Winter Solider X Reader - Tumblr Posts

Best Lazy Day Ever.

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Requested - Yes - anon - Could I please get 16 with Bucky please? Fluff, minor minor angst and happy cheesy ending!! Thank you, love your work!

Prompts - “You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

The weather outside the tower was freezing but JARVIS, perfect as always, had the heating on just right. It had been a long few days for many in the tower, Bucky had slipped into flashbacks and nightmares which had left him tired, scared and on edge, fearing the Winter Soldier could make an appearance at any time.

The two of you were now curled up together in bed, Bucky’s head resting on your chest and you lazily ran your fingers through his hair. Though you were both exhausted, you’d only gotten a few hours sleep and decided silently that today was a lazy day. No getting up for anything other than toilet and snack breaks, a day spent cuddled together watching films on Bucky’s to watch list and enjoying each others company.

“‘M really sorry, doll.” Bucky murmured, you’d lost count of how many times he had apologised to you since coming back to himself. You’d known from the beginning, hell you’d known since before getting together, that there was going to be a lot of trauma attached to the man but you’d been determined to help him out as much as you could.

“I’ve told you over and over, you’ve nothing to apologise for. I’m here for you, Buck, nothings gonna change that.” You told him softly, placing a kiss of his forehead causing him to smile up at you.

“I love you so much, Y/N/N.” He whispered, shifting so he could press your lips together in a slow, lazy kiss.

“I love you too.” You breathed out, smiling against his lips.

“You get the snacks and I’ll set up the tv?” You asked. Bucky nodded, leaning up to give you one last kiss before he made his way out of the room and focused on his task. You quickly had JARVIS play the next film on the list. There were many on the list you yourself hadn’t had a chance to watch yet, whether it be because you were busy with school or finding out you had powers and were being recruited to join the Avengers, there just hadn’t been time so getting to enjoy them with Bucky was something you’d always treasure.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were back on the bed, cuddled together with the movie half way through. Things had been pretty silent with the exception of the occasional comment from both of you.

“You met me at a very strange time in my life.” Bucky said out of the blue. It took you a moment to completely register what he had said but when you did you looked away from the movie and up at the man next to you.

“What?” You asked, confusion written on your face.

“It’s just, when we met I still wasn’t sure who I really was, huh I don’t even know if I can say I know who I am know but I feel better than I did then. What I guess I’m saying is I’m glad I met you even if I didn’t know it then. You helped when you didn’t have to, stuck up for me when I didn’t know I needed it. I know I got Steve and I love him but he stayed because of the Bucky he knew then, you stayed for the broken man you met. Gosh doll, I’m no good with words but I just want you to know how glad I am for you.” He told you, not one bit of doubt in his words. Yours eyes were wide at his speech but before you could answer him, he continued. “I tried to plan this out ya know, make it romantic like Steve said but then Sam said I’d know the right moment and I think this is it. So Y/N, will you marry me?” He asked, pulling a ring out of his pants pocket.

You froze before your eyes moved from his to the ring. This was the last thing you had expected Bucky to ask you, not because you hadn’t hoped but because you didn’t know if it was something he had wanted. Your eyes filled with tears as you nodded your head madly.

“Yes, of course Bucky, Yes!” You exclaimed causing him too laugh and pull you into a kiss.

Safe to say it was one of the best lazy days you’d ever had.

Golden Cage is Still a Cage

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Requested - Yes - Anon - Royalty AU with Princess Reader where she is being forced to marry someone (another avenger) but she ends up with Bucky who isn’t royalty. Thanks!

Prompts - Royalty AU

You sat in the gardens; a book long forgotten lay on your lap as you looked up at the clouds passing by slowly. You dreamed about being free, free from everything but alas your future was already written out for you to follow perfectly, whether you wanted to or not. Though there were so many people who spent their days running around for you, desperate to please you, nobody actually cared what you wanted. You wanted freedom and equality but instead you got imprisonment and men who thought they knew best. You wanted to marry for love, not for business. Your father thought you foolish, laughing as you argued against him, his word was law and if he wanted you to marry Prince Rogers then you were expected to do so with a smile on your face.

You sighed, shaking your head. It wouldn’t do well do dwell on these thoughts, especially when you had no means of changing anything. Your father was a very old-fashioned man and believed you were not fit enough to run the Kingdom, didn’t think any women was worthy actually, he refused to do business with Kingdom’s like Anthis because they were ran by a Queen alone. He believed if a woman had to sit on the throne it should be next to her superior, the King.

You thought he was foolish and rather admired the Queen of Anthis. Running the Kingdom wasn’t all that appealing to you but that was your duty and you would do it but you refused to marry Prince Rogers. Though thinking back to the wedding dress that waited for you in your chambers, it was going to be a difficult task to avoid.

As much as you despised the thought of marrying Prince Rogers to help along a treaty and unite both of your Kingdoms, a part of you felt resigned, you didn’t want to disappoint your people but you had to stand by your beliefs and this went completely against them.

“Ah Princess Y/N!” A member of the help, officially known as a lady-in-waiting, called out in relief. Her job, along with many other helpers, was to ensure you were where you needed to be throughout the day. You’d mastered the art of sneaking away undetected at a young age, a fair accomplishment for somebody who is meant to be supervised every minute of every day.

“Cassandra.” You greeted as you stood, closing the book without marking a page knowing you never read a word from it.

Cassandra curtseyed to you and began directing you back to your room, talking about dress fittings and meetings as she did so. Cassandra had been a constant in your life, for a long as you could remember she was there, making sure you were where you were needed but also trying her best to give you a childhood. You had tried to tell her over the years that she needn’t be so formal with you but the words fell on deaf ears.

“Come now, my dear. Let’s get you fitted, that prince of yours is gonna be here soon.” You barely held back a groan, it wasn’t ladylike to groan, especially not in the presence of others, that was something you’d be told off for a lot growing up.

“Can’t wait.” You told her, forcing a smile onto your face. You made you way to the divider, not sure why as most of the help in the room followed you behind it, helping you strip and change into your wedding dress.

That’s another thing you hated about this life, you couldn’t even pick your own dress, albeit the dress that was chosen was beautiful, it wasn’t what you’d imagined wearing on your special though. But then again, you’d also imagined you’d know the man you were marrying so you should have expected it.

“Oh Y/N, my dear.” Cassandra gasped as you stepped out into the middle of the room. “You look like a…” Here she trailed off, looking sheepish as she did.

“Like a princess.” You laughed softly, looking in the mirror. She wasn’t wrong, you looked like the epitome of a princess, white gown puffing out Cinderella style. The gown was elegant, as was the necklace that lay around your neck, one of the last few things you owned of your mothers. You touched the necklace gently before turning away from the mirror.

“Not much to adjust.” One of the dressmakers told the room, “won’t take more than half an hour to fix then you can meet your Prince.” She smiled at you.

“Thank you.” You smiled, staring ahead as they got to work. True to her word she was done within the half hour and before you knew it you were back in a comfortable gown; the top part of the dress was fitting at the top but relaxed into a flowy skirt. The royal blue gown held simple golden accessories that complimented both you and the dress beautifully.

The walk was both too quick and too slow. Time moved strangely as you stood outside of the doors that would lead into the throne room. Inside that room was your father, King Y/L/N, your future husband, Prince Rogers and his father King Rogers. The Kingdoms had been at war with each other for as long as anyone could remember and by marrying the Prince you would secure peace for the Kingdoms.

You felt selfish for wanting your own freedom when others had it so much worse but at the end of the day a golden cage is still a cage.

With a deep breath you nodded to the guards and they opened the doors for you.

-

-

-

“Father, I have to protest.” Steve said upon hearing the news.

“Son, this is the only way to secure the protection of our Kingdom. I hate to ask it, I really do, but by marrying the Princess you will have brought peace to our Kingdom.” Steve let out a sigh, trying not to get angry in front of the prying eyes.

“We will discuss this later, Father.”

“There is nothing more to discuss, this time next week you will be married. It’s about time too.” With that King Rogers turned and walked away, leaving Steve in the throne room with the knights and help.

“Come on, pal.” That was Bucky, he had been friends with Bucky since they were children. Bucky was the son of a maid and received permission from the King so that he could keep Steve company as she worked.

Bucky dragged Steve out of the room and out of the castle, towards the stables. It wasn’t long before the two were riding off into the woods, riding for a long time before they stopped to give the horses a rest.

“It won’t be all bad, right? I mean she is a princess, that’s gotta count for somethin’?” Bucky asked as they sat down in a field.

“It’s not that.” Steve sighed. “I just, mom would never want me to marry for anything other than true love and she isn’t it.”

“I know pal.” Bucky sympathised as he rested his hand on his friends’ shoulder. “But what are we gonna do?”

“I wish I knew, Buck, I really do.”

After a short moment of silent Bucky spoke up.

“I’d offer to run away with you into the sunset but no offence I’ve grown pretty fond of life in a castle.” That got a laugh out of Steve and just like that the mood was lifted.

“Jerk.” Steve laughed as he shoved Bucky.

“Punk.” Bucky grinned before declaring a race back to the castle.

- - -

“Hey, relax. I know this situation is ridiculous but short of letting the war continue what else can you do?” Bucky asked as the carriage pulled up to the Y/L/N’s castle.

“Too late to ask you to run away with me?” Steve laughed nervously.

“Sorry pal, I gotta take the soft beds over forest floors any day.” Bucky grinned.

They were greeted by the King as they exited the carriages, King Rogers and his royal advisor travelling in a different carriage to Bucky and Steve.

“King Rogers.” King Y/L/N greeted the King with a firm handshake.

“King Y/L/N, it’s good to see you.”

“Likewise! And this must be your son. Welcome to my Kingdom, Prince Rogers, we’re delighted to have you here.” King Y/L/N greeted Steve the same way he did his father. The King ignored Bucky and the other members of the royal house that had travelled with them.

They made their way to the throne room in relative silence to wait for the Princess.

“My daughter could not be happier to be wed to your son, Rogers. They will make a fine couple.” Y/L/N declared, not noticing how Steve rolled his eyes at Bucky who chocked back a laugh.

“Likewise, Steve cannot wait.” Before either of the Kings could continue their conversation, the door opened and in walked a beautiful young lady.

Steve had to admit she was beautiful but that is where his observations of you ended. Bucky, however, could have wrote essays about you walking through that door. From the way the dress hugged your body perfectly, to the way the colours compliment your skin, to the way you walked, to the smile that looked just a little too fake but still gorgeous, to the way you nervously pushed your hair behind your ear as all eyes were on you. Oh yes, Bucky had never had much skill with a quill but for you he could write poem after poem.

Steve noticed Bucky’s eyes widen and the slightly love struck look on his face and couldn’t help but grin as he nudged his friend. Bucky tensed up before clearly his throat as you walked up to the King’s.

“Father.” You greeted with a curtsy before turning to the newcomers.

“King Rogers,” You smiled with another curtsy, “it is an honour to have you in our Kingdom.”

“Prince Rogers, pleasure to meet you.” Here you curtsied again.

“Princess Y/L/N, what a pleasure it is.” He smiled, taking you hand and bending to kiss it like the perfect Prince was expected.

You couldn’t help but let your gaze drift from Prince Rogers and onto his acquaintance who gave you a small smile.

“How do you do? I’m Princess Y/N and you are?” You asked, stopping yourself from grinning as the man stumbled on his words, a flush of pink making its way onto his face.

“Me? Oh, um, I’m Bucky. Ma’am, you’re majesty. Princess!” You couldn’t help but giggle.

“Do excuse him, milady. Now, what do you say we leave these two in each other's company?”

“I think that is a splendid idea. Won’t you join me?” With that the two Kings left the room, everyone else filing out leaving you, Steve and Bucky.

“So.” Steve began looking around the room awkwardly.

“So.” You repeated, seems you were both thrilled with the arrangement then.

“I’ll just head to the chambers then.” Bucky announced, breaking the awkward silence that had settled in the room.

“No!” Both you and Steve exclaimed before turning to each other and laughing.

“Please stay. I insist.” You told Bucky as you placed a hand on his arm, looking at sincerely.

“Oh well, if you insist.” He said with a laugh, face lighting up. He looked at Steve who nodded, looking thankful and a little bit thoughtful.

“Come. You must see the gardens, they’re beautiful.” You told them before leading them out into the gardens.

- - -

“The gardens mean a lot to you, huh?” Bucky asked, looking over at you questioningly. The two of you were walking side by side as Steve walked ahead.

“They belonged to my mother. She used to maintain them all the time. Since I was a little girl, she taught me how to care for them. It’s one of the few things in this castle that remind me she was actually here; you know? Not just some wonderful figment of imagination I made up to make being here bearable.” You told him, letting your hand trail over some sunflowers.

“They’re beautiful. You don’t like being a princess?” He asked.

“Not at all. I dream of running away, leaving this place behind. My father wouldn’t care, he doesn’t think I, or any woman, is fit for anything other than a man’s accessory, yet alone running a Kingdom. He sees things that should be beautiful and loving, like a marriage, as a chess piece. The war wasn’t going his way so his plan is to marry me off to a total stranger.” You ranted slightly before remembering yourself. “I apologise. It isn’t my place to talk of such things.”

“Don’t apologise. I ain’t a Prince or a royal so I don’t get it as much but it sounds lonely.” Bucky sympathised, running his hand against the back of yours. You looked down, smiling slightly.

“I suppose it is.” You agreed sadly.

“What would you do? If you were a normal person like me?” He asked in curiosity.

“I’d travel wherever I wanted. I’d love whoever I wanted to without caring about if they were a royal. I’d dress in comfier clothing and throw away all my corsets.” You laughed and Bucky joined in.

“Steve’s not a bad guy. You could’ve had it worse; he could have snored.” Bucky grinned as you laughed louder.

“Sometimes I wish I had a choice. I never even get to meet people.” You told him and he frowned before wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“Trust me, the day’ll come when you’re free to do whatever you want. No rules, no Kings, no agenda. Just you and the world!” He exclaimed causing you to smile softly.

“I hope you’re right Bucky.” You whispered.

“I always am.” He whispered back.

-

-

-

You left Steve and Bucky after a few hours of showing them the grounds and made your way to your library, by far one of you most favourite rooms in the castle. The walls stretched beyond the eye, every inch of the wall filled with more books than you could read, rows of bookcases filled the space, more books resting upon them. The sofa in the room was well worn filled with soft blankets and pillows. You spent more nights in here than you had your own room.

You’d been in the library for a few hours, already well into your second book when a noise startled you from the door.

“Sorry!” The voice exclaimed as you heard a crash. “Crap, sorry.”

“Bucky?” You asked whilst laughing.

“Y/N?” Bucky asked as he turned the corner and saw you sat on the sofa. “I mean your highness, Princess! Princess Y/N!”

“Relax, just call me Y/N.” You laughed.

“Right, Y/N. Sorry, it’s just with Steve it’s all very informal and…” Bucky trailed off as he looked around the room. “Holy cow, that’s a lot of books.”

“Yes, I know. It’s a blessing and a curse really.” You told him with a fond smile.

“Huh?” He asked.

“A blessing because with all these books how can one ever be truly alone? I mean it’s magical being transported into another world. But it’s a curse knowing that I can never read all these books in my lifetime.”

“You really like your books, huh?” He asked as he gestured to the seat next to you. You nodded and smiled at him.

“Just a bit.” You giggled. “So, what brings you to the library?” You asked, knowing it was late, or early depending on how you looked at it.

“Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d come and explore.” He told you. “What about you?”

“I suppose I got caught up in another world.” You laughed, gesturing to your book, causing him to smile softly at you. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Sorry. It’s just, if you were any other girl in any other place, I would’ve tried my luck, you know? But you’re a princess who is meant to be marrying my best friend in two days.” He told you with a frown before his eyes widened. “Sorry! I didn’t- God, I’m sorry. Tell me to leave and I will.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” You told him, shocked by how true you found those words to be. “I don’t want you to leave.” You repeated more softly. “I don’t want to marry Prince Rogers and Prince Rogers most certainly does not want to marry me. So, pretend I’m a regular girl you met, no royal talk. What would you do?” You asked as you shifted closer to him.

“I’d tell you that you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever met. That the minute you walked through those doors this morning I knew I was gone. I’d tell you how I never cared much for all the fairy-tale beginnings but seeing you made me realise what those books were talkin’ about. I’d ask you to dance, I’d ask you on a date. I’d ask you to be mine.” He told you, his eyes never leaving yours, his words sincere. You felt your eyes widened and wished more than anything you were a normal girl who had met Bucky in the tavern.

You shocked both yourself and Bucky as you leant forward and pressed your lips together. A little unsure of what to do considering being a Princess didn’t mean a lot of free time for things such as kissing. You felt Bucky smile into the kiss before he took charge, moulding your lips together. His tongue brushing against your lower lip as the kiss deepened. Pausing only to pull away for air and to smile at you before going right back to your lips.

His lips left yours and trailed down to your jaw and towards your neck. You tilted your head, giving him better access and he pressed a kiss there before pulling away slightly causing you to whine.

“This okay, doll?” He asked you, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

“Better than okay.” You told him, pulling him down for a kiss.

“You sure?” He asked between them and you nodded.

He grinned at you before going back to your neck and leaving marks you’d love but curse in the morning. He pushed you down so you were lying across the length of the sofa, his arm resting on your hip the other on your breast. You let out a soft moan as you threw your head back, feeling him smirk into your neck.

He trailed kisses down your neck and stopped when he came to the low scoop collar of your shirt, his hand shifting down to the bottom of it and tugging at it questioningly.

“Please.” You whispered and Bucky took that as full permission, smirking as he lifted your shirt off and saw your breasts, he quickly attached himself to one of your boobs, sucking and pulling as he did, one of his hands coming to knead and pull at the unoccupied one leaving you a moaning mess.

The early morning saw you and Bucky together, cuddled on the couch after a night that you would say was quite possibly your best yet. Here, in this room, naked and hot, cuddled against Bucky’s chest, your heart still racing from the pure pleasure of having sex with him, made you wish, more than anything you were a regular girl.

-

-

-

“Morning doll.” Bucky smiled softly as you groaned and shifted on his chest, the only thing keeping you from falling off the couch was his arms around your waist.

“Morning.” You yawned, rubbing tiredly at your eyes causing him to fall just a bit more.

“We should probably get up.” Bucky said regretfully, “last thing we want is someone finding us like this.” You agreed and before long the two of you were dressed and walking over to the door.

“I had fun last night.” Bucky told you with a smile as he brushed some hair from your face before cupping your cheek.

“Me too.” You giggled softly, turning your face slightly to kiss his palm.

“I wish things were different but Steve’s gonna be one lucky man.” He said, pain lacing his words. The frown on his face said more than his words did.

“Steve isn’t the one I want. Things could be different but without this deal...”  

“We all got our roles to play, doll.” Bucky said with an eye roll. “I’ll see you at breakfast.” He told you with a smile before leaning down to kiss you, which you happily returned.

“See you at breakfast.” You replied watching him leave the room first before sighing.

You really didn’t want to run the Kingdom. You hated being a royal.

You really did not want to marry Prince Rogers.

-

-

-

“You slept with the Princess?” Steve whispered angrily as he pulled Bucky closer to him.

“Yes, and I don’t regret it, Steve. How could I? I mean she’s perfect.” Bucky told him with a smile that Steve had never seen on his friend.

“You love her.” He stated causing Bucky to look at him like he was an idiot.

“No, you idiot. I’ve known her a day, you can’t love someone in a day.” Bucky reasoned.

“True but you can know a lot about a person in a day. You know if you want them in your life, know that you want to spend your waking days with them.” Steve smiled.

“You know I don’t believe in that crap,” Bucky told him and then sighed causing Steve to grin, “but yeah. I left her this morning and it hurt. I want to wake up with her and go to sleep with her. I want to listen to her talk about her books, listen to her tell me the meaning of flowers and about the stars in the sky. I want to listen to her tell me her stories; I want to tell her mine. I want her, pal, and I can’t have her cause she’s a Princess and it kills me that she hates it here.” Bucky finished with a deep breath, feeling sadness settled into him.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Bucky asked as Steve grinned at him. It took him a moment to realise that he wasn’t grinning at him but something over his shoulder.

“Y/N!” He gasped as he turned around and saw you stood there.

“Bucky.” You rushed towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck, him returning the gesturing by placing his hands around your waist.

“What is the meaning of this? Barnes step away from the Princess this instant!” King Y/L/N snapped causing you all to jump.

“Y/N?” Your father turned to you. You hesitated, looking between Bucky, Steve and the Kings before touching your necklace. Your mother wouldn’t want this for you, she’d want you to be happy and even if this decision meant you leaving the castle, she would stand by you. Even if you left and you and Bucky didn’t work out, well then that’s the way things worked sometimes but you had wanted to give up your royal title for years now. This was just the first opportunity you felt brave enough to do so.

“Father, I hereby renounce my Royal Title in the form of Princess. I renounce my right to the throne as next in line and will leave the castle within the hour.” You told him, only a little shocked by how steady your voice was. You heard everyone around you gasp but paid them no mind.

“Y/N, if you are doing this because of the help.” He sneered and before he could continue you cut him off.

“His name his Bucky Barnes. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Mother would never have forced me to marry somebody I didn’t love, she always told me to stay true to myself and be happy! That is what I am doing. This isn’t about Bucky, Steve or any other man in the Kingdoms. It’s about me!” You told him firmly, feeling Bucky rub your lower back caused you to relax slightly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pack.” With that you turned around, you dress flaring dramatically, and left the room.

“Excuse us too,” You heard Prince Rogers say, “we are going to help Y/N pack.” Moments later you had Steve on one side of you and Bucky on the other.

“Well doll I gotta say, I’m proud of you.” Bucky said as he pulled you into a deep kiss causing you to giggle when he pulled back.

“So, what will you do now?” Steve asked you and you shrugged.

“I’ve given it no thought and so many thoughts.” You told him, smiling as he looking at you questioningly. Before you could clarify you were stopped by King Rogers.

“There is a place for you in our home, anyone who can stand up to Y/L/N like that is welcome in my Kingdom.” King Rogers told you causing you to grin.

“Thank you so much.” You told him, curtsying as you did.

“C’mon doll, let’s get you outta here.” And with that the three of you went to pack. It wasn’t long before you said your goodbyes and were in a carriage with Bucky and Steve.

-

-

-

A year had passed since your decision to renounce all royal titles and it was the best decision you had ever made. You had travelled, on your own, with Bucky, with Steve, and seen so much. You’d met so many different types of people from all walks of life. You missed your library but Steve made up for that when he showed you his, you spent a week exploring in there before Bucky and Steve convinced you to come out.

You missed your mothers garden terribly but you had started tending to the Rogers gardens, planting many flowers that your mother adored. It wasn’t the same but it kept her alive.

Whilst Steve and you got along amazingly both of you were glad you had stood up to your father and weren’t married. You had so much in common but Bucky was the one you wanted.

A year later the two of you were closer than ever, taking adventures together, enjoying each other’s company and still getting to know each other. Nights saw the two of you holding each other close whispering stories and secrets and sharing soft kisses in the soft light of the candles.

You both confessed you’re love to each other one late August night, the air still warm with a slight chill that let you cuddle together for warmth. He took you on a picnic down by the lake outside the castle and told you he loved you with all his heart, how everyday with you saw him smiling and happier than he’d ever been. You’d returned the gesture of love of course and the two of you stayed up until the early hours of the morning. Evidence of the night before there on your neck for Steve to joke about.

Leaving your Kingdom was the best decision you had ever made, you thought as you looked at Bucky who was laughing and Steve who smiled proudly.

Yeah, you wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Finding Your Way Back (Part 1)

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Prompts -310 - “Every day she’s wondering why I’m not there!"

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You tried desperately to hold on to several thoughts, tried so hard not to let them stop running through your head. You had no idea how long you’d been gone for but it was long enough that you were barely functioning.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic.’

There used to be more thoughts, you were sure there used to be more thoughts but you couldn’t remember them anymore. You thought there might’ve been another name, another something, anything, but you didn’t know any more.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic.’

They had taken you so easily, strapped you down in a chair until you couldn’t remember who you were before. You used to have more thoughts but they were gone now.

Now you didn’t remember anything that happened, you couldn’t feel your own body, did you even have a body anymore? There used to be pain but now there wasn’t. Were you dead?

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic.’

Sometimes you heard people, voices, cars, sounds, but you didn’t register them completely. Never knew exactly what you were hearing. You felt cold, so cold, a lot of the time but then sometimes you felt cool air, like you were outside but you couldn’t remember.

Why couldn’t you remember?

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic.’

There used to be pain. Now there was nothing.

-

“Tell me you found something?” Bucky asked as he walked into Tony’s workshop. You’d been missing for four months, four months of Bucky trying to track you down but HYDRA had become smarter. There were less of them now that the Avengers had started taking them out but they were smarter now that they had you, you were their secret weapon.

The magic you held was powerful, more powerful than anyone should have access to. Forged by an infinity stone, the power should've killed you like it killed the hundreds before you but for some reason, one even the Sorcerer Supreme couldn’t even explain, the power had merged with you, making you one of the most powerful witches to walk the earth.

The abilities you had, well they were enough to bring the Earth to its knees. In the hands of HYDRA there was no telling what would happen.

Bucky knew you wouldn’t willingly follow their orders but he also knew how effective their methods were.

“She was spotted again.” Tony said, his voice heavy with sorrow. This was the seventh sighting of you, you looked worse and worse each time. By the time you were spotted you were gone before they could get to you.

It was like HYDRA was taunting them.

Wherever you were seen, shortly after a major disaster was reported, usually with dozens dead.

“You have to find her!” Bucky yelled, stalking towards Tony, effectively pinning him against the desk.

To Tony’s credit he didn’t flinch, he looked straight at Bucky with his head held high.

“I’m gonna find her, I promise you that much, I’m gonna bring her home.” Tony promised. He wouldn’t rest until you were safe.

“Every day she’s wondering why I’m not there!” Bucky tried to yell but his voice broke mid sentence as tears filled his eyes, he knew first hand how bad HYDRA could be, the thought of them hurting you-

“We’re gonna get her back, we won’t stop until we do.” Tony promised again, letting his hand rest on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky scrunched his eyes shut for a moment before nodding.

They were going to get you back.

-

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger.’

What was an Avenger? You couldn’t remember, you tried to, you tried so hard to remember but you couldn’t. The name didn’t mean anything to you anymore.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger.’

Days and weeks dragged without you knowing. You sat there, were you sitting?, motionless. Some days you longed for the pain, anything to tell you that you were alive but nothing came.

Nothing ever came.

-

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

That was your name, you were Y/F/N Y/L/N. You didn’t know anything else any more, couldn’t remember anything else. Everything felt empty, you tried to remember what came after that but you couldn’t.

-

‘My name is Y/F/N.’

How long had it been? Days, time, it had no meaning to you anymore. You didn’t know what you were or if you were even real. Nothing happened ever, nothing that you could see, nothing you could feel, nothing you could remember.

‘My name is…’

-

“Holy crap!” Tony exclaimed as he looked at the data in front of him.

It had been seven months since your disappearance and not a day went by where Tony wasn’t looking for you. By now he had a long, long list of HYDRA bases, some abandoned, some active, but none ever held you.

He and JARVIS had been looking through the new data when they saw you. Your face was partially covered but the camera was at just the right angle.

It was definitely you.

Tony was quick to make his way up to where the jet was always on standby for such an occasion, he had already told everyone to suit up and meet him there.

“You found her?” Bucky asked as soon as Tony came into view.

“I found her.” Tony said, relief flooding his system. He knew it wasn’t going to be any easier, getting you out and dealing with the aftermath, but right now he just wanted to focus on the good news.

He was startled out of his thoughts when Bucky pulled him into a rough hug. The pair of them weren’t exactly friends but they got along just fine. Tony knew what Bucky was feeling though and hugged him back.

“Thank you.” Bucky whispered before pulling away and boarding the plane.

It took a good fews hours to get to where you were. In that time the team went over multiple different plans and ways to get you out. By the time they landed they had a fairly decent plan but still had no idea what they were walking into.

-

Outside your room sounds of guns and knives, metal and thunder could be heard by everyone except you.

You were oblivious to the absolute destruction that was happening in order to get you back. You had no idea that there were bodies piling higher and higher as the Avengers took down anyone who stood between you and them.

Bucky moved through the building as quickly and as quietly as he could. Though the trigger words were long gone, he had snapped back into the Winter Soldier faster than ever, using all his training against the people who created him.

He checked room after room, growling when he didn’t see you in any of them.

He had to stop, he had to think carefully. Bucky knew these monsters, he knew how they thought. If they knew there was even a slight chance somebody would come for their most powerful weapon, where would they hide her?

It took him less than thirty seconds to find an answer and then he threw stealth out the window as he ran down corridors, shouting through the comms for the team to meet up with him.

-

No thoughts ran through your head anymore.

You couldn’t remember who you were. You knew there used to be many things you were supposed to remember but you didn’t know anything anymore.

-

“She’s gonna be alright, Buck.” Steve said as he took a seat next to Bucky who was sitting at your side in the hospital.

“What if she’s not? Sure they think she’ll pull through physically but we’ve got no clue what they did to her head.” Bucky said. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, he felt defeated. Sure he had you back but what if he was too late, what if HYDRA had gone too far.

“It’s Y/N.” Steve said like that explained everything. “She’s a fighter.”

Bucky had nothing to say. Whilst it was true and you were one of the strongest people he knew, he also knew you were just a human. Sure the infinity stone had given you powers but ultimately you were still a human and there was only so much damage the human mind could take.

“She’ll pull through,” Steve said as he stood to leave, “She always does.”

-

It had taken a month and a half for your body to fully recover. In that time you were moved from the hospital and into the compound’s medical wing. Bucky had yet to leave your side for longer than a shower and forced meals that he swore he didn’t need. Any time away from you wasn’t worth it.

In the space of that month you had opened your eyes and twitched your fingers a few times but other than that made no move to wake up.

As the days went by the hope lessened significantly. Bucky spoke with you everyday, he begged and pleaded with you to just wake up, just let him know you were going to be ok. When he left your side to shower he cried, he punched the walls and broke most of the bathroom whilst cursing the world.

He’d apologised to Tony but the man shrugged it off, telling him to get back to his girl. The whole team was dealing with it pretty badly, most days the weather was terrible with thunder spreading right across New York.

“Please wake up, doll.” Bucky whispered, his voice cracking as he took your hand in his. “C’mon, doll you can do it.”

-

‘Doll.’

That wasn’t your name, at least you didn’t think it was your name.

A flicker of a memory, so faint you could barely recall it but you managed.

‘Doll.’

He called you that, the man with the metal arm. He called you doll but it wasn’t your name.

Who was he? You knew him somehow but you couldn’t remember. Why was he here? Was he one of the people who hurt you?

‘Just show me you're awake, ok? Just squeeze my hand if you can hear me, baby.’

Squeeze your hand, how? Did you have a body? You couldn’t feel it.

‘Just a little squeeze, c’mon baby, for me.’

It was the man with the metal arm. Nobody else called you baby or doll. At least you didn’t think so, it was hard to remember. The memories, they were so far away.

He sounded sad.

Your hand. He wanted you to move your hand. Where was it again?

Focus.

It took a long time but eventually you squeezed your hand, once, twice, three times.

‘Y/N, can you hear me?!”

Y/N!

That was your name, your name was Y/F/N….

You thought there was more, there should’ve been more but you couldn’t remember the next bit.

Instead you squeezed your hand again.

-

Bucky let out a slightly hysterical laugh as he looked down at you.

“Good job baby, that’s it. You’re doing great.” He praised as he looked at your hand like it was the best thing to grace the Earth. “So good.”

Doctors came swarming in when they were altered via JARVIS about the changes, chattering about how this was a good sign and where to go from here.

Bucky watched them from the doorway, a huge grin on his face.

He didn't doubted your strength but he also couldn’t deny HYDRA’s methods. They were enough to make anyone lose their mind but here you were finding your way back. It was going to be a long, exhausting road but you were finding your way back.

Read part two here.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

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Prompt - ‘So he calls me up and he's like "I still love you".’

Your relationship with Bucky Barnes could be described with many words - messy and toxic were the two most common descriptors. People never knew if you were together or not, your relationship status changing too fast for anybody to keep up. The two of you were as bad as each other and yet you always found your way back to one another no matter how much time had passed.

Despite it being a bad relationship there were some good parts and those were the memories you held close, the memories that kept sending you back to him. You remembered sitting in the movie theatre with Bucky, his arm wrapped around your shoulders pulling you in close as you introduced him to the movies he’d missed out on, whispered words and shared kisses as the movie played on screen. You remembered Bucky’s face as the two of you walked around science museums, Bucky marvelling at the technological advancements. You remembered dancing around the kitchen, the glow of the refrigerator door that had been left open the only source of light in the early morning hours, soft 40s music playing from the record player.

You remembered nights spent up all night worrying about him until you could no longer fight sleep and the absolute joy you felt when you woke up to see him laying next to you. You remembered him waking up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting whilst tears fell from his eyes as new memories from HYDRA resurfaced, you remembered holding him in your arms with his head on your chest, talking for hours until he was able to see past the blur of the Winter Soldier.

There were so many good things to remember that you just wished that it could be like that all the time, you wanted so badly for the fights, the arguments, the screaming to just stop.

But you and Bucky were able to rub each other the wrong way. Nobody made you feel how Bucky Barnes made you feel, never had you felt so happy in your life and never had you felt the need to punch somebody in the face so badly.

“This is it,” You exclaimed, mid argument. You couldn’t even remember what had started this fight, only knew that the two of you were stood in your apartment screaming at each other. “I’ve had enough, just get out!” You said whilst marching to the front door, pulling it open harshly and gesturing for him to leave.

You hadn’t seen him for about a month, he had been on a mission for two weeks and then when he had gotten back he shot you a single text telling you he needed space. Today he finally showed up at your door and things were fine for the first hour but fast as lightening the mood changed.

It always did.

“C’mon doll,” Bucky began but you shook your head, cutting him off.

“Out now.” You said through gritted teeth, watching him roll his eyes but he thankfully did as you said and you took great satisfaction in slamming the door right in his face.

It had been a few weeks since that argument and you hadn’t heard from Bucky since. You were at home when you heard a knock on your door, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you weren’t expecting anybody.

“Hi baby,” Bucky greeted when you opened the door.

You positioned yourself so you were leaning against the door frame, not quite ready to let him into your apartment yet. You didn’t respond, just raised an eyebrow at him and waited to see what he had to say.

“Listen,” He sighed, “I really miss you and m’sorry for picking a fight with you last time I was here. I won’t do that again, promise.”

With a sigh of your own you nodded your head, letting Bucky slip into your apartment. You knew you were foolish to believe that you and him could work out but there were so many good things that you wanted to hold onto.

However when morning came and it saw the two of you arguing with each other again you knew you were done.

It was like all the fight had suddenly left you, it had left you feeling drained. The constant cycle of arguing, breaking up, Bucky calling you with an apology and love confession, you letting him back in and then starting all over again. It wasn’t worth it anymore, you couldn’t do it.

You sat at the kitchen table listening to Bucky go off. You usually gave as good back as he give but now you were over it. You just wanted him to leave, you wanted to be done with Bucky Barnes and the stress that came with him. This wasn’t a relationship, though it pained you to admit it.

“Say something!” Bucky snapped at you, finally noticing your quietness.

“I’m done, Buck,” you told him softly, not having anything left to give, “I love you, I really do, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m done and I mean it this time, we are never ever getting back together.”

You meant everything you said and it was like Bucky could tell you meant it too as you watched the anger fall from his face. You watched his face as it softened, eyes wide and pleading as he looked down at you, not expecting you to say that.

“No, c’mon doll, don’t do this. I’m sorry, ok, really I am. It’s just that mission was bad and I took it out on you. It won’t happen again, I’m sorry baby.” He pleaded but you just shook your head, eyes filling with tears.

You knew it was the right thing to do but saying goodbye to Bucky for good was so hard.

“You always promise that, you promised it last night and it lasted for a day. I can’t keep having these fights, I can’t keep falling for the bait and screaming at you that I’m right. I can’t keep going with this constant cycle of I hate you, I love you. I’ll always be here for you, you can talk to me whenever, talk to my friends whenever, but we, we’re done Bucky.” You told him and stood up, making your way over to the door.

As you held it open for him you couldn’t help but think back to just how many times you had kicked the man out of your apartment. This was the last time you’d do it, you swore to yourself.

Bucky followed you, his own eyes wet with tears as he cupped your face. You let him brush your tears away and didn’t pull away as he leaned down, softly connecting your lips together. You kissed him back just as gently, tears running down both your faces.

Bucky was the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Please don’t do this, baby.” He whispered and you had to take a breath to stop yourself from crying even more.

You placed your hands on his chest, letting them rest there for a moment before pushing him away and turning your head. If Bucky didn’t leave now you knew you’d end up back in that toxic cycle.

“I love you but you need to leave.” You told him, voice barely above a whisper. Bucky went to talk but you shook your head, stopping him before he could.  “Please.”

Bucky nodded, choking back words that he knew wouldn’t win you over this time. Usually a well placed apology and a promise to do better was all it took be he could see this time was different. This time he knew he really had to work to get you back.

“I love you too.” He told you quietly as he stepped out of the door, watching as you nodded before closing the door with a soft click. Somehow that hurt more than all the times you had slammed it in his face.

You let your back hit the door, tears falling down your faces as sobs finally left you. At some point you ended up sitting on the floor, tears long since dried on your cheeks and struggling for breath.

You really had meant it this time when you said you weren’t getting back with him. It’d be hard not to fall back into that old familiar cycle but you knew you couldn’t do it anymore.

Weeks passed and Bucky gave you the space you needed, never once showing up at your door uninvited, no texts or calls. He asked your friends how you were and forced a smile as they said you were doing well.

You talked to his friends about him, despite not being with him you wanted to make sure he was ok. Neither of your friends believed this was the end, how could they when you’d broken up and gotten back together more times than anybody could count.

Hell, even Bucky still believed the two of you were getting back together.

That’s why he called you after three months of radio silence, he was so ready to have you back. Usually when the two of you broke up you were back with each other fairly quickly and always at least texted one another.

You watched your phone light up, Bucky’s smile filling the screen. There was that old familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach that always came when he called after so long but you were determined not to fall back into old habits no matter how easy it would be.

It was only with slight hesitation that you answered the phone just before it went to voicemail, willing your voice to stay steady.

“Hi Bucky.” You said into the phone, curling up on the sofa and fiddling with the ends of your shirt.

“Hey baby,” He replied, a smile clear in his voice. “I miss you.”

You bit your lip as the sound of his voice flooded over you, the soft confession making your heart ache.

“I’ve missed you too.” You finally told him honestly.

There was a brief pause of silence before Bucky spoke again.

“How’ve you been?”

“Good,” you said, slightly surprised at how much you meant it. You had been doing good lately, spending more time with your friends, smiling and laughing and not constantly waiting for the next fight. It had been the most stress free three months of your life since you’d started dating Bucky. “Really good.”

“I’m glad to hear it, sweetheart.” Bucky smiled into the phone, “I just wanted to call, wanted to hear your voice. I want to see you again, doll.”

If he had called two months ago with those words falling from his lips you knew you would have given into everything, you knew you would have opened your door to him and started the toxic routine again. Two months ago you were still heartbroken over actually ending things with the man, spending most nights more often than not crying yourself to sleep or partying too much with your friends.

Two months in you had finally started to realise just how good it was to not have Bucky around, not wondering if you would be lovers or enemies that day.

Three months in and you were finally in a place where you didn’t need Bucky. Sure you missed him, missed the good moments, but now you could really see just how damaging that relationship had been on the both of you.

“I love you,” He told you when you didn’t say anything.

Those words usually won you right over, Bucky knew that, but now they were the worst words he could have said. It was like those words had doused you in cold water and you were pulled from your memories.

“Bucky,” You said, thankful your voice was even, “I meant what I said the last time I saw you, we are done, we are never getting back together. It’s exhausting being with each other, you know that. It isn’t fair or healthy for either of us. I love you, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop but being with you is draining.”

Bucky was silent, he had no words. He for sure thought that after a little time apart you’d be ready to welcome him back into your life, ready to try again with him. He’d meant what he said when he said he loved you, despite the fighting and the crying and everything in between, despite the spiteful words and thrown pillows, he loved you.

Why wasn’t that enough?

“Don’t do this, Y/N/N,” he pleaded with you, “Don’t throw us away like this.”

You shook your head, hating that you felt like the bad guy here as tears filled your eyes. This, this is why you couldn’t be with Bucky. You hated feeling like this and the only person who brought out this side of you was Bucky.

“I have to,” You choked out, cursing yourself for showing how much he was affecting you, “Goodbye Bucky.”

And with that you hung up the phone, letting yourself cry one last time over Bucky Barnes.

__________

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Finding Our Way Back

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Febuwhump Prompt - nightmares

Prompt - ‘It's like our souls are made of the same thing, always making sure we find each other when we need each other the most.’

Bucky felt like he was suffocating, clawing at his neck in a desperate attempt to loosen the lump in his throat that was stopping him from breathing as he shot up, sitting up on bed and looking around wildly. Nothing was out of place as he took note of everything in the room, his mind slowly registering that there were no real threats.

Bucky didn’t know how long he sat there for, didn’t know when the lump in his throat gave way and left him panting for breath, didn’t know when the sweat dried and the adrenaline left his body leaving him exhausted and drained.

He did know there was no chance of him going back to sleep, not for the next few nights, not until his body shut down. The serum running through his veins would allow him three or four days without sleep, longer if forced but he’d start feeling the effects. He didn’t care though, everytime he closed his eyes he saw the bodies, the agents, that damned chair. He heard the whispered words that triggered him to act, to kill.

Bucky let out a shaky breath before looking around the room once more.

It had taken him a long time to fully adjust to having somewhere that was his but it never felt like home, nowhere did these days. Steve was gone, you were…god, what had it come to when Bucky didn’t even know what you were doing anymore.

He let the memories of when he first met you fill his head, wanting to drown out all the bad ones. He remembered you watching him, it had made him uneasy as you stared at him but never said a word. The two of you locked in a staring contest as Steve and Sam stood to the side, deciding on what to do with him.

He remembered waking up in Wakanda, remembered how you had chosen to stay behind, when he raised a questioning eyebrow at you, you had just shrugged but there was something under the surface, sadness, regret, something…

Bucky watched you watch him, he remembered the days you sat with him, sat on the floor with him when the bed or the sofa was much too soft. He remembered how you had taken his hand in yours, no words needing to be exchanged as you squeezed it gently, once, then twice.

Over time it had developed into a code of sorts between the two of you, two squeezes meant everything was fine, everything was going to be ok. One squeeze meant one of you needed out of a situation as discreetly but quickly as possible, admittedly Bucky had used that signal more than you had but you never failed to help him out, making it seem so casual.

He remembered as you sat with him that night, that night, when the trigger words were read to him, remembered not feeling anything, no emptiness, no shift, just himself, just James Barnes. He remembered being told he was free, remembered the tears falling down his face, the choked sobs of absolute relief as he turned to face you, practically falling into your arms as you held him, whispering words of praises and reassurances, both of you pulling away with matching smiles.

And Bucky, Bucky couldn’t help himself.

He leaned closer to you, slowly so you had time to pull away but you never did, instead you met him halfway and slotted your lips together. Months of pent up pining over each other was channelled into one kiss, going from soft and gentle to hungry and passionate.

The two of you ended up back in the room Bucky had been given but things never went further than the two of you kissing, holding the other close as you lay together in bed.

His thoughts turned to that day in Wakanda, how he had watched you turn back to face him, the last thing he saw before being blipped was the fear, god you had looked so scared, on your face.

And then he saw you turn to dust too but he was gone before you were.

Then you were brought back, Steve leading an army against Thanos. Everything was moving into action before Bucky had a chance to even look at you and he couldn’t find you out on the battlefield, he tried to find you but there were enemies coming from every direction and Bucky had to focus because if he didn’t then he’d spiral.

It felt like he had just gotten the all clear, that he was free to not be a killer and now here he was, thrust into another battle with no choice but to fight.

When the battle ended, Tony’s sacrifice ensuring their victory, he still couldn’t find you. His blood ran cold as he looked at the fallen on the ground, selfishly and desperately hoping you weren’t one of them.

“Hey,” He heard, whipping around to face Sam who looked as tired as Bucky felt, “She’s alive, she’s with Strange.” Sam told him, gesturing from where he had just come from.

Bucky shot him a grateful look before he ran over to where Doctor Strange was, you and him talking together quietly as he ran his hands over your lower leg, a golden glow surrounding the area as the skin knitted itself back together.

Bucky watched, choking on a sob causing you to look up at him, relief clear on your face as you pushed yourself up off the ground and ran into his arms, Bucky wrapping them tightly around as you buried your face in his chest.

“I’m so glad you’re ok,” You told him, words muffled against his shirt. Bucky pressed his face into your hair, rambling on about how glad he was you were safe, the two of you more than content to stay in each other's hold.

It was Steve leaving that caused the rift between the two of you. Bucky was finally allowed to be himself, no more HYDRA, no more trigger words, nothing, and then Steve had pulled him aside, reciting rehearsed lines about how he had to go back, how there wasn’t a place for him in this day and age.

Bucky barely held back his words of anger, of frustration because the one thing he could always depend on was Steve Rogers and now he was leaving him, to go back to the past, back to a life that didn’t exist anymore. Bucky thought they had both been through too much to even consider a life back there but apparently this was what Steve needed and who was Bucky to argue with that.

In the days that passed Bucky kept to himself, you tried desperately to be there for him, offer him a shoulder to cry on, somebody to talk to, somebody to sit silently with but Bucky wanted none of that. He wanted none of your comfort, none of your kind words.

One day the lack of sleep and the mix of feelings had become too much and he took his frustration out on you. He didn’t even want to recall the words he had said to you that day but he hadn’t seen you since, hadn’t heard from you.

Sometimes he picked up the phone, letting his thumb hover over your name but he never pressed it.

And he lived with the regret of that everyday. Once he managed to come to terms with the fact that Steve had left, once he had come to terms with his feelings, that’s when the regret settled in, when he realised just what a jerk he had been.

The next few days passed in a blur of therapist appointments and sitting alone in his apartment before something came along to break his routine - John Walker. Him and Sam could only do so much and as they sat in Sharon’s place in Madripoor it was Sam who suggested they involve you.

“No,” Bucky said, cutting him off immediately.

“Ah yes, the Y/L/N girl,” Zemo said, “I remember her well, she could be very useful.”

“She won’t come, Sam.” He told the other man, ignoring Zemo completely.

“Just call her.” Sam said, causing Bucky to laugh in disbelief.

“You want me to make the call?”

“Oh come on, Barnes, she loved you, hell I’m willing to bet she’s still in love with you. You said some shit you didn’t mean and I know Y/N, man, she’s probably not even pissed about what you said, she probably understands exactly where those words came from. My guess, she’s been waiting for a call, a call where you tell her you’re sorry.” Sam said to him, picking up his phone and holding it out to Bucky who sat on the sofa, the words like a slap to the face because Bucky knew you and Sam was probably right, ok so maybe say was absolutely right but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of admitting that.

He had never apologised, too scared to face you.

A few seconds passed but Bucky snatched the phone from Sam and stood up, heading out of the room for some privacy.

It took longer than Bucky would care to admit but eventually he pressed the call button, hesitating before bringing the phone up to his ear, each ring sending a wave of anxiety through him.

“Hello?” Hearing your voice had him relaxing in a way he hadn’t been able to for months. “Hello?” You said again, causing him to clear his throat.

“Hi Y/N,” He said softly.

“Bucky?” You asked in shock after a moment of silence, not expecting it would ever be him on the other end of the phone again.

“Yeah it’s me.” He said, not sure where to go from here, apologising over the phone didn’t feel right but he didn’t know if he could get you here without it.

“Is everything ok?” You asked when it became obvious he wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Y/N,” He began but then changed his mind, he wouldn’t apologise over the phone, “We need you.”

“We?” You asked with a roll of your eyes, of course this wasn’t the call you had wanted all those months ago.

“You heard about John Walker?” He asked, sensing the shift in your emotions and knowing he had screwed up some more.

“Yeah, he’s going round playing Captain America, what about him?” You asked, listening as Bucky explained what was happening.

“Will you help?” He finally asked.

“I’ll help.” You said after a long pause.

“Great, I’ll have Sam send you the details,” He said, practically feeling the eye roll from down the phone, “Thank you, Y/N.” He murmured softly before hanging up and staring down at the phone in his hands, kicking himself as he did.

When he reentered the room, he threw the phone at Sam before collapsing into the sofa.

“That good, huh?” He asked.

“She’ll help, just text her the details.”

As you knocked on the door of the address Sam had sent you, you felt your anxiety double and quickly wiped your palms against your coat cursing yourself for getting involved.

“Ah Y/N, so good to see you again.”

Your head snapped up at the accent, eyes widened as you looked up to see a man who should have been in a prison cell.

“They did not tell you I was helping.” He realised as he opened the door, gesturing for you to enter.

“Last time I saw you you were trying to kill Bucky.” You said as you made your way past him, looking around the house as you stepped further in.

“And now I’m not.” He said with a friendly grin, “Relax, he’s not here.”

You turned around to face him, raising an eyebrow at his words but did as Zemo said when he nodded.

“They left you alone here?” You asked as you followed him over to the kitchen area, nodding as he grabbed a mug and gestured it towards you.

“I have nowhere to run to, Y/N. My family is long gone and my mission has been completed, what more is there to do?” He asked and you had no answer to that, so instead you took the drink from him and sat together in silence.

“Y/N!” Sam’s voice had you turning around in your seat, watching as the man smiled as he made his way over to you, you meeting him halfway and letting him wrap you in a warm hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too.” You told him, pulling back to smile up at him. When you fully pulled away from him your eyes were immediately drawn towards Bucky and you couldn’t help but smile softly despite everything.

He looked good.

“Hey Y/N/N,” He said, softly.

“Hi,” You replied just as quietly and the pair of you missed the eye roll from Sam who cleared his throat when neither of you said anything else.

Working with Bucky again was…nice. Being around him was nice and you found yourself relaxing more and more around him, feeling like things could go back to normal. For the rest of the day, spent planning your next move, neither of you mentioned that night though it hung over your heads.

That night, however, you were woken up when you heard a bang sound from the room next to yours. Cautiously you climbed out of bed, years of training kicking in as you silently walked towards Bucky’s door, pausing outside to listen for any threats but you heard nothing.

And then you heard a strangled gasp.

You opened the door, not much but enough so that you could slip in unnoticed, eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness of the room as you looked around for any threats but instead you saw Bucky tangled up in the bedsheets, sweat pouring off of him as the items on the nightstand lay sprawled on the floor.

Your eyes turned sympathetic as you watched him struggle and despite not being on the best of terms with him right now you knew you couldn’t leave him there, trapped inside his nightmare.

You made your way over to the bed, calling his name but he showed no signs of hearing you. You knew touching him was probably, definitely, a bad idea but you didn’t know how else to wake him up.

You shifted so you were closer to him, ready to catch the fist that you knew would undoubtedly swing for you subconsciously, thankful for your own super strength in that moment.

“Bucky,” You called softly as you gently shook him awake.

The moment your hand touched him he shot awake, vibranium arm swinging blindly in your direction, you just barely catching it like it weighed nothing, your other hand pinning his other shoulder down gently.

“Hey, it’s just me, it’s Y/N,” You told him, continuing to talk softly as he came out of his nightmare, blinking harshly against the sudden flood of tears that filled his eyes as he focused on the sound of your voice.

“That’s it, you’re ok, I got you,” You murmured, shifting your hand from his shoulder to run through his hair, watching as he became aware of his surroundings and slowly let go of his vibranium arm.

Bucky let himself lay still for a moment, enjoying the feel of your fingers threading through his hair as he struggled for breath but pretty quickly he needed to sit up, panting as he was able to breathe again.

He turned to face you, the tears finally leaking over onto his cheeks and you smiled sadly at him as you shifted so you were laying on the bed before tugging him close to you, resting his head against your chest as you rubbed his arm soothingly with one hand, the other going back to his hair.

You continued to whisper soft words of nothing, watching how he slowly caught his breath and turned further into you, wrapping his arm around your waist as he leaned up to nuzzle his face against your neck.

His face was wet from the tears but thankfully he had managed to stop crying, content to just lay with you and shut out the rest of the world.

“You wanna talk about it?” You finally asked after half an hour or so of laying together.

“No,” He mumbled into your neck, causing you to smile, before he let out a breath that sent a shiver down your spine, “Yes.”

“Take your time.” You told him, placing a gentle kiss to his hair.

“S’always the same, always strapped to that chair, the words. I see everyone I ever hurt, everyone I killed, dead because of me.” Bucky whispered not pulling away from you, not daring to look up at you.

“Because of HYDRA, Bucky, not because of you.” You told him, voice quiet but stern.

“I was the one who killed them, Y/N/N.” He told you, voice breaking as he did.

“Bucky, you never, never, would have killed if it wasn’t for those bastards. You can’t blame yourself. You’re free, Buck, no more words, no more HYDRA, it’s all gone.” You told him, feeling him relax against you as he took in your words.

The two of you stayed silent for a long while after that, Bucky slowly worked through the memories that had filled his head, now that the nightmare had passed, thoughts of you began to take over. You were savouring every moment with Bucky in your arms, not sure when or if you’d ever have him back again.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said after a while, voice near silent but from his position you heard him clearly.

“What?” You asked, assuming he was apologising over the nightmare.

“What I said to you, you never deserved that and then I let all that time pass without calling you, I should’ve called you, baby. First thing I should have done was follow you out of that damn door and apologise but I was so far in my own head…” He told you, trailing off as he lost the words he thought about over and over again for months.

“All I wanted was an apology, Buck.” You told him, keeping your own voice quiet so as not to break the delicate atmosphere.

“And I should’ve given it to you months ago.” He said, finally shifting back so he could look up at you. “I was an idiot to let you walk away and I’ve regretted it every single day.”

You smiled down at him, easily seeing how much he meant those words.

“I really am sorry, baby.” He murmured, looking up at you with wide, apologetic eyes and you couldn’t help but chuckle softly as you ran your knuckles across his cheek.

“I forgive you.” You whispered watching as he relaxed into your touch, smiling up at you as he let out a huff of disbelief.

“You’re incredible, baby.” He told you, shifting so he was laying on his side, vibranium arm coming up to brush some hair from your face before he cupped your cheek in his palm, giving you plenty off time to move away as he leaned down to kiss you but just like your first kiss you leaned up and met his lips half way, the kiss was soft and slow, months apart from each other and all the missed time was put into the kiss, feelings of longing and relief that you had found your way back to each other.

Eventually Bucky pulled away, watching as you smiled up at him, eyes still closed and he knew it that moment you were it for him, he knew it in those months you’d been apart but he never let himself think it, not when he thought he had no chance of ever getting you back.

“I love you, baby.” He told you, the words falling out of his mouth without meaning to. You watched as his own eyes widened in shock at his words but you couldn’t help but smile wider up at him.

“I love you too.” You whispered before leaning up to kiss him again, your hand finding his and squeezing it twice.

And despite the fact you still had to deal with the wannabe Captain America, still had to clean up the messes that kept being made, you had a feeling that everything would be just fine, everything would go back to normal now that you and Bucky had found your way back to each other.

-------------------

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The Grumpy Cuddler

Part 2 of this fic/ask

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x M!Reader

Words: 286

Warnings: Some smut remarks

A/N: @blurredx18 @plumssforbucky here’s the second part you two asked for

Leaning against the headboard of the shared, giant bed and having a book in hand, Bucky just stares at you.

“I can feel you staring.” Your eyes don’t leave the pages of your book, knowing that he’s there.

“And I don’t feel you.”

Putting the mark in the book and having it lie next to you, you look at the angrily, pouting soldier you call your boyfriend. “‘Cause I’m not in you.”

Pink covers his cheeks and mumbles, “Later.”

“I’m surprised you don’t want my dick now.”

“I always want your dick.” He takes the chance to waddle to the bed and crawls over to you, wedging himself in between your legs as you don’t have your book in hand.

You feel his arm wrap around you and his hand rest at your back, having it slip under your shirt to feel your skin. He had his metal arm off, so his arm-nub rested against your abdomen. 

Once he has his head on your stomach, your hand goes into his hair whilst your other hand grabs your book to continue reading.

“You should pay attention to me and give me affection,” he mumbles, you hearing the tiredness in his voice. “I am. I’m talking to you, giving you cuddles, and playing with your hair.” Your eyes never leave the page once again.

He mumbles what you said until he stops mid-sentence, feeling the back of his neck being rubbed and your hand going under the collar of his shirt. You scratch his back for a moment before going back to his neck.

It has his body relax against yours, lulling him to sleep. He smiles a little as he feels your lips press against his forehead.

Tags:

@lilian-maximoff -- @wolf-knights -- @emmaandkodak17 -- @ascetic-angel -- @buckletsfuck -- @n4v1a5-com​

The Ball

It was a sunny day and the atmosphere was as serene as it could possibly be. This serenity and peace reflected among the inhabitants of the Avenger facility. Everyone was spread around in the lounge area, busy with their own stuffs. It is a rare occurrence for them to have a day free of any missions and it was rarer to have all of them together in the compound. Well everyone except Thor and T’challa. They both had obligations at Asgard and Wakanda respectively.

Vision and Wanda were on the both talking quietly. Banner was sitting next to them reading something. Clint and Natasha were on the gift wrapping few toys which they had bought for Clint’s children. Y/N was playing chess with Bucky while the rest- Steve, Sam, Scott, Peter and Tony were watching them. What started as a light game soon turned intense. So intense that the television in the background was muted and bets were made much to Steve’s chagrin. So far Y/N and Bucky managed to win one game each. This was the game which would decide who would get to use Tony’s credit card for a whole week. Not that they needed it, but they were not foolish to let go of such opportunity.

They were interrupted by Friday’s voice.

Miss Y/L/N your phone has been ringing constantly and you have a voice mail.

Before Y/N could speak a word Tony said,

Play the voice mail, Friday.

This earned him a glare from Y/N. as soon as the voice mail began, she groaned loudly.

Hey Y/N. This is Y/C/N. You remember me? Of course you remember me. How can you forget? So I had called you to inform that I am organizing a small reunion of our class this Saturday. I will text you the details soon and you have to come. No excuses. See you on Saturday. Bye. Toodles.

By the end of the voice mail Y/N had her head in her hands and taking deep breaths. Everyone’s attention was on her now. They were waiting for some kind of response from her. And she did respond. She got up from the chair walked to the kitchen and took a bottle of beer from the fridge. This action alerted everyone that Y/N was pissed and she was about to rant. They knew it would be better to pay attention to what she says and let her get it all out of her chest.

That bitch did it purposely. She spoke with anger laced in her voice. Tony turned to look at Steve who was frowning at her vulgar choice of words.

I mean the reunion is in four days and she is telling me this now. Who does she think she is? She wants to make me look bad in front of everyone.

Before she could continue Tony interrupted her.

That won’t be a problem Y/N. I’ll take care of this. Friday tell me the details of this function.

Y/N stood there fuming as Friday read out the details of the reunion.

A Ball? A BALL! SHE ORGANIZED A BALL! THAT BITCH!

Calm down Y/N. Tony told you he’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. Natasha told her.

Do you have issues with this particular friend? Banner asked her politely.

Y/N took a breather and sat down on the nearest chair. We studied together in high school. We were not friends per se, we existed together. She was my competitor. She always liked to one up me. Lets just say she is not my biggest fan.

You know what? Sam started. You should go. Show her she doesn’t intimidate you. Show her that you are the boss.

Only there is one problem. It’s a ball who will be her partner? Wanda asked quietly.

I would love to come but you know Pepper would not like that. Tony said.

I am sure even Y/N would not like that. Scott said immediately.

Consider  me and Vision out. We do not do well in crowds. Banner said.

I am spending the weekend with my daughter. Scott said. Giving Peter a ‘Don’t you say anything look’ Y/N huffed and looked at Sam and Steve pleadingly.

Sorry Y/N. We have plans. Steve said. Why don’t you ask Bucky?

The said man was sitting quietly watching the scene unfold. He was shocked when he heard his name. He looked at her wide eyes.

I’m not sure. He replied uncertainly.

You don’t have to come if you don’t want to come. Y/N replied softly. I’ll go solo. How bad it could be?

Well then I’ll arrange the stuffs. If you are going alone lets make sure that you look stunning and no one can take their eyes from you. Tony said walking out of the room.

Okay. He heard a small voice. He stopped at the door and asked What?

I’ll go. Bucky said in a loud and clear voice.

That’s great! Thank you. Y/N replied excitedly and rushed to hug him. Bucky froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around her.

It’s okay, Doll.

Steve gave Bucky a pat on his back, while Peter said

You should probably tell her how you feel about her.

Yeah man, I mean we all know how you feel about her. Just tell her. Sam said.

But what if she does not feel the same way? Bucky shot back.

You’ll never know if you don’t ask. Banner said quietly and returned back to his book.

Tony had kept his word. Within few hours both Y/N and Bucky were trying their outfits for the ball. Bucky had found one in an hour, but Y/N did not have such good luck. After trying on the 100th designer gown she had given up.

We are not going. I am not going to try another outfit now. I am done. You know Bucky, we can find something else to do.

Bucky looked her from head to toe and turned to the woman helping them.

Do you have anything classic? Something in blue?

The woman nodded and went to retrieve it. Meanwhile Y/N found herself a comfortable seat.

You know what Bucky? If in any point during the ball you feel uncomfortable, let me know. We will leave immediately.

Don’t worry Y/N. I’ll be fine. Bucky replied with a small smile which made her heart skip.

The assistant enter the room just then with a dress. Y/N gasped seeing it. It was so beautiful. She rushed to try it on. It was perfect.

You have a hell of a taste Bucky. She replied.

Bucky simply gave her a smile and thought, Hell I do.

##

On the day ball, both Bucky and Y/N got ready. Nat an Wand were helping Y/N and Steve was making sure Bucky cleaned up well. Tony had allowed them to take one of his luxurious car, which they both politely decline. They were going to take a cab. Bucky had shorten his hair. Now he looked like the 40’s Bucky. Ladies were going to swarmp around him. Y/N was not sure if she would like it. She knew Bucky was not her boyfriend, but that did not mean she liked another woman climbing over him.

They had reached the venue and Y/N took Bucky to introduce him to some of her friends .Bucky excused himself and went to get drinks for both of them.  As she were talking to someone, the host made her entrance. She was wearing an expensive gown which Y/N was sure she could not afford. The host made small talks with some of the guests before walking up to Y/N.  she kept on bragging about her wonderful life that Y/N was losing her patience and mentally imagining different ways to kill her. Before she could execute her plans, her host asked her in a belittle tone.

You have come alone, Y/N. Oh! You poor thing!

Can you be any louder? Y/N thought after seeing that everyone standing nearby were listening to their conversation.

Actually she is with me. Bucky joined in. I am James, Y/N’s boyfriend.

Y/N did not have time to correct him when someone called Y/F/N.  She excused herself. Now Y/N and Bucky were alone.

Boyfriend? She asked as soon as she found her voice.

Only if you want me to be. Bucky replied looking deep in to her eyes.

Y/N did not hesitate a moment. She pulled him towards her and kissed him.

I would love it.

Sweet Dreams

this was requested by anon. i hope you like it.

BANG!

Bucky jumped out of the bed hearing the loud noise, ready to fight. He looked around confusion clearly written on his face. There was no one there.

BANG!

He heard it again. Completely awake by now, he walked towards the source of the sound. It was coming from Tony’s lab. He met Steve on the way. He too must have woken up hearing the sound. Both nodded to each other and continued walking. As they neared the lab, they saw Natasha walking back.

Don’t bother. The green guy is out. Tony must have done something to annoy him.

Bucky groaned. He rubbed his hand on his face. He had not slept for a long time due to a mission. He just wanted some quiet so he could sleep.

Let’s go back to our room. I don’t think we can do anything here expect hope that Tony will survive to see tomorrow. Steve said.

Bucky did not need to be told twice. He nearly ran back to his room, jumped on his bed and was out within few seconds.

BANG!

He woke up again startled. Looks like he was not going to get any sleep that night.

NEXT DAY

Bucky dragged himself to the kitchen. Between the loud noises and his nightmares he did not get any sleep. Pouring himself a glass of orange juice he sat on the high chair glaring into the space. He was so tired that he did not hear another person entering the room.

As soon as Y/N entered the kitchen, her eyes felt on the handsome winter solider. He was glaring into nothing. There were dark circles around his eyes. His eyes were less sparkly. His shoulders slouched. He looked tired.

Hey!

Bucky looked up and smiled.

Didn’t get any sleep last night? She asked. Bucky replied with a nod.

Nightmares? She asked softly. He shook his head.

Tony.

That one word was enough for her to understand.

Let me guess. Hulk must have made an appearance last night.

Bucky chuckled and said, Homerun.

Y/N shook her head and started making herself a strong cup of coffee. Then they both went back to their respective work.

Later

Y/N walked to the kitchen to get some snacks for her movie marathon. She saw Bucky eating a sandwich. She waved him and went to the refrigerator to get beer. Suddenly she had an idea.

Hey Bucky! I am going to watch some movies. Do you want to join me?

She did not dare to face him fearing rejection.

Sure.

Y/N gave him a big smile and started collecting packets of chips for both of them.

I’ll do that. You make popcorns.

Within 15 minutes they were armed with all kind of junks they could find in the kitchen and proceeded towards Y/N’s room. Y/N had already chosen the movies and they began watching.

##

They were in the middle of the second movie, when Y/N realized that Bucky was quiet. She turned to look at him and found him dozing off. She couldn’t help but stare at his face- it was so calm. He looked so innocent, peaceful. But she knew he was anything but that. She gently shook him. He woke up jumping and started looking around. Then his blue eyes found her brown ones.

I am sorry. I fell asleep-

Its okay, Bucky. You were tired. I can understand. If you want you can sleep in my bed.

No no no. It’s ok-

And he yawned. Y/N shook her head at his stubbornness. She got up, pulling him with her and pushed him to the bed. She switched of the TV. and joined him.

Bucky relaxed under her embrace but did not sleep. He simply stared at her.

Sleep. She commanded looking all serious. She could not help but let out a small giggle.

Bucky smiled and wrapped his arms around her. And thus he fell asleep, holding his dream in his arms, close to his heart.

Empty Cupboards

“You sure you are not coming?” Steve asked for the 1000th time.

Bucky rolled his eyes and gave a look to his best friend. Steve released a tired sign. He did not want to leave Bucky alone. He simply continued to packing his bag. Soon he was ready to leave. Both friends walked back to common room together in silence.

“Will you be okay?” Steve asked again. Now Bucky was annoyed.

“Just get the hell out of here.” He hissed.

Before Steve could say anything they were interrupted by an excited voice.

“You ready?” Wanda asked. Her eyes were shining with childlike excitement. Both the super soldiers smiled at return.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go.” She ran to helicarrier, pulling Steve with her. Bucky shook his head and followed them.

Most of the team members were present there. Some talking to others, while some were checking through their stuffs. Tony was taking them to some private island for vacation. Everyone agreed to the plan excitedly for many reasons.

i.                     There was no mission coinciding.

ii.                   It was Tony who was paying.

Now no one was stupid to miss this opportunity. No one except Y/N and Bucky. It was unfortunate that the vacation plan coincided with Y/N’s weekend camping with siblings and cousins. But she would be still having fun. Bucky had no such reason. He did not want to go because he did not feel like going. Everyone tried to convince him to change his mind. Y/N tried to lecture him for being a grumpy cat and missing out good opportunities to have fun.

“It’s not every day that Tony feels this generous. You are going to regret it.” She had told him.

“You are the one to talk. You are not going either.” Bucky argued back.

“I don’t have a choice. This camping trip was planned in advance. Hell I was the one who suggested it. I cannot back out now.”

“Well it sucks to be you. But I am not going.” With that he walked out of the room leaving a very frustrated Y/N behind.

“Bucky-“ a voice brought him back to present. He turned to the owner of the voice with deep frown.

“Steve get your ass off to the carrier. I am going to be fine. I am a high-class assassin. If there would be any trouble, I will let you know. Just for sake of God, get off my back.” Bucky said. He knew his friend was worried about him but he could not endure Steve being mother hen for another second. He was hoping that they would leave soon. He knew he was being stupid to miss the all-paid-vacation by Tony. But he was in mood for beach. He planned to catch up with his sleep and maybe watch the show FRIENDS which Y/N insisted that he should watch. Also he would not have to listen to the Sam’s obnoxious sound. That was a plus.

As soon as the rest of the team left, Bucky walked to the kitchen to make himself something. He checked the cupboards and found them empty. He checked some more cupboards. All of them were empty.

“Damn it!” he cursed under his breath. He will have to go for grocery shopping. He hated grocery shopping.

“What happened?”  He heard Y/N ask.

He turned around to face her. She was packed and ready to go. Instead of replying he showed her the empty cupboards.

“Sam, Scott and Peter raided the last contents yesterday night.” She told him. Bucky walked out of the kitchen.

“I better go and get some grocery then.”

“Why don’t you come with me instead?” Y/N asked.

“What?”

“Come with me. For camping. My folks are not that annoying and I am sure you will like them. It would be relaxing. Others would come back on Monday and so would we. Instead after camping we come back to city and rent a room in some hotel and watch FRIENDS. Or any other show or movie which you want. This way when others return, these cupboards would still be empty and Steve will not be happy. Sam will definitely get an earful.” Y/N explained her plan.

Bucky thought for a while and nodded. He didn’t mind camping. And it would be nice to give Sam a taste of his own medicine.

“I’ll meet you here in fifteen.”

*Monday*

The rest of the team had returned by Monday afternoon. The vacation did not go as planned. Hulk had made an appearance. It took a while to calm things down after that. Tony and Clint had to do the cleaning of the mess created by them.

Everyone was so tired that they had decided to turn in for the rest of the day after having some quick lunch. Sam had told them how he had emptied all cupboards just to annoy Bucky.

“He must have had a fun time re-stocking them.” He said.

Everyone rushed to the kitchen, some aiming to cook while rest helping whenever need just to get food on the table as quickly as possible. Wanda opened the fridge. It was empty. Bruce had opened one of the cupboards. They were empty too.

“It’s empty.” They both said together.

“What?” Natasha asked.

Bruce was going through the rest of the cupboards. They were all empty.

“There is nothing here. Everything is empty.”

“That’s not possible. Our Winter Charming must need food to survive. Hey Friday, Where’s Barnes?” Tony said. He too went to take look at the empty cupboard, hoping it might be some prank that Barnes must have pulled to piss them. Sadly he was wrong.

“There is a voicemail for you, Mr. Stark” was Friday’s reply.

Everyone had a confused look on their face. They were hungry and tired and they definitely need some answers.

“That’s not the answer to my question. Play the voicemail anyway.” Tony said.

“Hey everyone.” It was Bucky. And he sounded different. There were loud noises around him.

“If you have hearing this message then it would mean I am not there. Y/N invited me to the camp trip and here I am. Actually it’s fun here- Hey Y/N careful. You will trip over- Never mind.”

There was a ‘thud’ sound behind him.

“Where was I? Oh yeah. Guys Sam, Scott and Peter have emptied all the groceries. So you might want to re-stock them. BTW Sam, nice try. Better luck next time. If there is any. Cheers.”

There was pin drop silence. Natasha gave Sam a look and said in a dangerously low voice.

“Run.”

And he did not need to be told twice.

Soulmate part 1

A soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.  Someone who is your one and only. And when you find them, you feel that your life is finally complete. All your decisions, all your moments in life take you one step closer to them. A few lucky ones have some sort of sign. It could be anything.  A voice in the head, a tattoo like mark, a name inked permanently somewhere in your body. Some have timers. While the rest just go with the flow, finding their soul mate whenever they were meant to be found.

You were in the ‘go with the flow’ category. While everyone around you were eager to find their soul mate, you would be busy living your dream. Your sister spent days and months to find her ‘George’, you started teaching yourself how to play violin. Your roommate went around looking for similar tattoo on all the male she met, scaring a few of them- you took a road trip. You believed that you should live your life to fullest, make memories, so that when you meet your soul mate you can tell him (or her) about your adventures. Understandably not everyone could understand your logic.

Today was one of the most important days of your life. And you were late. You and your colleague were going to interview a prominent personality for your magazine. That is if you reach the venue on time. Rushing through the commuters you managed spot the building in front of you. Entering the building, you went to the receptionist for directions when you were interrupted by your colleague.

“You were almost late.” He accused you. His head was covered with small beads of sweat. It definitely showed that he was nervous.

“I am sorry. Really sorry. I had a late start.” You explained.

Still glaring at you, he said,

“I would have killed you if I ended up doing this alone. You know how nervous I get? I almost had a panic attack.”

“I am really, really sorry. I am here now and you don’t have to worry at all. Everything would be fine.” You tried to assure him. In spite of your assurance, the worry lines on his forehead were still present. Hoping that the rest of the day goes without any such pressure test, you both walked to the room were the interview was held.

#####################

So far everything was going well. You were in the middle of asking some important question when it happened. You felt a sudden pull in your chest. You ignored. Your short pause didn’t go unnoticed.  Your colleague raised his brows asking what happened. You shook your head as discretely as possible and focused on your job.

Again you felt the pull. Stronger this time. You were thrown backwards with your chair. You could not understand what was happening. Every eyes in the room were on her. Some curious, some confused.

Again you felt the pull. This time you were thrown towards the door.

“Just follow it. Don’t fight it.” You heard someone say. Was it your guest? You were not sure. You just followed the pull physically. But your mind was entirely on the interview. This- whatever it was, was going to cost you your job.

Suddenly you crashed into someone. Instead of falling down hard on your ass, you felt a pair of arms- a warm and a cold, holding you securely. You looked up and froze. Blue. The calmest blue you had ever seen. You were lost in it, so deep that the world around you simply did not matter. Nothing mattered more than the person who held you. Not even your interview.

As soon as the thought of interview passed through your mind, you broke out of the trance. Apologizing to the stranger you rushed back to your incomplete appointment, without waiting for any reply.

##############

Bucky stared into his empty arms and then at the crowd where the woman disappeared. His heart even more broken and his soul as empty as before. His soul mate just ran away from him.

Part 2 will be out soon.

Baby: Part 1

Tony Stark is a man of many faces. He is a Genius, a Billionaire, a Playboy (not much these days), and a Philanthropist. In simple words- he is a crazy man with a good heart.

But right now according to Natasha Romanoff, he is the biggest meddling prick in the whole universe. She had few colourful words especially for him, which she would have given him, had it not been an emergency. She took quick steps toward the lab, praying that either Bruce or Shuri were available. She was in luck. As soon as she dashed into the lab, she was greeted by Bruce patching up Sam. Steve was waiting patiently in the corner, while Shuri was looking into Bucky’s metal arm. All the head turned towards her.

“Hey Natasha-” Her greetings was intruppted by a snarl. Everyone gave each other a look, wondering what had ticked off the Black Widow.

“You need to look at this.” Natasha said putting something on the medical table on the other end of the lab. Bruce and Shuri walked up to her- curious, closely followed by Steve. Sam tried to peep through, but due to lack of visibility, he jumped off. Bucky stayed motionless, afraid to mess the settings of the instruments which Shuri had attached on his metal arm.

“What is that?” Steve asked

“The correct question is WHO THE HELL IS THAT?” Sam said.

“That is Y/N.”

Hearing this everyone went to take a closer look. Bucky jumped off the table and walked up to others. There he saw a small bundle. Inside the bundle was a small baby. A Baby. In the Avenger compound.

“Pardon?” Bruce asked in confusion. He started examining the baby, others were still in shock.

“We went to meet the wizard. Me, Tony and Y/N.” Natasha began her story. “Tony was meddling with some magic artefacts, one of which backfired. It hit Y/N and turned her into a baby.”

“Oh Dear!” Shuri said. She picked up the baby Y/N, who was about to cry, and pacified her. Bruce rushed around the lab to set up equipment for tests. Others didn’t know what to do. Bucky stared at the baby. Head full of dark hair, brown chocolate eyes, looking at Shuri curiously, with rosy chubby cheeks.

“Close your mouth dude. Or the fly will get in.” Bucky heard Sam speak. He turned to see a smirking Sam and gave him a confused look.

“Dude, I know you fancy Y/N. but right now she is a baby. Though she is a very cute baby, you need to stop staring at her.”

Bucky quickly pulled a expressionless face.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” He replied and went back to his previous sitting on the table, waiting for Shuri to return.

“Sure he doesn’t.” Steve whispered to Sam and both of them started giggling like teenage girls.

-x-x-x-

What will happen next? Wait for Part 2. Coming out soon.

upon a different life - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, establishing relationship, slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers, i miss bucky, avengers being siblings (and weak for plot),mentions of violence,

hello! it's my bucky fic! i had a bucky fic back then but I deleted it anyway, this was supposed to be a one part but i got carried away, enjoy barnes knowing you! *i wrote this around 3am so, if i have some mistakes, i'm sorry!!*

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 3.5k

James Buchanan Barnes is slowly getting used to in living with Avengers and the era he is in, in general, he enjoys the slowly yet steady step to forgive himself and earn forgiveness to those people around him as well familiarizing the more advanced world, but nightmares and remarks of his past action come and go; everyone notices it, especially his friend Steve Rogers, but despite this minor setback, he still move forward because it’s not every day, that you die in the 80s and woke up 75 years later. 

In terms of forgiving, the sergeant doesn’t know if the genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist have forgiven him—it’s not a secret Stark gives the money and sponsor on the compound they live in but despite his hesitation to live with them, Stark still offered him—it might be a silent agreement with Rogers but somehow, Barnes hopes Stark acknowledges how sorry he was. 

But among other things, he wishes he can finally get used to. He finds himself not getting used to you. Even the entire team knows how much James hates you; to you, it’s no secret: you’re his last handler afterall and if the tables are different, you would hate Barnes too. Before Zemo took control of Barnes as Winter Soldier, you were his last boss, a menace actually, you would let him be used. He gets used by someone, you get rich, a simple deal between HYDRA and you. But that changed, when the Winter Soldier regained his memory; with no leverage in making a deal with HYDRA, the Black Widow offered you a place to stay.

It was a nice place, really, a lot nicer than the one you lived in, except, maybe for the fact that you’re still under someone jurisdiction: while the sergeant is able to roam around the city, you keep staring at the wonderful electronic tag in your ankle: in your deduction, you believe that the Avengers are only keeping you alive because of what you know—it’s not even sympathy why the Black Widow offered you stay with them, it’s more of a business. 

From the moment you receive glares from everyone in the room, you know damn well that this is just another business. So, it is indeed a surprise, when the A.I enters your room.

“Ha, did Stark send you to check on me again, Vision?” You asked as the artificial intelligence gave you a look. Despite the team’s lack of enthusiasm with you, Vision, Clint, and Thor are the only ones who seem to talk to you. You have talks with Natasha, Tony, and Bruce as well, but it is more of a business than a talk. 

“No, I was wondering if you wish to join me, Clint, and Wanda to watch Dick Van Dyke, she seems very excited about it.”

“What makes you think she wants me to join you guys?” You asked hypothetically.

Vision nodded as he glanced at your electronic tag. “If it makes you feel better, they don’t really hate you that much. In my defense, I think you only did the things you have done because you want to survive.” You scoffed as you said that. 

“Well, tell that to Sergeant Bar–” but Vision cut you off. “People won’t always use you. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you realize you’re more than just a HYDRA pawn.” You stared at him, as he continued. “At least, that’s what I observed with Sergeant Barnes.”

“Thanks, Vision.” You gave a bland smile, as he left your room. A part of you wants forgiveness, but for someone who learnt life in a hard way, you’re hesitating to give this one a try. Yet for once, a robot was more human than you.

A year after an endless discussion between the Avengers, they decided to remove the electronic tagging and let you roam freely, but still under their jurisdiction. Somehow, Stark and Banner acknowledge your knowledge while the rest give respect to your fighting ways and quick judgment; well, all of them are getting used to you. Well, maybe except for Bucky. Steve told you it takes time, but to your knowledge, it won’t take time because it won’t happen. You accepted the terms that Barnes will not and never forgive you, you don’t blame him though, mostly you blame yourself.

In this scene, you finally learn to adjust, not going out of your room if he was outside, not training–the same time as him, and definitely not talking to him; even a spare glance, felt like a struggling pain of unforgiven lingering. The team respected Barnes more than they respected you, but somehow, it felt like you finally belonged to something. Well, atleast, that’s what you thought.

Their mission to infiltrate HYDRA failed terribly, despite the information you gave them, they weren’t prepared and outnumbered. Despite their failure, they were able to take a hit on HYDRA’s camp, it’s not much but still affected HYDRA. As the quinjet landed on the hangar, the medical team supported those who were injured. A lot of them were, including those who sometimes get out without a scratch.

In the med bay: you saw Clint and Sam—they somehow, took a toll, as you walked further, you saw the entire team taking care of their small cuts, with them helping another, they were able to close the wounds, well, maybe except for the Winter Soldier—or as they call him the White Wolf. On the back of his right shoulder, he was bleeding badly, despite having all the needed things to tend his wounds around him, he sat on the bed feeling out of place, besides it’s only a shoulder wound. 

Due to the lack of people in the med bay, you offered help in the team. As you finished to tend some of the team’s wounds including Rogers’ and Romanoff’s. Your eyes met a struggling Bucky Barnes, grasping his right shoulder with his metal arm. Your footsteps were slow as you walk towards him.

“...Do you need help?” He wanted to say no, everything part of him says no, but as he glanced that there’s no person who can help him in his injury, he nodded. Afterall, you’re also the one who patches him up whenever he gets injured in his missions back then.

You carefully clean his wound as you tend him, you wipe the dirt and the things visible that might infect the wound, as you try to start a talk. “Was it bad out there? In the mission, I mean..” He just let out a grunt, which you expected, but he replied with. “They have three more Super Soldiers and one enhanced, just like Wanda.”

You didn’t respond, just continued stitching his wound. As you finish, you put on some bandages as he asked. “Did you know?” Barnes asked.

“Did you know about the Super Soldiers?” He asked again, for a quick moment, you realized that he is still an assassin, you felt his anger and bloodlust. At that moment, you wish you didn’t work with HYDRA. In truth, you didn’t know where they were but you knew HYDRA didn’t stop making them. But your stuttering left the Sergeant furious even more.

“I–I..” That was the only thing you could say when you suddenly felt his metal hand around your neck, at other times this can be hot and daring, but at this time, you were damn sure that the Sergeant would be able to crack your neck: he could kill you. The team in the med bay immediately sat up. 

“Buck, put her down.” You assumed it was Rogers who was talking to the Sergeant. As it was getting hard to breath, James starts to explain that you knew there were Super Soldiers, in that Rogers asked you. 

“Did you actually know?” Barnes shook you, as you met the Captain’s eyes. “I did.” Before James finally kills, you continue. “I didn’t know they were stationed there.”

If this was a HYDRA facility, they would’ve shot you despite you telling the truth, Wanda nodded, a confirmation that you were telling the truth. Steve asked Bucky to let go of you, with an angered stare, he let go. As you try to catch your breath, you notice some of the bandage of Rogers came off. You reached your hand to help him but a metal hand covered your wrist. 

“Stop pretending to be a good guy, we know you’re глупая игрушка of HYDRA.” He grabs your wrist tighter. “You’re not even part of the team.” That was the last straw, you pulled your wrist away, as you searched for someone to stand with you but all you saw was them looking away from you, even Vision. You nodded as you felt some tears sting. You never actually belonged in the team. Just like Barnes said, a глупая игрушка. 

A stupid toy.

Stark spotted you, making tea in the middle of the night. “So, you’re the one that’s drinking tea.” His voice echoed in the empty kitchen. You nodded as you asked him if he wanted some, as he nodded. “Heard what happened.”

“Of course, you do.” Stark eyed you as you finally sat down and Stark rolled his eyes. “I forgave Terminator a while ago.” You looked at him.

“I know he took everything from me, but, I guess it’s just the way it is…Pepper is really good at convincing , I give her that, well, maybe because we–”

“Are pregnant…?” You asked, in which Stark immediately shook his head and chuckled. “Well, no, but, I just want peace, you know.” 

“That’s a bit out of character.” You commented. “Ah, the secret service have their humor.” The billionaire chuckled. As he glanced at the stair towards the rooms. “You did not know about the soldiers but, the information you gave was really helpful. We can start with that.” As Stark stood up. He added.

“Oh, and next time, make sure you suit up. You can tag along in the mission if you want, secret service.” Stark walked away with a smug smirk. “You sure, they’ll allow me in the field, Mr. Stark?”

“Maybe not. But, we have a higher chance of winning if they don't know what they’re up against.” He said as he left. But, when the morning comes, there’s no trace of you—only the cup of tea you shared with Tony and a room filled with your stuff, as well as, a folder with all of HYDRA’s information and coordinates in sticky notes. As the team assembled, they wondered if you were stolen from them or you were actually planning to betray them a long time ago.

And there’s only one way to find out.

As the Avengers rode the quinjet, Stark drove peacefully as Romanoff shared her side. “Steve, if we do this and see her there, we can’t save them like we did back then.”

“We didn’t save her, Romanoff. We used her…” Steve added. “But, you guys cared for them too.” His eyes fall on Bucky. “Buck, I know this is—”

“It’s a mission. As long as we’re done. I don’t care what happens to them.” James added.

As they reach the base of HYDRA, with the coordinates in the folder, they immediately search for you, but to their mistake, they fall right into a trap. Not even their strongest and the witch was able to see the trap, as they sat and chained in chairs, Natasha cracked a joke.

“This is probably their revenge.” In which none of them find them funny. Especially the guy with a metal arm. As the time passes with the endless blabbering of the man on the computer, lights and warning signs alarmed the area: as the Avengers look for an escape. It was an unfamiliar site, even for Bucky, all of the soldiers on HYDRA are getting deployed, what could possibly be the reason? As the chain, holding the Avengers finally loose, they stood up immediately, they ran in the door meeting you.

“ROGERS?!” You asked breathlessly. They were all confused but much more concerned about the blood painting your entire body. “Oh, it’s not mine.” You said in a smile. “We have to run, quinjet is outside the building.” As the team sprinted outside, surprise to see the number of bodies you took down. 

“You took them all down?” Natasha asked as the quinjet was finally visible. “Ah, yeah. I was raised by them so, nevermind, we have to go.”

It was going so well, but in the escape, a lot of missiles were aimed at the quinjet, as you, Sam, Tony, Wanda, and Sergeant Barnes fought the trailing jet in the back of quinjet, James rode a jet that is about to crash with another, he dodged the explosion but fell unconscious. Without thinking, you jumped out of the quinjet to save his unconscious body, hoping it’s water underneath all the chaos. 

As the cold temperature of water hit you, you swam to get the sergeant’s body. People in quinjet knew what happened, but in the height of the situation, they had no choice but to continue to flee; hope to save the sergeant and you, tomorrow.

The sergeant woke up in a bed made of leaves and an open night-sky. As he familiarize with his surroundings, he saw the heat radiating from a bonfire and you sitting by the shore. It was as if you sensed him.

“You’re finally awake.” You said as you walked towards him; he immediately tensed up. “Oh, right.” you placed the sugarcane on the sand as you sat down. “Tony would probably search for us tomorrow, once the sky is cleared.” You added but he is still weary of your presence. 

“What’re you playing at?” He asked, as you looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You being a goody-two-shoes, you know, none of us trust you.” He added finally, grabbing the sugar cane munching it. “And now, you leaving and suddenly appearing at the HYDRA facility, makes you more of a traitor than a help to us, so, what’s really your play?”

“...I want to help—”

“You have a funny way of showing it…” He grumbled as you replied. When you hear him grumble, you grab a swiss knife in your pocket, as you did when he was on guard but then, you place it on the sand and look at him. “I wasn’t there because I wish to betray anyone, I was there because…..” 

You sighed and looked at him. “I wanted to apologize to you. What I did in those years is unforgivable, hell, even I would be angry if I was in your position. I wanted to apologize to you and your family, the one you grew up with. I want to see if HYDRA knows about them, in that way, I can apologize for manipulating Winnifred’s only son and Rebecca’s only brother.” 

Bucky stared at you. “But who am I kidding, it is full of shit..I just really hoped because—I finally felt like I was part of a team. It’s a bit much, right? I was ahead of myself.” You chuckled. As you stare at the sea, you continue. “The swiss knife will be there, do whatever you want with it. Whether you used it for survival or against me, it’s up to you.” You smiled at Bucky.

“This probably will make you hate me even more but it truly means everything, I am really sorry, Bucky.” 

That was the first time he heard you mutter his name. His first time seeing you smile. His first time hearing you say sorry; his first time seeing you.  As the night grew deeper, you fell asleep, except for the guy with a metal arm, he fidgeted with the swiss knife and kept glancing at you. He has you, he can kill you, revenge. With a lot of contemplation; balancing his morals, he stood up, gripping the swiss knife tightly and went to your sleeping body.

He was really thankful that you were asleep.

You watch from upstairs as you see the God of Thunder, the White Wolf, and Captain America struggle with their new phone given by Stark.

“10 Bucks says Barnes will break it.” Sam told you as he stood watching the three as well. “20 Bucks says Odinson will be the one who will break it.” You added; to anyone’s surprise, it was Steve who made the screen crack. 

“Dammit.” Sam muttered as you noticed his suit. “Got a date or something?” Sam just nodded and said something about meeting his sister in the bank, as he left, you called Barnes out. “Sergeant, we’re losing daylight, let’s go.” You said as he ran upstairs, leaving the compound as well, with you next to him. 

He grips the swiss knife tightly, as he walks to your unconscious body as he shakes you awake.  “Hey.” he muttered slowly: “Did you find them? Rebecca, I mean…” In your state, you would have said something random but as you met his eyes, he was just pleading as you nodded, he retracted the knife and handed it to you. 

“Go say your apologies to them then. Bring me to them.” In that he awkwardly smiled but was sincere. “Okay.” As he went to his side on the sand, he then sighed, “It means everything, Thanks for saying that.” With a soft heart, you slept soundly and Barnes did too as the sand felt more like the best bed in town.

As you drive, Barnes asks how you find his family. “It was more of how HYDRA hid it, what surprised me is that—they don’t pick dead bodies up in the 40s?” In that, Bucky eyed you. “What do you mean? I fell of the—”

“If I was like one of the bosses, I would’ve.” Bucky sighed. “It was war back then, it was better to leave them, I guess.” You sighed and acknowledged his explanation. As you two reach Brooklyn, his eyes wander. “First time back in Brooklyn?” he nodded as he explained how different times were. He wasn’t talkative much, but you saw how his eyes lit up when the corners of Brooklyn hit him home. As we reach the cemetery, you glance at the grave.

“This is Rebecca’s and your Mom’s. I couldn’t find anything on your father, I’m sorry.” As Barnes walked out the car with flowers in his hand, you watched him but then he opened your door, “Aren’t you going to apologize to them too?” You smiled and got out of the car, “I did say that.”

We stayed there for a few minutes, as Bucky walked to get something in the car, he heard your voice talking to them as if they were still alive, it felt new to him, this side of you, it’s more warmer than before. He walks cautiously as he slowly hears a bit of your words. “Rebecca and Mrs. Barnes you have an amazing brother and a son.” 

Despite everything and hate lurking in his chest towards you, his painful experience, he was willing to give this forgiveness a shot, because he was a human and not a machine. 

As the two of you drove back to the compound, the silence was now replaced with a calmer one, which Bucky glanced at you. “Something wrong?” He asked you. 

“No, it’s just, I don’t know what we should talk about, I’m still getting used to this too. Food that is warm, going to places that don't require guards, a bit warmer home, and bright home, and a house full of people, still getting used to it, I guess.” You explained.

“Well, me and you are on the same boat.” He added assuring you. The ride back was more of a relaxed one, as you heard Bucky’s stomach growl. “We should eat something.” Before he could protest, you parked the car and you two went inside a diner. 

As you two sat, you kept glancing at the machine on the edge of the table, as you saw Bucky eyeing it as well. “What is it?” You asked him, as he cleared his throat. “A Jukebox.” but your lack of response made him look at you. “You don’t know what—”

You shook your head. “Well, with HYDRA raising me I only know the static radio.” You explained, looking away awkwardly. “Oh, it’s a music box, like a vinyl but you need a quarter to play a song.” He explained as you nodded. “I have a quarter.” As you give him the quarter, he signals you to press a button to play music.  As you two eat a meal in the diner: the low volume of Chet Baker’s I Never Been In Love Before plays, it is safe to say that two people felt more human than before and a lingering warm feeling in their chest. Safe to say, they’ve never been in love before.

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

vsego dva prizraka - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, enemies-to-lovers, mention of violence, curse words, idiots-in-love, sharon carter is a meanie here, trauma, torturing and avengers! shenanigans

hello! it's my bucky fic! part ii of upon a different life is here! thank you for supporting it, means a lot! anyway, here's part ii, uh--sharon carter is higkey unlikeable here so, i'm sorry! enjoy loving bucky!

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 7.8k (got carried away, mb)

As you trace the track of living the endless cycle of you and the White Wolf stumbling in this much different life, James Barnes slowly learns fragments and side of you that were covered during the time in HYDRA’s grasp, don’t get him wrong, part of him still navigating in living and breathing around you but somehow, he doesn’t mind learning more about you, he somehow find himself tangled in your webs: in which he rationalized that maybe the words of HYDRA never left his head or maybe, just maybe, he felt a sense of familiarity with you, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that in the corners of the Avengers compound, someone understands him.

You, on the other hand, slowly make amends to the people you caused trouble when you were still HYDRA’s living leverage: some of them thanked you for apologizing while some did not take any apologies from you. Despite the hardship of earning people’s forgiveness, a part of you was grateful that the bed was even warmer than before, people actually smiled at you, talked to you, and you built the idea that the world isn’t always red and bruised. 

For another, you finally see the Sergeant that fell off the train in 1945, how his life is ultimately different to the one you previously known, how his attention is relatively closed-knitted with books rather than guns and knives, how his grumpy old gaze was just him being confused, and how his metal arm is for carrying Banner’s stuff rather than a weapon to be used. It is refreshing to see things in a different light, but there’s still a present guilt on how you stole these simple things from the Sergeant, a lingering disgust within you was still present. How you wish HYDRA didn’t use him; how you wished you didn’t use him–despite his given acknowledgement of forgiveness: a terrible little you burns the edge of your mind. Yet, as you meet his eyes while sparring, in missions, in the kitchen, and at night, it keeps you grounded that what you have now is a chance to prove yourself—that you’re more than just HYDRA’s stupid toy.

After a few months of the events of you and Bucky sharing a moment in Brooklyn, you two find each other’s presence more grounding, call it sharing a trauma or trauma-bonding but what is certain, the each of you became each other’s compass in wandering the softer edge of the world.

The mission was executed properly and Tony Stark, being the man he is, decided to throw a party at the compound: with close friends, workers, family, and the Avengers–as the people went through the party, you stayed at the bar and challenged drinks with Yelena and Sam.

Sam and Yelena are on their fifth drink as their visions start to betray them. It was a stupid challenge, really, but it was amusing to join. As you drank your fifth drink, you winced at the bitterness and warmth coursing through your throat. “You two okay…?” You asked, basically indicating that you are still in the right state of mind, body, and soul.

“Absolutely…” Yelena uttered but her words were shaky and unstable as Sam just nodded and tried to sit up straight. In another point of view, it seems like you poisoned the two, but in this challenge: pride was on the line. “You know, you two should take a rest…” 

The Falcon immediately protested his dislike at the idea of taking a rest, but before he could argue, he fell off his chair, causing Yelena to fall as well. “Told you…” You uttered under your breath. As Rhodes and Wanda helped the two go back to their room, you were left alone in the bar as a familiar metal arm tapped the table.

“You finally decided to show up.” Bucky nods and sits on the stool. “I heard that Sam fell flat on his face, so I had to see it.” You shook your head and nodded. “Anything I can get you?” Bucky decided whiskey on the rocks, as he was just taking a sip every now and then.

You asked the White Wolf why he wasn't joining Steve and Thor sharing drinks at the other side of the room, his eyes looking over the God of Thunder and Steve as he just looks back at his drink. “Just not feeling like talking to other people, everyone’s here is so different from the 40s.” You nodded as you sip your drink as well.

“Well, I’m not from the 40s, so, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you replied as you watched the people having fun. “But I guess, I do get where you’re coming from. I mean, people are actually…talking, not ordering me around.” You chuckled unsure, yet Bucky knew what you meant. 

As you sighed, you looked over at him. “How’s your trip with Peter? I heard the kid practically dragged you around Queens for his project.” A small sigh and smile left James’ lips. “Parker was talking a lot, he introduced me in the corners of Queens, it was nice. But I still choose—.” you continue his words.

“Brooklyn.” You both said in unison, as he nodded. After a while, you two just watch the party in the bar. In the scene of soft music and chattering noises, it was quiet on your side. As if there was another world being built there–a look of adoration of the people around the room is present in the eyes of two former people of HYDRA, call it a look of longing or even hoping; in the back of Bucky’s mind he remembered the days where he dance with girls in the 1940s while you wonder if being in a party means being happy in people’s company.

Bucky was about to say something when he saw people dancing on the dance floor. Despite the uplifting mood, some people swayed to the music, calmly, not out of rhythm but still a form of slow dancing. His eyes darted to you as he saw how intrigued and focused you are in the people dancing.

“First time seeing people dancing?” He asked, as you spared him a look and you nodded. “Would it be weird if I said yes?” Bucky shook his head a ‘no’. He knew what you went through as he took a sip and said: “It’s not weird. But, it’s surprising..”

“Why is it surprising?”

“Well, when you and Natasha went to the ball for an undercover mission, didn’t you two dance with people to blend in…?”

“Oh, the mission in Budapest.” You nodded. “I didn’t dance that night, not once in my life, I think…” He glanced at you, as you asked if he danced. The Sergeant had this nostalgic look in his eyes, as if he tried to remember the soft hands he held as he danced in the 40s. With a last sip of his drink, he had a smug look on his face. “1943. Her name was Connie.” You listened intently. 

He shared the Stark Expo, the memories he has as he danced with Connie before the war. As he grabbed a beer at a nearby table, to his surprise, you’re actually listening to him: He also told how he gave Steve a date that time, a double date, as he mentioned. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe the ambiance, but Bucky couldn’t stop talking to you—especially, when you’re looking at him as if he’s the only person in the world. Listening to him as if the music isn’t filling your ears.

He should not let the soft smile appear, yet he loves this. He loved being listened to. Despite, his demeanor and adjusting behavior around you; getting used with you, he let it slip—he hoped it was the alcohol, god, he hoped it was—he smiled at you, not an awkward one nor a smug one, it is a smile reserved for the times he felt at ease: the smile he had when he stayed at Sam’s hometown, the smile he had when he saw the flying car in Stark Expo, the smile he had when he was saved by Steve, and a smile that made his ears warm when he was dancing with Connie in 1943.

You smiled back, the Sergeant looked so handsome. A pretty man. In the moment, you two are like teenagers down the block or somewhat two strangers finally see each other eye-to-eye. As James ignored the warmth in his cheeks—pretending it was from the alcohol—he breaks the smile. As you question: “Was it nice…?”

Moments like this, James realized that you two are not far from each other; he got to experience becoming a human, before mess happened. While you lived in the mess, not knowing what it means to be a human—he pity you sometimes, he often wonders if you’re just making this up, waiting for a moment so, you can fuck him up but moments like this, he somehow recalls you had this look of ingenuity, as if you have no clue: how to live. 

And he knew, for he also had the same look in his eyes. So, he nods and looks at the people sharing a slow dance. “It felt nice..” As you sip your drink, the Sergeant wants to ask you something, yet a bitter voice in his head holds those words back. In that he settled with that answer, as he drank the beer while you watched the people dance. A simple breath left you: “I’ll figure it out how it feels..” 

If things were different, the bitter voice in his head would have not bothered him—but for now, he settled with whatever he had with you, as he left it at that.

You walked in the compound and smelled the spices in the kitchen, with a book in your hand—you saw Vision and Wanda cooking. Since the Redhead A.I has heightened senses, he welcomed and invited you. You felt like a trash third wheel, but as Wanda gave you a smile and offered what they cooked, it was more than welcoming. 

A look from the outside was watching the three of you, or perhaps, you. The blue eyes watched you, as if he was analyzing how different you look: you looked at ease, your shoulders aren’t tense; you looked so…calm. “Are you going to run or are we gonna be staring at them until it gets weird?” Sam eyed the Sergeant as he glared back.

“Shut up, I’m almost done with my lap.” He grunted, going back to the stupid running bet with Sam. As Sam catched up with the grumpy old-man, Sam snickered. “That cyborg brain of yours is functioning in a new gear.” The Falcon teased, to which Bucky ignored–but he couldn’t help but wonder why he felt different around you: it was wrong, at least, that’s what he tells himself—he firmly believes, it was nothing but a mere heat of the moment perhaps, a little assurance for the trauma that you two share.

It was a normal day, to say so at least, the rest were doing their own things—enjoying the uneventful day, when afternoon arrived, some found themselves seeking to shut-eye: but not the former secret service of HYDRA and White Wolf.

“How about George Owell’s books?” You asked the Sergeant who was reading a book as he sat on the library’s couch. He raised his head and looked up at you at the loft of the library. “Haven’t read it but Dr. Strange said it’s a good one.” you nodded as you continued to scan the books in the library of the compound.

After a few hours of Bucky reading, he realized you’re not back in the seat where you promised to sit after you find the right book for you—that was an hour ago. He placed the book, The Hobbit, on the table as he called out your name. Your lack of response was a little jitter in his head, it’s unusual, or maybe it is usual, but he couldn’t help but check on you. As he climbed on the loft, he found you, reading a book on the floor.

He was bewildered as he saw you, reading a book on the floor as he sighed and sat next to you. “You finished your book?” You asked as he just shook his head; he didn’t say anything, letting you read in silence. In that moment, maybe, he was reading it all wrong—not the book, but you: he longs to be near you, whether he admits it or not, he stole glances as you read the book.

He should still hate you, you stole everything from him. But, his heartbeat quickens when you two share a soft moment, his ears ring when he does something that makes you laugh, his hands shake when you don’t respond to his comms when you two are on a mission, he doesn’t get it. He should still hate you, but he can’t help it—maybe, he’ll get it, once you do too.

As you read thoroughly, you felt a head on your shoulder. Typically, you would push it away, but as you heard even breathing as a relaxed state, you let it be. You didn’t move an inch, as you let the Sergeant sleep on your shoulder. It’s not the first time you served as a pillow to your new home, it was mostly Wanda or Yelena; sometimes Thor, when he wants to annoy you—but this felt new and raw. Your heart pounds louder, god, you hoped that the White Wolf won’t hear it. 

It was scary to feel this, the loud banging on your chest, the tensed shoulder you had, yet as you looked over your shoulder, you saw his closed eyes and relaxed eyebrows—your memory drifted to the time you hear his screams when HYDRA removes his memory, you tensed as you remember how he bear the pain as you just watch across the room, and you remembered how the his furrowed eyebrows in the cryo-sleeping machine. The guilt was seething pain in your neck, it tasted bitter, but for once, you ignored the bitter taste in your lips, you found a better position, as you lean back, Barnes fell further in your shoulder as head touched the side of your neck.

You smiled softly—the one you gave Barnes at the party, the one you gave Barnes as you apologized; the smile you gave Bucky at the diner, a few months ago. With a heavy feeling, you leaned in his head as you rested your cheek.

You are damn sure, this will result into stiff neck, back pain, or even cramps—but just this once, you’ll bear it, just this once you’ll let your back and muscle scream, and just this once you let James Buchanan Barnes sleep, with a relaxed eyebrows in the warm presence of the library.

It wasn’t long when you feel sleepy too, it was an afternoon hit afterall, but a part of you wishes to stay awake, you want this to last, yet, you found yourself closing your eyes, relaxing in the library. You knew you’ll figure it out one day, whether it’s right or wrong to long for this, you’ll figure it out how to pour your heart to the person who has a broken heart because of you—you’ll figure it out, you know it—you just hope, Bucky will figure it out too.

Everything was doing fine with you and Bucky; the entire team felt it too—the sudden change, the loosen tension, and the given knowing look. You and Bucky did too but the trip to the destination wasn't an easy one, most of the time, Bucky steps on things he was not sure he can step on, other times you bit off things more than you can chew. Stark and Steve saw what was going on, the three steps forward yet four times back. 

But little things keep you on arms length with the Sergeant: it’s not easy to look past with what you’ve done to him after all; it’s not easy for James to just forget everything that was stolen from him—for another, a part of you was new to this, the unknown butterflies when the Sergeant would do something as he glance at you, the red ears but not from the cold but when you hear James laugh, and the fast-paced beat: it was new to you, you know this feeling, you’ve read it in books: one to many times already but feeling it was another level, one you cannot help yourself but deny.

A bitter taste fell out of your mouth as you listened to the comms as you sneak in inside a control system for a mission, you could hear it—in the comms how Stark, Barnes, Romanoff, and Carter were blending in naturally in the crowd: it was a common hideout, to be honest, a terrorist stealing vibranium and having the operation under a bar-party casino, what a common hideout, it wouldn’t bother you; in reality, it should not bother you—you were HYDRA’s weapon once, undercover and sneak in mission is nothing but a piece of cake.

That would be the case, if you don’t feel a conflicting emotion in your chest—god, you hear it, the little chuckles the fell out of Carter’s mouth as you heard Bucky’s line on the end, he sound so out of character, out of touch, way different as he interacts with you. Cursing under your breath, you entered the camera room.

Without warning to the team, you successfully put the camera in your control, protecting Wanda, Sam, and Rogers from the security’s grasp. In that, you heard Tony’s chuckle.

“There you go, Secret Service, everyone..” He compliments you as he continues his comms. “Told you, you’re fit for the role—I’m great at role assigning after all.” In some cases, you would thank him —but your mind brushes things as Romanoff’s response to the comms was blurry as you recall the planning earlier.

“It’s set in Europe.” Sharon Carter's voice informed the team, as you, Yelena, and Natasha were preparing the things for the mission. As the information was given by Stark and Carter, you waited for further instruction—thus, leading to assigning roles. It wouldn’t matter actually, you were a spy, this would be a piece of cake: but then again, you bit off on something you can’t chew.

“Carter and Barnes, you two will be the undercover Mr. and Mrs. Williams, when we get control of the camera systems, that’s when Rogers, Wilson, and Wanda can come in. That leads to Yelena for going in the vault as me and Ms. Romanoff along with Williams taking charge of what’s in the casino.” Stark looked at Natasha and Rogers for confirmation, they both nodded. 

But you scanned the fake invitations made by Stark for him and Natasha; for Barnes and Carter: The Williams—a new feeling burns within you, but you carry on—for all you see, was Barnes already talking to Carter after the planning—moments like that: you find another reason why you should deny the wanted warmth spreading in your cheek when you talk to Sergeant.

“Hey, secret service, talk to me–” Stark’s pull you out of your trance, you immediately replied. “Yeah? I’m here..” Stark chuckled, as he informed to prepare for a change in plans. 

“Copy that.” A sigh left your mouth and a familiar voice—a softer one than what you once heard in HYDRA’s—”Everything okay, сахарный тростник?” 

Everything okay, sugarcane? In different circumstances, that would have the cheesiest smile out of you, how a stupid toy turned into sugarcane. But things are different, way different—everything was out of touch, instead a monotone left your lips. “Everything’s fine, soldier.” 

“You were not responding for a minute, you sure?”

In his words, you knew Steve wasn’t joking when he shared that Barnes have girls lining up for him in the 40s, knowing damn well, if you existed that time—you would too but as you listen to him, you notice the subtle different tone he uses with Carter, way different when it comes to you, it stings but you already foreseen this: it’s never gonna work, you stole everything from him for fucks sake. It will never work out. Bucky will never figure it out.

Before you could respond, a security breach alarm was ringing the entire place, it was from Yelena’s position—the things happened too fast, you immediately went to Yelena for back-up, which you two gladly got out. Everything was a mess, as far as you can remember, you and Yelena took some enemies, it was an odd pairing as Stark teased in the comms but as you fight, a lingering and gnawing feeling broods in your chest, it wasn’t the fight nor the team’s safety.

It was you, you’re worried about you and the damn stupid butterflies in your stomach. Your mind drifts that even in this different life, you still can’t have what you want to have—unprofessional, sloppy, neglectful, and hideous: as you heard a gunshot and a seething pain in your abdomen, so much for HYDRA’s favored leverage. 

As you felt the pain, the adrenaline coursing to your body made you fight more of the enemies, but the ringing in your ear never left, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe it was the comms, or maybe it was Yelena begging the team to go back to quinjet because you’ve been shot—it would be tolerable, the pain would be tolerable until in the comms you heard a pleading, longing, a lost voice.

“Has anyone seen Carter?” It was Bucky, god, he sound so worried, so distress, that made you wince even the bullet’s pain was nothing, this was much worse, you stumbled your walk as you throw the comms away, luckily Yelena was with you, after a moment, the Falcon and Iron Man carried you and Yelena back to the quinjet, as a limping Sharon Carter and getting assisted by Bucky met your view as Sam made you sit.

Wanda immediately used her ability to heal you but you pushed her hand away. “I’m okay, Wanda. I can take it—look over Sharon and Yelena, yeah?” You smiled at her but as she was about to protest, Steve nudged her shoulder as Steve sat next to you. “My bad, Captain..” You gave Rogers a smile, a masked one—god, you’re in so much pain.

“...You okay?” Stark snickered as Steve sent him a glare. “Rogers, I am fine. You should see the other guy—” but before you can continue, Natasha cut you off.

“You were distracted out there. You were not responding for a minute; you got shot. Want to tell us, what happened?” There she is, the Black Widow, you play with air in your mouth as you look at Steve and glance at Barnes talking to Sharon as Wanda heals her injury. Normally, Natasha would tease you about it but as she notices the subtle glance. She waited for your answer.

“Was not used in that set-up, I guess.” Natasha gave a look to you, call it pity, sadness, but as you stood up, watching as the fabric that Yelena tied in your abdomen was pooling red, you used Steve's shoulders to lift yourself up. “Sorry, was distracted, it won't happen again.” 

Steve was about to guide you but you shrugged him off as you walked in the little bathroom in quinjet. Not-knowing an emotion filled eyes was longing behind your back—how a pair of cerulean colored eyes is watching behind you. The jet was quiet, not because of the tight tension, but a worried one. So, Yelena carried the mood: reminding everyone that the mission is a success, but it wasn’t for Bucky, you were bleeding; he wasn’t there—for him, the mission would rather fail than to see you wincing in every step you make.

You removed your clothes as you removed the cloth that Yelena used to stop the bleeding, you eyed the injury as you knew this was a bit worse than you expect it, with running water, you cleaned it—scrambling the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, applying gauze—-you can ask Banner or Maximoff to look on it, for now, this’ll do.

Few weeks back in the compound, it felt like the time didn’t move. You were pissing off at HYDRA wishing they inserted the serum at you too—so, the healing process would be much faster than you bed-rotting in your room—but you guess, that was better; with Yelena being the closest things you have in sister–she told you everything. Especially the blonde woman hanging out with the terminator. 

She tells stories about them as she sometimes passes out in your room—you love Yelena, there’s no doubt, you thanked her every time she and Natasha would look at you as if you live with them. In the middle of the night, you got out of your bed as you fixed Yelena’s blanket next to you—-your light footsteps left your room, as you went to the kitchen. 

You wanted to make tea, but the heating pain from your abdomen, your movements were slow—it would take—“Sam would’ve ran sixteen laps and your tea is not even close to done.” Of course, the Captain’s voice. He was in his night outfit as you chuckled and nodded. “A little hand, then?” you asked the old man. 

That night, Steve Rogers made you tea as you watched and sat on the counter. “I can feel you staring at me…” Rogers uttered as you shook your head. “I never got to thank you…” You added as he placed a fresh tea on the counter as he also has one too. 

As you sip, a smile left your face—you liked the tea he made. “Peggy taught me in the 40s.” You nodded as he told you how Peggy taught him—before you knew Steve, you thought he just got lucky being Captain America, but with him sitting and studying your look: he’s also a human being that falled in the wrong path of time. With that, you looked at him.

“Does it get easier?” You asked him, it was a broad question. But, somehow, all the speeches he made for the team had the same weight when said: “I lived on ice for 70 years, it’ll eventually get harder.” Not the answer you wanted, but somehow, you knew.

“....but you have us. Eventually, it’ll be okay, not easy, but okay.” He sip his tea as he pulls the picture of Peggy in the compass he carries. 

“You must’ve really liked her…” You added–as he nodded, acting shyly—as he tells his story, but not the one written in the museum, somehow, the longing feeling in your chest was bigger, how he talks about Bucky, is so different from the Bucky you know, it was painful—but at this point, you mirrored Rogers, not missing how his eyes shimmered when he thought of Peggy. With a cup of tea on your hand, you figured it out: you absolutely, without a doubt:

You love James Buchanan Barnes.

Your heart clenches as you settle with the realization—“I’ve seen how you look at Bucky..” Cases like this, you would wanna talk to Natasha first, but, knowing Steve would not let it go, you continued—it’s your way to thank him for the tea, afterall.

“I do, I felt that, months ago—realized it, now. I saw how you talk about Peggy yet I think about how I talked about him.” You chuckled. “Guess his 40s charm never left, but, who would take me—why would I bother with this? I hurt him, stole everything from him and now we're a bunch of agents and icons, there’s no room for that—especially ... .especially with me.” Steve listened intently.

“Pepper and Tony would say otherwise.” You raise your head and meet his gaze. “Barton and his wife would not agree too. Parker and MJ would argue with you about it. Wanda and Vision would explain themselves to you—” You laughed, as you get his point.

“It’s not the same, Rogers—I hurt him. A million times, stole who he is, used what he is—how would he take me?” A bitter chuckle left your lips as cleared your throat, you stood up not wanting to talk more. “Thanks for the tea…” As you closed the door in your room, Steve sighed as he looked at the man standing in the dark corner of the room. 

“You heard her…” Steve got the cups and placed them on the sink, as the man in the corner stepped out. “How would you take her..?” Steve quotes your question. The man lingered his blue eyes in the door of your room. 

“All of her.” 

 It’s true, Barnes should still hate you—but, all at once, next to you, he feels like a child. Like, all the things he felt was damaged within him, felt undamaged—felt like you seen him in his bullshit: the 40s one, the Sergeant one, the Winter Soldier one, the White Wolf one, the James—the Bucky: you take them all, so, he would be a fool not to take all of you too.

Maybe, in the height of it all, 40s Bucky would never forgive you but—in his heart, a growing hope—thanking the stars, the pain, the stitches, the loss—for all of that: he thanked that he was still alive in hope for this love.

Steve nodded and looked at his friend— “Talk to her, Buck.” Bucky nodded, not saying anything but feeling everything—with a soft look at Steve, he realized that he got it—he understood it, that in your shoulder at the library: everything felt right: you hurted him, that is true, god, he hated you.

But in the dreaded past, meeting you, knowing you was the tattooed dream etched in his mind, that inside of the Sergeant, White Wolf, grumpy old man: was his inner child, wishing to spend the rest of his days until the time lets—god, he loves you.

The next day, alarms were all over the compound, you walked out of your room—seeing Tony and Steve in their suits; a missing cerulean eyes. “Where’s Bucky?” Sam immediately went to you, as he tried to push your back into your room.

“You’re still injured, let them handle–this–” You pushed his arm. “Don’t bullshit me, Sam—I am fine, where’s Barnes?” you repeated but as Sam was about to say something, Stark was at your room’s door. “Power Broker got him—” Without a word, you grabbed your stuff and changed your clothes to the uniform Stark made for you.

“Hey, hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Sam’s voice was louder as Tony did his best to stop you too. “Secret Service, listen to me, you’re still injured—you have to stay–”

“Stay?! I will not stay here, Stark, Bucky is—he’s not here—I’m not gonna stand here and hope you guys get him back! What if Zola found him! What if—” Stark cut you off. “We’ll bring him back—your Barnes.” In that you calm down, as you nodded and sat on your bed. As Stark left your room, Sam looked over at you.

“Sam?” 

“Yeah?”

“...I’m gonna follow them..” With that you clutched your bed sheets and begged to all the heavens of the universe to bring him back. Your love back.

James Barnes was sitting in a familiar chair, a chair that reminded him of his past, reminded him of all the blood—it’s happening again, he’s gonna lose all his memories again, he wanted to fight the doctors surrounding him but the drugs in his system were blurring everything. 

His metal hand was strapped as well as his chest and feet—he felt helpless. “Ah, you’re awake.” A voice, Sharon—she visited Bucky’s room last night, for whatever reason, Bucky thought Sharon needed help but as he turned his back, all he felt was the cold floor and woke up with the doctors all over the place with him tied up on the chair.

“Sharon, what the hell is wrong with you?” His voice is bitter, in pain, god, it’s all coming back— “Wrong with me? I am this, солдат.” Soldier. It is different when you say it, that’s the first thing Bucky noticed. “And I am selling you to the market. You are a great deal, Winter Soldier.” 

Of course, Bucky would be used again—the machine starts to produce a sound—a distinct familiar sound, is it always gonna end up like this? But in his throat, he can only plead—he felt like a kid, not the same kid that wishes for you, the kid that was begging to be freed, it felt so weird, familiar, painful, to be back here.

As the machine covers his left eye as he grunts in pain—he thinks of you. He wished he memorized you, he wished he knew how to make your tea, he wished he would remember your words, he wished he was back in the shore again as you ask for forgiveness as he eats the sugarcane, how he wished he was eating at the diner with the jukebox again; how he wished he took you to a dance. 

Then, it was nothing. 

“Солдат?” Sharon called out a name—Soldier?

Against the dark room, a soldier spoke: “Я готов ответить.”  The Winter Soldier was ready to comply.

“Tell me, it’s not you on the comms, Secret Service.” As Stark and Rogers rush inside the building, which was supposed to be a duo-mission, they hear a crackling noise on their comms. “That would be so boring if it wasn’t, right, Stark?” You chuckled, before Rogers can even argue about it—Stark already did.

“You stubborn–You just had your stitches! We’ll handle this! Stay put in your location–you—” But you cut him off.

“Even if you have stitches, Stark! If Potts is there—you’ll do it too, so, let me help…” Stark and Steve sighed, they knew they couldn’t stop you. After Stark sorting you out, you get on the other side of the building while the other two lurk on the other side. It was a dark building, as you successfully sneak in: you immediately scan the area.

The dark room makes you think of HYDRA years ago: it was triggering, your skin feels cold—if you’re feeling like this, what more to Bucky. You need to find him fast, but the pulsing in your head, also doesn’t help, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe when Sam tried to stop you earlier.

“I told you, I won’t let you!” Sam groaned as he blocked your path, for a thousand times. “Sam, please, Cap and Stark need us! They need me, we have to help them!” You fought him, but you knew he was holding back because of your stitches. 

“Work with me, Sam, please..” You pleaded but he got you in a headlock, as you calmed down. He loosened when you tapped his hand. “Please….It’s James. I don’t want him to go through that again, it’s the only way—only thing I can do, Sam—” 

Sam cared about Bucky and you knew that, at this moment, Sam hates that he cares about you too. “Fine, but—” You smiled at him— “I won’t tell Steve.” In that Sam just nodded and let you go. 

Never in your life, thought you would let your feet touch the casket for a man—a man whose heart and past are all broken because of you. You never thought you would see the day why people fought lively in the war because they have someone to go home to, you never thought you would see the day where all can be damned—just not you and Barnes.

The other side of the building is thoroughly occupied by fights: Stark and Rogers are really pushing through—while you see a laboratory, you immediately sneak inside. As Stark updated their situation of being occupied in a fight, you entered the lab. You finally saw Bucky, in the same chair, the first time you saw him. You were angry, pissed, and everything is being in the last line of your moral defense. 

“Oh, Bucky..” you immediately went to the buttons and let the machine let James go, but he remained seated. “Barnes, we have to go—come on–” You checked his face if he was injured, or even concussed, but all you met was a familiar eye, an unwanted one, the one would burn in your guilt—In his dilated eyes, the Winter Soldier is back. It’s not Barnes, not Bucky—HYDRA’s favorite: the one that killed people without blinking. With such hope, you pulled him up but to no avail, Carter’s voice broke through.

“Soldier, attack.”

The Winter Soldier immediately slapped you away, causing you to hit the wall—if it wasn’t for Tony and Shuri’s invention in your suit—you would’ve died but you met the Winter Soldier’s eyes again, this time—you stood at the same spot of his victims before, you knew what they meant: for the first time, you were scared. As Stark had scanned the area from his location, he asked you to stand down and wait for them—but the comms he was giving was meeting the cold floor.

You look at the Winter Soldier. “You really wanna do this, Sharon?” Sharon snickered as she cockily revealed her plan selling the Winter Soldier to the underground. “You’re nothing like Peggy, not a bunch.” Sharon scrunched her nose.

“Because Peggy never stepped up—she could have all this and yet she stayed at the stupid camp. But me, after the government go up against me, I finally find the purpose—”

“What? Like a criminal dealer?” Despite you tensing up, to fight against the Winter Soldier up—you snarked up a reply to Sharon. “That’s lame, you know, if I were you, I would go bi—”

“Shut up! Like you know better, you better stop pretending to be one of them because…you are just like me.” You stared at her; back at the brooding Winter Soldier. “Or not. Soldier…kill.” In that The Winter Soldier immediately attacked you.

For a while, you were able to keep up with his fighting style, you were once a HYDRA after all but a lingering warm feeling scattered in your chest: you can keep up with him because you spar together, you catch up with his speed. Despite the Winter Soldier’s attacking skills, you didn’t fight back, you just put yourself in defense and you tried to whisper words that would trigger his memory. You hoped Steve would arrive and pull the Soldier out of trance, as the Soldier pinned you to the wall, you finally attacked back—you kicked him as he stepped away.

“Soldat, ты меня бесишь.” The soldier grunted, he knew what you meant—he was pissing you off. In that his attack became more aggressive; You tried to recall all the memories, even the one Steve told you but none of them reached the Soldier. He kept punching and kicking you, until his hand hit your stitches, you fell on the ground as you clutch yourself in pain—the soldier reached for the gun, with the last strength you kicked the gun away. 

It fell on the floor as you grabbed it and aimed it at the Soldier. “Stay back, Soldier.” Yet, for the first time, your hand shakes holding a gun. Without abandon, the Soldier still charged, pushing you down to the floor—with an intention to kill,he grabbed a knife but instead of you pulling the trigger, you felt the knife getting deeper in your shoulder, the Winter Soldier twisted the knife, but he flinched when he heard you:

“Full circles…” You winced. “I am really sorry, Bucky…” Suddenly, the Soldier heard the shore, the sweet taste was familiar on his lips, your swiss knife on his hand—Bucky. 

He pulled his hand away as he stared at you. “....Sugarcane..” In that a bitter chuckle left your mouth as you nod. “Barnes..” You felt yourself tear up as you reached his cheek and caressed it. “You’re back…finally, you’re back..” Bucky was tense, he knew what he did but the way you looked at him, melted his inside. He was about to say his apology but a loud explosion occurred. He used his body to shield you as he carried you to the side.

He saw the blood in your suit, as you slowly got dizzy. “Hey, hey, don’t you dare. Sweets, come on–”Bucky tapped your cheek as he saw in the explosion was Stark and Steve, Steve threw his shield to Bucky as Bucky catched it he warned: “Steve! We gotta go, she lost a lot of blood.” Even Tony felt Bucky’s panic. 

“The quinjet is up north the mountain.” Steve said as he and Stark went to catch Sharon Carter. Bucky’s hand was dipping in your shoulder and waist as he carried you back to the quinjet, he kept checking if you were still breathing—he prayed, he was shaking in fear: he can’t lose you, especially not like this. His breathing was ragged as he reached the jet. He was hoping Wanda was there but all there were the buttons of the jet. 

He placed you on a chair as he grabbed the medical kit in a cabinet, he immediately sat on the floor and remove the suit—your stitches thorn and a bleeding shoulder, he was mad at himself, how did he even let it happen, he should not have hurt you, he should—

“Calm down, James…” He felt your hands on his cheek again, grounding him in his panic. He immediately shook his head. “No, no, I did this, I was—”

“You didn’t have a choice…” you smiled. “Besides, I think we’re fair now.” You joked but the giggle didn’t leave Bucky’s lips—-is he going to lose you too? His hand reached for your head as he ran his hand in your hair. “I should’ve asked you to dance with me, that night….” He whispered slowly.

As you nodded, relaxing in his touch. “I guess you owe me…”

“I do, I definitely do, sweets.”

Bucky was reading George Owell’s 1984—despite being a great book: it seemed a tale of HYDRA, he read intently in the library. After a while, he looked over the loft, recalling the memory when he fell asleep next to you. 

“Hey, sweets?” His voice called out, noticing the afternoon turned into night, knowing they drifted in the loft, next to each other. “Yes, Barnes?”

“We’ll read 1984 tomorrow?” He asked but neither of them moved, the proximity within them is warm, it’s home. With a chuckle, a reply left you: “If you’re up for it…”

After a while, he left the library with a longing look on his face as he carried the book, adoring the shared memory, longing for it, wishing he can experience it again—

— Suddenly, he met you carrying new bandages and band-aids. “Didn’t Banner tell you to stay on the bed?” He asked, immediately rushing to you.

“....Did he?” you asked, as you looked like a kid that stole a candy bar. “Well, Banner and Stark went out and my bandages are getting itchy so—I kinda, need to change them.” 

“Couldn’t Natasha or Yelena help you?” You nodded. “I can’t find them and they’re really itchy, Barnes.” You walked away from him as he held your shoulder. “Let’s change it then, sweets.”

Barnes made you sit on the sink of the bathroom as he changed the bandages in your abdomen, as you winced lightly. “This okay, sweets?” You nodded as he purely focused on the bandage. Later, reached another batch of bandages, as you see the guilt look in his face: as he changed the one in your shoulder. “Barnes…” You knew he wasn’t listening, he’s probably blaming himself in his head again.

“Bucky?” you called out, this time, he looked at you. As you reached for his metal arm, he pulled away but then you pulled it as you felt the metal texture. “I’m sorry…I hurted you.” He sighed as you held the wrist of his metal arm. “Guess we’re even—” He shook his head, not liking your humor.

“There could’ve been worse! I could’ve killed you—I could’ve lost you and it’s gonna be my fault–” In his panic, his right hand lightly hit your shoulder—but as he was about to say sorry again, you grabbed both of his cheeks. “We’re alright, Bucky. We’re okay…” You muttered, as you rested your forehead into his. 

“We’re okay.” You both muttered, as he calmed down, he continued to change your bandage on your shoulder, as his body heat was radiating into you. As he wrapped and cut the last bandage—you both stared at each other. His eyes were blue like you remembered, as his eyes linger in your eyes yet longer in your lips. 

Suddenly, it’s just him and you—above anything else, he kissed you. 

To which you smiled as you kiss him back, in the soft edge of the compound, it’s just him and you, his hand rested in your waist as you hold him in his shoulder—you kissed him as if you were memorizing him and he kissed you like he would want to keep your lips on a bottle so, he can get addicted and taste you anytime he wants. 

He pushed further as you pulled away and you chuckled. “I thought the 40s were supposed to bring them on date first…” Bucky eyes glistened with joy— “My bad, sweets, you looked like you wanted to kiss me.” 

As he kissed you lightly again, lingering a little longer—as he pulled away he tucked your hair in your ear. “I suppose I owe you a dance, sweets?” You smiled as you nodded, as you opened your arms for embrace as he indulged in your warmth. “Only if you change my bandages, until I get better?”

He nodded as he kissed your forehead: “You don’t have to ask me, sweets, I got you, always.”

“....You always call me that, after I said sorry to you…sweets, I’m not sweet, I’m a spy like Natasha and Yelen—”

“The sugarcane, sweets. The sugarcane, I still remember that was the only thing we ate that time—yet, even when I was mad at you, you still got me sugarcane, it was really…sweet of you.” He whispered as you laughed. “Steve wasn’t lying when you got your words.” 

He lightly kissed your injured shoulder and muttered a sorry to it. As you two hugged again, you can’t help but hum the song from the diner—playing in the jukebox: I’ve never been in love before—but as you smiled and relaxed at the sink—it felt different, it felt more human—warmest than ever been. 

Upon in a different side of life, you never knew it will turn out like this, watching stars with Barnes, holding hands, dancing in the rhythm, planning what’s for dinner with him;—despite the guilt brooding in each of your chest about what could’ve been in the past the future remains uncertain, as the old man said it will eventually be okay; maybe there was hate or maybe regret: but for a man who woke up 75 years later, he was finally certain as he decided that in each time he will fall in love..

— it's always going to be you.

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3 ₊˚⊹♡ taglist: @yesiamthatwierd, @bitchimasnake-sss, @cjand10, @jayflwr, @buckys-wintersoldier, @buck-buck-buckaroo, @the-winter-spider, @buckys-other-punkk, @mostlymarvelgirl, @winterslove1917. @winterfrosted, @the-winter-spider @nayala, @sluttylittlewaistenthusiast, @samthemarvelfan, @sinner-as-saint

:please message me if you do not wish to be tagged! <3

Y/N: Hey, Bucky, wanna play 20 questions?

Bucky: ...

Bucky: What's your favorite color?

Y/N, staring deeply at Bucky's eyes: Blue, do you love me?

Y/N: Can I have a bite of your food? Bucky: Absolutely not. John Walker: Wow. Some great couple. He won’t even share his food. Bucky: It has peanuts on it. They are allergic to peanuts. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Y/n to die? John Walker:...

COLLATERAL HEARTS

bucky barnes x fem!stark!reader

SUMMARY: Bucky Barnes finds himself at the center of a political storm. Haunted by his past as the Winter Soldier, Bucky is pursued by both friends and foes, unsure of who he can trust. His mind is a battlefield, filled with fragmented memories and guilt over the actions he was forced to commit. In the midst of this turmoil, he encounters someone who approaches him with a genuine sense of empathy. Unlike others who see him as a threat or a tool, she sees the person behind the trauma. The internal struggle between his desire for connection and his fear of causing harm adds to the anguish he feels daily, making every interaction a bittersweet reminder of the man he wants to be versus the man he fears he still is.

WARNINGS: cursing, heavy angst, marvel theme violence, some talks of blood and gore, self depicting thoughts

A/N: I love Bucky, so I couldn’t help myself in writing this! He deserves the world, marvel needs to leave him alone, so here’s my take on his happy ending! Beautiful divider graphic by @sister-lucifer

chapter one: echoes of the past

chapter two: lines drawn

chapter three: fractured bonds

chapter four: sanctuary

Not You (one-shot)

Synopsis: Bucky has loved the Reader for three years. She has loved him for two. Both are dumbasses, and Sam is fed up.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, SMUT

Warnings: SMUT (unprotected sex (wrap it up, before doing the devil’s tango), swearing, filth, but like cute and fluffy filth. Filth with emosh.

Word count: 5172

   “What is this?”

   That was not how Bucky Barnes thought his night would go. After leaving the gala where Pepper announced the Black Widow foundation, the ex-Winter Soldier said ‘thank you’ to his date, walked her home and slowly strolled back to the apartment he shared with Sam. Once he got there, he took off the suit and the tie that had been choking him the whole evening, grabbed a hot shower and plopped down into his bed.

   He was surrounded by mountains of pillows and the softest mattress and bedding he’d ever had. After everything he’d been put through, Bucky appreciated soft things. That’s why he loved Y/N so much.

   She was the softest being in the universe, figuratively and literally. The first time they’d met and shook hands (he deliberately stuck out his flesh one, not wanting her to touch the silver-and-red-starred monstrosity), his eyes had widened in disbelief at how soft her skin had been. The handshake lingered a bit longer than needed for a first-time meeting, not to mention how he’d run his thumb over the top of her hand repeatedly.

   “You know, I’m gonna need that back at some point,” Y/N teased him, a mischievous glint sparking up her Y/E/C eyes.

   Bucky’d muttered a quick apology, but she dismissed him. “If you need a longer hug as well, just let me know.”

   And he had. Whenever he’d had a bad day, especially after missions, he’d come to the tower and plop down onto the couch. No matter what she’d be doing, around five to twenty minutes later, Y/N would appear with two hot chocolates in hand. Instantly, Bucky would curl himself against her as her fingers would card through his brown locks, making him feel safe and warm.

   That’s how he had fallen asleep that night - with the gentle thought of Y/N lying next to him and humming a quiet tune. It’s why he was more than surprised to find her banging against his door, fury, hurt and confusion written all over her face.

   “What is this?” she repeated again, pushing a piece of paper towards him.

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For smut prompts, do u think u can do Bucky w/ 1 and 35?

Negative Reinforcement 

Warnings: brat reader x dark! bodyguard Bucky, dub con/ non con, spanking, fingering, orgasm denial 

Notes: This was another prompt request given to me by @fan-girly-girl . I hope you enjoy it!!

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Bro my school library is lit

𓄿 Crow | 19 | Bucky Barnes lover like many 𓄿 ✪Beefy Bucky lover <3 ✪Write for: James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes / The Winter Soldier / The White Wolf ✪Feel free to ask for request whether it is fluff or smut !

This is an eighteen plus only blog ! minors will be blocked. As well as ageless account or account that looks like bot !