If I Could Take A Pill That Kills You Instantly Id Take That Shit In A Heartbeat I Dont Want To Be Alive

If I could take a pill that kills you instantly i’d take that shit in a heartbeat I don’t want to be alive anymore man

i'm just trying to think about what the fuck about me is so unlovable that some of my best friends decided it straight up wasn't worth it to try to save our friendship. is it because of all of the shit that i was already working on? is there something else i need to do? what the fuck do i need to do to stop being so fucking easy for people to abandon? what the fuck is wrong with me, why the fuck does this keep happening? i was trying my hardest and putting everything into this and somehow that still wasn't enough. am i just never going to be enough of a whole person for people to like me? why the fuck do i ruin fucking everything? i swear to god i'm cursed. or maybe i'm just too fucking mentally ill for everyone i fucking meet. i still hate how it always felt like it was okay for them to have issues and how even if they upset me "oh they have their own issues to work through so you know! it happens!" but when i have a fucking problem? "you need to do better and stop doing this and start doing that and listen to what i'm telling you to do and you'll just be better and i'll stop getting upset with you!" fuck this shit. how the fuck am i supposed to think i'm anything better than disposable when everyone who i love eventually decides i'm impossible to love and just fucking vanishes instead of even thinking i'm worth the time to speak to.

I’m not sure I deserve it ..

BPD culture is I'd rather die than even feel abandoned.

actually the best ship dynamic is i would kill for you. i would kill anyone who layed a hand on you. please let me kill for you. please let me show my devotion by dirtying my hands, it's the only way i know how. let me destroy anything that hurts you. i've hurt you too. i'm destroying myself.

anyone else hearing the call to burst into tears and answering or is it just me