If Rick Can Contemplate The Ideology Of Speaking To A Shrink, So Can I.

If Rick can contemplate the ideology of speaking to a shrink, so can I.

At the end of the day, if it's eating you alive, if you can't take it anymore, you're allowed to take a BIG step back and tell yourself that you're a small speck on a small planet floating around in the universe and no problem is that deep, if that's what helps you. You are important, your feelings are important, your pain is important, but also you will recover from this and find a solution eventually. You're allowed to take a break from this pain, to put it into proportion, to calm yourself down now. It's gonna pass. It's ok. Put it aside.

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth| October 28th, Saturday

Earlier I was able to make connections between anything and everything. Even the most casual and mundane conversations spark new ideas as I'm seeking refuge as I believe my mind is in the right place.

I spoke with my shrink and everything felt like everywhere but all at once. I heard how instability has consumed not in terms of household activity but due to lack of judgment and procedures due to my romantic partner. It was a 2.5 hour session earlier this morning and trust me I have so many question in my mind. I grew up in a household were I have been raised with good parents with excellent parenting skills but they lacked the predisposition of being the idolized couple in front of me even though there were instances where I had seen my father doing things for a mother as his own responsibility. I had to share certain details between my ex and the environment he grew up and how recent records are making him turn against himself and me. I am happy over the fact that I am safer as my mind is still intact and what ever I felt is emotionally correct and feeling invalidated surprising means that I have dealt with such situations where it comes back to bite me since my partner failed to reciprocate. My shrink told me, "have you tried observing if your ex holds an unresolved issue or trauma caused by his family and deep down he hides it? It seems like they have assaulted him but he chose to stay with them due to his unspoken guilt while they failed being good parents themselves as they are learning how to be good parents for their children at the age of 50?" I had so many answers to say but I chose to stay quiet as I cannot speak I|I but whatever came to my mind was very ill. I said how my partner had to pathological lie to come visit me and escape from his mundane reality of work that his own sibling fails to contribute, and maybe because the reason my partner chose to lie or defy me on certain circumstances is because he is learning to say no to his parents and the punch lines are hence tested on me as I'm not someone he felt stiff or scared, he is scared to disappoint his family but not me as he understood that what ever he does to me or tells me, I'll let that sink in. There were many ifs and buts as I proceeded with the whole story and confessed more than I should starting from harassment to sexual abuse and my shrink sat down and heard me through and through interrupting on the right clause and on the right tone with counter questions. I felt happy that for the first time a professional have heard me out loud and they misinterpreted the statistics when they were asking me basic Q and A during the appointment to analyze if therapy is enough or the need of medication is necessary. Turns out I can speak or book an appointment when I feel like I should without any worry as mentally 'm stable but I have unresolved issues which only needs to be heard out. But hearing my situation with my romantic partner made me rethink all the choices and subjects in front of me.

When you diagnose yourself to see if you were wrong but instead it leads to a major concern when your romantic partner or ex has various issues that he chose to stuff down within himself because he never had a voice to hear him out when I chose to hear but also contradict him with my words he felt the epiphany of nightmares. And what ever happened recently was a child's act from Shakespeare (that is what my shrink told me) and it is me who can resolve and fix the man who chose to end things as he needs to fix himselt and be better. As much as I hate to fixate my ideology which someone should understand, my shrink told me I'll heal soon but he will sink on the other side as he isn't giving him time to process. Certain points and certain clarifying clauses were given to me to have a conversation with my ex which would help him in many ways as he needs to realize that despite of numerous mistakes the pact and comfort I have radiated towards my shrink in favor of him denoted me as the untrained shrink in his life and my only mistake was I imposed them on him, not let him know where it was wrong. He does need a shrink but his romantic partner can equally support if he allows it. If he allows me to sit down and hear him out while I counter his words with questions he always wanted to hear. This will not only help but also may push him into clinical therapy as, body dysmorphia especially for people under weight leads to BPD. They were afraid the way I sounded vulnerable I might have clinical depression and anxiety, turns out I'm fine but I do have separation anxiety which needs to be fixed by the person I'm dependent on. Turns out as equally I have terms and conditions to fix my ex, he too needs to fix me along with pushing him to therapy.

My work this month was to understand the difference between optimism and reality. | wanted to correct his mistakes yet I was blamed My work this month was to understand the difference between optimism and reality. I wanted to correct his mistakes yet I was blamed but turns out it's his issue and him being scared and contemplated his entire thought process of making me an Ill person to him, and I undermined myself believing it was my fault but it turns out we are equally at fault and we both need to be comfortable with our duality. But I need to be persistent and I can take his words in literal sense as I am a sensitive person but for him I need to stay strong.

There are broader focus in my life right now as I have heard that it is me who needs to be fixated on fixing the problems as I have to be the mature one in this relationship and make him strong enough so later we can reverse roles but for now it is me. All I have to do is dissect and hear him out as he needs to understand that I'm the only safe place he has right now and during this time we both need to resolve the conflict between our inner desire for change and resistance from the external world. Minor annoyances can grow into resentment if they are not handled immediately but I believe in myself as I feel good and radiating after speaking/hearing my shrink for 2.5 hours. I hope what ever she said was right and I'll be able to achieve it.

As of today I do feel torn between an abstract interest in the well-being of the person I love and true empathy.

It's good to challenge social expectations if As of today I do feel torn between an abstract interest in the well-being of the person I love and true empathy.

It's good to challenge social expectations if that's what I need. Just making sure that I am not doing that thing where I isolate myself, and then start to believe that no one will ever understand me. My ex is the only one who actually understands me. The Discomfort and fear has consumed me denoting that I am on the right track.

The way I communicate with him is receiving some tough love.

This time, I need to pay attention, how my mental patterns impact my talents and skills. I have to develop a strong sense of self before I establish a credible public identity. First one foot. Then the other.

It is true I am looking for love within the person with whom I have crossed an ocean of mistakes but my emotional dishonesty is getting in the way. It may be difficult to feel desirable as I am not being credited enough but it will resolve once I start giving credit to the person I desire the most. And we both need to realize that we have been emotionally dishonest to each other and our love is the only sane thing keeping us from loosing our mind. (What if the shrink is bluffing idk)

Silence is not the same thing as, "yes." And we need to work on it together.

I appreciate every stranger who is nice to me.

The irony and the conjuring|October 27, 2023 evening.

It wasn’t a great ordeal nor m I proud to note down on the part where it has been me who said it out loud how important it is for an individual to maintain sanity and the decorum of their mind, yet I always deflect on the ideology of having personal therapy or counseling as I am afraid it will go against my thinking ability. What ever I have in my mind will be conflicted by someone who I just met and I have to open up evidently as money is involved.

I always contemplated the ideology of talking to a shrink but an hour to decipher yourself and your entire life is pretty less when a big amount has been charged. First session is charged for an amount of ₹2000 and if I need more in the foreseeable future, than per session will be of ₹1500 give or take on the number of sessions I will be assigned. That’s a lot of money involved to treat a brain which was damaged due to the consequences of others action. I never asked any of this to ever happen yet I am being a responsible human who is having major conflicts in regards of contemplating death.

What have I become and how did I even allow myself to be like this anyway. It sucks to even think how fragile a human mind can be as it’s the one to control your entire locomotives. If you are mentally down you are down.

But despite of the all the cons I have in me or in my mind in terms of the hoax of mental illness I am happy I took a step and went forward to book an appointment for having a counseling session. I really hope this works as my money is at stake and I need to be better for myself as I need to excel in academics as well as life while I wait for eternal glory as I hope to witness that the person I love will eventually notice me and accept me for who I am.

To new beginnings and conjuring. And it sucks to be this weak but hey we are only human.

Being too attached isn't a sign of love, but fear of loss. The ability to let go comes from being confident that what's meant for you is already yours. And doesn't need to be held so tight, or even held at all. And all that leaves only makes way for something far better to replace it.

– Suhaib Rumi