Itisdreamcatcher - A Memory - Tumblr Blog

the way my eyes are filled with tears, whether it's from being glad people are finding out about themselves and being comfortable in their skin, or because I'm furious because of the stupidity of society and societal norms, I do not know.

Since telling my Mum that I considered myself ace, I already noticed that she was a bit… too interested, if you want to say it like that. Asking for “signs”, or how being ace feels like… I tried to answer her to the best of my ability, giving her links to websites that would explain better as I ever could.

Today she said, very quietly, “Do you think I could be ace, too?”

And I said very carefully “If you think it suits you, I don’t see why not”

And my Mum, my strong, self-confident Mum, who never once  has ever felt uncomfortable in her own skin as far as I know, beamed in relief. Relief. 

 Because she never knew. Because getting married young and bearing children for her husband (meaning sex) was expected of her. Because everyone gave her the feeling as if something would be wrong or broken about her if she didn’t want, didn’t do that.

Because her whole life long, she thought there was something wrong with her.

I’m honestly torn between feeling happy and relieved for her, and angry that humanity has such trouble with showing some understanding to those who don’t fit in the boxes society has designed for all of us.

- Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)

Being self critical [sic] is for editing, not writing. Writing is when you throw anything at the wall and see what sticks. They are two different practices that should be practiced separately. Write first, edit later.

– C. Robert Cargill

Naomi Shihab Nye, from Fuel: Poems; “Hidden”

[Text ID: "If you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood"]

y'know those random moments where you feel hot? like, doesn't matter what's the time of the day or really, anything. you just feel hot. after months of not looking in the mirror or not being please with the reflection, you see yourself and just go...

fuck.

i'm hot.

well, that happened to me about 20 minutes ago.

and, GODDAMN.

glad for this night <3

hi!

i wondered how the rickrolling your friends went?

did you end up doing it? and was it funny?

hi!

I'm actually going out w/them on Saturday so, I'm waiting to see their live reaction.

until then, the edits are safe in my gallery, waiting hehe <3

update, it's Sunday now, not Saturday morning but I've actually had a nice sleep and I've just finished painting my nails.

new goal for 2024: starting to casually talk w/mutuals on here and not let my anxiety get the better of me

it's 1:45 AM and I just washed my hair and I'm about to dye it since it's been too long since I retouched my roots (I can see my natural hair colour AND my grey hair. yes, I'm a young adult. yes, I'm constantly stressed. yes, I don't remember how peace feels anymore. I wouldn't mind a hug, if you are wondering.) and I have to do my maths hw but I've just read a fic that made me bawl my eyes out and I'd like to be more observing and go in-depth and thoroughly study psychology but also know everything there is to know about ADHD, depression, BPD, hyperfunctioning anxiety, OCD and Autism now. I also need to get the nail polish off my nails and paint it all over again because it's all chipped. to be fair, I really like the chipped look. it makes me feel cool and like I'm a rockstar. it also makes me realise how much of a mess I am and how much I actually just don't have the energy to do basic human needs so, there's that. I also might put on a clay mask as my dye processes. that will feel good.

well, I'll update anyway if I don't fall asleep.

it's currently 1:53 AM and I am slowly realising I should get the pretty black notebook I have and make it my journal.

hear from you soon,

xoxo,

🪐

update, my dye is processing and I'm vibing at 03:03 AM with my headphones on while blasting music and eating chocolate

it's 1:45 AM and I just washed my hair and I'm about to dye it since it's been too long since I retouched my roots (I can see my natural hair colour AND my grey hair. yes, I'm a young adult. yes, I'm constantly stressed. yes, I don't remember how peace feels anymore. I wouldn't mind a hug, if you are wondering.) and I have to do my maths hw but I've just read a fic that made me bawl my eyes out and I'd like to be more observing and go in-depth and thoroughly study psychology but also know everything there is to know about ADHD, depression, BPD, hyperfunctioning anxiety, OCD and Autism now. I also need to get the nail polish off my nails and paint it all over again because it's all chipped. to be fair, I really like the chipped look. it makes me feel cool and like I'm a rockstar. it also makes me realise how much of a mess I am and how much I actually just don't have the energy to do basic human needs so, there's that. I also might put on a clay mask as my dye processes. that will feel good.

well, I'll update anyway if I don't fall asleep.

it's currently 1:53 AM and I am slowly realising I should get the pretty black notebook I have and make it my journal.

hear from you soon,

xoxo,

🪐

it's 1:45 AM and I just washed my hair and I'm about to dye it since it's been too long since I retouched my roots (I can see my natural hair colour AND my grey hair. yes, I'm a young adult. yes, I'm constantly stressed. yes, I don't remember how peace feels anymore. I wouldn't mind a hug, if you are wondering.) and I have to do my maths hw but I've just read a fic that made me bawl my eyes out and I'd like to be more observing and go in-depth and thoroughly study psychology but also know everything there is to know about ADHD, depression, BPD, hyperfunctioning anxiety, OCD and Autism now. I also need to get the nail polish off my nails and paint it all over again because it's all chipped. to be fair, I really like the chipped look. it makes me feel cool and like I'm a rockstar. it also makes me realise how much of a mess I am and how much I actually just don't have the energy to do basic human needs so, there's that. I also might put on a clay mask as my dye processes. that will feel good.

well, I'll update anyway if I don't fall asleep.

it's currently 1:53 AM and I am slowly realising I should get the pretty black notebook I have and make it my journal.

hear from you soon,

xoxo,

🪐

I can see the Moon from my window even though it's the afternoon and it gives me a strange feeling of comfort amid the chaos I'm currently in. Thank you, Moon, for watching over me. I am forever grateful.

@a-pessimistic-swiftie thank you for tagging me 🍀

All Time Low - Last Young Renegade

'We said forever but forever wouldn't wait for us'

'We used to be such a burning flame; Now we're just smoke in the summer rain'

'How could I let you, how could I let you; Don't want to let you, I'll never let you go'

Billy Joel - Vienna

'You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through'

'Slow down you're doing fine; You can't be everything you want to be before your time'

'You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need; Though you can see when you're wrong; You know you can't always see when you're right'

'Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true'

the whole song, tbh

Avril Lavigne - I'm With You/My Happy Ending

'Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?'

//

'It's nice to know that you were there/Thanks for acting like you cared/And making me feel like I was the only one

MARINA - Flowers

'I would rather not betray myself, just to keep your love at any cost'

'With every careless action you let me slip away; If you just bought me flowers, maybe I would've stayed'

'After you made your choices I melted away like snow'

Hozier - Cherry Wine

'Hot and fast and angry as she can be; I walk my days on a wire'

'The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine'

'Her fight and fury is fiery, but she loves like sleep to the freezing'

'And it's worth it, it's divine, I have this some of the time'

tags: anyone who wants to do it!

(can you tell i can't settle on only one thing?)

starting a new tag chain, because I thought of this idea

Put your music on shuffle, choose 5 songs, and find a lyric from each song that hits deep.

It Gets Easier, Jason Isbell: It gets easier, but it never gets easy, I could say it's all worth it but you won't believe me.

Time Song, DHMIS: Time is now, the future anew, look at all the future anew and look at all the wonderful things you can do! This Ain't It, Jason Isbell: I've known you since your eyes were blue, and I'd die before I lied to you

Noel's Lament, Ride the Cyclone: But if you do, please mention that I'd like to have returned the pretty knife that I stuck TEN TIMES IN HIS BACK!

Lights On The Hill, Slim Dusty: Oh but I'm over the edge and down the mountainside, I know they'll tell about the night I died and the rain when the lights on the hill are a'blinding me.

Tags: @marithefriendlyghost @kelotalks @quotidian-oblivion @sardonic-sprite @wakkoroni

TWIGGY & WOODY ALLEN My Generation (2017) dir. David Batty

why do mosquitoes make such an annoying buzzing noise??? not only are you annoying and biting tf out of me, but you dare to sound like chalk on a board around my ear. rude.

hey (with the intention of listening to hozier together)

as somebody who grew up with Holly Hobbie and Friends and LOVED it, I can't understand why people (especially in my close circle) are weirded out/amazed by me liking cottage core and dark academia and being kind and friendly, even if I don't know the person. is it so weird to give the person a chance to understand them and see all their colours? is it a sin to do that? not immediately judge them and write them off? YES, I will give a random person a chance or smile at them, not because I think I should or am better than them but because I think people lack the kindness in this time of the world. I will be the person to just smile and emit warmth because I choose to. yes, I can judge everybody, everywhere but what is the point of that? it brings me the negativity and ruins my day, vibes and mood. is it not beautiful when you're at a cafe and you see that somebody might be stressed so you smile at them and tell them to take their time because OH GOD how many different people have been here before me and have you even taken a break and do you need a glass of water and just HOW ARE YOU? and when they hear you and register what you said, their shoulders are slumped and their jaw relaxes and they have a softer look in their eyes and they smile back and go to do their job and seeing them visibly relax makes you happy because oh god they might've needed that because have you ever had that one time when you were extremely stressed and you just couldn't deal with anyone or anything but you had so much on your plate and just AAAHHHHHH!!! I CANNOT ANYMORE!!! and then somebody, doesn't have to be anyone you know well or even at all, is kind to you or they talk to you for a bit and their energy recharges you so you're ready to continue with whatever you needed to do and you feel ten times lighter and you're just grateful and happy. is it so hard to be kind? or at least, refrain from being a jerk? if your day is ruined, you don't have to ruin other people's day. write about it. talk about it. draw it. go for a walk. drink water. or coffee. or juice. or sit outside and look at the clouds. or take a shower.

if you feel bad, do something for yourself that will make you feel better, instead of ruining the mood of other people. and if you like ruining the good vibes, then I'm sending you a hug and, please, for everyone's sake, GET A LIFE.

new cool is being kind.

Sheep Meadow says hello.

Apart from the drawing and my favourite quotes, I have Meadow on my board to slow me down and enjoy life. Besides, we have the same type of curls, no wonder she’s my fav girly.

I was dreaming of a faraway place, a peaceful place. Dreaming of people smiling, laughing loudly, and relaxed. The flowers bloom abundantly, the birds singing melodies, sharing them with the world. Then, I heard a voice telling me…

Dream on.

Yusef Komunyakaa, from "The Cage Walker", Pleasure Dome: New & Collected Poems [ID in ALT]

where there is a will, there is a way.

Straight people can look at the majority of all the TV shows and movies ever made and see only straight people in them and then have the audacity to say that Heartstopper is not realistic because the majority of the characters are queer ???? You're just homophobic bestie we had and HAVE to deal with straight people in every kind of media being the only ones there for years now you can get a taste of that feeling

I remember the first time I watched an anime. I was five and it was Naruto. It was dubbed into my mother tongue and, at that time, it was just another cartoon I loved watching when I wasn’t running around the yard or preparing potions from the kitchen’s spices. Little did I know it would follow me through life.

I remember the first time I got my first manga. It was the first three volumes of Attach On Titan. At that time, I was into Japanese culture and anime and I was researching everything I could find on Japanese language. My happiness couldn’t have been described.

A year later, I enrolled in a Japanese class, and up until a few years ago, I actually remembered most of the studies. Even now, with my rusty language skills, I enjoy j-music and cinematography.

I still enjoy a good manga read, a good anime episode/film, and still trying calligraphy. My love for Naruto opened many doors for me, new horizons I never thought of. I am forever thankful for that.

Something that seems to be going around a bit is the idea that Nick is constantly supporting Charlie (one-sidedly). He's standing up for him and fighting Harry and all of these things.

And maybe it's just me, but like, people seem to forget that they need different things. Charlie is out, so a lot of the bad stuff happening is loud and public. Nick calling out homophobia here makes sense. Besides the fact that some of Charlie's stuff is Really Big ™️. The bullying, the ED stuff, etc. Charlie's sense of self-worth takes a louder hit.

But that doesn't mean that Charlie doesn't take an active role in supporting Nick! When Nick isn't out, he's emotionally supporting him (reassuring him that there's no timeline, that everything will be okay, breaking his parents' rules about seeing him because he knows he's probably had a rough day). He's even willing to go back into the closet for an uncomfortable family dinner with Nick's dad.

Nick's support for Charlie is louder because it can be louder. But that doesn't mean that it's only Charlie being supported.

Different people need different things.

yes i know heartstopper is "cringe" and yes I know you think it's not that deep but you've endured years of cringe oversexualized shows about high schoolers where the gays are delegated to sub plots I'm sure a few hours of queer people being safe and happy and loved won't kill you so please shut the fuck up