Unresolved Emotional Tension - Tumblr Posts

10. what do you see? (final) | reliability • kth

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pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 5.662 genre: drama, angst rating: pg-15 warnings: cursing, kissing, implied mental health struggles, brief description of panic attack au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: all good things must come to an end so that better ones can begin. until then, taehyung is forced to deal with the aftermath of y/n’s choice

A/N: i'm a tad emotional to finally share the last chapter of this special story. full note at the end :)

shout-out to my wonderful beta indigo (@playmetheclassics). thanks to you i'm wrapping this up the way i always dreamed of: with fluidity emotion and good dialogues. i appreciated all of your suggestions <3

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Walking back to Yoon Gi’s car, I felt the cold wind on my back as it passed through the thin layer of my suit and made my teeth chatter. My hands were cold as ice and all the heat that consumed me minutes ago disappeared the second I heard Eric’s voice. Now I had this strange sensation on my face as if my skin was tight. I think it’s the dried-up tears.

“Drive” I said as soon as I got in the back seat, startling Yoon Gi.

“What happened?” he locked his phone and faced me.

Something felt off. I had butterflies in my stomach, but not the good kind. I felt nauseous, consumed with shame, and my chest was aching. It felt as if there wasn’t enough air in the room and I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to take a deep breath and I couldn’t.

“Just drive, please” I mumbled quickly, doing my best not to pass out or throw up because I didn’t know which one would happen first.

Yoon Gi understood and firmly said to his driver, “Dong Hyun, go!”

I thought the car moving would help calm me down, but it didn’t. I thought physically distancing myself from Y/N would help, but it didn’t. Instead, distancing myself from Y/N caused me a sense of panic that I had never experienced before. To the point where I started to sob uncontrollably, on the verge of hyperventilation. My head screamed control yourself, but my heart screamed something way louder, and it didn’t let me hear anything else. A wave of anger suddenly took over me, and I started kicking the front seat, scaring Yoon Gi. He never saw me like this, and I never felt like this either.

“Tae, breathe” he stroked my arm a few times.

What is happening? Why is my tie so tight? Stupid hands won’t obey me.

“I can’t” I cried out, as I struggled to take the tie off and open the window at the same time.

“Slow down” Yoon Gi said, loosening the tie for me.

“Hey, hey… look at me!”

I met Yoon Gi’s serene and commanding eyes. He was determined to de-escalate the situation, and I realized by how calm he was that he had done this before.

“Deep breath” he guided me gently as I did what he said, “Nice, that’s better. Keep going”

I felt better, yet the pain in my chest remained.

Fuck. This is horrible! Is this why they called it a heartbreak?

“Dong Hyun” he tapped the driver’s shoulder, “take us to Tae Hyung’s house, please”

“Yes, sir” he responded, stepping on the gas pedal.

The drive to my house was silent. With my tie loose, the window open, and Yoon Gi checking in now and then, I began to calm down as the minutes went by.

I felt utterly empty. My despair was gone, making room for sadness. The image of Y/N crying and Eric showing up played in my mind constantly in slow motion. The way she pulled herself together when she heard his voice as if what we were doing was forbidden hurt me.

Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting from her. She is engaged. Of course, she would choose him. She repeatedly said that she needed time for herself, wanted to make her own choices, and look at me, Mr Trying To Intervene Again; every time I try to fix a situation, it just gets worse.

But I don’t regret it.

I had to tell her.

Maybe it was a little selfish and pretentious of me to think that with a confession, she would magically accept me, and things would be back to normal but I had to try. What was my other option?

Complain about it for the rest of my life? Wonder every day what could have been? No thanks, I had been doing it for a month, and it was miserable enough.

“We’re here” Yoon Gi’s soft voice dragged my attention back to planet earth.

I get out of the car feeling heavy. I don’t have the strength to walk. If I could, I would lie right here in the street and stay. Next to me, Yoon Gi bends down to speak to Dong Hyun through the passenger window.

“I’ll stay with him. Take the day off tomorrow. Thanks!” he tapped the roof twice and turned to me.

“Where are your keys?”

My eyelids were already closing on their own. All I could do was reach for the keys inside my jacket and give it to Yoon Gi without saying a single word.

“Let’s get you inside, come on.”

With each step, my body gave more signals that it would shut down at any second. I couldn’t say whether it was an automatic response to trauma, the alcohol losing its effect, me just being exceedingly tired, or the combination of all three. What I was optimistic about was that I needed to lie down. So I went into the house, taking off one piece of clothing at a time, starting with my shoes at the entrance, until I reached the bathroom and closed the door.

I didn’t notice Yoon Gi coming right behind me, just his voice through the door when I slid against it towards the floor, “I’ll be right outside if you need me, just don’t lock the door, okay?” I nodded, feeling the cold tile floor below me.

I don’t know how much time passed before I could muster enough strength to get up, go to the shower and turn it on. Once I did it, I removed the last pieces of clothing still on me and went under the jet of water, feeling my skin burn from the temperature.

“You love to exaggerate things, don’t you?”

“Honey, this is your opportunity to differentiate yourself from your father”

“Bold?”

“Yes, you are not scared to take a risk”

“You and I have more in common than you think”

“You poor thing. No, you won’t. She won’t come back. I’m sorry to be the one to break it down for you, but she’s ‘the one that got away”

“Just remember to speak from the heart”

“I wanted to be your friend, wasn’t it obvious?”

“You never bothered to get to know me”

“For the first time in a long time, this is something I chose for myself. Not for you, not for my family, not for anybody”

“You think I wanted to walk away from this? From you? I had to”

“Please don’t marry him. Don’t go to London. Choose me”

“I love you, Y/N”

Crying so much made me dehydrated. I must have spent almost an hour in the shower, brooding over different moments, possibilities and words. I already felt more relaxed and ready to sleep, but I decided to go to the kitchen and grab something to drink before doing so.

“What’s this?” I asked once I saw my dinner table full of food.

Yoon Gi smirked, “I’m hungry, and I thought you would be too”

“Thank you” I sat down.

“Don’t mention it” he handed me the chopsticks.

Yoon Gi was an excellent cook. Everything was delicious. His mother used to be a famous chef before getting married, and he visibly learned a lot from her and inherited the natural gift of making people feel loved through food.

“I did it” I finally spoke, eating a piece of tteokbokki.

“Did what?”

“Told her how I felt” I placed a piece of meat on Yoon Gi’s plate.

“I’m proud of you” he smiled and ate it.

I wrinkled my nose, “Why?”

“Being vulnerable takes courage and actual physical strength. Not many people talk about the effort you have to make to verbalize the words. It can hurt”

I recognised the truth in what Yoon Gi just said. Still, I don’t get why things had to happen the way they did.

“And all for what? For fucking nothing!”

“What happened?” he cautiously asked.

Saying what had happened out loud made the situation real, and I couldn’t help it when some tears escaped. I dried them quickly and tried to explain as rationally as possible.

“I confessed, she cried, I cried, the fianceé showed up, and she chose him”

“No” he said with his mouth full.

“Yes” I replied, playing with the food on my plate.

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean? Of course, I’m sure. It’s done. We’re done”

“What did she say?” Yoon Gi took a sip of water.

“Nothing” I shrugged, “Eric appeared, and the moment was gone”

“Damn”

“I don’t think she was going to say anything. I mean, she couldn’t. She was crying. Hard. I’ve never seen her like that before”

“Isn’t that a good sign?” he asked, waving his chopsticks.

“Me making her cry?”

“Maybe it was a good type of cry, you know?” he slurped some of his ramen, “She was touched by what you said”

“I guess we’ll never know” I got up and put my plate in the sink, “Thank you for the meal. You don’t have to stay. Sorry to drag you into this. Good night”

While I said it in a monotonic and practically robotic way, deep down, I was overwhelmingly grateful that my best friend was by my side today. I hate being a burden to him, and that’s why I made it a point to say he could go. He saw enough. However, being the great guy he is, Yoon Gi stayed the whole night and knocked on my door early the next day.

“Tae, I’m leaving”, he paused, “It’s almost 7. You have to get up for work”

I was already awake and just hummed.

“I’ll text you later”

I heard his footsteps moving away and thought to myself how stupid I must look right now because how come a grown man can be lying in bed feeling sorry for himself when he had a multimillion company to run? I’m young but not that young. I don’t have any excuses for acting like a teenager, and God, do I feel like a teenager when it comes to Y/N. I had a couple of girlfriends before, but nothing compares. This is intense, warm, and also hurts like a bitch.

My pride is wounded. I thought I could make her stay. Was it crazy for me to believe that was even a possibility? I thought we could be something. Did I take too long? What is “too long”? Does it mean Eric beat me to it? It feels like that, but I know it’s not. Maybe she decided to try things with him because I never showed interest, I don’t know. Am I being too conceited? All I know is that now that the truth is out there in the open, I feel ten times worse. She didn’t precisely reject me, but she didn’t accept me either. I don’t know if I should be happy that she was so emotional over what I said.

I won’t take it back. I feel for her is real and won’t go away that easily.

I have never been heartbroken before, so I don’t know how to move on.

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******

6 weeks later

To say it was easy would be a lie on my part, but it was not as difficult as I thought it would be. My goal wasn’t to forget Y/N, instead to live one day at a time, trying not to overthink the things that happened and the fact that I couldn’t change them. I had two choices: torture myself for everything I did wrong or focus my energy on something more productive, like work or the relationship with my father.

Although far from ideal, I started spending more time with him to absorb any tips or lessons he could pass on to me about the company. Believe it or not, he simply placed the company in my hands and walked away. There was no transition phase where he taught me the day to day. I just showed up and learned over time.

Ironically, I am in a similar situation. Nobody explained what it is like to have your first heartbreak, so I just live and learn as I go.

My mother has been torn ever since I told everything that happened with Y/N — it was honestly way harder trying to hide than to tell the truth — because even though she wanted us to be together, the fact that we weren’t made it possible for me to see my father more often, so she was happy to see me around the house and watch the bond between the two of us get stronger.

A month or so ago, I finally gathered the courage to tell my dad that Y/N had left Vante and moved to London to study. He reacted better than I expected. However, he still criticized how I ‘should have predicted something like that and provided better opportunities for her’.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I kept my mind busy with some best man duties. My brother asked for a simple bachelor party, which was enough of a distraction not to think about my pain, and last Saturday, both of us, plus two of our cousins ​​and three college friends of his, went to a nice cottage in Chuncheon.

Ye Jun’s definition of fun was the following: a luxurious place close to nature, lots of drinking and good food. Cell phones on airplane mode.

Pretty reasonable in my book, so I ensured we were all set for a fun, relaxing weekend. By Monday morning, I felt the old Taehyung slip through the cracks of what it was once a heart. Maybe that meant I survived. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad after all.

Today, standing in front of him while fixing his tie, I find myself pondering how life doesn’t stop or wait for anyone. Time is everything. And that’s kind of the beauty of it. To heal our hearts and feelings to find closure takes time. There is no other way to put things into perspective.

“You look almost as handsome as me” I say to Ye Jun, making him instantly roll his eyes, “Hey” I give him a nudge, “You know how much I look up to you, right?”

“Tae...” he looks down, all red in the face.

“It’s true” I smile, playfully shaking him by the shoulder, “I don’t say it that often but I hope you know I mean it”

He looks up and cups one side of my face, “Thanks!”

“Are you nervous?” I ask, moving sideways so he can check the mirror.

“Not really” he replies, making a few poses and inspecting his outfit from head to toe.

“There’s a lot of people out here”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about”

“You’re committing yourself to another person for the rest of your life” I cross my arms and look at him through the reflective surface, “You’re signing a document. A binding contract”

“That’s romantic of you to notice” he gives me a thumbs-up, and I burst out laughing. He was so dorky. Ye Jun knew how to be funny sometimes.

“I’m not nervous because I want this” he explained.

“Hopefully, one day, you will want it just as much, and I’ll be right by your side saying the same contract thingy”

“We’ll see about that” I flashed a quick smile, trying to change the subject, “Now, let’s get you married!”

Once we stepped out into the garden, all eyes were on us. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, a light breeze, and just the perfect temperature set the scene for this special day. I was so proud to be with Ye Jun that I couldn’t contain my genuine smile as soon as we walked down the Aston House’s stairs. The place had a stunning view of the Hangang River, and my mom did a fantastic job scouting the venue.

We passed by all our family and close friends, greeted them with smiles and nods, and took our positions at the altar, waiting for Hyun Jae’s grand entrance. When it finally happened, everyone turned to her. On the other hand, I turned to Ye Jun, who was completely mesmerized. He always had that in love look, but ten times more. And I don’t blame him, because the second I glanced over to her, I was sure that a princess was coming towards us. Hyun Jae was the personification of delicacy.

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******

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After the religious ceremony, the couple’s grand entrance at the party, and their special dance, the DJ turned the music down and handed me the mic.

“Hi everyone, if I may have your attention please” I began, “My name is Kim Tae Hyung, brother of the groom and also his best man. I would like to say a few words to the couple”

The entire room went dead silent, and, for a brief moment, the sudden attention became unsettling to me. Putting on my best CEO attitude, I continued.

“Not long ago, I discovered what it was like to truly love someone. On the other hand, Ye Jun knew that for a while and always told me how special and meaningful his connection to Hyun Jae was. Today I can confidently say I understand every single word he meant”

I remember when he first told me he was in love with her. He spent almost 10 minutes explaining how amazing their date went, the clever things she said, and how much he missed her whenever she wasn’t around. I thought he was crazy. I did. I was sure he was exaggerating. It didn’t make sense to me how another human could be that likeable. Skip to a few years later, and here I was, reminiscing about Y/N, how she was the coolest, most intelligent person and how much I missed her.

“Being here today celebrating two people I deeply care about is an honor, and I’m sure you all feel the same, so please let’s raise our glasses to Ye Jun and Hyun Jae. May they…”

And that’s when I saw her. Sitting in the back, the third table from the left, looking prettier than ever with her hair tied in a bun and an off-the-shoulder silver dress. She caught my breath, and I had to clear my throat to keep going with the speech.

“May they… uh… always celebrate together the happy moments, rely on each other when things get tough, find forgiveness in their hearts when they feel they have been wronged, and above all, trust that their love is strong enough to heal, overcome and protect. No matter what happens. Cheers!”

With the glass raised in front of me, my gaze met Y/N’s across the room, and I could feel that she understood the message when her hand tipped the drink further in agreement. The toast ended up revealing much more about the two of us than about the bride and groom, which took me by surprise because I hadn’t planned on speaking so honestly, especially if I knew that she would be there listening.

A few minutes later, while I absently contemplated the buildings across the river from underneath the garden’s wooden gazebo, wondering what Y/N could be doing here, she carefully approached me.

“Great speech”

“Thanks” I looked over my shoulder, then back to the river, “Weren’t you supposed to be in London?”

“I was. Flew in last night” she paused, stepping out from behind me, “Can we find a quiet place to talk?”

“Sure” I agreed, following her inside the hotel for a little more privacy.

Once we stopped in front of a large glass window with the Gwangjin Bridge in the background, we could see the sun already setting as the sky mixed different shades of blue and purple with orange clouds. The light was coming in reflected on Y/N’s dress, and I’m positive she has never looked so beautiful.

“Wow, that’s what I call a view” Y/N eyes went wide.

My gaze shifted from her to the window, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Trying to keep the conversation light as if the last few weeks hadn’t been overwhelming was my biggest challenge right now. Thank God Y/N didn’t take long to take the lead.

“I need to start by apologizing to you”

“No, you don’t have to, it’s fine” I reached my hand forward, “I was out of line to show up at your house like that”

Y/N sighed, “You weren’t”

“Oh?”

“Your timing kinda sucked,” she chuckled, “but you said everything I dreamed of and then some”

Everything I dreamed of? This woman knows how to make a man speechless.

“I’ve been pretending for a long time” she turned to me, “I lied to myself, saying that my feelings weren’t valid, that I could not have fallen for my boss, and that you would never see me the same way”

She paused for a second, eyes staring into mine, making sure I was listening to all of it—my turn to step forward, more attentive than ever.

“In my head, you would never notice how I wanted to be noticed, even though the chemistry was there” Y/N looked at her feet for a second, “To be honest, there were times when I thought I was crazy because I was sure you felt the same, but…” she looked up at me, “next thing I knew, you went and did something that sent the complete opposite signal and I—”

I already felt terrible about everything, yet hearing Y/N confess her feelings so honestly filled my chest with a renewed sense of guilt. She fell for me.

Me.

“I’m so sorry” I whispered.

“When you questioned your trust in me, I felt my world collapse. You are the person I admire the most, trust and care for the most, and hearing those words made me think that we didn’t have the relationship I thought we had. I felt like it was all a lie”

The last sentence made her emotional, and I could spot tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

“We were never friends, I know…but through work, we created a bond, this sort of mutual respect, and once I realized the decision I made was what caused a side of you that I never wanted to know existed to come out, it hurt me” one single tear broke free. I immediately swiped it away before she kept going, “My pride was wounded, but soon after, I felt liberated. I suddenly understood that ultimately it was all a fantasy. You and I would never happen, and I needed to do my own thing”

Y/N smiled and recomposed herself while I took a step back to give her some proper space.

“So… I took some time to think about what the next phase of my life would be like and what I wanted to do, which ended up being to enroll in another course in London” she explained, fixing her makeup.

“To my surprise, Eric was responsible for admissions, we reconnected, and I felt that that was a sign from the universe for me to give a 360 in my life. A new course, a new city, new people. Until, of course, you showed up at my house” she poked my chest playfully.

Seeing Y/N go from serious to cautious, then vulnerable to funny in such a short time left me relatively shocked. I did not expect to hear her side of things like that. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation — not today of all days — and I must say that the Tae Hyung of 6 weeks ago wouldn’t be able to hold it together like I am doing now.

“But you were already engaged” I pointed out, attempting to display some humor in my voice.

Y/N made a ‘duh’ face, “Yes, but not married”

“Yoon Gi said the same thing!!” I shouted, making her laugh out loud.

My God, I missed her laugh.

“You two are close, huh?” she added, more like observation and not a question.

“Yeah, well, anyway, you went to London, you got married….”

“Who said I’m married?” she interrupted, “I don’t see a ring on this finger”, and pointed to her left hand.

“W-what? Wait…” I grabbed her hand as I’d never seen one before in my life.

She laughs again, and I can’t help but laugh with her, only this time nervously because I don’t know what’s going on right now. I’m getting this tiny bit of hope inside my chest, and I’m scared it will be taken away, so I refuse to believe it.

“Even though I went to London, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. I kept replaying it thousands and thousands of times in my head. Before bed, during classes, cleaning the house…”

It’s happening. She’s giving me hope, isn’t she?

“What about Eric?” I gently let go of her hand.

“That was another hard conversation I had to have” Y/N pinched her lips.

Yep. This is it.

“You’re telling me you’re not with him anymore?”

Every fiber of my body was vibrating, and the seconds that followed my question were incredibly long. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about this whole thing again, much less believe in the idea that Y/N and I could be something for real. However, I should’ve known she would surprise me. She always does.

“No, I’m not” she beams at me like a kid telling a secret. It’s like she can help herself. And I can’t help either — happiness is infectious.

“Plus, a little birdie told me that you needed a date for this wedding, so I’m here doing a favor” Y/N shrugged.

My mother had many talents. One of them is bringing people together. She always made sure to do everything for our family, and this time was no different. It means a lot that she intervened. Without this opportunity, I wouldn’t have a new chance at love.

“A favor?” I quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah,” Y/N nodded, “I was promised free booze too, by the way”

I can’t help but find the idea of my mom and Y/N negotiating extremely funny, “I’m serious, Y/N. What does this mean?”

Before she could say anything, I decided to be just as honest and vulnerable, committing myself to her and the possibility of an ‘us’.

“You know what I see?” I moved closer, “I see a future”

“For us?” she tilted her head, intrigued.

“Yes,” I sighed and chuckled at the same time, relieved that we were finally on the same page, “One where I support you, where you don’t have to make choices for anybody else but yourself. A place full of trust”

“What else?” she asked, genuinely curious, analyzing every inch of my face.

“I see us being happy, never fighting and baking. Do you bake by any chance?”

“Uh, I bake, yes,” the question took her by surprise and earned me a giggle, “but I don’t know about the fighting part. You can be very annoying”

“I’ll do better. I’ll do better!”

“Keep going,” she moved closer to me, “I like your plans so far”

“No, tell me what you see. I wanna know” I said, placing my hands in my pockets.

“Huh…” Y/N took a second to think, “I see myself finishing my studies, then traveling for a couple of months, then coming back to Korea and starting my consulting firm”

“Amazing! What else?”

“I see this handsome guy waiting for me at the airport with balloons and a big smile,” she said, shifting from one foot to the other, “then taking me to a proper date where he will tell me everything he’s been up to with as much detail as possible and that will be our day one”

She looks so cute when she’s nervous.

“I didn’t know you were a romantic person”

“See?” Y/N smirked, “There’s a lot about me you have yet to learn”

“I can’t wait”

I deeply meant it because this was a chance I didn’t expect to have and to hear from her lips that it would be possible floored me. Here she was, in front of me, willing to and very much available, feeling the same way I did. It felt like a dream.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” she rubbed her right cheek.

“No, it’s just that I wanna kiss you so bad right now” I wet my bottom lip.

Y/N blushed, “You do?”

“Yeah”, I nodded, approaching her slowly, moving a strand of hair away from her face and caressing her cheekbone with my finger. “There’s something about your lips that is just fascinating to me” I then brushed my thumb across her bottom lip while pulling her by the waist very gently.

“Interesting” she gazes between my eyes and my mouth, hand coming up to my nape and stroking lightly with her nails.

I move in closer, cupping her face, our lips almost touching, “I’ve been wondering what they taste like”

“Why don’t you find out?” she looks up at me with the most gorgeous and mischievous expression in her eyes.

And just like that, I closed the space between us to meet the softest lips ever, tasting an unusual combination of green apple and vanilla. I’m instantly addicted, and I think Y/N is too because she took the initiative to separate her lips in search of mine through delicate and cautious movements. As she was discovering me, I felt my insides melt. I knew she was testing the waters, wanting more, so I tilted my head and deepened the kiss. My heart was racing like crazy. The way we clicked was just surreal. It just...made sense. The more we kissed, the more sure I was she was the one for me.

As we slowed down, I softly pulled her upper lip, then her bottom lip, and left sweet pecks while tugging her hair behind her ear with both of my hands.

“I’m so happy” I pressed my forehead against hers.

“Me too” she takes a deep breath, placing her hands over mine, eyes closed.

We stood like this for a few seconds, totally lost in our little world, like it was only the two of us in the party, feeling as though time had stopped as we held each other. And as badly as I wanted to stay here longer, we needed to talk about what would happen next, so I addressed the elephant in the room.

“So, when is your flight back?”

“Tomorrow” she lamented.

I pouted and kissed her hand, “Already?”

“Yeah. But I’ll be back!”

“How long?”

“A year” she revealed.

“A year???” I whined, “No, no, no, I won’t survive!”

“Always so dramatic” Y/N laughed and hugged me, “You will be fine”

“You are right. Doing the math real quick, 365 days seems like a fair amount of time to plan the perfect date”

“Whatever keeps your mind occupied, Mr Kim” Y/N’s arms rested on my shoulder.

“Mr Kim, huh?” my hands intertwined on her lower back, “You don’t work for me anymore, remember?”

She quickly pecked my lips, “I know”

“Okay, is this happening?” I looked around to make sure I wasn’t going to suddenly wake up in my bed again, cursing my head for conjuring another perfect dream.

All Y/N apparently could do was smile and nod. It was as if she had slept with a hanger in her mouth. The joy oozed from her body, and I wanted to remember this feeling forever. And kiss her forever too, so that’s what I did again and again after that.

“Right” I try to regain focus, “We’ll make it work. You can come once a month. I can go once a month… we’ll figure something out”

“You mean that?” she grabbed my hand.

“Of course, Y/N. There’s a world out there for you to conquer. I don’t wanna hold you back”

She gave me a squeeze to show she understood my feelings. I knew she was thankful too. She didn’t have to say anything. I could see it in the way she held my hand, looked into my eyes and kissed me. She was in this as much as I was.

It was crazy to think that a few months ago, things were completely different. Even crazier that I woke up today with no idea what was coming next or how my life would change. Man, that’s the real power of choices.

“Let’s go” she said, leading me back to the garden and poetically into a new life.

After so many mismatches, ups and downs, I found that trusting someone depended on me a lot more than anything else. I had to be confident enough to expose my fears and desires without expecting anything in return. So I faced my insecurities and dove headfirst into this strange and scary feeling of love, choosing Y/N with the hope that she would pick me too. She accepted my flaws and wants to see where this goes. It took her a bit, but here we are.

Our story could have been a lot different, but I wouldn’t change anything because, in the end, I learned so much. No, wait, probably just the part where I take years to realize my feelings and all the signals this gorgeous woman was sending. That would save me some time and a ton of tears, for sure.

In all honesty, I can’t say I’m an entirely changed man yet. I don’t know if I ever will be. The only thing I’m sure of is that I’m willing to try my best for her. Because she deserves it, she earned it, and it’s perfectly okay to rely on someone.

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A/N²: this wasn't the first fanfic i wrote but it was the first one i showed anybody (my best friends) and the also first one i shared with the world, so it will always be one of my favorites. maybe because of that, i put pressure on myself to reach a level of excellence and perfection completely unrealistic for a girl who had never written before, let alone in a different language.

i liked the first chapter a lot, the second one as well, and since the story was drawn perfectly in my head, i thought it would be easy to execute and put into words everything i had imagined, but it wasn't. i faced many challenges along the way and thought about giving up a lot. the low post engagement also helped with me thinking i wasn't good enough to publish stories. honestly, my mistake was attempting to build the perfect blog. i spent so much time structuring a posting schedule, trying to stay active, writing a little bit every day, following the right people, affiliating with known networks, and so many other tips that i read in hours of research. all for nothing bc i became more and more unhappy.

with this unhappiness came a new author's block and after struggling a lot i managed to finish chapter 09 and post it. this happened in march/2021, now it's jan/2022. i don't know if anyone who is reading this now, in fact, waited ten months to read what happens next but if so: i'm deeply sorry. it was never my intention to take a year to publish such a short story.

regardless, i hope that whoever got this far enjoyed it, had fun, laughed, cried, and allowed themselves to be transported to a new reality. my only wish is that my stories help people overcome a bad day, a bad week, a bad month; to feel happier, more loved, more connected. deep down, that's what we are: connected by the love for bts. 

thanks for reading, thanks for liking, for sharing, commenting or simply taking some time out of your day to experience a world that only exists in my head.

until the next story, xx bella

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆