Way To Just BREAK Blitz - Tumblr Posts
❝ I regret so much of what I have put you through, Blitz. But I will never regret loving you. ❞
Blitz couldn't think. He could hardly breathe. He had been standing there with Stolas, oblivious to the garden around them, but now it was all he heard. The gurgling of a fountain, the whispering-and-sliding sounds of a carnivorous plant creeping towards them to investigate. Normally, he might be worried about the plant, but with Stolas here, he knew he was safe. With Stolas here, he...
Was he supposed to be able to breathe? To think?
His vision actually started to gray around the edges. Blitz bent over, resting his hands on his thighs, and closed his eyes. Breathing deeply and quickly, the spines between his shoulders shivered. He swallowed hard, trying to hold back a wave of nausea. This--this wasn't what he had expected. Not at all, and it wasn't--he wasn't--he couldn't--
He was having a fucking panic attack, he realized. A panic attack because someone was being kind, because Stolas loved him, because he didn't regret it.
Get a fucking hold on yourself, Blitz thought harshly, without a shred of compassion for the broken mess of an imp who was on the verge of passing out. He held a breath, let it out slowly, and pushed himself upright again, meeting Stolas's eyes.
He couldn't explain why that hurt so bad. Why it hit so hard. But he wanted to, he realized. For once in his fucking life, Blitz wanted to be honest. To be honest all the way. To tell someone everything. To be vulnerable. To open every door and knock down every wall so that Stolas could decide what he wanted to look through and what he didn't want to lower himself by dealing with.
"I don't regret it, Stols. None of it. I been through way worse shit in my life. Yeah, it hurt sometimes. You and me. But..." His hand was actually cold, for once. Blitz usually ran a body temperature around 110 Fahrenheit, which climbed up to around 120 when he was fighting (or fucking), but for once, he was cold to the touch. All the same, he took Stolas's hand, holding it like exactly what it was: the most precious shit in the world.
"But I don't. Regret any of it. Especially not loving you, too. Stolas, you deserve... so much. So much better than me. But you got me. If you want me. You got me. For better or worse. Til I crumble to ashes and you start to forget my face. You got me."