Thoughts - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Swivet, Susurrus~
Rose raised, captivated caught, and clung to the hook line. By a delicate strand of fervor, brewing within the pulsating heart. Imagine if it were to cease, the desire, the necessity, the internalized vexing game?
Lost in a haze, immersed in a world of passionate longings—slowly flowing life within the heart of a captivating enchantress. Gazing into the depths of frozen eyes, they thawed into shimmering pools of unfamiliar emotions. Like a gentle stirring from slumber, prompted by the rhythmic beat of existence.
A solitary existence, evoking a sense of destiny and fresh starts. Whispers of odes and the gentle dance of ebbs and flows, suspended in the ethereal realm of thought. To capture a feeling that is transient, yet exists in the present moment. Experiencing the vibrant essence of life, over and over, and maybe, if faced with mortality in this very moment, one would be resurrected, mirroring these tumultuous, whispering emotions.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴.
Time wasted starts to catch up with you at those uncoiled moments. Swollen breaths that throw the spirit out of kilter. Sensing the gaze, hunted, and depleted of dynamism.
In the ever-shifting tides of affection, we embark on a journey of fluctuating emotions. From the initial spark of fondness, to the blossoming of love, only to be followed by a bitter taste of discontent. Yet, somehow, we find ourselves returning to that familiar fondness once more—though it may never quite reach the depths of honest affection. A trespass into one's realm, akin to an invasion into one's thoughts. Fatigued, ruptured, ensnared; and empty.
Time, in its infinite wisdom, grants certain things while withholding others. A contemplation arises, pondering the persistence of certain matters while others gracefully dissipate. A glimmer of releasing the weight that burdens the soul can often require more than a mere day. A multitude of transformations are required.
A myriad of life's manifestations, the ethereal idea that absence may invite a profound breath. A more in-depth procedure for comprehending the various transitions.
Life is a precious gift, not to be wasted. Life is meant to be embraced, cherished, despised, pardoned; and brought into existence.
Requiem for a life~
Consider the state of having a mind that is disorganized. Picture sharp, piercing gazes fixated on you, tracking your each move. I don't need to imagine, for it feels like it's already unfolding before my eyes. This unruly nook, which resembles a scratch on the inside of my mouth, and these restless eyes are present.
Oh, how I long for it to simply vanish from existence. Along with the associated recollections. Who knows, maybe the patch of unpatched doubt may disappear. This pallum drum of insanity and those rumbling clouds of memory grabbing upon me.
Pretend there is no imagination, no color, and no memory of regret. Without any remorse, it is impossible to discern what is ineffective. Would it be considered criminal to feel remorse for something or someone, even if it had significance in the past? Because honestly, if there are any drawbacks, they are just an afterthought; they hold no real significance. Envision yourself completely free, with no recollection of the past or present and nothing holding you back.
A somber reflection on a life both absent and present. A brooding, melancholic existence, filled with simmering pain. A whirlwind of emotions, a feverish intensity; and breaths that consume...
Space.
Craving a breath of fresh air, desperate for a moment of tranquility, away from the confines of another's understanding. In the same way that flowers require sunlight, they also require air. Aching for the vast expanse, yearning to be free. Ensnared within a tangled web, aching to detach from the lives of others. A profound certainty, yet sincere in emotion.
Expanding beyond the confines of familiar spaces, individuals, and possessions. The vast expanse of the cosmos fills my heart with a weighty burden. The spaces have lost their breath, the corners devoid of mirth. The emotions overflow, tightly wound, the weariness of the mind. Oh, the relentless game my mind plays, a never-ending match of ping-pong where I am left defeated, battling against myself.
𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒕
It's almost a crime to let her soul fade. Her tongue weaves intricate patterns, a tantalizing dance of language. Like an entity descending from the heavens, only to be ensnared by the trials and tribulations of the world.
Breathtakingly stained, tightly wound, perilous in contemplation. Overflowing with vibrant energy, she looms a tapestry of contrasting emotions. Oddly satisfying, almost like kismet in sin.
Behold, there she stands... unforgiving, adorned with beauty, a quiet malevolence intertwined with the very fabric of existence.
If you still love me after I thrown you in to the abyss, that seems like a you problem and wow I just might fall in love with you too if you keep this up :)
I have so many thoughts and they all go to Tumblr
me eating up the same fanfic trope over and over again
Why is it not generally accepted to dance our way places? Like, yes I'm walking there and this playlist is fire, why do I need to contain my excitement? Lemme skip and twirl my way through life.
Also why do we care what's generally accepted?
A five year old wouldn't care. We need to learn more from the brats...
Idk what post, I just want to say how I feel today because write on tumblr is more cheap that a therapist
Anyways also nobody will see this sooooooooooooooo is time to vent, I gonna write all on Spanish cuz English isn’t my native language and I gonna make a lot of mistakes writing this and that is the last thing I want
Como sea, algunas veces ni siquiera yo se que hago conmigo mismo, no me siento cómodo con mi cuerpo, lo detesto y si lo pudiera cambiar definitivamente lo haría.
Algunas veces e tenido pensamientos de que sería mejor para mi y todos al mi alrededor si yo no existiera, si me muriera y solo me desaparecería para dejar a todos las personas cercanas a mi ser feliz pero irónicamente le tengo miedo a las muerte, se que es algo natural y que a todos tarde o temprano nos va a cargar la chingada y nos vamos a morir si o si pero yo no puedo aceptar eso.
Aveces me pregunto por qué sigo existiendo, me siento co o un desperdicio de tiempo y atención el cual no sirve de nada, un desperdicio el cual tiene grandes expectativas y metas pero no es nada y que solo fracasará en el mundo moderno.
Se me hace difícil concentrarme, todos piensan que es por que soy un vago el cual se distrae dándole su tiempo a personas y hablando do cosas pero la verdad es que me resulta muy difícil concentrarme en alguna tarea pero estoy seguro que no tengo ningún problema mental o eso es lo que espero.
He llegado a un punto en el cual creo que cualquier cumplido es solo por lástima y que no es verdad, que solo es un cumplido que me dan por que doy lástima, me odio, odio cada parte de mi, odio mis ojos, odio mi boca, odio mi voz, odio despertar cada mañana, odio ver como mis padres se sacrifican por mi para que you los decepcione y se pregunten cuál es su pecado para haber tenido un hijo tan pendejo, horrible, idiota y estúpido como yo el cual no sabe hacer otra cosa más que dar lástima y ser un desperdicio de tiempo, un estorbo, un desperdicio de aire y espacio el cual no merece la vida que tiene.
Es normal sentirme así? Es normal que odie cada parte de mi cuerpo, mi alma y mi mente? Algún día tendré una paz mental sin tener miedo de ser una decepción o estar bajo presión para poder hacer algo? Algún día confiaré en alguien y hablaré sobre cómo me siento sin tener que escribirlo aquí en una red social con desconocidos los cuales siento que me entienden mejor de lo que las personas que me rodean lo hacen?
Talvez no, tal vez y vuelva a escribir aquí una y otra vez, me prometí que jamás encontraría ningún confort en una red social pero solo me mentí a mi mismo una vez más.
I really like this, because I feel like in all the fanworks Frisk's love for their new friends is completely straightforward, and the fact that so many of them hurt or even killed them is just ignored. I like how this fanfic addresses that side of the pacifist run without doing the annoying "frisk hates everyone and is justified in killing all of them lma0o" thing.
i am having FEELINGS, OKAY? FRISK NEEDS A HUG
humans are animals. on a biological level, human beings are highly evolved mammals with complex social structures and well-developed brains. we eat, we sleep, we fuck. we raise our young and form tribes and fight for scarce goods. but i think that we are interesting because we are unparalleled in our ability to cause immense ripples in the universe, to leave a mark in our worlds and the worlds’ of others. we have the ability to cause outstanding pain, to tear each other apart with our words and rip out each other’s hearts. we are animals at our cores. but i think this fact makes our small kindnesses that much more meaningful, our moments of relief and pointless morals and ardent generosity all the more special. i have seen incredible hurt in this world, and i have also seen such genuine curiosity, gentleness, and connection. maybe it’s naive of me, but i think that most people do not want to cause harm. if given the chance, most people will choose kindness — to say thank you to the waiter, to pull their legs in when you walk through an aisle, to follow traffic lights and form lines even when it would be easier to cut. i think at our core, we want to do good, to try. i think that all of the pain and anger and hurt and violence only makes our amazing capacity for kindness that much more meaningful, that much more wonderful. in a senseless, brutal world, the fact that someone is helping a stranger pick up their spilled groceries or making silly faces for a baby is something to be cherished. something real. maybe, just maybe, it isn’t all bad.
Imagine being Player's mom. You see this poster about this "Key Hunt" with a large cash reward. And you see that DoodleCo are even providing new tamers who join the key hunt with free starting doodle. With that cash reward, you can go out and finally accomplish your dreams of travelling the world. You think it's a good idea to send out your teenage child to go out and do the key hunt for you. Battling's a fun and popular sport around the island anyway! It'd be a nice experience for them, just running around, getting more active and finding silly little keys! How bad can it be? ...Oh how unaware you are. You aren't aware that as soon as the key hunt begins. Your one and only child gets flipping possessed by some otherworldly being, or in other words A GOD, essentially becoming A PUPPET with no control over their own body. You don't hear a single. word. from them ever since they left home, so you're left even more unaware of the fact your child has nearly died and been threatened at least three times now. And you're unaware about the numerous of times so many people have practically relied on them, so much that literal FATE has told people that only they can "save" this one person. PUTTING A SHIT TON OF PRESSURE ON THEM TO SUCCEED! ... Your child has gone through so much burden and sacrifice for you and for so many others, without a choice in the matter. They've never had a choice in what they want, it's always what other people want of them.
"you don't have to worry about me, i'm gonna be fine" will x "i can't help but worry about you" mike in s5 when??
"el will be heartbroken if mileven breaks up!" this, "el loves mike and mike would never hurt her!" that.
have we considered that mike already hurt el with all of his letters and distance and absence whilst she was in california (he doesn't need her, after all, and i think that maybe he just isn't accustomed to her being around in the first place, never really having time to, not properly, and instead.. *checks notes* spends all of that time missing will and participating in things that would have reminded him of will and realising that hawkins wasn’t the same without him and that he was spending too much time with el and lost will or something?), and el was already under the impression that he didn't love her anymore, (even calling him out for it, almost phrasing it like she wanted confirmation, not like she was asking a question- see “but you don’t.. you don’t love me anymore?” except the question mark is also more “but you don’t.. you don’t love me anymore.”,) and that el thought that it was "over" already?
she hurt, she mourned the loss of a boyfriend, and cried like the people in the movies she used to watch during the "break up period", but she took some time away from mike - and everyone else - , came into herself just a little bit more, and got over it, mostly. she isn't shown as thinking about mike once during their time apart post-argument. the only part of the hurt that we see having remained in the aftermath is the anger and avoidance of mike, like he avoided her (and will?).
..at this point trying to hold onto milkvan’s relationship is just hurting both of them (and el isn't even the one trying to cling to the concept. *flashbacks to her describing mike as her first boyfriend 👀*).
with the above in mind, i am headcanoning that el had been accepting of the situation by the time they all reunited and would have been able to move past it until a later date, maybe until after the world stopped ending and they (mike and el) could both talk, until the ily monologue happened, and mike saying he loved her then just felt like bullets on skin because she'd already moved on and began her independence arc... maybe even realised that she didn't love him (anymore) either. he was just too late.
but picture it. el, finally getting time to herself without mike, and for some strange reason coming to the conclusion that he might not be in love with her, when she starts paying more attention to his actions without the distraction of him all over her all the time, and with each letter "from mike" growing more suspicious and realising/thinking he doesn't love her, getting continuously more worried, and then getting enough confirmation from the one day she spent with him to feel justified in her concerns and call him out for it.
almost immediately after said argument she then left a *badass* goodbye note to mike, in which i just wanted to point out the usage of "superhero", because i think that's interesting to me. if she was saying it like "so you could love me again", first of all that's heart-breaking and unhealthy, and secondly then why would she sign it "from el" rather than "love", making an obvious callback to how mike was hurting her and making her think he didn’t love her, mike then not giving any good explanations for mentioned behaviour.
mike bringing up el being a superhero repeatedly afterwards, and highlighting it again in his monologue almost makes me think that her being a "superhero" is more personal to her then mike - her powers should not be there so that mike can love her, and him saying "you're my superhero" in the monologue was only salt in the wound for her, reinstituting that he thought that was the most awesome part about her and what made her loveable or “out of his league” or whatever. (another reason why i love byler- mike doesn’t see will as a superhero, but as a best friend first and foremost, and therefore the love he feels for him is pure, and not an emotional attachment to a glorified ideology in his mind, whereas mileven were barely friends, barely acquaintances, before they kissed.)
the "you're my superhero" thing is also interesting, because finn has stated that this was improv, the duffers having told him to do whatever he wanted during the monologue (😭✋) and that he was "very proud" of this line. meaning he's either unaware of the toxidity of mileven, or he's proud of this line because it adds something more, another detail/relevant callback. and i would be surprised if he doesn't know about mileven's issues, seeing as when asked about byler he stated that he thinks will's love for mike is "beautiful", and i don't feel like you would say that without giving it time and consideration and actually thinking about the situation.
but anyways, back to the point i was making. i feel like it showed mike was yet to realise what he was doing, and that he was going around in circles, not making any obvious developments in his thought processes and unable to tell el anything new, apart from rewording their argument (and mixing in some of eddie's speech about recruiting new dnd players from earlier on in the season, not that el would know) but adding in that he loves her, because she had plainly told him that was what she had wanted. he probably wouldn't have even realised or thought to say so otherwise.
now, lets just stop for a moment. if eddie's "i love you, man" to dustin was meant platonically (which it almost certainly was, because urm obviously,) then who's to say that this one any different? mike is often shown as mirroring eddie throughout this season, even in this speech (as mentioned above).
even by itself, the point still stands that this “i love you” could/can be taken in a platonic way, and despite what else you can say, will was IN the shot of mike's first 'i love you' that he’s said to el's face (although realistically it still wasn't very properly to her face,), and had a literal hand on his back, saying to him that "you have to keep going, you're the heart, mike!" when mike.. looked at him for reassurance halfway through, god. (and el probably heard it.)
(also quickly acknowledging the concept of "you have to keep going, i need to hear you say it so i have confirmation that you will always love her and never me and therefore can force myself to try to move on" from wills pov here.)
and alright, so, in conclusion to this point, i think that el was driven to fight back against vecna by mike's 'i love you' in this scene, but out of strong feelings of sadness and anger rather than love and reassurance (neither of which the monologue truly offered, when taken into further consideration. it's just a very desperate, grasping-at-straws sort of confession. and not even like an emotional, angsty, clinging to her, "you've GOT to hold on, el !!!!" + sobbing into her chest, holding her in his arms, inconsolable desperate that we see with lumax. just a desperate last-ditch attempt of communicating his apparent "feelings").
anyways. just some ily monologue thoughts.. (not sure if this makes any sense at all, it’s sort of everywhere, but. idk. thought i might as well share.. <33) remember: mileven is unhealthy, will is not a homewrecker, but the actual reason the "i love you monologue" is a monologue and includes and "i love you" in it, and byler endgame most hopefully. please duffers. istg.
i think a thing about ‘the manuscript’ is that, more than any other song i think of taylor’s, this one feels most like taylor just singing to me.. like she just sat down at the piano and began to sing me a song she wrote