Regulus Felt Stupid,

regulus felt stupid,

the stupidest man on the world,

everytime the exam season came.

it's not that he was a bad student. he wasn't. he always took notes, kept silent during lectures and studied more than he slept.

he would study for hours with little to no sleep everyday, trying, wanting eagerly, to get better marks than before.

he wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk and wouldn't be calm during those days.

and when it was time, he had only two things that could happen to him, whether he understood every question, or he failed to get half the exam, but would still try.

he would finish the exam and feel like shit. but it didn't just stop there.

he would be the whole day revising what he wrote down, how many mistakes he got and how bad he did.

and then the grades.

he would sit there apparently calm but with his world up site down inside.

a piece of parchet in front of him.

C-

C-

he would look at it at first, then look for mistakes in the professor's correction and then stare at it.

he stared so hard he thought his eyes would fall of.

he stared down at the paper, contained tears, a shaking on his lips and a serious face.

then, he would hear the students who he saw cheating getting praised for their high marks by their teacher.

regulus kept staring down at the paper.

he was so stupid,

even the word stupid was offended of being compared to him.

he wouldn't cry the first times but then the stress, lack of sleep and unreached expectations would drag him down until he felt like he was drowning,

he remembered that feeling again with inferies later.

he was well known in his first years of being the smart one on their year, 'a pleasure to teach' they said. well now he is burnout and nobody looks at him, sees him. and if they do look at him he feels their disappointed glances about his wasted potential.

those two words were always repeated.

how he could be better if he tried, if he put in the effort.

he tried, he has tried, he has tried for seventeen years but still nothing comes from it.

so yeah,

regulus was stupid,

the stupidest creature alive,

so stupid that he failed in everything he tried to accomplish,

from a grade to the lake.

idk about you but my coping mechanism is watching angsty regulus edits until I feel numb. if I think of his pain I'll forget mine

regulus is now portrayed as someone who is mean as a "love language" and who spends his time with barty or pandora.

the thing is that regulus in canon didn't have friends, he was the one who would sit at the library alone while his brother and his friends were joking with other people, 'the popular people'. he wouldn't have anyone since no one wanted to get involved with him. so it was just him, the stars and books

besides, regulus would be mean till the point where he makes you cry, because first you annoyed him, and second because he wanted to warn people that if they couldn't handle him they better leave.

he is a loner, he always has been a loner.

he was born alone and died alone.

marauders era! regulus would love crime and mystery books

modern au! regulus would be a sucker for 00s shows and movies like vampire diaries, gilmore girls or skins. but james would make him watch shows like ofmd or good omens in exchange for having watched with him scary and thriller movies (in those nights james cuddles up closer to regulus because he's sort of a scaredy cat).

marauders era! regulus would love abba but he'll pretend like he doesn't. meanwhile modern au! regulus would still like abba but scream his lungs with lana del rey and mitski.

modern au! regulus would silently judge cringy people while looking directly at their soul until he makes them uncomfortable.

the epic highs and lows of queer coded baseball

there's an universe where regulus and barty started talking in fifth year trying to be friends.

but regulus couldn't find time for their friendship since he had to meet his parents' expectations so for a couple of months they lost contact.

when he was finally able to spend time with barty, he would ignore him. in the corridors, the classrooms, the great hall, the library, everywhere. there wasn't place anymore for regulus in his world.

regulus stopped trying

he stopped trying to talk to him, to make friends, to have some kind of connection with anyone.

he already knew, his mother already told him, he couldn’t trust nobody, not even himself.

maybe that's why it hurt some much, he had begun to trust barty.

but everyone leaves, everyone left him, everyone was going to leave him after seeing how rotten and twisted in the inside he was.

regulus stopped trying to be loved.

and in 1979

he stopped trying to stay alive.

he stopped trying to survive.