And Sometimes They Might Be Able To Tell The Difference, But...

And sometimes they might be able to tell the difference, but...

A) That does not make unease and tension go away and so they insist on distance.

B) They don't have a smoking clue how to receive it.

Maybe it leaves them numb and at loss of reciprocal response. Maybe it goes further and something in them rises irrate and defensive, like a nausea cramping your stomach when you, a lactose intolerant, drink a bit of milk.

The very care and gentleness seem revolting, puts them on spot and unbalances. It is wrong to accept, or they're gonna ruin it at some point, they will have to bend backwards and it will chafe, it doesn't make sense, or thousand other things. They are unlikable, undeserving, dangerous, let-downs, deceivers, also not interested in getting indebted and tied up in expectations. To them this affectionate offer is more of a demand or annoyance. Beside being callous and indifferent by nature (yes, that exists), this reaction, especially distress, can be result of distant to neglectful or alternatively too intrusive upbringing. Of having to self-sooth and/or being always the bad one. Parents and kids too different from each other. Or too similar. And possibly too haragued by external circumstances, possibly being in some funk. Avoidant attachment style, but more extreme version. Maybe waaay more extreme version. Shelter dogs give fearful-avoidant vibe which is wack to deal with by the way. And this is more stable, but might be approaching the tresshold of f-a.

And someone might grow up in such a household and still become a fairly open affectionate individual (there are genes, other close relationships, out-of-home environment, one's status/place in the world, strong formative experiences, later finding really compatible company...). And someone else might become really closed off. Combination with brain wiring and biochemistry of not average variety can spice things up too.

And some might crave it deep down, but the push-pull between reawakend yearning and deep-entrenched protective counter-reaction is akin to very seams of one's self being ripped apart.

And some others might be divorced from it to the point of permanent aloof state. They are as good as feral. Not rabid (at least not neccessarily). But feral all the same.

i love when characters get angry when they're frightened. shelter dog characters. i love when they bite, not able to tell the difference between a hand that feeds and a hand that strikes. there is no difference. a hand is a hand is a fist. i love characters that are deemed unadoptable. unlovable.

and i love when someone loves them. i love when someone sits with them, patient. they don't flinch at the snarling and snapping. they're not trying to fix it—there's nothing to be fixed. this is you, all of you, and ill wait. because one day, one day you'll take the treat. go on, draw my blood. spit and curse and rage. you're safe with me. one day, you'll feel safe with me.

Matej Barbarič - "Guess what I’m about to get!" Joachim Stein - "On my nerves."

Also, guys, anyone interested in writing in the comments which items do you recognize as being featured in Červenák's novels?

My collection of swords, from a few years back, I think 2021? A swordtember collection.

Jegor - "Väčšinu času Volcha a Mikulu vlastne ani neviem rozlíšiť. Ja na to totiž nejdem podľa výšky, alebo farby vlasov, ale ako veľmi sú mi osinou v zadku. A v tom sú úplne rovnakí."

Eva Burianová, kremnická meštianka z série Kapitán Stein a notár Barbarič. Autor - Izvin

Zásadovosť nad zlato, indeed. :D A Brána Irkally a Železný polmesiac v skratke. Hradba západu tiež, akurát už čisto z perspektívy Forgáča a spol. AJ Zrínsky v Diablovej pevnosti mu len márne podstrkoval vyšší titul a majetky čáva, čo upadol do nemilosti. A všetky Kornelove problémy začali práve tým, že kašľal na rozkazy vyšších dôstojníkov a vyrazil na zakázaný šermiarsky duel. Ale s Voroninum mu to klapalo. A vlastne aj s Evliyom, keď sa stretli na Balkáne a dočasne spojili sily proti okultným paskudám. Možno je lepší výraz "chronický problém s autoritou". Aj iným príde, že sa to tak trocha týka väčšiny Ďurových protagonistov? :D

Evliya: Aká je tvoja najväčšia charakterová vada?

Kornel: Hm… Asi neochota spolupracovať.

Evliya: Fajn. Môžeš uviesť aj nejaký príklad?

Kornel: Nie.