Twenty Twenty Four - Tumblr Posts

oh fuck *falls back into old habits* *screen fades to black* *level loading* TIP: your belief that you are incapable of changing for the better will become a self fulfilling prophecy if left unchallenged

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please don’t break promises you make to yourself just because it’s you the promise is being made to. You told yourself you’d go on a walk with tomorrow morning? Do it. You said you’d set more consistent with your skincare routine? Make it happen. You promised yourself you would work on establishing boundaries regardless of who’s on the other side of them? Follow through with that. Don’t wake up the next day and go “well I don’t HAVE to do this” “it wouldn’t hurt to postpone this” “this isn’t a big deal” because it literally is. Every promise broken is another nail in the coffin of your self-actualization. It’s another major roadblock to developing healthy self-love and self-respect. Weigh promises you’ve made to yourself the same way you would weigh promises you’ve made to others.

epiphanies.

A couple days ago, the revelation hit me. I finally made it to the life i was always holding out for. The weight of that realisation crushed me. I had so many dreams that were once everything to me... and I'd just let them go. I knew my circumstances wouldn't allow those dreams, and I thought I'd made peace with that fact. But seeing how achievable they all are now, it hurt. I was left questioning which version of myself was more me. Then, today, I had the second epiphany. There is no longer a time bomb. I am no longer trying to squeeze all my life's worth of living into four tiny years. I can breathe. I can learn. I can live.

Everything doesn't end now that I made it here. I will not spend this year in guilt or grief. I am going take care of myself. I will be sober, and stay sober. I will learn what it means to lean on others and how to do it. I will do the things I want to, even if I am scared. I will be in my bones more. I will journal everything (I'm not performing for anyone). I will learn my faith as it is, unfailing love. I will put kindness first. I am going to learn how to love others better, how to be a better friend, a better person.

I am dedicating this year to living. I hope to find missing pieces of myself in the cracks of early mornings. I hope to find new favourites in unexpected places.

I will find myself again, and this time I promise to take care of her.

this year I'm going to live.