Triage - Tumblr Posts

No Poetry (Thursday 2137)

I wanted what we became, I ran headlong into it, I pursued it relentlessly with no regard for what the aftermath would be. I never considered that I would feel like damaged goods after, a worthless untrustworthy whore. I never thought I would have panic attacks every time I saw you, from all the words unsaid fighting to escape my mouth. I never once dreamed that my psyche would become a minefield of triggers that someone else would have to diffuse.

I never thought it would be over.

I know how you are flawed. I know your petty human side now, I know how you let me down over and over again. I know how you are not good for me, the ways you can never give me what I need. And I truly DO NOT want to go back. But I need closure. I am not going to heal without it, and by God you owe me this. For everything we were, and everything we never will be, YOU OWE this to me so I can finally let him in all the way.

God damn you, I thought I was done lying in bed crying over you, and yet here I am because you've crashed into my world once more, as always, with no regard to the damage you cause.

I need this to be over.

BLs in 2022 didn't kill me but they gave me kinks that are difficult to explain