Ur Cool - Tumblr Posts
heyyyy i heard you need people who like bsd?
u r now being held at hammer point and WILL be my friend.
OMWG I WOJLD LOVE TO BE UR FRIEND !!
expect more typos in the future ehehehe
LONG ass paragraph/essay of me yapping about how the people who ruined me + how I'm gonna treat myself better bc I've realized I'm better than every1 else, btw U should think UR better than everyone else (no it's not narcissistic, if anything it should be normalized). and stuff like that and yeaaa :3
SECTION 1 I'm gonna start pushing everyone I once was close to away from me, my mind and just my life. I'm gonna start to let go and pretend like we were nothing more than friends. It hurts when I think back on all our memories, but it was nice while it lasted, right? I'm gonna start living for myself. If I meet someone I'm not gonna plan ahead with them what we should do (unless THEY wanna) and I'm gonna meet new people/friends who are like me and who'll accept me for who I am and not make terrible (problematic) jokes. Even then, I'm not gonna get attached or get close to anyone. I'll always feel the void of that person who left me, and it'll hurt, but it's whatever. It does hurt, thinking about how we planned to grow up together n live across from eachother n shi, and it does hurt knowing all those years were wasted, and it does hurt knowing I'll never be that close to anyone again, and if I am I'll still be thinking of you. It hurts knowing how bad they ruined me. But it gets better thinking about how I'll meet people who'll treat me better. Maybe not make better memories, but treat me better. I'll always have a place in my mind for the 4 of the guys who I got close to and they literally ruined me and altered a part of my thinking. But I'll live on. I'll live on for myself this time. And I will think about them everyday, lingering in the back of my mind, but I'll act like I'm not. and I'll try to block and push away the hurt. I'll always treasure them more than anyone else. secretly. But I'll always hate them more than anyone else, publicly. I'm gonna be a new person. It's a new start with new people and I'm gonna try and do it better. I'll start keeping track of my feelings and instead of trauma dumping to people I know I'll start writing down how I feel. (or venting to tumblr because like hey tumblrs free therapy) SECTION 2 for awhile I've been putting my trust in people and getting close to them. and every time they end our 'friendship' they take away a piece of my feelings or some shit. Every time it happens it hurts for a less amount of time and I hate it. it's weird and I wanna continue to weep over it but I just can't. I just tell myself, 'oh well, it was nice while it lasted.' and I think that's just me letting everything go. I don't really care if anyone am/was close to leaves me in some sort of way. I just brush it off and pretend we were never close. I feel like it's some sort of way to cope. That or I'm used to it by now. Which is weird, because I shouldn't feel like this when my favorite person ever just dropped me. Shouldn't I be crying? screaming in pain or betrayal? no. Instead I'm just detached from reality, sitting and staring at whatever's in front of me, robbed of my feelings and perspective of what's real or not. It's so crazy. What do you mean we're never gonna do all that shit? What do you mean I can't just look at an airplane anymore and think 'I'm gonna be in those to meet up w/ him one day.'? It's so weird. It's like I hate and love(platonically) everyone who I've gotten close to. I can't let go but I can. I don't understand any of this.
Ervin no you arent pathetic dont cry :(
(i dont know why hes crying)
anyway AWESOME ART AWESOME DESIGN AWESOME AWESOME?!?!?
"pathetic, aren't I?"
Oh look it's my genshin oc Ervin! :0 He has a lot of lore but I ain't typing all that here, when I'm done making his lore carrd I'll share it all with you :3 I had some art block to the point I was getting mad staring at my tablet so I somehow managed this and nothing else for three days straight- I don't think it's terrible though, especially for a quick sketch :)