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09. careful decision, heartful declaration | reliability • kth
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pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 4.197 genre: drama, angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing, tears, lots of angst au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3
summary: time seems to drag on until taehyung is finally able to pour his heart out for Y/N. everything led up to this very moment. he's ready!
A/N: the amount of work i put into this chapter speaks for itself. i'm very proud of the final result, especially taehyung's declaration. please enjoy and get tissues :')
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SUNDAY, 10:01 a.m.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When I woke up the next morning and checked the time I realized three things: 2 missed calls from my mom, 1 text from Yoon Gi, and 1 very vivid dream still in a replay. My night was agitated, to say the least. I woke up several times, switched positions more than I could count, and my brain refused to cooperate or shut off. Where should I even start?
After breakfast, I decided to call my mom first.
“Finally” she answered the phone.
“It’s 10 a.m., mom” I yawn.
“Listen, Hyun Jae hurt her foot while we were visiting the wedding venue so the ceremony will have to be postponed”
I immediately stop stretching and focus on the gravity of what I just heard, “Oh, wow. Is she okay?”
“Yes, it’s just a bad sprained ankle. We’re at the hospital right now” my mom replied, kind of whispering, “She’ll have to wear that boot thing for a few weeks”
“I see” I glance over to the kitchen clock, “Since you’re in the hospital with her, I assume Ye Jun is too and our visit to the tailors is canceled”
“Yeah” my mom sighed. “Oh, I ran into Y/N” she added more cheerfully, which immediately made me imagine the worst scenario possible.
“At the hospital?” I asked a bit desperate, getting up from the dinner table.
“No, calm down. At the coffee shop near the venue. I stopped by before the meeting and she was leaving”
Phew.
“Was she alone?”
My mom could sense something was up so she asked suspiciously, “Yeah, why?”
“Nothing” I answered with a smile, happy that the english dude wasn’t around,
“Did you talk to her?”
“Just a quick hello” she was still very skeptical of my line of questioning.
“How was she? Did she look sad or something?” I started pacing around the kitchen.
“No, she was smiling, very polite as always” my mom replied obviously fed up, “What’s going on Tae Hyung? What happened between you two?”
“Nothing” I assured her.
“Did you apologize like I told you to?”
“Yes, I did” I paused, “Profusely”
“Then why are you worried? Aren’t you on good terms now?”
Last night’s discussion came flooding back and I had no option to tell her a semi-truth.
“Yeah, we are”
Semi because we reached an agreement but it wasn’t the best or most ideal one. Technically we are on good terms. Realistically? Well, we pretty much ended our relationship. How do you label that? How do you explain this to a third party? Especially to my mom.
“Great!” she cut me off, ending the conversion, “Listen, the doctor is back to discharge Hyun Jae. I gotta go”
“No problem” I turn on my heels, heading to the bathroom, “Wedding postponed, tailor’s appointment canceled. Got it”
What I need now is a long shower to properly wake up, make me forget the realistic dream, and relax. Lying to my mom is exhausting and I don't like doing it, but I'm not ready to tell her the whole story.
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SUNDAY, 12:30 p.m.
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“The answer is no” Yoon Gi tells me when I called him back after his ‘wanna hang out?’ text.
“Come on, please?” I beg.
“For the hundredth time, I don’t play tennis and neither do you”
“How dare you?” I gasp overdramatically, “ I’m an excellent player”
“Excellent faker” he points out.
Maybe I’m not the best player around, but I sure looked cool trying it. Yoon Gi doesn’t get it.
“Can we please just go out and do something productive? I can’t stay around the house. It will give me too much time to think about Y/N”
“We can go to a shooting range” he suggests like it was something completely normal, the only obvious choice.
“To a what?”
“Shooting range” he repeats, “Guns. Bullets. Loud noises. Stress reliever”
“I know what it is” I scoff.
“I don’t hear a no in that sentence, therefore I’m texting you the address right now and will meet you down there in half an hour”
“Yoon Gi!” I protest.
“Hanging up, can’t hear you, goodbye"
And just like that, the call ended. I found myself staring at the screen completely unsure of what just happened and questioning if I consciously agreed to shoot a gun. A real one. Then the text popped up.
min yoongi | 12:35pm: 21 Bongeunsa-ro 2-gil, Yeoksam-dong, Gangnam-gu
He is serious, okay.
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SUNDAY, 01:09 p.m.
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The shooting range didn't look as scary as one normally would in movies. From the street, the entrance looked like an ordinary restaurant, to be honest. In my mind, shooting ranges were a dark, tiny and underground space with dim lights and strong manly men judging me from afar. The reality was quite the opposite. Very spacious and colorful with extremely organized rooms and various types of weapons, not to mention the staff, which included men and women of different ages. It had a gym vibe, come to think of it.
After entering, meeting Yoon Gi at the counter, and going over all the bureaucratic stuff that involves shooting a gun, we were taken to a small room with 6 individual cabins.
“You can definitely pretend the target is the english dude” Yoon Gi said after we chose the last two cabins in the back, “I won’t judge you”
“Jesus man, you’re a savage” I replied putting on my safety glasses.
He side-eyed me, “I’m not actually into violence, you know that. It’s just playing pretend. Let loose”
I knew that, but sometimes Yoon Gi's ability to analyze a situation impassively rather than emotionally, scared me a little bit. Sure, I could imagine Eric as my target, but I didn't really want to hurt him, so what was the point?
“Who are you imagining for your target?” I asked genuinely curious.
“Myself” he cocked and fired so quickly and confidently my jaw dropped.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Yoon Gi smirked with eyes still on the target, which he hit perfectly, “Long story”
After that, I pressed the intercom button on the side of my cabin to request staff assistance. I think Yoon Gi invited me here because he needed to, and I could see he had a lot on his mind to stop and teach me how to shoot this thing.
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MONDAY, 08:41 a.m.
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Monday morning finally rolled around, and as I was in the car heading to Vante, a million things came to mind. My playlist was on shuffle and the universe, being the prankster that it is, started playing a terrible sequence of sappy songs that remind me of Y/N. I've never been the guy to get attached and this is all very new. Kind of strange (and wonderful) how I discovered this new side of me thanks to her.
“Good morning, Mr. Kim” Eun Ae got up and bowed as I stepped out of the elevator.
“Morning, Ms. Gwa” I bowed back, “What’s my schedule for today?”
“At 9 you have a conference call with Mr. Song Kang Dae, at 10:30 a meeting with our lawyers and a 1 o’clock lunch reservation at La Yeon with your dad” she followed me into the office.
“Busy day ahead, I see” Y/N smiled and bowed to us.
The second my brain registered it was Y/N's voice, my heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting her so early.
“Hi, Y/N”
“Excuse me” Eun Ae said quietly, shutting the door on her way out.
“Eun Ae didn’t see me get in, don’t get mad at her” Y/N explained.
“Mad? No, it’s fine” I sat at my desk, “Your papers should be somewhere right here…”
“Okay” she replied.
A few seconds of very uncomfortable silence passed before Y/N herself broke it.
“So I…”
“Found it!” I shouted, grabbing the file and going around my desk to give it to Y/N.
“Oh, great” she smiled without showing her teeth, which I thought was a bit weird like she was suddenly annoyed for some reason, “Where do I sign?”
“Here, here, and...right here” I pointed to the colored arrow-shaped post-its.
I was trying to be as professional as I could before jumping into the most important part. Finding the perfect segway for a confession is harder than it seems and I was no longer paying attention to what Y/N was doing, all I could do was rehearse in my head what I was going to say next.
“Uh” I began after she and I were finished with the paperwork, “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something else before you leave”
“Sure! I need to tell you something too” she fixed her posture and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Y/N seemed nervous, maybe she should start.
“Yeah? Please go ahead”
“No, you go first!”
“It’s okay, you can start” I insisted.
“First things first, you don’t have to worry about my shares, I’m in the process of selling them back to you. Lee Sung is helping me with that, actually” she dried her palms on the navy blue skirt, “You also don’t have to worry about me working for another company because the NDA I signed is still valid and…”
She paused again as if she was afraid to say whatever it was she wanted to say. Ironically it made me feel better about what I wanted to share. She was just as nervous as I was and that was probably a good sign.
“And?”
“I won’t be working in Korea”
“W-what?” I muttered, eyes wide.
That’s not a good sign at all. In my brain, all kinds of sirens went off.
“I’m moving to London”
And then the sirens stopped, making room for an excruciating silence. I felt like I was deaf because her lips were moving but I couldn't understand a word. My mouth was completely dry. Face was hot, very hot. Hot enough to make my eyes start to sting and the tears come out to relieve them.
“This isn’t how I planned to tell you. I’m sorry” was the first thing I heard when my world started spinning again, “Please know that I’ll always be thankful for you taking a chance on me, teaching so much about the business, and of course, trusting me to help expand Vante beside you” she continued.
“Oh… I…” I stuttered, failing to give Y/N a proper answer.
“It’s a lot to take in, I know” she stared down at her lap.
My facial expression is either hilarious or very scary right now, thank God she's not looking directly at me. I'm trying my absolute hardest to fight back the tears by staying completely still.
“I feel like it’s the right moment to explore other opportunities. I’ve done pretty much the same thing over the last decade and it’s time to try something new” Y/N explained while playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her white shirt.
“Uh...That’s all I had to say” she suddenly looked up and smiled at me, “Now you go”
Everything I had rehearsed and planned is gone. I have no idea how I was going to start, what I was going to say. I better get straight to the point and just say it. Quick and easy.
“I…”
She watched me intently, eyes searching for something in mine. I eagerly tried to do the same and convey everything I was feeling and that my throat wasn’t allowing with that stupid lump. It was so tight that I thought I was going to die of asphyxiation.
“You...ah” I finally managed to speak and clear my throat, “You ran into my mom yesterday”
“Yeah, I did!” Y/N nodded surprised, “She was so sweet. I hadn’t seen her in a while”
I smiled.
“That’s it? That’s what you wanted to tell me?” she chuckled.
“I know! Silly, right?” I made a silly face and got up, “Anyway, I don’t wanna keep you”
Y/N got up too and as she was talking towards the door she stopped and turned to me, “Isn’t this awkward?”
“A little bit, yeah” I agreed, hands in my pockets, “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Please don’t make this harder” her expression got serious, a bit darker even.
“I’m not. I’m concerned about you”
“I’m not having this conversation with you, it’s not gonna end well” she started walking again.
“I don’t mean to start a fight, Y/N” I grabbed her wrist, “It’s just…" I let her go once she turned to me, “I can’t watch you walk away like this. It hurts too much, especially because it’s all my fault”
“You already apologized, I accepted and we need to move on” she looked away.
“But…”
She immediately turned and looked me dead in the eyes, “I thought a lot about this, I promise you”
“You quitted in the middle of an argument”
“I did, but as soon as I calmed down a couple days later I thought about coming back”
“What?” I crossed my arms, “Why didn’t you?”
“That’s when the ‘thinking’ began. I spent a month figuring it all out. Once I reached my decision I immediately went to your house”
“But you didn’t say anything that night” I narrowed my eyes.
“I was planning on it but the topic of conversation changed really quickly” she grabbed her phone and looked at the time, “and I feel like it’s going to happen again right now if we keep diving into it”
I was already feeling restless and then the irritation crept in because I needed to know what was going on in her head. I'm tired of this fucking game.
“I get it and I respect your decision, however, I don’t understand it. At all”
“I’m sorry” she took a step backward.
“Don’t apologize for your feelings,” I took a step forward “just explain to me what’s going on and I’ll try my best to be supportive.” I paused for a second, studied her expression from up close, and grew impatient as she stood there with a blank stare, “If you don’t wanna work here because of me, that’s fine” I walked past her, going over to my desk, “The part that hurts me the most though is that we’re behaving like strangers right now and it’s weird”
“We both said things we can’t take back” she justified while I still had my back to her.
“I don’t care” I turned around, “What I do care is if you still respect me”
“What? Of course, I do” she sounded offended.
Now Tae Hyung, say it! Go for it!
“Great, because–”
“Please, you’re making this really hard for me” she interrupted.
Fuck!
“Why?” I sat down and propped my elbows on the table, zero patience left, ready to hear how I’m the one making this hard for her and not the other way around, “Why?”
“Because this is the toughest decision I had to make” she shouted, walking back to the couch and throwing her purse, “You think I wanted to walk away from this? From you? I had to. The argument we had a month ago was just the last drop of water in a glass that was already threatening to overflow”
She paced back and forth a couple of times, took a deep breath, and continued.
“I thought long and hard, the good, the bad, and everything in between. What you don’t seem to realize is that I didn’t recognize myself anymore” her voice was just a whisper. “I had no life, no plans, no nothing. I was on auto-pilot and I couldn’t take it anymore, it was too much. I had to take control of my life once and for all”
Y/N picks up her purse and approaches my desk.
“That’s why I’m starting over. I’m tired of holding on Tae Hyung, I need to let go. Please let me go”
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MONDAY, 10:22 p.m.
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“And that’s the last thing I remember. Her storming out of my office” I said before taking another shot of soju, “I don’t remember my meetings, what I ate with my dad, nothing. What time is it by the way?”
“Around 10, I guess. When did you start drinking?”
“Not that long ago, I think 7?” I squint, trying to look at my watch but it’s out of focus.
“She really fucked you up, huh?”
“Yoon Gi, I didn’t call you here for you to remind me of her” I pointed a finger at my friend, “I don’t wanna talk about Y/N”
“You brought her up” he sipped his drink sounding incredibly amused.
“You know what the worst part is? She didn’t let me talk” I pouted.
“No, I know you. If there’s one thing you do and do it well is talk. I think you had plenty of chances to say what you wanted to say. You didn’t because you were scared”
“I was about to. Twice!”
“If you only channeled the energy that goes to arguing with her towards confessing, oh man, your life would be so much easier”
“Oh, I’m sorry, when was the last time you confessed any type of feelings for another human being?” I took another shot and slammed the tiny glass on the counter of the bar, “What a goddamn expert you are, huh?”
“Tae, let me take you home. You need some sleep”
“No, no sleep!” I waved my hands in front of him, “What I need is to talk to Y/N”
“Absolutely not” he put his drink down and stared at me.
“Yoon Gi, please” I put my hand on his shoulder, “I’m doing this with or without you but I much rather if you were there”
“You...you just said you didn’t want to talk about her! Now you want to go see her?” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “What the fuck? I hate drunk Tae Hyung” he complained.
I shrugged, “I’m not drunk, I just changed my mind"
“I’m clearly in charge of a child. I can’t believe this” Yoon Gi got up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair.
I did the same, knowing I was in good hands for the rest of the night, “Let’s go!”
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MONDAY, 11:05 p.m.
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“I’ll stay in the car, okay? Dong Hyun will park a little bit down the street so we can give you some privacy” Yoon Gi explained, “If you need anything, call. But try not to, okay? Handle your shit for once”
“Okay” I laughed and hugged him.
“Get off me” he pushed me out of the car.
Standing on the sidewalk in front of Y/N’s house, I waited for Yoon Gi's car to drive away to approach the intercom and press the button. A few seconds later, she answered.
“Yes?”
“Hey, it’s me!” I appeared in front of the camera, “I need to talk to you”
“It’s 11 o’clock” she whispered and I could tell she was pissed.
“Yeah, but I really gotta talk to you, can you just come outside?”
Silence.
“Hello? Y/N” I tapped the camera.
More silence.
I went back to the sidewalk, saw the living room light on, and yelled out her name.
“What are you doing here?” she opened the gate and walked over to me wearing a big cozy coat on top of what I guessed was her pajamas.
“Please don’t go!” I blurted it out.
“Stop!” she was full-on angry and stretched her hand out to keep me at a distance.
I approached her, her hand almost touching my suit, “I’m serious”
“Are, are you drunk?” she bent down to look up at my eyes.
“Drunk has such a negative connotation. I think inebriated is a better word for it”
“It’s late Tae Hyung, go home” she turned around to go back inside.
“I’ll be here all night if I have to” I dared, opening my arms.
She held the gate looking at me, “I’ll call the police
“That’s excessive” I cocked my head, “Do it, I don’t care” and shrugged.
“You think this is funny? Are you enjoying this?” Y/N quickly hushed towards me, leaving the gate open.
“No and no” I replied with a shy smile, “I came here because I need to tell you something”
“We said everything we wanted to say this morning”
“No, you did!” I scowled, “Why are you being like this?”
She hugged her coat tighter, arms crossed, chin threatening to tremble, “Please leave”
“Don’t go to London”
“What?” she blinked.
“You heard me. Don’t go. I need you here, I want you here. You belong with me”
Y/N expression was the purest form of shock, “Excuse me?”
“For the last ten years, I’ve been deeply and blindly in love with you. So much so it’s basically second nature to me. I didn’t have to question my feelings because they’ve always been there. You felt like home. You are home. I’ve been trying to tell you this since you came to my house. I’m so sorry it took this long for me to realize how special you are, how wonderful my life is with you in it, and how incredibly lucky I am to even know you”
Y/N’s mouth was slightly open, her expression more relaxed. No raised eyebrows or any indication that those words were bothering her in any way, so I kept going.
“You drive me crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way! You taught me so much. You are fierce, smart, and funny. I love everything about you!” I chuckled, “From the way you tie your hair to how you handle our meetings. I’m in awe of how strong you are and how much work you put into everything you do” I paused, staring deep into her eyes, “I’m also very thankful to you for being by my side through many ups and downs. I never meant to take your generosity and support for granted, but I have, and it kills me to look back and realize I didn’t appreciate you while you were around. That I didn’t support you when you needed the most”
I could already see her eyes watering as the wind grew stronger around us. I knew it was cold but I couldn't feel a damn thing. The electricity between us was enough to keep me warm.
“And oh my God, I can’t imagine life without you and the thought of it actually scares the shit out of me so please, even though I’m remarkably late, please don’t marry him. Don’t go to London. Choose me. I’ll make up for it, I promise! I’ll spend the rest of my life making amends to you. I’ve never been this honest before, and not only do I need you to believe every single word I just said but also pay close attention to the following three: I love you, Y/N"
Y/N's tears streamed down her face as if they were a river previously prevented from its natural course. She didn't say anything. She simply lifted the back of her hand to her nose and looked away in embarrassment, squeezing her eyes shut, wishing very badly to stop the river from flowing any longer.
“You’re my choice. My only choice” I confessed once she opened her eyes again and faced me.
“Is everything okay, Y/N?” a male voice interjected, making the both of us snap out of our own little world.
What the fuck is he doing here? This cannot be happening. No, no, no!
Y/N got startled when she heard Eric's voice and quickly wiped away her tears without turning around. I, on the other hand, remained in complete shock and didn’t move a muscle.
“Yes!” she sniffed and fixed her hair, trying to regain a little composure, “Mr. Kim was just telling me something important”
Eric walked out and stopped by Y/N side, “Oh! Then would you like to come inside for a cup of tea, Mr. Kim?”
My eyes were certainly already red from before and started to burn even more now watching this scene. I’m confident that the tear stains were still visible on my face and, even though the street light was not the best, Eric had to be blind not to see it.
This is my karma. Having another man put his arm around the woman I love and comfort her when I should be the one doing it instead of being the asshole who put her in that position in the first place.
It's time for me to accept defeat. At least I tried.
“No no, it’s fine. I said everything I needed to say. You guys have a good night, alright?” I bowed.
“Thank you, drive safe!” Eric said, bowing back.
“I almost forgot” I looked back at both of them and tried to smile,
“Congratulations on your engagement!” and then focused my attention on Y/N, not caring at all if Eric would notice it, “Be happy”
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A/N²: in this chapter i wanted to express the feeling that we all have when something big and exciting is about to happen and you can't seem to concentrate properly until it does. to me, it feels like there are only fragments of conversations, actions or thoughts being registered into the brain, you know?
you don't pay much attention to the world around you so it's like flashes & there isn't much coherence to them because in the back of your mind the focus is 'the thing' it's about to happen. in tae's case, it's confessing his love for y/n.
hopefully my attempt to demonstrate that came off as natural instead of confusing. thanks for reading <3
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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021