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Sniper Training [Valorant SNL Parody #4]

[Synopsis]: Gekko & [A/N] get sniper training by an instructor who may have a little problem.

[Gender Neutral Agent!Reader]

[A/N] = Agent’s name/Call Sign

[TW]: Some cursing.

[Valorant HQ, Shooting Range, 10:30 a.m.]

Instructor: Aright, you newbies! You trained ten weeks for this moment. You want to be great agents?

Gekko & [A/N]: Yes, sir!

Instructor: You think you got what it takes?

Gekko & [A/N]: Yes, sir!

Instructor: Now hear this. You do not fire your weapon, until you hear me give the exact order. Human life is at stake, and you need to be 100% certain before you pulled that trigger. Hundred percent, is that clear?

Gekko & [A/N]: Yes, sir!

Instructor: Locked and loaded!

Gekko & [A/N]: Locked and loaded, sir!

Instructor: Do you have a lock?

Gekko & [A/N]: Yes, sir!

Instructor: Are you loaded?

Gekko & [A/N]: Yes, sir!

Instructor: Then, “tee da shaaa!!!”

Gekko & [A/N]: *Looks up from their scopes and at the instructor* *Both bewildered*

[A/N]: Excuse me, sir?

Instructor: “Tee da shaaa!!!”

Gekko: What?

Instructor: Stand down, both of you. *Rolls over to Gekko’s side*

Gekko: ¡Ay!

Instructor: *Hovers over Gekko* Where are you from, agent?

Gekko: Los Angeles, California, sir.

Instructor: L.A. native.

Gekko: Uh-huh.

Instructor: Well, you better show me what you got, and “tee da shaaa!!!”

Gekko: Excuse me?

Instructor: *Moves closer to Gekko’s face* “Tee da shaa…”

Gekko: I’m sorry, sir. Can you make that order clear? I wanna be sure I’m hearing you right.

Instructor: Then stand down. *Rolls over to [A/N]’s side and hovers over them* What about you, agent? You want to be a great agent?

[A/N]: Yes, I want to protect my home world, sir!

Instructor: You ever sit alone in the dark and let your mind take control of your soul and try to play god?

[A/N]: *Confused by the whole ordeal* I’m sorry?

Instructor: Yes or no, agent?! Are you god? I’ll give you a hint. You are.

[A/N]: Uhh okay.

Instructor: Now, agent! *Leans closer* “Tee da shaaa…”

[A/N]: Excuse me?

Instructor: Oh. I’m sorry. Do-you-need-me-to-enunciate?

[A/N]: Yes I do, sir.

Instructor: “TAE. DA. SHA!” “TAE. DA. SHAAA!!!

Gekko: We can’t understand your order, sir.

Instructor: *Rolls back to Gekko* What the hell did you say to me?!

Gekko: Nothing, sir!

Instructor: But it sounds like you said something.

Gekko: No, sir!

Instructor: Alright, but don’t move. I got to use the John. *Rolls out of scene*

Gekko: *Looks at the instructor and back at [A/N]* He sayin’ “take the shot”, right?

[A/N]: I don’t know. Why is he saying it like that?

Gekko: No idea. It has got to be a test of some sort.

Instructor: *Rolls back in scene*

Gekko: Oh!

Instructor: *Hovers over Gekko again* False alarm! I didn’t have to go. I’m just lying on my bladder weird. What did I miss? Did anyone “tee da shaaa…”?

Gekko: No, sir.

Instructor: Locked and loaded!

Gekko & [A/N]: Locked and loaded, sir!

Instructor: Alright!

Gekko: What?

Instructor: *Hovers over Gekko and rolls over back to [A/N]* *Lies next to them* Alright, agent. Now, I’m just gonna put my hand on the small of your back.

[A/N]: *Feeling uncomfortable* Get your hand off of me before I rip it off.

Instructor: *Retracts his hand back* You know what you can do.

[A/N]: *Getting irritated* What’s that, sir?

Instructor: “Tee da shaaa!!!”

[A/N]: Are you telling me to take the shot?!

Instructor: I’m telling to “tee da shaaa!!!” Now, hold your fire and “tee da shaaa!!!”

[A/N]: Oh my god! Should I hold my fire or take the shot?!!

Instructor: Hold your fire and “tee da shaaa!!!”

[A/N]: What the hell?! This is messed up!

Instructor: Then stand down! *Rolls back to Gekko* Locked and loaded!

Gekko: Locked and loaded, sir!

Instructor: Good. God, you must be addicted. *Hovers over Gekko more* Of doing squats.

[A/N]: Get the fuck off of him!

Instructor: *Moves back in his original place* Locked and loaded!

Gekko: Okay.

Instructor: Enemy target is 70 meters.

Gekko: I got a lock.

Instructor: Do you?

Gekko: Yes, sir.

Instructor: Are you sure?

Gekko: Yes, sir!

Instructor: Then “tee da shaaa”, but hold your fire!

Gekko: *Mildly irritated* Are you tellin’ me to take the shot, sir?

Instructor: What part of “hold your fire” and “tee da shaaa” don’t you understand, boy?

Gekko: All of it, sir!

Instructor: Just take the damn shot, agent! Hold your fire and “tee da shaaa”!

Gekko: I should take the shot?

Instructor: “Tee da shaaa”! Hold your fire! “Tee da shaaa”!

Gekko: I’m taking the shot!

Instructor: “TEE DA SHAAA!”

[BANG!]

Phoenix: OW! Who the hell shot me?!

Instructor: Oops.

Gekko: *Now angry* Oops? You told me to take the shot!

Instructor: No I didn’t. I told you to “tae da sha” and it’s been a slang for “stand down.”

[A/N]: But you also said “stand down.”

Instructor: Yeah, I’m inconsistent.

Gekko: WHAT?! What the hell is “hold your fire”?

Instructor: I don’t know. It’s some voodoo chant I learned in Hondura.

Gekko: WHAT?!

Instructor: Now gets “gwo o’ here”! *Rolls out of scene*

Gekko: *Looks at [A/N]* What?

[A/N]: I’m reporting this to Brimstone for having an incompetent idiot as our sniper instructor.

[Reblogs helps creators and creates for more content]

[Tagged]: @hhurric4ne @radianights @l0serloki @mrssabinecallas @theladyheroine

Yoru loved riding his bike with you behind.

Feeling the wind on his skin, the warmth of your body against his back, your grip tightening around his waist during every bends and accelerations, everything felt perfect.

"Are you good back there ?" he asked at a red light, his hand reaching back to caress your knee.

"Yep !" you said with energy, playfully knocking your helmeted heads with his.

You only giggled at his grunt. The light turned green and he started the engine again. He enjoyed the illuminations of the city as much as your sighs filled with wonder. Yoru loved loneliness, but he wasn't against being alone with you. The lone wolf wasn't so lonely anymore, and he was fine with it. Sharing these moment with you melted his cold heart.

A gentle smile painted his lips as he accelerated, feeling your torso almost merging into his back.

You loved Sova's body. His broad shoulders that could carry any weight, his strong arms that weren't hiding any strength, his back muscles that rippled smoothly under his skin.

"Are you done taking pictures ?" he sighed as he shot you a long side-glance.

You smiled broadly behind your camera, still immortalising this moment. You did not miss the shy blush dusting his pale cheeks. He made such a beautiful model in your lovestruck eyes.

"Ignore my presence, my dear hunter."

Clic. Easier said than done. Your gaze was heavy, intensified by the lens of the camera. Sova sighed and resumed his archery session. He sometimes thought you were worse than Cypher. He tried to focus once more on the target but he felt your eyes burning his skin.

"You know that you're cute when you're blushing ?" you chuckled softly.

Clic. He cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment. He focused his aim, shot and missed his target.

Clic. You hummed mischievously, put down your camera and walked calmly towards him. You back-hugged him, your sweet laughter muffled in the fabric of his clothes.

"Aw, Sasha !" you cooed playfully at him. "Is my presence a problem ?"

Sova scoffed but caressed the back of your hand with a softness that was only shown to you.

"You're lucky I love you, моя сова."

"Could you give me a hug ?"

You raised your eyes from Dizzy nuzzled in your arms to look at Gekko. He was playing with Mosh who was bouncing in his hands. You looked around his room, met Wingman's eyes who shook his head, then looked back at the initiator sitting next to you.

"Huh ?"

His eyes never left yours and you noticed Mosh's focused on you.

"A hug," he repeated. "Could I have one, pretty pretty please ?"

You raised an eyebrow and kept caressing Dizzy who was slowly purring in your arms.

"We hug everytime and everyday, Mateo."

"No," he shook his head. "I always hug you and you accept it like a pet animal at the veterinary centre accept its fate."

You looked down for a second, thinking thoroughly about his words. He was right. You never initiated hugs, kisses or intimacy. You were okay with having physical contact with him and he was one of the rare people to have that right. But initiating never came to your mind.

"True," you murmured.

You looked back at him and he smiled gently at you.

"Do you wanna try ?"

His tone was warm and supportive, just like him. You nodded and settled Dizzy against the pillow of his bed. He put Mosh down, stood up and opened invitingly his arms. You looked at him and paused.

How were you supposed to initiate ? You knew you were supposed to just wrap your arms around him but where exactly ? Around his waist ? His neck ? His torso ? Were you supposed squeeze him ? If so, gently or tightly ? Were you supposed to pat his back—

"Hey," he interrupted your thoughts. "There is no good way to do it. It's just something that you do with your heart. And I know you have a big one."

You blinked and heard Wingman calling you. You looked behind and saw him hugging Thrash, as if setting an example. A small giggle escaped your lips and you stood up, looking back at Gekko. You took one nervous step towards him, as if testing the water and he just nodded, encouraging you.

You wrapped your arms around him. You didn't know in which way, and you did not care. You just pressed yourself against him. Your face hidden in his chest, your fingers clenched on his t-shirt before raising until caressing his nape.

"Am I doing good ?" you asked, your voice muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt.

"You're doing great," he murmured.

You felt him shivering against you. Your other hand gently squeezed his hip, the fabric of his t-shirt bending under your hand, the pads of your fingers grazing a bit of his skin. His chest raised shakily against your face and his breath hitched.

You looked up and saw him staring down at you. His face was red.

"Is everything alright ?" you asked.

"I'm doing perfect, cariño," he breathed out. "I should ask for a hug more often."

You took a step back but Gekko grabbed your waist.

"Your turn," he grinned. "Ready for one helluva hug ?"

Viper was a meticulous woman. After all, working with poisons demands the highest care and concentration. Especially the ones she put in her gear. She had specific protocols that she followed faithfully in her lab. A lab to which the quietness was easily shattered by your presence.

"…and if your gaz smelled good, you would lure ennemies like a witch lure children in her house with cakes and sweets and WHAM ! Dead. You could even add sparkles ! Sparkles are cool."

She put down the vial she was manipulating with a sigh.

"What are you doing here ?"

Your presence was not really a surprise. You often came here. But the reasons why oftenly diverged.

"I brought you coffee !" you beamed. "Extra black like you love !"

She was almost amazed by how you could memorized how she liked her drinks but incapable of remembering the rules in her lab. She wasn't complaining at the moment, though. Your coffee was the best she ever had the chance to drink.

"Thanks," she said simply after she took a sip. The coffee was still very warm, almost burning like she liked it.

"Anytime !" you chuckled.

Viper raised an eyebrow when she saw you pull a small tupperware out of a bag.

"Actually, I made you some dark chocolate flavored cupcakes you might like," you pushed the tupperware in her direction.

"What a waste of time and ingredients."

"I don't think so," you giggled. "I'm not like Chamber, I don't try to make you smile. The very faint spark in those beautiful emerald eyes of yours when I prepare you things is enough for me."

You looked at her and she noticed just now how your gaze could be heavy. She was nearly intimidated. You memorized all her likes and dislikes just to observe something barely existing ? Was she an experiment ? The smile you shot her with was gentle, charming even. Were you like the witch you mentioned earlier ? How amusing.

"Come on, Viper," you chuckled. "Take a bite."

Sova loved the archery. The sensation of the bow bending to his strength, the sound of the arrow piercing the air, the satisfaction of seeing his target hit. You preferred knife throwing. The comforting weight of your blade in your hand, your muscles flexing around you weapon, the release after you threw it.

And you two loved each other and wanted to understand your partner better.

"Sova darling, your bow definitely hates me," you groaned.

Manipulating a bow demanded more strength that you initially thought. The bowstring was capricious between your gloved fingers and the arrow refused to stay in place. Sova definitely made it look easy.

"Knives definitely suits you better than it does to me, моя сова." he chuckled.

His hands were clumsily manipulating and dropping your knives. You giggled and grabbed his hands gently.

"Here, let me show you." you giggled. "Then you'll teach me archery, okay ?"

He nodded smiled and melt into your touch, admiring your skills and how the weapon seemed to obey each movements of your fingers.

It seemed like you two found a new way to spend some quality time.

"You look so pissed," you snorted. "Not so fast anymore, huh ?"

And Neon did indeed look annoyed. The embarassed scowl on her face as she had difficulty staying put on her legs made you chuckle softly. She was clinging to you, her fingers clenching your top in a desperate attempt to keep her balance.

"Stop laughing," she hissed.

The scowl on her face deepened when your laugh boomed across the ice rinks, your chest shaking against hers. You started to drag her across the ice, your grip tightened around her waist as she squealed in panic.

"Don't let me fall !"

"Never," you reassured her.

She admired how at ease you seemed on the ice. She discovered an aspect of your personality that she loved so much. You were more confident on the ice, graceful, calmer. She felt so clumsy in comparison. You were the soft breeze caressing the ice and she was the inelegant flicker you were waltzing with, taking her away in your gentle squall.

"You didn't tell me you liked ice skating," she said.

You looked at her and tilted your head slightly, watching her uncoordinated body movements with a loving amusement.

"Well, since you introduced me to your passion for race and jog, I thought it was only fair to initiate you to the ice," you led her during a bend, grinning when she clung more to your chest. "I admit that it is also a revenge for all those time you mocked me during our jog."

Neon clicked her tongue in annoyance and tensed once more when you spinned with her in your arms.

"Don't pout," you smiled and pressed a soft peck on her cheek. "At least you have an excuse to cling onto me."

Reyna knew she could be intense. She knew she could be scary. She was aware of her talent for making people uncomfortable. But for the first time of her life, she almost felt intimidated. Almost.

You were only supposed to collect intel in a Kingdom facility. The infiltration phase started well, taking the intel was easy, but of course, a random scientist had to pass by and activate the alarm.

Taking the upcoming soldiers down was easy. Torturing the one who shot Reyna was satisfying. It was terrifying how creative you could be with a gun. She knew you could be intense sometimes, but she did not know you could be that violent. Violent to the point that she had to ask you to...

"Please calm down."

She couldn't believe that these words came out of her mouth. And apparently neither did you. You stopped your actions, then looked at her, your pupils dilated and your breathing harsh. She noticed how the veins in your neck stood out.

"He hurt my queen," you said with an offended tone.

Reyna found you adorable and would affectionaly pinch your cheeks if you had more time. She just grabbed your hand and drag you through the corridors of the facility. She then looked back at you when she felt your hand lightly squeezing hers.

"You're bleeding," you said.

"Just a scratch."

You shook your head and tore the sleeve of your top to make a makeshift bandage for her injury. She raised an eyebrow but let you do, knowing how you would stubbornly insist that she needed it. Once you were done, she grabbed your hand again and led you outside where the VLR/T was waiting for you.

"Let's go home, mi caballero," Reyna murmured.

Mi caballero = My knight