Day 539: Fckn Thanks!

Day 539: fckn thanks!

"congrats for ruining my day! u never fail to annoy me! fckn thank u for always bringing my self-esteem down the drainage!" (my tweet today)

it's funny that every time i am with you and i try to make it feel less awkward between us, you always find a way to rub salt on my wounds. thanks! keep doing it and i might let you see how miserable i become just coz i get affected by your kind words.

Day347: I SURVIVED!

21 December 2012 Many were saying today is the end of the world. Bahahaha it didn't happen. I doubt it will ever happen. I guess I AM REALLY A SURVIVOR! Also, today's the last day of my first semester. I am so lucky it was finally over. I feel like I can breathe again... even if it will be just for month. But at the same time, i feel sad coz i won't be seeing those precious people not until next month. *sigh* I won't be able to see mylabs and tart too. Uh oh can i overcome this one too??

how come every time i see you, my heart skips a beat?

Ahh i don’t know why i am being like this again. I should have controlled myself and didn’t let this happen. Now, i’m stuck AGAIN! and to be honest, i don’t want to feel hurt again because of a fucking one-sided love.

Have I told you how easily you can make my day complete? And when i’m having troubles, hearing just your name, makes everything seems okay… Lucky bastard!

I think I’m falling for the wrong person again. I’d be lucky if you’ll know of my existence. I don’t want to expect anything coz i’ve been there.

Just please let me keep this happiness and giddiness i feel whenever i see you… Allow me to make you as my inspiration while I go through this hardship…

I will not ask for your love; your friendship is enough for me :)

asdfghjkllove

Day 348: Sweet dream or an illusion? 23 December 2012 I wonder what made me set this reminder. I wonder what was the reason behind this. Who am I talking about in this note? It surprised me when this reminder popped up on my screen last night. I wonder what's the meaning behind these words. Is there an important someone I need to remember and have a one on one conversation? Ugh this is killing me coz I don't have any idea who am I referring to in this note. Why did I not put your name or initials? But whoever you are, can you answer my questions? Is this just a dream or an illusion? Are we bound to meet each other at all?...

Day 748: 2 years and a day after the bad news...

Yesterday, my alarm went off reminding me that when the clock strikes at 11pm, it'll be the second year that phone call happened... was it second or third?... I wasn't sure. Even today, I'm still unsure. Yesterday, I was feeling so down and alone. I miss her more. I wanted to be with her so bad. I again felt like I am no one and that I am missing a big piece of the puzzle in my life. I was scared. I was so scared being alone... having no one beside me... Yesterday, all I wanted to do was to sleep and never feel this sadness ever again.  I was dying to talk to someone who sincerely wanted to listen to my sorrows... but I have no one. Since the day you left me, I had no one. I thought I have them but those were just my assumptions. I assumed they were there because they love me... unfortunately, they were there because they can't just throw me away. I'm like the leech sucking and pestering them. I am their biggest problem right now. Since the day you left me, I had no one.

Today, it still the same. I am still the problem child. The hopeless creature. The trash. The headache. I am still the unwanted. Since the day you left me, nobody wanted to take care of me. Nobody wanted to be with me. I wanted to follow you on your journey but I am coward. I am a coward. I can't do it. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is my fate. Maybe it's a punishment.

But until when am I going to be like this? Until when am I going to feel like this? Until when should I hold onto the idea that maybe someday they will understand me?

I miss you. I really do. I miss you more each day.