"Each Person Deserves A Day Away In Which No Problems Are Confronted And No Solutions Are Searched For."

"Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted and no solutions are searched for."

-Maya Angelou

"I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words."

- Diaries of Virginia Woolf

Invisible :

[warning: a sad rant.. mild mentions of death]

I guess I am so invisible to all the good things in life.. It's as if I'm only visible when I'm needed.. I have no other purpose.. I was never free.. I'm never free.. I have no significant value nor do I have it in me to gain the bare minimum.. a little respect.. I've never been seen or heard like I wish I was.. I was never a priority nor of any importance.. I just exist.. playing the side role in my own life.. that's how I was conditioned to feel.. that's how everybody thinks I should feel.. it's as if I was supposed to feel certain way cause that is what I deserve.. for what ??? Maybe for existing?? Maybe because I'm never supposed to be among them.. maybe because they never wanted me among them.. or maybe be, just maybe, they wanted me among them.. only so I can be of some use.. I can be used till the last drop of my blood serves their need.. when I'm all drawn out that's when I'm no longer needed and that is when I'm allowed to be free.. to leave life and find solace in death.. to feel the warm hug of the grim reaper who himself pitied my entire existence.. who came ever so fast as soon as he heard I'm his next passenger, so as to take me away from the hell I've been living in.. I yearned love and affection even in its most platonic states.. only to find that it's in his arms.. only to find that even this might not last as long as I wish it'll.. nothing ever dares even reach me to stay with me.. but if it does.. then it never stays with me as long as I wish it would.. I don't even know why.. I don't even know why I was born..

Writings :

Am I overreacting??

Home ??

Piece of peace

Introvert-friendly?

He wanted more

The Abandoned House

Invisible

Sometimes

Life, she's strange

The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-

Piece of peace ..

life like everything is a balance of both good and bad stuff.. I'm not special, that is why my life's too pretty much a balance between good and bad.. one thing I kinda realised about good stuff is (or the stuff that makes me happy or content is) they don't have to be grandiose.. A lil reminder of good memories or an old song I've written last summer or sometimes just a cool breeze would brighten up my mood.. whereas the bad stuff they're intense, some stubborn reasons hanging on to my mind making me numb, my mind freezes at a time stamp while the time as always goes on.. I feel stuck, anxious, idk what to do, I feel like I'm being wasteful.. this little observation made me realise that when I'm happy I'm not even overly happy, I'm not overwhelmed I'm just content or at peace, resting both my body and mind, and I don't even need a particular reason to be.. while being sad, I suffer a lot, it needs a reason and it haunts me for days due to that one single reason.. so the moral of the story is .. happiness is easy to be found, while the darkness you're stuck in, is actually hard to attain, so why don't you happily ignore your terrors and be at peace by simply breathing or by simply existing and savoring the moment.. u have many reasons to be happy or peaceful but u chose to pick that one single reason to be sad.. rethink.. reconsider your choices.. and rejoice your life..

(p.s. being sad as a whole is not a bad concept.. nobody's being happy all the times.. I'm talking bout the kind of sadness which is worn out but we still stubbornly stick to it and get stuck in it.. a lil deep breaths would really help to get out of that brain fog, if not totally, it helps to start at the least!)