a competition

Inevitably when you stopped attending your girlfriend's awards and your text messages grew more and more dry and unemotional Tay knew something was up that was not how her baby usually was. They were soft affectionate gentle and tender, and come to think of it, they were the most supportive person Taylor ever had the luck of dating, so anything short of that was like a huge red alert ringing in her head

It had also not been the first alert you emitted, as you had been spotted online at some pretty ungodly hours lately, and some people kept mentioning how you were up until almost sunrise doing stuff around the house, restless, like your brain wouldn't simply let you just be... She was an over thinker and found that odd...

She called your phone, to find all her calls were going straight to voicemail, which rose her concerns and dialed them up to 11. You never rejected her calls or ignored her, especially when you both hadn't fought or anything. Maybe your phone had died... That could be it, right? But she was quite intuitive and she knew you too well.

So she took her car, and drove to your place. She texted you first, not wanting to invade your privacy or trigger your hyper vigilance. You were laying down on the kitchen floor, staring at the roof, trying to steady your breaths so maybe the pain in your chest would go away but it didn't seem like any of that was gonna be happening anytime soon...

Taylor, standing outside of your apartment crouched down to grab your spare key under a tile which was lose in front of your door. She took it and opened the door, slowly coming in calling your name as she entered the apartment. She looked around for you not spotting you in your bedroom or even on the balcony where you sometimes went to to smoke. She looked in the bathroom before spotting you on the floor of the kitchen..

"Y/N?"

She called out for you, you were shorter than her, and seeing you so curled up on the floor like a kicked puppy tugged at her heartstrings. She did not care about her clothes or anything as she knelt down on the floor running her fingertips slowly along the locks of your (Y/C) hair in gentle careful motions...

"Sssh..."

You were trying. Very very very hard to not cry, to hold it in, but something about her holding your head on her thighs made you feel so small, so fragile. She leaned down kissing your forehead, and looked at your eyes as tears welled up in them and inevitably began to pour down your cheeks. A strangled sob and a few shaky squeaks later, you caved and began to bawl in her arms, each breath you took in shakier than the previous.

"I'm sorry... i'm sorry- i just- it's too much i- i can't..." Your speech was slurred, and in between words you gasped for air like a kid who had been running for hours on end playing trying to pause to ask their mom for a drink of water. It was shaky, filled with stammering and not really coherent. Courtesy of the anxiety in your veins and the pills you'd popped prior in hopes to finally make your heart feel less heavy and your chest tightness decrease. Two Xan's do tend to make most people hella sleepy.

As she noticed how you barely breathed as you kept apologizing, she wasn't even sure what you were apologizing for. But she knew you needed her... And she could tell you weren't sober right now, but that was not her greatest concern, her main concern was what could've driven you to such a point She pulled you to properly be on her lap and hugged you, letting her scent surround you, get warm energy enveloping like a cocoon of safety.. This was her baby, her love, her most precious thing. She would do anything to ensure you felt better

Taylor herself wound up staying the night, caressing your hair and watching you in your sleep, making sure you were safe and sound through the night. She also contacted a psychologist for you to treat the root of these problems....

"Whatever it is baby..."

"I'm not even sure why. I just.. why does everyone hurt me?"

Taylor shushed you gently hiding your head on her shoulder, hugging you tightly, she wished she had come sooner... You were always there for her, but now you were here looking so broken. It hurt her heart...

"My beautiful baby, my sweet angel..."

She rocked you until your sobbing became a string of whispered apologies and little babbles... she held you until you were done crying and just began to softly hum to you one of your favorite songs by her...

"I'm always here for you baby... i promise. even the worst of days only last 24 hours... i know right now it feels like the world is ending, and i will never make you feel like your feelings are invalid..."

Taylor's reassuring touches lingered on your skin, forcing the snarky voice in the back of your head which confirmed every last bad thing people told you to quieten for a bit. your focus was entirely on her soft, hushed tone, and soothing presence...

"You're so young love, but i swear, you won't remember how bad this feels in a month... let alone a year. in a decade you won't even remember today was a bad day at all or what happened in it. I've been there, remember? i promise you... it gets better..."

She kissed your forehead and you leaned in resting your head between her breasts while her fingers idly traced shapes along the muscles of your back...

''i'm just not sure i believe that things will get better anymore..."

"Then believe in one thing, me. I will be here, through thick and thin."

You nodded... It was such a simple thing, but that was enough for you to feel like maybe just maybe there was a better day ahead. it was a silver lining and you would hold onto it, onto her like a lifeline. If you were polar nights and eternal blizzards she was summer sun. She'd be there. and that enough.

It was a good starting point, and you knew in the next morning when you woke up to the breakfast she cooked and the news about your doctor's appointment, your girlfriend had your back now and always