Title From We Are By TFK - Tumblr Posts

Too Much Thinking Is Bad For My Health (Part One)

Warriors was currently staring at his bowl of lovingly made chili with wide eyes. Today had not been a good brain day, not at all. Another of those days where no matter how much he loved the person making the food, or how many times he was told it wasn't going to kill him, he just couldn't bring himself to eat it.

The war had been hard. Too many assassination attempts from poison. It had made him terribly paranoid, and for good reason. Finding hemlock in your dinner wasn't a nice surprise. Funny how that was one of the only things comforting him now, was poison. Both his savior and his condemner.

Warriors had gone searching, bones showing and body shaking, for a way to make his brain quiet about the poisonings. Once the war was over, he hadn't much a need for being so paranoid. But it didn't go away, no matter how much therapy he tried or how many medications he took to make everything stop. So he'd turned to older methods. Seemingly simpler methods.

Mithridatism. The act of self-poisoning yourself in small increments to build immunity. If you're immune, you can't die, simple math. No one told him that it could become his only solace, the only thing he'd turn to. Almost an addiction. How ironic.

Warriors' hands shook, as he cradled his chili bowl. He was getting weird glances at this point, and worried ones from Time and Wind. They knew. They were aware of how messed up his brain was. They weren't aware, however, of the self-poisoning. Warriors looked back down at his bowl and attempted to pick up the spoon. No, nope, no.

He put the spoon back down and reluctantly put the bowl down altogether, pale. He tried to plaster on a smile. "I just don't think I'm very hungry right now, Wild. I'll eat something later." He said to the cook, trying to ignore how his voice shook. He got up and dusted off his pants, heading to his bedroll instead of sitting down by the fire like he usually did. Before he settled down, he pulled out his pack and ran his fingers over the very small vial in the front pocket. Hemlock, the very same thing that had nearly killed him so many times. It brought him both relief and anxiety.

"I'll take second watch, after Sky." He called quietly, and laid down, eyes still open and wide awake. He ignored the whispers, ignored the "I'll just save him something, for when he takes watch.", ignored the "Time, can you make sure he at least eats something, once you swap shifts?".

Everything faded as he attempted, in vain, to doze.

XXX

A handful of hours later, Warriors was gently shaken by a sleepy Sky. " 'S your turn, Captain. There's a good handful of fruits and a sandwich wrapped on a log for you, that Wild made. He figured you'd be hungry later." Warriors got up, pulling his sword to his back.

"Thank you, Sky. Get some sleep."

"You bet I will."

Warriors sat on the log, looking at the fruit. Two apples, an orange. A pear, some durians. He ignored all of them, and unwrapped the sandwich. He had no intention of eating it, just curious as to what it was. Maybe he could toss it out into the woods for Wolfie, if he was around. Could lie and say he ate that instead.

Lying didn't sit right. It was turkey cheese. He wrapped it up again and set it aside, staring out into the dark.

Eventually, even the dark wasn't as comforting as it had been. It was too quiet. Quiet, but Warriors could hear every snap of a twig, every leaf, every rustle, it was too quiet but it was too loud but it was- He scrambled for his pack, hands trembling. He pulled out the vial. Whether he wanted it to or not, it comforted him. He'd take it around this time every night anyway. Consistency. The vial was mostly empty, nearly ready to be replaced with another month's worth. Warriors uncorked it, shuddering as he breathed in the smell of something so deadly, something so ready to kill him yet it was the only thing keeping him alive. He looked around, making sure no one was awake; double, triple checking- then lifted the vial of poison to his lips.

"Hey, you okay?" The voice startled him, and there went the next three days down his throat. Warriors jumped, put down the vial, and looked to his side. Time was standing nearby, dressed in only an undertunic and pale pants. He didn't seem to notice the vial, so Warriors tucked it into his neckline and pretended he hadn't just taken something that could definitely kill him.

"I'm f-fine." Warriors' voice broke. Fuck.

"Clearly not. What's on your mind?"

Warriors twiddled his thumbs and sort of hunched in on himself, trying to push the poison from his mind. If he focused on it he might just go insane.

"The war, as always. I promise, it's just bad memories." Not quite a lie, not quite the truth.

"Anything I can help with?" No.

"No, it's just..."

How do you explain to your little (not so little now) brother that you poisoned yourself every night? You didn't. It was something he refused to do. He wouldn't subject Time to it.

"It's just hard, remembering. I'll be okay." Warriors tried to smile warmly, it came out as more of a grimace. Time sat down next to Warriors and took a hand, watching him with that one eye full of such wisdom, such love. "You will be okay. How about we take this watch together, hm?" He let Warriors lean on his shoulder a little.

"Alright." Just to humor him. Just to show he was fine and he'd be fine.

"I love you, brother. Get some rest if you can, okay?"

"Love you too, Sprite."

XXX

The morning was hell. What the fuck. Where was the sky? Why were people talking so loud? What time was it? His throat, he couldn't breathe, it was so hard, where was the oxygen? Where...

Warriors groaned quietly, and several people jumped.

"Warriors? Are you okay, can you hear me?" Hyrule asked quietly. Warriors barely opened his eyes, then shut them again.

"Hylia, his breathing is barely there. Shit shit shit, Legend, grab a potion, a fairy, something." Hyrule said frantically. Legend was rifling through Wars' pack and pulled free a fairy.

Wind was crying. Who would do this to his brother, who was normally so kind, so sweet, who loved them all and laughed like the father Wind didn't quite remember? Who patched his wounds no matter how small, who sewed his favorite shirt together and held him tight when he couldn't stand the memories? Soothed him to sleep and kissed his hair and spun him around in the sun with a smile? Someone who was so strong and who was there for everyone, no matter how much he was falling apart?

Wind was crying.

Time was frantic. For the first time in a while, he was frantic. None of the Links could have poisoned him, everyone was so clearly upset and everyone loved each other so dearly. No one would poison Warriors, no matter how paranoid he was of it. Who would? Who would do this to the man that took care of Time when he was just tiny little Mask, who joined him in pranks and helped raise him? Who taught him how to read and write and do math and love those around him, when he'd originally hated the world? Who taught him to see the sheer beauty in living?

Time was frantic.

Wild was terrified.

Had it been his food? Was Warriors allergic to anything he'd made? Certainly he'd have said something? Was it him, who'd done this?

Four was at war with themself, a blue voice trying to place blame and a violet voice trying to list out everything and anything about the situation and a red voice sobbing and a green voice trying to quiet them-

Sky was also crying.

Legend was crying, though he'd hide it.

Hyrule was crying.

Twilight was pacing, and- you guessed it- crying.

Warriors was dead.

Then he wasn't; the fairy had brought him back. His breath was barely there, but he was there, he was alive. Hyrule shuddered softly, hands glowing with magic. Legend was still looking around in Warriors' pack, whispering expletives and wiping tears. His hand hit the hidden pocket.

Warriors turned just enough that the vial he'd forgotten about glinted from his bedroll. Hyrule frowned and picked it up.

Legend unzipped the pocket.

Hyrule lifted the vial to try and figure out what the residue was.

Legend took one of the vials out.

Hemlock.

They locked eyes, then looked at their pale brother.

"What the FUCK." Legend snapped, taking out vial after vial of deadly poison; foxglove, hemlock, nightshade, all manners of things. "What the fuck."

"Did he poison himself?" Hyrule asked, voice shaking. Someone called out the word poison, a question, then the worried voices and cries rose.

"Looks like it. Hell, he wouldn't have gone out so slow if he'd taken a full one. Why did he take one in the first place?" Legend cradled all of the poisons in a hand and stashed them away in a small pouch. More sobbing, a thud of knees hitting the ground, gentle shushing.

Time's eyes snapped to Warriors, who was stirring. He went over to him, searching for any sign that he was still being dragged under the poison's influence. He'd be sick and sore for a while after this. Wind hiccupped and heaved for air, wailing. Reminding people he was only fourteen, was still a child, had just seen his brother die. Sky held him tighter, from their spot on the ground.

"Captain? Are you with us?" Time asked gently. Warriors opened fever-bright eyes. His hair was messy, his chest heaved weakly. His body shook and he wheezed.

"Sprite? Th' fuck happened?" He asked, voice rough.

"Poison, Warriors. You have lots of it. There was a vial in your bedroll. Did you... did you take it? You're really sick, now." The 'did you want to leave us' was unspoken, but it was there.

"Shit." Warriors whispered. He closed his eyes again, then opened them. "Yeah, I took it."

"WHY???" "WHAT THE HELL?" "SHIT." "THE FUCK, WARRIORS, ARE YOU INSANE?" "NO." "WARRIORS, WHY?" There were various shouts. Wind's crying increased, and Sky tried to calm him, making Four join them to try and help. Warriors flinched. Legend was the only one who didn't seem quite as phased. Wind fisted his hands in Sky's sailcloth and shook terribly. Sky petted his hair.

"Mithridatism." Warriors said hoarsely. He closed his eyes again. Talking was more of an effort than he'd bargained for. His head was pounding and fuzzy.

Legend filled in. "Mithridatism. It's an old war tactic, I think, that kings and nobles and such would use. Self poisoning in non-lethal amounts to try and build an immunity. Could be seen as a coping mechanism, could be seen as an addiction. Can be both." Legend's voice was quiet and somber.

Warriors kept his eyes closed, nodding mutely.

"Warriors, how long...?" Time asked. Warriors just shook his head. He was so fucking tired. He wanted a nap. Everything ached. "Wait, wait, please. We've got to talk about this. How much did you take? Was it on purpose?"" Time whispered, anxious of the answer.

"Accident. Didn't mean to take that much. Maybe three day's worth." Warriors whispered, before letting his eyes stay closed and his mind fade.

"Watch him, please." Time said to Hyrule. Hyrule only nodded, crouching down to sit near him. He then went to Wind, to take him from Sky. Sky reluctantly let go, and Wind turned to curl up against Time. "Why?" Wind asked, coughing in between sobs.

Time didn't have an answer to give him.

XXXXX

Guys now I have to make a part two what the fuck it really got away from me holy shit

@rrainydaydreams, @rebornofstars IT'S OUT AND ABOUT AND HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO MAKE A PART TWO RAA