Invisible :

Invisible :

[warning: a sad rant.. mild mentions of death]

I guess I am so invisible to all the good things in life.. It's as if I'm only visible when I'm needed.. I have no other purpose.. I was never free.. I'm never free.. I have no significant value nor do I have it in me to gain the bare minimum.. a little respect.. I've never been seen or heard like I wish I was.. I was never a priority nor of any importance.. I just exist.. playing the side role in my own life.. that's how I was conditioned to feel.. that's how everybody thinks I should feel.. it's as if I was supposed to feel certain way cause that is what I deserve.. for what ??? Maybe for existing?? Maybe because I'm never supposed to be among them.. maybe because they never wanted me among them.. or maybe be, just maybe, they wanted me among them.. only so I can be of some use.. I can be used till the last drop of my blood serves their need.. when I'm all drawn out that's when I'm no longer needed and that is when I'm allowed to be free.. to leave life and find solace in death.. to feel the warm hug of the grim reaper who himself pitied my entire existence.. who came ever so fast as soon as he heard I'm his next passenger, so as to take me away from the hell I've been living in.. I yearned love and affection even in its most platonic states.. only to find that it's in his arms.. only to find that even this might not last as long as I wish it'll.. nothing ever dares even reach me to stay with me.. but if it does.. then it never stays with me as long as I wish it would.. I don't even know why.. I don't even know why I was born..

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appears to look bright until you hear them speak.

- Alan Dundes

"Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted and no solutions are searched for."

-Maya Angelou

He has everything..

He has peace..

He has freedom..

He has loyal people..

He's loved..

But..

He wanted more..

In the circle of thriving for power and greed, he lost everything he once had..

From :

"what's a life without power?"

To:

"what's a life with power to control one's body when their mind and heart despises you the most?"

He realised the cost of his greed..

Everything he paid with, for the power that's so useless..

He realised he's the most powerless he's ever been with all the power he ever dreamt of..

Is it too late to get myself out of my thoughts?!

sometimes people struggle, not with their enemies not with their friends nor do they suffer because of the strangers, they stuffer with their own thoughts, with their own self. It is then do they realise that the sufferings offered by someone which isn't you is much better than the struggle you cause to yourself!

The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-