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I wasn't bluffing when I said I'd do it... so here you go:

Judd Birch headcanons

(Tw: homophobic slur used once, bdsm, knifeplay, cnc. Requests are open!)

SFW:

Judd really doesn't seem like the type to easily get a crush on someone.

I've been wrecking my brain on how you could actually approach this dude. I think he's a good guy, even though he might not seem like it...

So if you find a way to approach him, don't get discouraged by his harsh words. It's probably a coping mechanism of some sorts.

We really know next to nothing about Judd so I don't have much to work with.

What we DO know, is that he is very edgy.

And Judd doesn't seem like the type to be edgy just for appearance. If he says he wants the world to burn, he wants. the world. to burn.

He'd definitely like someone who can keep up with his insults and psychopathic shenanigans, even better if you can throw in some of your own.

To an onlooker, Judd's flirting might seem like insulting.

Your family invited the Birches over to "celebrate" the newfound friendship between their dear Nicky and your brother, because adults are weird like that. Your mother wanted you to help her prepare some Italian dish, consisting of pasta and some sauce you had no idea how to prepare. Your job was to watch over the food while your mom entertained the guests.

As you were stirring the pasta, a familiar figure entered your kitchen. Judd was forced to go, because "the whole family was invited" and "it won't hurt you to socialize once in a while". He had no intention of trying to be nice or anything than his authentic self, really. And so when he got up from the table, he didn't say anything about where was he going. If anyone wanted to pay attention, they would notice he was headed to the kitchen.

Without a word he stood right next to you and poured himself a glass of water, not in the mood to try and find anything else. He glanced at what you were doing, only to see you stiring pasta in a big ass pot, the food making quiet squelching sounds. When you looked at him to see what he was watching, you couldn't help but mutter "That's what a good pussy sounds like." with the most smug expression on your face. Judd just rolled his eyes at the cheesy reference and was about to walk away, until you continued "Not that you would know that...f*g."

Judd whirled around, a murderous look in his eyes. With a few strides he was in front of you, towering over your frame "Call me fag again, I'll slit your throat." he growled lowly into your face. You only smirked "Don't threaten me with a good time." and with a wink you went back to stirring the pasta.

I imagine it would look like this for Judd to take interest in you.

After he starts dating, this banter just becomes weirder, like a mix of gore and sexual tension.

NSFW:

This dude is one sadistic, kinky motherfucker.

Don't even try to dom him, it's not gonna work. There will be a cold day in hell before Judd Birch becomes a sub.

When I tell you he's sadistic, I mean it.

At first, he may be just rough, nothing unusual, to test the waters. However, the second you let him know you'd like to share his kinks, you can say goodbye to vanilla sex.

He's really into seing you suffer. So you can bet your ass he'd be into choking, spanking, bondage...

I also think he'd be really into knife play and cnc.

One thing he definitely wouldn't be into is voyeurism. Although he likes to spy on people to know their weaknesses, it's never sexual, or he doesn't get the rush from it at least... To have to result to watch someone just for him to get off would be a shot to his pride, especially since he knows he could be with anyone if he tried enough. So he thinks peeping is stupid.

His patience is that of a saint. If you'd consent to it, he would definitely love to put some sleeping drugs into your food/drink, only for you to wake up hours later, in his bedroom or the basement, tied up and already naked with him watching your every move like a hawk. And trust me, you're in for a looong night...

If you've never had sex before, Judd would be kind of obsessed with taking your virginity. Again, his patience will show, bevause he will wait until your ready, the thought of being your first satisfying him to no end. When you allow him to tske your virginity, he will be so proud of himself, because he finally marked you as his, put a claim on your body. Not that he wants to control you or anything, but the next time he'll see you at school or see someone oggling your body, he will know that it's only his to truly enjoy, that only he can give you pleasure, and no other loser has a chance.