Self Impowerment - Tumblr Posts

It’s been a haywire for a while now| October 27th, Wednesday.

After every resentment that caused mayhem in recent records have finally been broken. I have been unhappy or not doing so well for a while in a social situation. This is most likely about the constant conflict I have been dealing with my mind and my soul. Something has not been right for a while now, and being the content sort that I believe I am, has left me feeling uneasy. I long for the days when things were smooth and enjoyable. But this month, the problems that have caused tension came to the surface, and it was finally dealt with, and that's a good thing. But I have been restrained from getting too emotional. The Voices of concerns were not contemplated with a level head and a level temper. My personal life which is going through an intense learning experience has damaged me emotionally and physically. I visibly wanted the love of my life for advice and guidance in a frazzled state, perhaps expecting them to tell me what to do and how to solve the problems. But instead it came back to bite me because it went haywire. My love has failed to understand my guidance or my words and I am to be blamed here as I failed to understand the depth. I tried being clear up front yet it didn’t have all the answers and that’s what is speculative. Transparency here would be important yet it feels dishonest. The old relationship argument came up again which I believed would have been handled maturely and I believed we were done with it, and the fact that someone is raising the issue again have caused to just walk away but as sad as it makes me, I wanted to stay as much as I had to put stones on my thoughts and let the other person walk away when I wanted to fix things.

It is always a challenge of unsolicited words and I wish I could make myself hear the way they wanted me to speak but instead the garden that I was working on so vividly, has been stepped on mercilessly. I am lost as I look around and see myself with nothing but the ruins that I chose to rebuild when I was picking myself up believing everything was real, but it was just another fantasy where I hear it was all in my head, it was fake because I worked hard on it. my entire world came crashing down to me as I could see myself physically deteriorating when I chose to do something just to calm my mind down for a bit but it is a dark lane I once walked and I don’t to revisit it again. I promised head to head that I won’t harm myself as it would effect everything that had been built for, or that is what I was meant to believe because now that I have enough, everything seems like a dream that I had to wake up from. I didn’t choose any of it but yet I had to bear the consequences because I need to condemn with the choices left in my hand. For the first time I felt like a failure because I saw my life and myself failing to keep that one thing that made living worth a while as I hear I am not worthy enough or deserving enough. What I worked for was a complete hoax and for a moment I contemplated everything that was in my mind. I didn’t choose this path when I said I wanted to live again. I wish I could fix everything that is dear to me and lately it was him but he too needs to be heard as he chose himself over me and I can’t complain even though I want to scream on top of my lungs but hey, he told me he will think of me in this lifetime. I hope he does because everything has turned grey. My minds not in the right place and I don’t want to contemplate death again. Like I said it was a dark lane I once walked but it is awful as it would be punishing the other person with guilt when he chose himself for the betterment and as a human I should condemn. I don’t know how long I will be survive but I will try even if it’s amputating myself in this long lost war. I lost everything yet it may come back at me, not to bite me but to enhance me. I love him as much I chose to love him with the ounce I had held in my heart as he made me love myself to a point where he couldn’t see how much everything meant to me. I wish everything was fine just the way it felt once. I know it is reality I had to wake up but I won’t mind drowning myself to the dream which I had once even though I know how to swim. For him I don’t mind letting my body go but he won’t save me anymore and I don’t know how to save myself either.

Giving myself a chance away from the relationship to decide if that's really what I wanted, but it was forced on me as either one of us had to suffer anyway, I believe this time it is me like always, as I hold the sole responsibility of letting them go when they chose their sanity over me. I wish I could complain but hey, when was this world fair enough for me anyway? I lost before but this time I have to embrace the failure in me because for the first time, I lost everything and I believe I’ll loose my mind too. But I’ll try to record every belief I have in me here because I see this as my last resort of not killing my self. If I stop then just know I lost the battle and you will be bearing the pain as I will be long gone and I’m sorry. I don’t contemplate with the living as much as I do with deaths.

I appreciate that I condemn my space as equally kind and vulnerable. Let go for once as you seek your refuge within yourself. Be kind love, be kind to yourself even if the world is against you.

If Rick can contemplate the ideology of speaking to a shrink, so can I.

Tumblr is fun as long as you don’t find someone texting you that they personally know you. I am here to disappear not to oblige your lame excuses. Go away.

Normalize saying, “I am willing to work on it”

Instead of, “It is what it is”

Well my mind is chaotic but Atleast I’m not ugly

It’s all about being on the same page.

It doesn’t matter if it has to be today, tomorrow or 7 years from now.

As long as you both reconcile and connect to the same morals, thoughts and ideals; everything will make sense when you both turn the same page, together.

My shrink told me something yesterday that I can’t stop thinking at all.

"The reason why you self-sabotage is because it allows you to predict what is going to happen, which is giving you the illusion of self control. It’s completely okay to build a wall according to your mind when it unconsciously imagine things that had happened once and you are afraid that they might happen again. Channel them and ask questions to yourself if it’s worth protecting yourself in such circumstances, because sometimes your mind knows what your heart can’t comprehend.”

I had a weird disoriented dream, which I have dreamed about couple of times. And those dreams were loud in my mind. It’s annoying that it made me paranoid but I can’t stop thinking about she told me concerning to it.

I keep asking myself: “what should it be” and not:

“What should I do?”

*yes, and? starts playing*

1/100 days of learning programming

بسم الله

It's just a start

One of my coworkers has sent me a starting plan. Today all i did was organizing the ideas/ links and making timetable.

I have also enrolled in the web development challenge track that powered by ITIDA

I hope i could spend around 1 hr 30 min 5 days week and Shar my progress right here.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

"Be impeccable with your word",

"Do not take anything personally",

"Do not make assumptions",

and "Always do your best".

—Don Miguel Ruiz

There are times when you think you can’t keep your head on your shoulders. When you feel like giving up because there’s so much negativity in the world bringing you down.

But you have so much internal power waiting to be awakened. Find what makes you tick and you’ll learn that everything will be okay. Just keep pushing yourself and keep your head high.

There are no secrets to success. It’s the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from your mistakes.

“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming”🧘🏾‍♀️

Monday 🫶🏾

Set the standard.

Respect my requirements.

KIMMY'S DIGITAL DIARY

not everyday is going to be perfect. there are weeks where i struggle to show up as the best version of myself. sometimes i don't stick to my routine as much as i should have, but i don't beat myself up about it.

why?

beating myself up does nothing. if i didn't do it i already feel bad so why not use positive self redirection to help me show up better tomorrow? i can reflect at the end of the ay to identify my pain points and try again the next day.

in the chapters of my journey, mistakes are not closures but verses, helping me compose new skills to conquer the world.

🕊 habits to adopt this week (pick one!):

daily gratitude

7-9 cups of water a day

daily movement for 15 minutes

make up your bed daily

read for 15 minutes a day

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

🗝️ affirmations for the week:

i affirm my ability to cultivate habits that serve my highest good, knowing that small, consistent actions lead to lasting transformation

i embrace imperfection as a natural part of life's journey, knowing that every setback is an opportunity for growth.

i release self-judgment for not always sticking to routines, focusing instead on positive self-redirection.

current skincare faves:

midha rice toner

midha rice tone up cream

currently listening to:

With love, Kimmy

How to Be Consistent

Specifically with skin care, hair care, nutrition, and exercise routines.

Don't do it because you want to become beautiful, do it because you want to take care of your body. This mindset may not seem like a big deal when it comes to staying consistent with routines, but it makes more of a difference than you realise!

If you're doing it because you want to become beautiful/glow up/change yourself, then it will be really hard when you don't see the results you're looking for. On those hard days when you don't feel like doing it, you'll think things like "why am I doing this when I'm not getting results?" or "why am I doing this to look good for other people when I know I hate it?". Things like that will not only make you want to stop, it will also make you hate the process and the routine itself.

However, if you do it because you love yourself and want to take care of yourself, it's easier to push yourself to do it on those hard days. Instead of hating the process and giving up, you'll think "I know it's good for me, so I'll do it" or "I know I'll feel better after I do it". And, even if you don't feel like you can complete the whole routine, it's easier to push yourself to do an easier version of it or just do a little bit instead of the whole thing. That's because you know that doing a little bit will make you feel good and taken care of. It's also easier to tell when a routine isn't working for you because success is not determined by how you look, it's determined by how you feel. If you are hating a routine, that means you're doing it wrong and it needs to be changed in a way that makes you feel better. If you try a huge skin care routine but find out that you get overwhelmed by all the products, then simplify it. If you try running on the treadmill at the gym but start dreading the gym because you hate running, try a different form of cardio. If you cut something out of your diet but find that you're miserable everyday because of it, then consider reducing it instead of cutting it out completely. Your routines should feel good to you and be tailored to your preferences. That also helps you to stay consistent, because you are doing exactly what you want to do and what you are comfortable with.

I hope this advice helps! Stay consistent 🤍