Is That Person Actually Gaslighting You Or Are They Explaining Their Point Of View? People Love To Toss

is that person actually gaslighting you or are they explaining their point of view? people love to toss that word around, but don't actually know what it means, and that has caused traumatic experiences for me personally. it has resulted in me being wary of explaining my point of view in arguments lest I be accused of 'gaslighting' the person, because that's precisely what I had to experience from an ex 'friend'. I have been left in a state where even the beginning sentence of this post makes me worry that I'll get labeled a gaslighter again. and, honestly, the person's behavior was more 'gaslight-y' than my own, but since I don't know their intentions, I am reluctant to just slap that word onto it. Because I actually fucking know what that word means.

let women be butch. let women be feminine. regardless of if they're trans or cis, both or neither, let women present how they feel most comfortable without worrying for their safety, or whether they're 'enforcing gender norms'.

trans butch women aren't 'not trying hard enough' and feminine trans women aren't 'mocking womanhood', they're just expressing in a way that's most comfortable like cis women are.

—“I’m a transgender woman and a tomboy. What’s the harm?” by Kaylin Hamilton

Probably the best way to interact with these people tbh.

showing you guys this twitter interaction I just had and reminding you to be normal about trans people who use "wrong" labels please and thank you

just so everyone is aware of this, you literally do not have to listen to cisgender people on trans identities and issues. you literally don't

cisgender people do not know what the trans experience is like.

cisgender people do not know how trans men, trans women, non binary, gender non conforming, and other trans and queer people experience life. they do not understand how people treat us, how we feel, how we identify and how we struggle.

cisgender people do not know anything about the trans experience because they are not living the trans experience- they are living the cis experience. they have no idea what the trans experience is even life.

cisgender information on trans experiences is quite literally all speculation and at best repeated anecdotes

you do not have to listen to any cisgender person's opinion on trans issues, especially if it isn't positive or receptive. if their opinion involves talking at you and telling you what your experience is like, it's okay to not listen to that person and ask someone who actually is trans.

Hey, cis women who say "I wish I was a man but definitely not a trans way, haha! I would never be a man :)"

I say this with all the gentleness in my heart: It is okay for you to be a man. If you want to be a man, you can just be one. You also don't have to stop being a woman to be a man. Multigender people exist. You can be a man and a woman at the same time. Or you can be just a man, or a non-binary man, or non-binary, or something entirely different. You can do and be whatever you want and whatever makes you happy.

Becoming a man is not a betrayal of womanhood and feminism. And everyone who makes you feel like it is an absolute asshole, and you should not ever listen to them. You do not have to push your own happiness aside for other peoples' comfort.

If you want to be a man, try it out! See where it gets you. Maybe it turns out that you really weren't trans, or not a trans man but something else entirely, and that's fine, too. Maybe it turns out you are a trans man. In any case, following those thoughts might get you to a happier and better place in the end. And if you turn out to be happier as a man than you were as a woman, that is wonderful.

Please don't feel forced to stay a cis woman for feminism - any feminism that mistreats or hates trans men and transmasculine people is bad feminism. Being a trans man or transmasc is not a moral failure.

Trans manhood and masculinity are wonderful, and you deserve happiness. And if you find that happiness in manhood/masculinity, you don't deserve to be shamed or harassed for it, and you should not be made to feel the need to put yourself down for it, either.

same situation with PCOS. A lot of the people I've seen be against PCOS being an intersex variation are obsessed with the concept of 'real women', because to them being intersex would mean they're less than women. it's sad that so many people seem deal with this type of intersexism.

I believe that the choice to use the intersex label is and should always be a personal one, however I have noticed many people with Turner Syndrome not wanting to call themselves intersex because 'We are real women' and 'It's a female only condition - We don't have male parts'

Not only is this incredibly transphobic as we don't all identify as women but it also completely misunderstands what intersex actually means (any variation in sex characteristic considered which is not typical for males/females)

Being intersex has never made me less of a woman, I can be an intersex woman and I AM an intersex woman. They aren't exclusive terms?