Eunoia // Ch. 23

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Eunoia // Ch. 23

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness isn’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 5.7k+

Warnings: past abuse, past sexual abuse, cursing, past violence, mentions of blood, panic attacks

Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22

This chapter is shorter than usual but I’m in the middle of my exams so I decided to post it as it is instead of waiting until it was longer. 

Many thanks to my incredible beta reader @thewishofafallenangel​ <3

The taglist is now closed

Jimin’s head was spinning and phantom hands were squeezing his neck. They had been there once, solid and hard, cutting off his breath. Now, he could feel them again, holding him down. Punishing him.

Namjoon and Jin had been kissing. It couldn’t be. Why would they do that? Why?

“Minie?” Namjoon called his name softly, rising to his feet.

Jimin considered running. It was his first instinct; get away, pretend nothing happened. But something kept him rooted in place.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice unsteady.

Jin sent a wide-eyed look to Namjoon. Jimin’s chest hurt.

“Come here, Minie,” Namjoon said soothingly. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you before. Come here and we will talk.”

He extended a hand to him and, even through the fear, Jimin couldn’t resist taking it. Namjoon was safe, he was his pack alpha. He and Jungkook were the reasons he was here, he wouldn’t have survived in that shelter if it hadn’t been for them. Jimin would trust his life in Namjoon’s hands.

The wolf hybrid pulled him to the bed and situated him between him and Jin with his back to the headboard. It was warm, surrounded by their mixed scents of summer rain and honey buns. He would have been purring any other time.

Keep reading

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cry me a river | the black rose

— summary: he loved you once, so hard, but taehyung has no right to begin caring for you now

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 7.5k

— warnings: implied sexual harassment/abuse, implied forceful age-gap relationship, mentions of predatory actions/character

— PART 12 / previous part / masterpost

Taehyung watches you with a silent gaze as you stand by yourself, eyes closed against the softness of the night breeze as it flows past you in a neat manner, allowing your hair to fly freely. You sparkle well despite how the darkness of the night, but he guesses he has the street light of the London streets to thank for.

You don’t say anything nor do you do anything to make a move despite the clock ticking at every second. It passes and passes while you stand there, no words leaving your lips.

You’re calm. Too calm.

And something tells him soon enough, it won’t be like this for some time. Perhaps that’s why you’re taking in the calm, the silence, and the peace, before you have to walk into a battlefield.

The calm before the storm, they say.

And although he hasn’t the slightest clue as to what could go on when you make your move, a part of him carries the fear your second in command had when he approached them, asking for them to protect you well now more than ever.

The fear of the unknown.

You’re too calm.

“There is a chance he may invite me to stay at his place,” you speak into the silence, eyelids fluttering open as you turn your head to look back at him from over your shoulder. The golden lights of the lampposts highlight your features well and Taehyung’s brows furrow slightly upon your words. “I won’t deny his invitation for that matter.”

“What?” He blinks, confused. He licks his lips, wondering what’s going on in that head of yours. “I thought your plan was to get him on his feet, make him think he’s got you in the palm of his hands.”

“Exactly,” you say. “Mr. Leehyun like pretty girls that don’t go against him. As long as I comply with him, he won’t think anything’s up and I’ll be able to make my move. Shall we go?”

You begin to walk forward but Taehyung hesitates.

“Wait, Y/N,” he stops you, expression falling into a conflicted concern. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Don’t stop me,” you tell him straight and clear. “Otherwise you aren’t allowed to follow me.”

Mingyu said to never leave you out of sight, to never leave you alone with Leehyun, and Namjoon allowed his words to take precedent in this situation. He doesn’t know the situation, none of them do besides Mingyu and the rest of the Reapers, but even they can tell this mission may take a wrong turn somewhere down the line.

You told Hoseok you were prepared for your death, that you didn’t care to stop so as long as you got to your enemies. Even if you had to die for your revenge, you weren’t going to ever stop until every last one of them was buried underground.

Just how much have these people done to you to make you break like this?

“Come on, Taehyung. If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to mistake that look as you worrying for me.” You hold out your hand for him to take and although he does so with hesitation, Taehyung falls in order with you, knowing there’s no other choice.

When you walk into the grand room in an unfamiliar environment, the way you hold your head up without the slightest hint of hesitation or fear in your eyes, each step bold and long, it’s almost as if you belong right here in this light.

Nothing about you screams out of place and Taehyung guesses you’ve come to blend in well into the crowd without completely becoming invisible or taking everyone’s attention. Just the right amount that lets the people here know you are a mafia’s daughter who can hold her ground.

He doesn’t like being out in public nor does he like the attention but he guesses if he’s with you, it’s only inevitable.

You’re beautiful after all, no one can deny that.

“There’s our target,” you say in a soft murmur, eyeing a familiar-looking man who now holds a bit of grey hair after years of absence.

You falter for a moment, frozen in spot, and before Taehyung can ask about anything, you’re back to your bold and cold demeanor, eyes vanished of emotions as you lead him along to walk towards the man you have always dreaded to face. It’s as if that small moment of hesitation had never occurred.

Hyunjin isn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Mr. Hwang,” you call out in a silky tone, leaving the hand of your ex-lover to flash a small little smile towards the older man.

He, who had been talking to two other women, turns at your call, his eyes bulging slightly at the sight of you.

That gaze of his always made you feel things.

“I hope you haven’t forgotten about me.” He turns from the ladies upon your words, a familiar flash glinting in his eyes as he meets your approach halfway. Taehyung follows you just behind, eyeing the whole exchange as Hwang Leehyun takes ahold of your hand and greets you with a kiss on the back.

“How could I ever forget a beauty like you?”

Taehyung frowns at his mannerism, already feeling uncomfortable.

“Father gave me a small little vacation so I decided to come to London. I’m glad to have met you in this little moment.” You lie so easily through your teeth, feigning innocence and sweetness, your smile kind and gentle but behind it all, Taehyung knows you must dislike all of this.

“It’s unfortunate our relationship had to cut off too soon but I’m happy to hear you still think of me.”

You grin his way, pushing past its strain. “You’re hard to forget, Mr. Hwang.”

That isn’t a lie.

“You are too.”

You look down at the way he strokes the back of your hand with his thumb with no signs of letting go anytime soon. In moments like this, you wish Mingyu was here to rescue you, to give you space, a bit of a breather. You have to fight hard to restrain yourself and not kill everyone on the spot because right now there is nothing else you want to do.

Just to forget. Just to get rid of it all.

But you know that if you were to lose control now, you’d lose. You can’t lose to Hwang Leehyun again.

Not again.

“You seem more easygoing, my dear.” You don’t flinch away when Leehyun reaches out to tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear, caressing you as if you were some sort of lover to him. “You smile more easily. You’ve grown more pretty. You’ve always been pretty but…something about you is different.”

“Does it please you?”

He laughs. “It certainly does.”

Right.

Unsure of the way things are going, Taehyung clears his throat albeit awkwardly but it catches the attention of Leehyun, who takes his hand from your face, allowing you to breathe a little better. You take a step back towards Taehyung, somewhat bitter yet thankful at the same time.

“This is father’s assistant acting as my bodyguard, Mr. Hwang,” you introduce with a lie. It’s a good thing Taehyung doesn’t go out often for his face to get recognized, unlike the other boys, hence you allowed him to follow you during this mission. It was probably the reason why they chose him in the first place. Namjoon always knows what to do in dire situations. “Unfortunately the more powerful father gets, the more enemy he has, hence he has to come along with me.”

Introducing Taehyung as your father’s assistant helps to give you more leeway, because in that sense, Leehyun won’t see Taehyung as an obstacle and won’t fall suspicious in the way he follows your steps. He’ll just think Taehyung’s here to keep an eye out for you in your father’s place and not someone who’s on your side and will interfere with his time with you.

“Your father is quite generous. His love for his daughter is immeasurable,” he acknowledges Taehyung for a split moment before turning to you once again. “If I had a daughter like you, I would spoil you to no end. It’s unfortunate the engagement with Hyunjin didn’t work out.”

You leave him with that; wanting more. So with a nod, you entangle your hand along Taehyung’s arm, a bidding goodbye on the tip of your tongue.

“I would love to talk more, but my friend here will be snitching to my father if I stayed up too late. If you will excuse—”

“How about staying at my place?” His suggestion isn’t unexpected, in fact, you knew it was coming. Still, you feign a small little blink of innocence. “I’m sure if you were with someone reliable, your father wouldn’t be able to complain.”

He holds his hand out for you and you can tell with the way the corner of his smile twitches a little and the small little glance made Taehyung’s way, that he holds some sort of feeling towards the way you hold onto your father’s so-called assistant.

You’d rather stay with your ex-lover but in such a situation, you decide to let your hand fall into the palm of Leehyun’s hand.

“Then, please take care of me, Mr. Hwang.”

The way he squeezes your hand and the way his eyes flashed with a bit of sinister makes you sick to the stomach.

.

.

.

“What were you doing with a man like him?”

You look at Taehyung through the mirror of the vanity before you as you sit on the cushioned seat, a hairbrush flowing through your hair under the dim light of the room.

He doesn’t understand and perhaps he never will, but it doesn’t matter to you either way. All he has to do is stand still, pretend to be your bodyguard, and follow your lead without doing anything to stop you. That’s all he has to do.

But something concerns you with the way his brows crease a bit deeper than how they usually are, the way his nose flares up, the way he rests his hand on his hips, pacing back and forth as if he cannot fathom what reason you could possibly have to stick around with a man like Hwang Leehyun.

What were you doing with a man like him, he asks?

“Surviving,” you answer simply, leaving it with just that.

He can interpret it in any way he wants, you don’t care either way. And because you decide not to say anything any further, it frustrates him even more.

So you let out a sigh and turn from the mirror, putting the brush down against the desk. “It will do you well to calm down and get some rest. Stop pacing back and forth, you’re going to tire yourself out and—”

“Y/N, I know you.” You frown at his words. “You’re someone who won’t cry out or complain or give the whole truth to something because you hate looking weak in front of others and I don’t know whether you’re scared or too prideful but the situation here clearly indicates that—”

“Taehyung.” You cut him off with a simple call of his name, tone falling a little more low and dangerous than how it was mere seconds ago. He stops speaking, standing still in place as if it were Namjoon speaking to him. You fling a leg over the other, eyeing him down. “It’s been several years since we’ve parted,” you remind him, “do you realize how much a person can change in ten years? You may think you know the girl I was then, and perhaps you do, but I’m not who I was anymore. I’ve changed, and who knows, I may even be just as sick, if not more, than the man who escorted me right into this very bedroom.”

You stand from the chair to walk on over to the bed without another word, leaving him lost in his thoughts as you give him not another spare glance.

.

.

.

“Y/N…..?”

Hyunjin stares at you with small, widened eyes, his mouth left slightly agape, frozen in place after he walked in through the entrance to his manor. Of all the people he expected to see walking back to his house, he never sought out to find you; a woman who was almost his to claim but decided to give up on when he knew you could never love him all the same.

You had no room for him in your life and he accepted that, freeing you from one of the chains holding you down for you to reach your potential. His sincerity to you was in the form of leaving; saving you from his father.

And now here you are, years later, standing before him with a small smile plastered on your face, the glint in your eyes different from what he knew previously.

You’re different from who he saw years ago, an aura overbearingly strong as you stand beside his father without the slightest hint of flinch.

And he realizes your purpose in being here.

“Hyunjin,” his father calls to him, an easygoing lighthearted expression on his face, unaware of what meets him on the other side. Nevertheless, Hyunjin remains stoic as he continues his walk as if that moment of hesitation had never happened in the first place. “You remember Y/N, don’t you?”

“Who can ever forget Miss Y/N?”

“That’s right,” Leehyun chuckles and he catches the way his father places a hand around your waist, pulling you in close as if you were a lover he was introducing to his son.

What a sick bastard, especially knowing you were almost his son’s fiance.

“She’s on vacation,” he says as he looks down at you with a smile. You return one of your own and the blind father doesn’t suspect anything behind that glint. Hyunjin is disgusted at the sight he sees before him.

“..Is she?” He holds a hand out for you, eyes boring into yours with a piercing gaze when you glance back at him, a small secret stare exchanged for you to notice. He takes you from his father, allowing you to stand by his side instead and to Taehyung, it almost looks as if these are two men of equal standing fighting over the same woman. “What a pleasant surprise.” Hyunjin lets go of your hand but keeps you beside him nonetheless.

You notice his kindness. “It’s nice to see you again, sir.”

Leehyun looks at his watch impatiently upon your exchange with his son, keeping his cool. “Unfortunately I’ve got a busy schedule. Since you kids were almost betrothed to one another, why don’t you show her around town, Hyunjin? You did get along fine years ago.”

“Of course, father,” Hyunjin nods at the command, and before his father could try and personally bid you goodbye, he turns to you with a tight smile, blocking his father’s path as he holds out his hand for you again. “Why don’t we go now? I know a few good breakfast spots.”

You take his hand, nodding. “I should get ready first.”

“Of course.”

While ignoring Leehyun, Hyunjin leads you away from the entrance, not sparing his father another chance to speak to you again as he keeps his focus on you. It is until his father leaves does he let go of your hand, the formal smile dropping from his face.

You watch him as he takes a step away from you, cautious of your personal space as he takes a moment to bring his gaze down your body. Anyone else would think he’s checking you out but you know better than that. You hold out your hands before him, showing off your naked wrists at the furrowed brows and anxious twitch of his lips.

“He didn’t try anything on you?” Is the first thing he asks.

“I have a friend with me who refuses to leave my side,” you reply lightly, beckoning towards the other man in the room.

Hyunjin looks over to find Taehyung, who in turn narrows his gaze slightly with suspicion, and the two of them start off into a staring contest, both keeping up their guards against one another.

Taehyung’s face isn’t someone familiar to Hyunjin’s eyes, and he knows because throughout his times with you, the man had come to recognize your close aids, especially Mingyu and Yuna. You’re not one who will carelessly allow people by your side openly to anyone, which probably means that to some extent; you trust this man but he isn’t a part of your gang.

To Taehyung, Hyunjin’s probably another guy like Leehyun, but with the way he regarded you before his father and the way he keeps his space from you with caution, he guesses Hyunjin isn’t entirely a bad guy. Well, Namjoon did mention you said he had left Korea all for you so he can probably trust this man to an extent.

“Though his touches are indeed uncomfortable.”

Upon your voice, the two boys look away from one another, forgetting about their little silent disputing moment to draw their attention back to you, who places a hand on your waist, your lip taking a downturn with a disgusted frown resting on your face.

“There isn’t much to be done about that, however. I knew what I was getting into.”

Hyunjin has an expression of guilt though you’re unsure as to why. Perhaps he feels responsible in some ways though you’ll never blame him for what his father has done. Just because one may be blood-related to someone doesn’t mean they are one and the same.

Fathers are terrible human beings.

“I’m glad you can express yourself a little more now,” you hear him say, causing you to give a slight tilt of your head his way. Hyunjin chuckles as if recalling some memories, and with a small cautious glance Taehyung’s way, he continues with a fond smile your way. “You used to allow anything and everything happen to you without complaints.” Taehyung stands there, listening silently with furrowed brows. “You were almost lifeless then.”

You don’t flinch away from his touch when he reaches out to gently brush away a few stray hairs from your face. He gives you an expression that speaks “yet you’re still hurting, aren’t you?” and you don’t reply, eyes falling to the floor at the memories.

Taehyung’s here so you can’t let him know that the reason you’re able to express yourself a little more is because your father’s dead. Now that he’s gone, you have freed yourself just a bit, and although life hasn’t completely gotten better, in some ways your shoulders are less heavier than they were before.

“Is—”

You give him a look, eyes staring down at him to not say anything any further, and you guess he can take the hint that although you trust Taehyung, there’s only so little he knows.

Taehyung stands a bit envious at how well Hyunjin can read you, as well as the secrets he knows that Taehyung will probably never come to know. You share a past with one another, and although Hyunjin implied you didn’t keep a close relationship with the man, the fact that you can be like this with him now tells him everything.

In the three years he spent with you, it almost seems as if those years never existed, because the person he sees now and the person he saw then make him realize that in the end, they never did know you, did they?

You have your secrets, they all did, but unlike them who had gradually let their walls down and allowed you to see their vulnerable selves, you kept the walls up; steady and thick.

On days you’d cry, show your weakness, lean on them when you’d need it most, but as he watches the exchange between you and Hyunjin, Taehyung can only see that no matter how much you loved them then, there was always a part of you who kept yourself a secret from them.

You don’t love Hyunjin, he knows you don’t, but Hyunjin knows a part of you that he will never come to know, and for that, a part of him feels a small ache in his heart.

“Would you still like to look around London?” Hyunjin asks you as he takes a small glance around the house. “I’m sure this environment doesn’t make you any less comfortable.”

You send him a small nod before excusing yourself upstairs to dress up in a better attire for the weather and Taehyung follows behind without a word.

.

.

.

“My father is dead.”

Hyunjin nods as the two of you walk side by side, Taehyung walking along somewhere else where he’s out of earshot but still allowed to keep an eye on you.

“I assumed so,” Hyunjin says without an ounce of surprise in his tone. “That’s why you look a little more free than you did then.” You don’t say anything to that but he continues anyway, used to your silence. “So you finally took the bullet to his head, huh? I was waiting for a moment to strike my own father and now that you’re here, there’s no more time to waste. How’re you planning on doing this?”

“I want to use you,” you say, stopping to look in his direction. “May I use you?” You ask him and Hyunjin looks down at you, a small chuckle leaving his lips.

“If it helps you in any way.”

You nod at his reply, thankful, before you continue on your walk again. “Your father gets off on relationship dynamics where he’s in full control without having to share any of that power with anyone, that’s why he never cared for your mother, and that’s why getting close to him as a ‘significant other’ isn’t going to work.”

“You plan on becoming my fiancé,” he guesses at what you’re putting at, scoffing with disbelief when you confirm it. After finding out the deeds his father had done, Hyunjin was beyond disgusted, and hearing it still makes him boil with rage thinking about it.

His father is a predator, a disgusting creep.

“It’ll allow him to put his guard down a bit, though it seems he may be a bit hostile towards your care for me.”

“Do you want me to tone it down a bit? Provoke him less?” He doesn’t want to, but if it helps your current situation, he’ll have to agree to your words.

“No.” Yet you say, firm in your decision with a glint of ire flickering in your eyes. “No matter what happens, don’t ever do all that you can to stop him from trying things with me. He’ll tolerate it because you play the role of the fiancé and he’ll know that he doesn’t have the right to take you from me. It will make him more upset and it will cause him to try more things with me in that case, but no matter how hostile and angry he may be with you, do not ever leave me to him. I want to use you as a fiancé and I want to use you as a shield, and if I can’t shoot him in the head like I plan to, if I somehow freeze up, I want you to end him for me. No one else.”

This is the first time you’ve ever asked Hyunjin for a favor, a silent cry for help, and he remembers the last memory he had of you; sitting on his bed, lifeless eyes staring only blankly as you had no strength in you to fight back against anything or anyone. You were a doll made for your father to use, and as long as he had no complaints about who or what was happening to you, you had no reason to act out, especially since the Reapers and the Black Rose were allied then.

It was your way of survival; playing the role of the puppet.

That was why he left, because he knew anything else would have drowned you further down and down the deep, deep ocean, weights of burdens and people holding your feet to keep you in. He knew what he did wouldn't save you but he wanted to take at least one weight away, just for you to float up from the sea at least just the slightest bit.

He had no power to go against his father, accuse him of all the things he’s done to you — he would have died — so he plays the role of an obedient child, just as you had, waiting to strike and turn against him during the right moment, so he wouldn't know it was coming. 

When Hyunjin looks at you, he can see traces of the war leaving you drained and exhausted. You’re tired of everyone and everything, yet you have no will to back down anytime soon. He knows you’ve gone and killed a few of your enemies already, his father is just another target on your hit-list, a passing moment, and you still have others to kill, others that have done you wrong. 

Still, no matter how much you hate a man, a part of you will still be afraid and your body knows it best.

“I’ll kill him,” he nods against your request, firm and unwavering. If you can’t take the shot, he’ll do it in your place.

You turn from his gaze at that, accepting his answer, when a small little droplet hits your cheek. 

You look up, aware of the small drizzling of the rain, when an umbrella is held over you without hesitation. You look over to find Taehyung, silent and observant, now by your side with an umbrella over your head. 

For a man who’s only pretending to be an assistant, he sure does his job well.

Luckily it’s only a small little rain, so even though you’re the only one with an umbrella held over your head (by someone else), you don’t care to move away from the opening. 

The other two don’t seem to mind either.

“I want this over with in less than three days if that’s alright with you,” you continue the flow of the conversation as if it never stopped in the beginning. “Any more stalling may cause me to go insane and I cannot afford that.”

“Of course.”

“Tonight we’re going to discuss the merging of our hands. I’ll push for the engagement party the day after tomorrow. I’m sure your father won’t mind the rush.” Of course he wouldn’t. “And as for the case of him not yet knowing of the news of my father’s death, as well as who killed him, I’ll take care of it. All you have to do is play the role of my fiancé. Once it’s all done and over with, I’m sure you will do well to hide all these secrets from the London mobs. Namjoon gave me the passageway into the streets, I need you to give me a way to leave it. Bring only the people that you can trust in to the party, anyone else will pose a problem to us.”

Years ago, Hyunjin would have never thought you to take up the reins and lead a whole mafia on your back, yet the way you speak without falter, a voice of authority and strength, he can no longer see that little girl who only followed behind the shadows of her father.

The puppet has become the puppeteer.

Or maybe you were the true puppeteer all along, waiting to strike.

No one saw it coming, you did well to follow in your father’s steps, and although many sacrifices were made, you’re now standing here right in the center, eyes unwavering and filled with a strength only someone who went through so much can hold.

He knows, however, that you can only grow stronger. You just have to sacrifice a few more of yourself in order to do so.

And for that, his heart hurts for you.

.

.

.

“Shall we become a family?” 

Of course it’s Leehyun who proposes the idea first. You know that in his mind, you’re only staying here for a limited amount of time before you return to your home, and he’ll no longer be able to see you. You were already taken away from him the first time, this time you can see in his eyes that he doesn’t plan to let you leave him just as easily as you did then. 

It’s sickening the way he looks at you.

You feign a smile, shyly glancing over at Hyunjin before returning your gaze back to him again. “Are you sure, Mr. Hwang? Would that be alright?”

He likes that expression on your face; shy, innocent.

You hate it.

“Of course it would. I’ve always wanted you.” You cringe at those words, holding your expression as he continues on. “You’d be the perfect daughter-in-law anyone would ask for. You’re sweet, obedient, and always listen well without ever acting out. You’re the perfect daughter-in-law.”

Daughter-in-law, not his son’s lover or his son’s fiancé but his daughter-in-law.

“You flatter me, Mr. Hwang.” You let your eyes flutter down to your lap, a hand against your hand to play the role of an embarrassed, shy, innocent girl.

You hear him chuckle in response and can feel the eyes of the two other men in the room. 

“Of course, we’d have to discuss this with your father.”

“Actually, I have some good news.” You turn to Taehyung and he hands you a letter that then gets slid across the table towards the older man. “Father did mention hoping to reconnect with you, said he wouldn't mind Mr. Hyunjin and me to be betrothed to one another again.”

“Really?” He raises a brow with keen interest as he takes the letter you’ve handed him. Of course, it’s a fake letter, one you had Mingyu write, feigning your father’s handwriting to make it real. Out of everyone who’s stayed by your side, Mingyu knows your father’s mannerisms and speeches best. 

“If it’s alright with you, would you like to return to Korea, Mr. Hwang?” You blink up at him with wide eyes, a hopeful gaze set in them, one you know he wouldn't be able to refute. 

Just on cue, you see that familiar glint in his eyes and almost falter in your stance.

You can feel your heart beating hard against your chest and it’s not the good kind of beating. It never is when it comes to Hwang Leehyun.

“Returning to Korea sounds like a good idea, wouldn't you think, Hyunjin?” 

Hyunjin, uncomfortable in his seat, nods with a tight smile. “Yes, father.”

“Unfortunately I have to return in a few days,” you speak up again. “Father mentioned an important mission I’ll have to take that will require my attention for some time. So if it’s alright with you, why don’t we hold the engagement party while I’m here?”

“Without your father?”

“He has already given us his blessings,” you push the conversation on. “Plus father has never been one to enjoy parties.”

“Of course,” Leehyun nods, pretending to remember that fact. You’re sure he doesn't remember much about your father. He’s only ever kept his eyes on you after all. “You’ve become quite the lady, haven’t you?” A small change in his tone, Leehyun reaches out to gently stroke your head. 

You smile meekly, eyes fluttering to the floor, feigning shyness when in reality, you’re just hoping to not meet those eyes of his. 

It’s disgusting. He’s disgusting.

You hate this.

“It’s getting late.” Hyunjin stands with a hand held out to you, breaking the moment. “I’ll take you up to your room.”

“She can go alone.”

“Ah, but would anyone want to leave such a pretty lady alone to herself? I am to become her fiancé soon after all.” 

“Right..” You hate the sound of his tone. 

“I am her aide,” Taehyung speaks up for the first time that night, “I can take her upstairs.” 

He holds his hand out for you, and although you hate every part of this, you’re relieved he can at least read the room and can step in when he needs to most. So you take up his offer, bidding the other two goodbye, and you return to the guest room with Taehyung by your side.

It is when the door closes do you finally drop your acting face down, eyes hardened with gritted teeth against your jaw. 

Your hands tremble with anger as you fist a hairful into your hands, touching where Leehyun had held you, breathing louder than you intend to. You pace back and forth, silent, as Taehyung watches on, understanding your frustration and turmoil.

“What is it?” He wants you to speak, to let it out. So you speak.

“I want to kill him,” you say, a whisper laced with ire. “I want him gone, I…How dare he touch me so carelessly? If I could cut his hand off — no — break each of his fingers off in the most slowest and cruelest ways, I…If I could just kill him right now, I’d—”

“Y/N.”

“But I can’t.” You run your fingers through your hair, making it disheveled on purpose. Perfection is what they want out of you. You hate perfection. “I have to be patient. I have to do this perfectly. If not, everything I’ve worked so hard for will go down the drain.”

“It’s okay. Just hold on a little longer.”

It’s alright.

You’ll be okay.

Just hold on a little longer.

Just a little longer.

“You can take it, can’t you? Just a little longer and it’ll all be over.”

Those words are mocking you, trying to tear you down to pieces, and as if Taehyung can understand just how much his words have affected you right there and then, he steps up before you, an expression of guilt. 

“I apologize. That must have sounded inconsiderate of me.”

Inconsiderate.

Ha. What a word. 

If Mingyu was here, what would Mingyu do? What would he say? He’d know just what to do, to calm your ire, to calm all that you are right now. 

Everything threatens to tear you down but you can’t even let it all go. You have to hold on because looking weak before Taehyung will only backfire on you. You can’t break down. Not now.

Not now.

Not now.

Where is the pillar that you need the most? Where is your calm?

You shut him out. 

That’s right. He wasn’t allowed to join you, otherwise he’d stop you from what you’re trying to do right now. None of them were allowed to come. If Mingyu had been by your side during all of this instead of Taehyung, you’re sure he would have had a few things to say by now.

You stare at Taehyung who stands before you, and although you know the rest of them must be listening in on everything that has happened so far, as well as this moment right here, you can’t help but ask; “May I see your hand?”

He falls confused, unsure of what you’re meaning to do, but he holds his hand out either way. 

You take ahold of it, touching the larger, callous hand, and run it against your head. 

You lean against the touch, closing your eyes, and Taehyung realizes this is the exact place Leehyun had held you previously. Mere moments ago. 

His brows furrow and he holds out his other hand before you. “Shall we try something?”

You open your eyes to find Taehyung lost in your memories.

“Shall we try something?” 

You tilt your head slightly to the side, lips pressed together with confusion. “Try..something?”

He sends you a soft smile, one that always seems to calm your heart. “Mmn,” he nods, “I think it can help you. Well, I hope it does.”

You’re still confused but place your hand in his either way. Taehyung holds it up so that both your palms face one another, as if you were looking directly at a mirror before you. But it isn't a mirrored version of you that you see before you. It’s Taehyung. Just Taehyung.

He looks at you differently from what your reflection shows. Rather than resentment and insecurity mirroring you, Taehyung watches you with a soft expression of love and care. 

“What did we say about hiding?” He asks gently with a kind smile. “I told you, didn't I? You can complain all that you want. You can lash out, throw a tantrum, scream, shout, just don’t hide.”

Don’t be silent.

It’s okay to scream.

“You’re hurting, aren’t you?” He leans in and you fall forward, meeting his forehead with yours in the middle. “It’s okay to rely on us, to rely on me. You don’t have to hide, Y/N, not when you’re with me.”

He intertwines your fingers together and…

…pull you in close, allowing your ears to rest against his chest, where the beat of his heart lies. It’s steady unlike your own and when you close your eyes to listen to his heartbeat, it’s the last thing you hear before your body falls limp a few moments later. 

Taehyung holds you up and carries you off to the bed, tucking you in before he leans away, watching you with an unreadable expression, all the while knowing he’s being listened in on by the rest of the crew back in their hotel rooms.

.

.

.

You wake up in the middle of the night just as you had done the night before. Taehyung wakes up along with you, woken by your moving presence who stands in the middle of the bedroom, aimlessly staring at nothing.

You look like a ghost, a walking corpse, and as he watches you from where you stand, your eyes aren’t as guarded as they always are when you’re wide awake. He knows you must be in a state where you aren’t fully awake but you’re not asleep either. It’s as if you can’t sleep well, and he wonders whether that’s because you’re placed in a different environment or if it has to do with something else.

“Y/N?” He calls your name, softly, but you don’t react one bit.

A blanket is wrapped around you, keeping you warm, but as you walk towards the light of the moon right outside the window, it falls from your shoulders, leaving them bare, causing you to shudder at the sudden coldness.

Taehyung walks over to pick the blanket up, a concerned furrow on his brows as he watches you, unsure of what’s going on. Last night you stood for a while before taking a seat on the floor, your head resting on the wall, and that was when you finally got some sleep, but tonight something tells him your body might not adjust to sleep as easily.

He remembers a time in the past when his heartbeat used to bring you to sleep but things are different now and although it helped for a moment, you’re awake now, unable to get a proper night’s sleep.

Just how much are you holding in that head of yours?

“Y–” He tries calling again when he hears something and senses another presence. 

Taehyung reaches for his gun when he finds a shadow against the window. They jump in without a sound, like an assassin made from the shadows, and when the person brings a finger up to their lips to keep him quiet, he realizes this is one of your Reapers.

Yuna, was it? Your blind shadow.

He puts his gun down but watches her with a steady gaze, unable to completely let his guard down.

She ignores him to turn to you, who stares blankly out the window, a small tilt in your head as you look up at the moonlight. Yuna takes the blanket from Taehyung to drape it over your shoulders. You take it as if possessed, covering yourself from the coldness, eyes still blank, lips sealed shut.

She stays beside you, silent, and reaches a hand out to you, weaving her hand through your hair. You welcome the touch without flinching away, a sign that tells Taehyung her touch is one you trust, one you are safe with, and one you have familiarized yourself with.

“Why are you awake, my lady?” She asks softly, her approach careful with a touch of tenderness. “You have a big day tomorrow and the day after that. You should be sleeping.”

You turn towards her voice, and something tells Taehyung you aren’t taking in what her words are saying, you’re just reacting to the sound of her familiar melody..

You’re still in a mindless state.

“Aren’t you tired?” Yuna asks, and upon those words, you lean in to rest your head against her shoulder. She takes your hand and you follow her willingly, allowing her to sit you down against a soft little seating in front of the window. She sits beside you, letting your head fall against her lap, and with the blanket held on top of your body, the silence of the night fills in as Yuna runs her hand through your hair, helping you to flutter your eyes closed and get a good night’s rest.

It remains quiet for a while before your breathing evens out and they know you’ve finally gone back to sleep again.

Taehyung wonders if you even realize this happens to you at night. Do you realize you wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep? And do you realize only your Reapers can get you back to your resting state without breaking you out of your mindless state?

You trust these Reapers, he knows, but just as their loyalty and allegiance to you runs deeper than the ocean, he wonders if you ever realize how deep your trust runs in them.

When he looks at Yuna who keeps quiet, something tells him they probably keep this part of you a secret to themselves.

“Your…blindfold,” he sparks up a conversation. Her hand pauses in the air for a split second at his voice. “..What happened to your eyes?”

Yuna remains silent for a bit, her hand continuing the gentle motion in your hair before she decides to entertain him the story.

“It was a price I had to pay for in order to stay by my lady’s side,” she says, her words filled with memories of those days. “Boss took them out herself and I willingly allowed her to. Our secrets would have been exposed otherwise and we couldn’t afford that.”

“So you became blind…for her.”

“For my lady, I’d do anything.” She tilts her head up and if she had eyes, Taehyung knows she would be looking straight at him. “This was the first test of loyalty between the first Reaper and the lady. The bond between the Reapers and the boss would not have been as tight if it weren’t for this sacrifice, because if I never lost my eyes for her…I’m sure she would have never been able to trust in anyone ever again.” He presses his lips tightly against those words, connecting what that meant. He knows she’s talking about their betrayal to you. “Once you pledge allegiance to someone, it behooves you not to betray the faith that they have placed in you. That is the agreement between the Reapers and the boss. Losing my eyes for her meant she could place her faith in me and the rest of us that came after me.”

Yuna; the very first Reaper who stood by your side and got you to earn her trust and restore some sort of faith in others again.

When they left you all alone during those days, it never occurred to him what would have happened as an aftermath of their actions. You had to pay the price, the consequences of their actions, and for the first time since the night he watched from the sideline as you bowed your head before them, Taehyung can feel a tinge of regret aching against his chest.

All the things you went through, he will never come to find out. The only person who knows and is even close to staying by your side through it all is the one before him, who holds her head up, unwavering loyalty not meant to ever break even past her death.

When he looks at the way she regards you, Taehyung feels so little against her despite his physical body much bigger than her.

Does he even have the right to regret anything? Who is he to only care after seeing you like this? Who is he to begin caring now when he realizes you’ve had it rough throughout those ten years after the divorce?

If he didn’t care when you graced them with your smile, what right does he have to begin caring when he sees the invisible tears left in the weight of your drained eyes?

He knows he has no right.

None at all.

💜💜💜

cry me a river | the broken

— summary: once someone's been taught to stay quiet their whole life, how do they learn to scream and shout for help?

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 11.1k

— warnings: implied sexual harassment/abuse, implied forceful age-gap relationship, mentions of predatory acts/character, mentions of memory suppression, resurfacing of suppressed memories, implied forced submission, gaslighting, manipulation, mentions of breaking, mentions of toxic family relations, toxic power dynamics, suppressed emotions, brief mention of miscarriage, violence, slight gore

— PART 13 / previous post / masterpost

“Will you help me with the zipper?”

The light-colored champagne dress you wear fits you beautifully, just as everything does, yet tonight you seem to look a bit more elegant and dignified, the lighter color creating a more pure and soft look as compared to the darker dresses he’s gotten used to seeing you wear. This is part of the play. After all, in order to seem innocent before Hwang Leehyun, you have to look the part.

As he helps you with the zipper, Taehyung doesn’t know how to feel about you dressing up for a man like Leehyun.

You give him a small thanks before turning to the vanity mirror and taking a seat in order to fix your hair and makeup. The first thing you do is brush through your hair while Taehyung stands on the sideline, watching you. You bring a fancy hairpin along your hair, holding it up into a low bun, then turn towards the makeup kit to begin patting your face down.

The beauty comes along and when you reach a certain step, you frown slightly at the eyeliner in your hand.

You’ve always had Dasom handle your makeup and playing with eyeliner is something you have yet to get used to. But she did always mention using a sharp-lined corner as a guideline to help you through in case she wouldn’t be around to help you.

You look around before putting a leg up against the vanity, rolling your dress up to take the knife you had hidden against your thigh, and Taehyung watches with slight confusion as you line the edge of the knife along your eye.

He meets your eyes in the reflection of the mirror when you use the knife as a guide to create your wings, your gaze intense with a fire he has yet to get used to.

He’s first to rip away from the contact, feeling rather flustered at how..hot that was.

Respectfully.

“Shall we get going?” When you stand up and hold your hand out for him a few minutes later, Taehyung has to take a moment to take your appearance in. No matter how much time has passed, your beauty will always shine bright, but in the past months he’s met you again after a couple of passing years, you only seem to shine even brighter.

“Don’t get too carried away now,” you say and he realizes he got caught staring.

Taehyung clears his throat as he takes your hand and leads you to the door, not entirely fond of the fact that this is all for the sake of a sick bastard.

.

.

.

“As expected you are…” the second Leehyun sees you, he can’t help but fall into a slight daze, “..beautiful.” He speaks with a sighing breath as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing before him, and Taehyung’s stance straightens at those words, his eyes hardening at Leehyun.

Perhaps this is why you didn’t allow your Reapers in on this mission. Would they be able to hold themselves back for their boss? Even he’s having a hard time restraining himself.

Leehyun reaches out to lightly brush a strand of hair to the side and when he leans into you, you can feel Taehyung’s hold of your hand tightening. “I can’t wait to become a family,” he whispers, and perhaps to others, he truly adores his future daughter-in-law in an innocent way but to you and Taehyung, those words only bring chills down your spines.

“Father, Y/N.” Hyunjin steps in to the rescue, allowing his father to back away at the call of your names. “The guests have all arrived, we should get going.”

“Right.” He seems a bit disappointed at the moment ripped away from him but the three of you do not care for it as you turn to stand by Hyunjin’s side.

Taehyung takes a second to look at Hyunjin, who gives him silent words of reassurance, before he takes his leave from the potential newly made family. He walks away to join the room full of guests, blending into the crowd with cautious eyes staring at his surrounding.

“I don’t think you would have been able to hold yourself back if you were in my position,” he says the instant Jimin pulls up to his side, offering him a glass of champagne.

“Well,” Jimin hums, “it was bad enough just listening in on the conversations, I can only imagine.”

“He’ll die soon enough,” Yoongi speaks up with eyes staring straight towards the fancy door that hides the three of you from the eyes of the guests.

Soon enough they open with the sight of Hwang Leehyun with a proud grin on his face, the one that hides his sinister self, hidden from the public to see. And hidden from the eyes of Leehyun and his men are the men of Bangtan blended in with the crowd, watching with steady eyes as he opens his mouth with a prepared speech at hand.

“I thank you for coming here on short notice..” he begins and his voice trails off for Hoseok as he walks about discreetly, watching the room to see if anything is amiss.

There are two guards by the entrance door, three men upstairs keeping an eye on the room, and a few more in the room, dressed in black suits with earpieces connecting them to one another for communication purposes.

If anything happens, you’re the last person they’ll think to harm, especially with Hyunjin and Leehyun by your side so he doesn’t need to worry about your safety for the beginning portion of all of this.

You’ll be alright…for now.

“I ask that you protect her well,” Mingyu’s voice echoes in his head. “Whatever you do, do not stop her, however…save her…if it so gets to that point.”

In the beginning, he couldn’t understand what those words meant. They lied heavy with great responsibility and although Hoseok knew he would have obliged them without Mingyu having to say it, now that he understands the context of things, it only makes him sick to the stomach.

The things you went through when you left them can only be left to their imaginations and for your sake, Hoseok hopes you can keep strong.

He saw how much you’ve changed, the strength in you different from how it was during the three years he got to know and love you. You have a sort of strength that seems almost impossible to break, your thoughts and mind plagued with only the desire to seek revenge for those that have wronged you.

But even the strongest villains in the world can break down and fall apart.

What if something goes wrong down this line? What would happen then?

“Please welcome my future daughter-in-law,” he hears Leehyun say, and you come into sight, a dignified beauty beyond compare.

You’re beautiful, glowing brightly under the chandelier lights, and he knows that everyone else in the room is thinking the very same thoughts. When you grace them with a smile, you only shine brighter, and before they can approach you with congratulations and introduce themselves, they have to take a moment of breath to take your beauty in.

You’re beautiful.

Hoseok looks around the room to find Namjoon who stands from afar, his stare blank. To anyone, he looks as if he holds no emotions on his face, but Hoseok knows better than that.

He’s mesmerized yet at the same time, worried.

They all share the same thought, he realizes, when he finds the rest of them.

Leehyun will die tonight but what price would you have to pay in order to reach that goal?

Will you be alright?

“How long until the wedding? Will you hold a formal party or will there only be a private signing of papers?” When the question is asked, you take a glance at Hyunjin, who chuckles lightly in response.

“Our Y/N here is shyer than she seems so for her sake, we’ll keep the process private and quick.”

“And besides, the quicker the process, the faster we get to be family.” You don’t know why Leehyun agrees to Hyunjin so quickly but when he lands a hand on your shoulder, you can only think about how uncomfortable you’re feeling.

The guest at hand laughs with ignorance. “You’re lucky such a beauty will become a member of your family.”

“Yes, indeed I am.”

You discreetly glance over at Hyunjin when his father squeezes your shoulder as he continues speaking to the guest as if you were the one he was presenting as his potential wife.

It’s irritating.

Disgusting.

Hyunjin reaches over to take you back when someone calls for his attention.

“May I have a moment with you?” They ask, and Hyunjin hesitates with a glance your way, enticing a chuckle out of the guest. “Come on now, Hyunjin, I know you’re eager to marry such a beauty but you’ll get her the rest of your life so let me steal you for a moment, yeah?”

You give Hyunjin a small nod to let him know that it was alright to leave your side, and although he continues his debate in his head, he’s eventually dragged off away and out of sight from you, leaving you to converse with more guests with Leehyun by your side.

“Are you tired?” After a few more minutes, he asks you the question which causes you to look up with a small huh. Leehyun grins your way, an innocent smile, but you know better than that. “You don’t do too well with crowds, do you? I think you should take a break. Here, let me get you out of here.”

He takes your hand without hesitating another beat and your heart quickens slightly as he begins dragging you off.

You feel eyes on you, alerted, but you signal Taehyung with a shake of your head, letting him know that he shouldn’t follow you.

If you’re going to do this properly, you can’t expose your weakness just yet.

He can’t stop you. None of them can.

And so you’re led to a door with a guard just outside, opening it for you, and Taehyung watches as the door closes with you and Leehyun on the other side, left alone together.

He bites his inner lip, anxious.

.

.

.

“Water?” Leehyun offers but you shake your head politely, remaining stood by the door as he walks further in to take a seat on one of the fancy comfortable chairs in the room. “Is it draining?” He asks after taking a sip of his drink. “I know you aren’t someone who likes staying in the presence of a crowd much, especially when you’re at the center of attention.”

Why is he speaking to you so casually? As if nothing about him is wrong?

No, this is how it’s always been, hasn’t it?

“I can endure it,” you answer him and he chuckles lowly in response.

“That’s right. You’ve always been so good at enduring things.” Your finger twitches at those words so you keep them hidden behind you, keeping the beat of your heart steady. “When this is all over, we’ll finally be a family, just the way I hoped many years ago.”

Many years ago.

Those years…you never want to remember anything from it.

“You can’t leave me now, Y/N,” he says and you keep silent. “Hyunjin seems to have taken a liking to you and he’s a bit more observant than he was then but he doesn’t have to know. Everything can still be kept a secret between the two of us.”

Secret.

You never did try to conceal anything. Back then you didn’t care whether you were hurt or not. All you knew was surviving and if that meant letting others hurt you, you did what you had to do. Hyunjin was the one who found out on his own and in turn, as a sincere apology for his ignorance, he left the country and took his father along with him.

He was and has always been a sincere man, unlike his father. Even though you knew he cared for you in some ways, he never did anything to force you to do things for him. He could have done anything and everything with you if he so wanted but he didn’t because unlike everyone else around you, he was human.

He had morals he abided by and always treated the people around him with respect.

If you had spoken up about your struggles then, perhaps you would have gotten hurt less.

“Have you taken a liking to Hyunjin as well?” Leehyun tsks lightly as he stands from his seat, walking slowly over to you with a small shake of his head as if liking your soon-to-be fiancé isn’t ideal. “That’s kind of a shame. You’ve always been a good little girl, haven’t you? You’ll listen to me still, won’t you, pretty girl?”

You stare at the ground, hating every bit of this, every little nickname he gives you, that glint in his eyes, everything.

“Eyes on me when I’m talking to you,” Leehyun commands in a tone that threatens to resurface your buried memories. He holds your chin up to force your eyes to meet his. “You’re not thinking about telling Hyunjin everything, are you?”

Your brows furrow.

“He’d never believe you, you know. Why would he? I could just tell him you came onto me.”

“What?”

“Hyunjin’s my son. Why would he believe you over me?” 

He doesn't understand anything, does he? Years ago he threatened you like this as well, though years ago it didn’t matter much because you didn’t care to tell anyone about anything. You were already far gone, not able to trust strangers.

Hyunjin could have saved you sooner than he did but you kept quiet.

Once someone’s been taught to stay quiet their whole life, how do they learn to scream and shout for help?

Hyunjin came to earn your trust when he proved his good heart by leaving the country for you, but even then you remember being in a state in which nothing mattered. Whether you were hurt or not, you couldn’t care about anything but pleasing your father and becoming stronger than you were then.

You endured through everything with a blank heart, mind falling into a state you aren’t be able to recall memories from. You remained quiet for the longest time.

Still, his tone threatens to shake your core. You can feel something building up inside of you, something not so good. It’s as if all the weights you thought had disappeared are all coming back up at the same time.

Father’s face reappears in your mind, his threatening gaze so dark and cold whenever he looks your way. All you ever were to him was a puppet in the making. He wanted you to grow up loyal and obedient only to him, to become strong and powerful, and if gaining strength meant enduring through all the things others did to you, he didn’t care to bat an eye your way, even as you were thrown to the wolves.

No.

He threw you to the wolves.

So of course he never cared what the wolves did to you in return. All he cared about was you returning to his side, whether that meant alive or not. He didn’t care for your survival, for your life or death.

If you came back with strength, that just meant feeding you to more wolves until you grew strong enough on your own.

Until you returned to bite the hand that fed you.

It’s a wonder he never saw your betrayal coming.

“We should return,” you say against the silence that befalls the room, making up an excuse. “If we stay here for any longer, the guests will wonder where we’ve gone.”

You turn to put a hand on the doorknob when Leehyun’s hand takes over yours. You restrain yourself well to not flinch at his touch, only retracing your hand back silently. He watches you while your eyes remain still before you, and when he opens the door, Leehyun holds your shoulder once again.

You hate every bit of this.

“Mr. Hwang.” Not even two strides out the door and someone approaches him.

You recognize the voice and when you look up, it’s indeed Namjoon who had decided to walk up to the two of you with Jungkook by his side, acting as a bodyguard more than an important figure.

Leehyun grows surprised at the sight, not expecting a man like Namjoon to have come to London, not to mention his son’s engagement party. He speaks up, bringing him into a conversation as you stay there, silent.

You can feel Jungkook’s piercing gaze on you, a silent question on the tip of his tongue as if wondering if you were alright and if Leehyun had done anything to you.

You weren’t alright, not alright at all. He didn’t do anything but it sure feels as if he did. You hate the touch of his hand on your bare shoulders, his skin burning against you like touching the spike of a porcupine but being forced to not flinch away.

Every part of your body screams to push him away as it prickles with disgust, a tremor waiting to reveal itself but you know how to handle it, you know when not to show your weaknesses before others. You’ve been taught your whole life to conceal all that you feel after all.

What more is a few minutes?

When father was around, he instilled the practice well into your head, engraving it as if a burning metal pressed hotly against your skin, the mark there to stay forever. 

That’s what Leehyun’s touch feels like; a hot iron burn that will remain forever even if he does manage to leave you alone.

Hyunjin, where’s Hyunjin?

Hyunjin isn’t anywhere in sight so despite the fact that there are two people here who are on your side, you know they can’t do anything to rip Leehyun’s touch off you.

The voices spoken between him and Namjoon fade in and out as your eyes shake, looking around for something, anything, when you catch the sight of a hand held out to you, grabbing your attention back forcefully from your moment of frantic.

You look up to find Namjoon right before you, his hand held out expectedly as one would when meeting someone for the first time. “It’s nice to meet you, miss Y/N,” the words slip easily from his lips.

Right.

Despite the fact that the two of you were wed once upon a time, no one knows of your relationship. You were kept a secret for the longest time. Mother’s pregnancy was announced the moment the two red lines appeared on the stick, her eyes bright with delight and hope, you remember the maids saying. But her happiness and joy were forcefully ripped away from her when the doctor congratulated her on the news of carrying a baby girl.

It wasn’t what mother wanted. It wasn’t what father wanted. It wasn’t what anyone wanted.

The congratulation that left the doctor’s mouth was the very reason his tongue was cut off and later killed by the order of your mother.

She wanted to get rid of you the instant she knew of your gender but she kept you. A part of her probably hoped you’d grow up competent, prove her wrong, prove the world — father wrong, that you’d be her pride and joy and she wouldn’t have to care about your gender.

Meanwhile, father was already letting the world know that her pregnancy was a fail, that she had a miscarriage. You were deemed a mistake before he even saw you, but he allowed the only thing mother had left to keep to herself with promising words of not wanting to have anything to do with you.

The birth was risky and mother grew severely depressed, affecting even more of her health, until eventually her blooms wilted away and the last thing you saw of her was her disgusted eyes filled with hatred towards you.

You ruined her. Your very own mother.

Father was heartless but he turned you into his little puppet to hold and manipulate the strings of. You followed his every word whether willingly or not. After all, a puppet has no control over its own strings. They only do and say what the puppetmaster wants them to. You were no exception.

He kept you a secret until the end, only sharing you with the people close to him but even then, he never cared to pay you any attention unless it was to use you as a pawn.

That’s why you grew to shy away from the crowd, hating every bit of attention on you. Yoongi told you that it could never be, that no matter where you go, eyes will always follow you, it’s only inevitable. Your beauty is like the bright light for the moth, he said, meant to attract attention no matter what you do.

You held onto his words dearly and keep them still because he’s right. You will never be able to truly blend into the crowd as you wish and you let that fall to your advantage once you learned to manipulate others in the same way father had.

Like father, like daughter.

You may hate your father but no matter what anyone says, the two of you share blood and a part of him will always be instilled in your veins.

You hate every part of the truth.

“..It’s nice to meet you,” you finally say after a heartbeat, holding your hand out to shake Namjoon’s hand.

You linger a little longer, grip tighter than it should for a casual handshake, hoping, praying, in your silent cry, for him to hold onto you just as tight and yank you out of Leehyun’s grip. It’s a silent plea you don’t realize you’re doing when your ex-husband watches you attentively. Anyone would think nothing of it but you see the slight furrow between his brows, the way his mouth protrudes in just the slightest unnoticeable way.

You want him to take you away, to save you.

But before anything can happen, it’s you who forces your hand away from his first as if waking from your moment of daze, remembering what you’re doing and why you’re here.

You can’t forget your revenge for a moment of peace. Peace has to come after the storm, not before, otherwise the fight and the war will be for naught. You can’t get caught up with a small glimpse of hope. You’re already here in this room, held against Leehyun, you can’t back down now.

Revenge revenge revenge.

This is all for the revenge.

Namjoon can sense something is wrong, wondering whether you can still keep yourself upright for the sake of the mission, but when you retract from his hold, he squeezes his hand that’s held in mid-air after you left him, returning it back to his side.

“I didn’t know you were the daughter of the Grim Reaper,” he says, keeping up the font of your father still alive and striving well and not six feet under or burned into crispy ashes. He isn’t sure what you’ve done to your father’s body and he doesn’t really want to know.

Something about the relationship gives him a bit of suspicion but he can only base that on what he’s seen. What he’s heard tells him a different story. You’ve never smeared your father’s name before him, even in death, in fact, you tell him he’s treated you well throughout your life but what if all of that is a lie, just as a lot of things about you? You feign your smile before others, picking up an arrogant aura, fake the way you welcome each and every attention that falls your way when you walk into a room.

What if what you’ve told them about your father has also been a lie?

“Father has always been overprotective about my identity,” you tell him, something that sounds so believable yet so false at the same time.

What if you got rid of him not because you were “bored” but because you were forced to? Because that was the only way to freedom you’d ever earn? Because there was no other choice? What if everything about you in those three years they spent with you were all nothing but lies?

No. You’ve always been truthful and honest.

He can still remember looking into your eyes and always seeing the sincerity in them, how nothing in this world felt real except the sincere eyes that you always gave him. He didn’t believe in anything but your eyes were the only thing he knew that could never lie to him. Anything else, anyone else would but you…you never lied to him.

Yet as he stands here now, he thinks that perhaps he had been naive all along. There was always a part of you that you’d hide from them after all, no matter how much they tried to edge you on, reminding you that they loved and cared for every part of you so that you would be willing to open up. They shared their secrets, their deepest insecurities with you. But before he could ever cut open your heart and see what was inside, he broke the ties between you and the rest, divorcing you all too soon.

“That reminds me,” you look at him with a small smile, as if you were that shy little girl who always hid behind him whenever strangers were to try a spark a conversation with you, “I hope you can still keep this a secret. The people here don’t truly know of my identity but because you’re from Korea, it’s a whole different story. So for the sake of my father’s wrath and to conceal his kind heart, I ask that you not mention any part of meeting me and announce it to the world.”

What if the reason your father kept your identity a secret is not because he loves you so dearly but because he hates everything about you?

He wants to doubt the sincerity you held for him in those three years he cared for you. Still, Namjoon says, “Of course. You have my word.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kim.” When you give him a small bow of a nod as a way to thank him, you don’t allow your head to look back up so he’s left with only seeing your hair which conceals any emotions on your face.

You suddenly feel so small, as if the acting is beginning to take a toll on you and you’re starting to believe in this fantasy. As if Namjoon indeed doesn’t know you, as if you’re still that hopeless, pure little girl who’s been shut out from the world, as if you will indeed marry into the Hwangs and be trapped in a cage with the keys lost to the sea.

You wish Mingyu was here so that his presence can calm your racing heartbeat. You wish you could hear him with an intercom connecting his voice to your ears. You wish he could remind you to breathe, that you needn’t worry because he’s watching every step you make, that if anyone were to put you in harm’s way, Dasom’s bullet will pierce right into the skull of their heads.

You want to feel Dasom’s sniper watching you, you wish Yuna’s lingering gaze never left, and plunge yourself into drinking all of Yeonjun’s tea to end all the nerves that are screaming at you to break away from Leehyun’s hold.

To breathe.

To run away and find your safe place; in your Reaper’s safehold.

But you can’t because you’ve shut them out, told them to not interfere with your plans, to not stop you no matter what happens.

You don’t realize the Reapers are still watching you through Bangtan’s gaze, still ignorant to the fact that Mingyu had walked into their headquarters and dropped his head before Namjoon, asking them to protect you until the end, to save you if necessary. You don’t realize their protectiveness has been asked of to be replaced by Bangtan.

You don’t see Jungkook’s watchful gaze on you while Namjoon has Leehyun distracted in a conversation that falls deaf to his ears, careful in making sure Leehyun doesn’t mistake his watchful gaze on you and hide you away in response.

You don’t see the way the corner of Jungkook’s lip twitches, or the way he tries not to fiddle with his fingers in anxious thought of how this night will end but fails miserably. You don’t realize Jimin’s anger when he sees you held against Leehyun, standing by and watching with Yoongi as they recall the voices of conversations exchanged between you and Leehyun through Taehyung’s hidden mic.

You don’t see the way Taehyung rushes into the crowd, eyes scanning for a familiar figure to force him to return to your side otherwise he may snap and ruin the plan you so forced your Reapers away for.

But something goes wrong when he catches sight of the said man he placed his trust in to keep you safe. Hyunjin stands with a lower subordinate by his side, who whispers unheard words into his ear. Something’s wrong when he feels Taehyung’s gaze on him and looks up, his eyes hardening with a warning on the tip of his tongue.

Taehyung feels his mouth drying and when he snaps his head back at where you should be standing with Leehyun, Namjoon and Jungkook, but all that’s left are Namjoon and Jungkook without the other two figures in sight.

His eyes scan around the area, flashing with alarm as the words of Mingyu repeat in his head; “Don’t ever leave her side, no matter what. Don’t ever leave her alone with Leehyun.”

He knows you more than Taehyung does, probably knows every little secret you hold dearly within the thick walls you’ve built around yourself. He’s witnessed what you’ve been through, understands your responses and how to react to them, knows how to deal with every situation he’s faced with.

Taehyung doesn’t know anything. He has a clue but clues are useless and right now you’re missing, out of sight, and he feels as if the storm is coming sooner than it should. At a fast pace at that.

“Where’s Y/N?” He quickly asks the two boys who were last seen with her. The big boss gestures to two doors that lead away from the room where the party is held and grows irritated because he remembers all the doors in this house during his time here and that door does not lead to a private room. That room leads to a hallway into the unknown. “Why would you leave her out of your sight? I look away for one second to find Hyunjin and—”

“She asked us to let her go,” Jungkook cuts him off, his brows furrowed as he nips at his lower lip, a habit he does often when he’s anxious. “When Leehyun began to lead her away, she shook her head when we tried to stop him.”

They’re not supposed to stop you, they’re not supposed to do anything when you don’t give an order to. This is your revenge after all, your mission, so anything you say takes top priority but for once Taehyung wishes they hadn’t listened to your stupid demands and stopped you right then and there.

He understands Mingyu’s dilemma to a certain extent now. He might not know everything but he knows enough to understand that your underboss had every right to worry.

But right now he doesn’t have time to worry, to snap at the boys for letting you go. Right now he needs to find you and fix the situation before anything gets out of control.

“They’re filing in,” Hoseok’s voice walks into the intercom. Taehyung looks around to find him somewhere beside Seokjin, his voice discreet as if he were conversing in a friendly conversation with Seokjin rather than all of them. He doesn’t approach them for suspicions of their activity. “There are more of them now than there were minutes ago.”

The only guards, besides a few of them to avoid suspicion, should be Hyunjin’s people. He guesses this was what was exchanged between Hyunjin and the person beside him then.

Something’s definitely out of place.

Taehyung looks across the room to find Hyunjin making his way towards in, eyes meeting his as he speaks. “They’ve caught onto us.”

Four words simple enough to bring a shuddering rain crawling against their skin.

Namjoon keeps calm like the leader he is, knowing how to deal with situations like this due to experience. He can feel their gazes on him once the dreaded words leave Hyunjin’s lips, looking towards their alpha leader to give them direction and lead them to do what he thinks would save them from the situation. 

He turns to Taehyung and speaks. “Find another way in that leads through those doors and take Yoongi with you.”

.

.

.

“Do you know what I hate the most in this world?” Leehyun speaks calmly under the flickering light of the cold basement where he led you to after following a maze you probably won’t be able to remember the way of. The men he walked past stand just outside the door, leaving you alone with him once again. 

But this time there’s no one you can run to if something goes wrong, there’s no safety in knowing just outside the doors, you can cry for help and the crowd will look towards your call, glaring confused stares at Leehyun’s way.

It reminds you of a place you haven’t been to in a long, long time; the White Room.

Where you were held against your will, crying and begging for someone to help but the only people who stood outside were the guards who fell deaf to your cries. Even if the doors didn’t keep your screams in, you know they wouldn’t have helped you either.

It’s a bit different though, in lots of ways. This room is darker, lit up only by a flickering lightbulb held up by a string just above your head. You aren’t alone either, the perpetrator is here with you, keeping his watchful gaze on you, and you’re held bound by itchy ropes that are so bulky any movement against them forces prickling needles into your skin, sat on a lone wooden chair.

It’s cold though, in the same way the White Room had always been.

“I’ve told you before, haven’t I? You’re a smart girl, go on and repeat those words to me,” Leehyun prompts you and to anyone, it sounds as if he were speaking to someone precious, a gentle nudge towards a child who needs to be reminded of the rules she just broke while remaining stern. You hate how he treats you.

Still, you chant out the words as if under a spell. You can’t ignore him for some reason, as if remembering how you were with him years ago, unable to disobey anything that he says or does. Your body remembers even if your mind tries to forget.

“When people touch the things that belong to you.” It tastes bitter against your mouth but you give him nothing to read on your expressionless face.

Just as they always were years ago.

“That’s right,” Leehyun nods. He crosses his arms against his chest. “So what happened?”

“I held Mr. Kim’s hand.”

“And?”

“I let him steal my attention.”

“And?”

“...” You hesitate for a moment, just a split moment because you know Leehyun hates it when people don’t answer him right away. “I allowed you to fall into my foolish traps. Made you believe in my lies and hid behind the protection of your very own son.”

“My very own son.” You aren’t sure the exact moment when he realized it but perhaps in the process of thinking you held him wrapped around your finger, he was the one who had control of everything. You were foolish to think you could easily execute your plans without any mishaps. “Did you come to London in the hopes of taking your revenge on me?” He asks. “Are you here to kill me?”

The anxiety is felt clearly along your body. You aren’t sure why you’re like this when you thought you’ve trained yourself well enough to face your opponents but you guess trauma will always return to you and remind you of how you dealt with things no matter how much time has passed. You’ve returned to the doll that you were before father died.

At this moment right here, you’re the same person you were when you were with Leehyun years ago; obedient, robotic, dull, and blank.

Habits are scary.

“..Would it upset you if I said yes?” But unlike those times, the emotions are clear and you’re unable to repress them in the way your body did then. You can feel the heavy weight sitting on your chest, something constricting your airway in order to make it harder to breathe, and the slight little trembles against your body which you’ve always done so well to hide.

He laughs and you remain still. “What happened to your father? Did you get rid of him?” He asks rather than answering your question. He knows your answer and you know his. “You hold your head up high now, flirt easily, acting arrogant and mighty.”

“I killed him,” you answer fluently.

He laughs again, this time with a bit of a surprise, as if he can’t believe the girl he knew then would have been capable of killing her own father. You always followed your father’s words as if they were law, never going against him no matter what he asks of you, like a trained puppet. When did you escape from those strings? When did you gather the courage to leave?

Or perhaps you were the one playing with his strings all along, pretending to be a good little doll for the sake of catching him off guard and killing him when he least expects it.

“I see,” Leehyun nods, his laugh fading away as he thinks about it. If you’re capable of killing your father, a ruthless and merciless man, then you’re capable of killing him. Still, Leehyun wants to see your skills and wants to witness just how powerful you’ve become.

He takes three long steps back, arms uncrossing to be held behind him, eyes watchful as he calls for his men to come in. Ten muscular men walk in ready at the command of their boss while you remain sitting on the chair in the middle of the room, limps bound by strong ropes that cut through your skin whenever you make even the slightest movement.

“Why don’t you show me your skills then, sweetheart? I want to see how this little girl could have possibly taken down the Grim Reaper.”

It isn’t a request, it’s an order.

And when the men draw in on you, you have no other choice but to comply with Leehyun and give him a show.

You force your body back to push the chair onto the hard floor, causing it to collide and break into pieces, allowing your body to no longer be bound by the chair.

Someone swings a weapon your way but you duck right on time, headbutting him the second you’re given the chance. Someone else reaches for your arm and forces you to jump, you manipulate your body to fall against another man as you kick your feet forward at the man who wanted to take your arm.

Your hairpin falls from your hair, forcing the sight of your clear vision to fall a bit hazy, distracted by strands of hair, but you pay it no mind as you snatch the hairpin from the floor with your teeth, getting a bit of your hair in between. Leehyun marvels at how it turns into a sharp weapon of some sort.

Your body moves fluidly like the leaves against the wind, like the tide meets the beach, crashing against the enemies, manipulating every movement while using his men at your disposal. 

He grows irritated at how weak they are against a smaller figure, a girl, who still has her hands and legs tied.

You use the sharpness of your hairpin to take the binds off your ankles when you get the chance, allowing your feet to then kick freely at whoever tries to come at you. They don’t stand a chance, and Leehyun realizes the person your father tried so hard to train is now laughing back at him.

He called you useless, weak, incompetent, but the person he sees now is anything but.

How had your father thrown such a sparkling gem away without knowing your potential? In those years he knew of you, you held some skills your father forced you to take but now he realizes a lot of things you’ve been hiding in those years. Even back then when you were less skilled than you are now, you did everything your father asked of you perfectly. Whatever mission he asked of you, you finished it and came back in one piece. Whatever person he asked you to take down, you returned just as well.

Your father created a monster.

A beautiful, powerful monster.

Did he ever realize your strength before he died by your hands?

When his men lay dead on the floor, your chest heaves hard as you stand in the middle, a cut on your face, a long gash along your leg, and although you should be falling down exhausted, you remain standing as you stare down at him with eyes that could very well belong to a beast.

You still have your hands tied behind your back, hairpin held against your teeth.

Perhaps this is your way of showing him your strength has yet to reach its maximum level.

For a moment, he’s genuinely afraid of the one before him. And when you force yourself to hurl at him, he doesn’t have time to think before the sharp hairpin stabs him right against his side, allowing a cry of pain to leave his lips.

You don’t keep the hairpin in, forcing it out because you know pressure against a wound helps to keep the blood in. You want it out.

When you see Leehyun’s legs giving out, you take that opportunity to kick the doorknob off the door with a harsh and forceful kick, opening it with a loud bang, and without a moment of hesitation, you run and run, trying to remember the path Leehyun took when he brought you in here.

Along the run, you take a big leap, jumping to allow your hands to rope from underneath your legs in order to be held before you rather than behind. You take the knife that had been hidden under your now torn dress, cutting the stingy rope and returning the hairpin to hold your hair back in place.

Your dash is mad while your eyes frantically look around, trying to calculate every movement, recalling the memories of what you saw when you followed Leehyun down here. You can hear the thunder of Leehyun’s feet just behind you and know that getting lost will risk you your life.

You can’t die now, not yet. You still have people to kill and although you told Hoseok dying is trivial and you don’t care how or by who, you don’t wish to die at the hands of a predator. Not here, not in the maze of his basement. 

So you allow your brain to work, eyes snapping at every new corner that has a fork in the road, taking the turn you think you remember until eventually, you hear a call. Two calls.

“Y/N!”

“Y/N, where are you?!”

It’s Taehyung and Yoongi.

You never thought you’d ever say that you would be relieved to hear the voices of your ex-lovers again but here you are, body almost giving in at just the sound of their voices. But you know better than that. You know you aren’t safe just yet.

Luckily your brain hadn’t failed you and luckily you find the familiar silhouettes of your ex-lovers as you run and run, unable to slow down at any given moment. For now, they are your safety net, for now, you aren’t alone.

You run towards the warmth of their presence, letting out a breath of relief, when a hand snatches your hair and pulls you clean off your feet.

You let out your first yelp of pain as you go down and before Taehyung and Yoongi can take another step forward, you feel the head of a gun to your temple and watch as they visibly freeze on the spot.

The sight of you is alarming; the tight straps of your dress fallen over your shoulder, one of them snapped into two, a cut on your cheek, disheveled hair, the skirt of your dress torn to reveal your legs where one of them has a gash along your skin. You ran without shoes, heels long forgotten somewhere along the line, the soles of your feet shattered in cuts and swollen red.

You wince at Leehyun’s forceful fistful of your hair, teeth clenching tightly, and the two before you almost wince along with you.

“Should I just end it here?” Leehyun says, his lips so close to your ear it brings a chill down your body. You hate how cold it is here. “You came to kill me, didn’t you? So why don’t I bring you along to hell with me? We belong together after all. You’re mine.”

You scoff at those words, shaking your head in order to keep his lips away from your ear but he forces you back in an instant. “You’re sick,” you spit his way. “I was and will never be yours.”

“Darling, what did I say about talking back?” He grits his teeth as he says so, suppressing a fit of anger that takes in the form of his ripping your hair. You let out a strangled noise that causes the two the urge to do anything to take you away but they know one slight movement can potentially have the trigger pulled and they can’t risk that.

“You were always a good little girl,” Leehyun says, still trying to keep this relationship sane. “What happened to that, huh? You were mine to hold and do anything to. Why can’t you obey me in the way you had then?” He turns his attention to Taehyung as if recalling something, eyes flashing with anger and resentment towards the younger lad. “If it hadn’t been for your little bodyguard and Hyunjin, I would’ve had my way with you long ago.”

“That’s precisely why I never left her alone,” Taehyung grits out, eyes hardening as he levels his glare down at him.

“She’s mine to own, not yours.”

“She’s not a possession for you to make claims to.” A voice reaches them from the back and you can physically feel Leehyun freeze up against your back when a click is heard. Hoseok holds his gun right at the back of his head, no amount of hesitation in his eyes were Leehyun to do anything to you. “Get your hands off her,” he demands in a threatening growl and it almost triggers some lost memory your past self had once held so dearly to her heart but you do well to repress it back.

Someone else appears from the shadows; Hyunjin. He takes a step from behind Taehyung and Yoongi, a gun leveling his father’s way while the rest of them follow along, completely trapping Leehyun.

“Ah..” He realizes his defeat and lets the grip on your hair go, causing the tightness to finally release from his hold.

Hoseok watches as you scramble to your feet, a little limp in your legs taking hold when you stand either from the weakness or the gash, or both. Yoongi helps you stand tall and he hates the sight he sees before him. You look terrible.

It’s fortunate they got here in time otherwise Hoseok would never forgive himself. He remembered the second Taehyung realized the change in the air, Hoseok’s heartbeat accelerated hard against his chest, breath shortening, and before Seokjin can realize the change in him, he remembered to remain calm and not let the situation take the best of him.

He was angry at the things he heard through the device Taehyung held hidden against his clothes while with you in person, hated every moment Hoseok had to sit there, listening to the vile things Leehyun said and your voice whispered in turn, feigning interest. If he were in Taehyung’s place, he knows he would have never been able to hold restrain.

Perhaps it was best letting Taehyung go after all. For a moment he had been afraid, they all were, because they know how Taehyung is with people. He doesn’t like the crowd, avoids parties, and prefers his own personal space. As a hacker, he had no reason to leave his lab but it was because his face was less known to the public that forced him to take up the mission of being by your side.

The rest of them were more at risk of being found out, their faces more known whereas Taehyung was a secret.

He did a better job than Hoseok expected. Even through the intercom, he could feel Taehyung’s frustration and anger building up the longer he stayed by your side having to witness everything firsthand. He restrained himself even though Hoseok could tell he wanted to punch Leehyun many times, and during moments when the two of you were left alone in the guest room, Taehyung held himself together as he saw you. 

You were the victim but you held onto yourself well, projecting a font that doesn’t slip as easily as his anger does.

At night it’s a bit easier to see your more vulnerable side but even then you hold yourself together. In your mindless state, you silently yearn for a familiar hold only your Reapers can provide.

Hoseok wonders why you never cry for help, why you never scream or shout. Even in the years he was with you, you cried silently as if afraid a peep of sound will have punishment forced upon you. He hates your silence.

Hyunjin offers his gun to you but you shake your head, taking ahold of your knife instead.

Hoseok wants to give Leehyun a good, solid punch in the face for all the things he’s done to you but he knows he can’t do that. This is your fight after all, your battle, and it’s up to you whether you want to kill Leehyun with your own hands or if you want to ask Hyunjin to do the honors instead.

He’s in no place to kill him himself. So Hoseok keeps his gun pointed at the man, eyes watchful as they give you space.

You’re in control.

When you look at Leehyun, the old man’s eyes are silently begging for help, for your mercy, but you can only laugh at those words echoing into your ears.

“It will do well for you to apologize now,” you say into the silence, offering him a false chance. “Why don’t you apologize, Mr. Hwang?”

His eyes tell you he’d rather fall off a bridge and into a hot active volcano than level himself below you and ask for your forgiveness. He gets off power after all, and if that’s taken away from him, he’ll grow angry and throw a tantrum like a child would if they couldn’t get what they wanted.

He knows you won’t give him your forgiveness and he knows he will die anyway. That’s how this world works. Once you have bullets on the verge of piercing through your skull, you have no chance left to run no matter how much you beg.

But he falls shameless either way, in hysteria, because fear of death takes priority over the shameful feeling of apologizing to someone younger than you. He falls to the floor, crawling on his knees, begging for mercy with a chant that repeats again and again in your ears like a mantra.

You stare down at him as he worships the ground you stand on, head bowed forward in a shameless position, pleading and begging for you to spare his life. He has no shame, throwing away all his dignity to bow to you like a god in front of his son and Bangtan.

“Please Y/N. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Please, I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Why is that flashing in your thoughts right now? The sight of you leaning your head down in a shameless manner, the night you tore the ring off your finger?

Namjoon falls into your line of sight. He watches the scene unfold silently and you wonder what he’s thinking about. This is the first time you’ve had someone bowing and pleading before you and you feel absolutely no sympathy for him. But even you understand the difference this situation is from yours.

You had no idea what you were apologizing for because you had nothing to apologize for. Nothing was your fault yet you felt like everything was your fault. But for Leehyun? He has no idea what he’s apologizing for because he has everything to apologize for.

Everything is his fault yet you know he feels as if nothing is his fault.

It irritates you.

You hate the sound of his begging, the annoying voice, those annoying words that repeat over and over again without any source of sincerity behind them.

“You…you don’t even know what you’re apologizing for, do you?” You ask the pitiful man before you, anger and ire building up. You feel like a ticking bomb that will explode at any second. “You’ve never shown me any mercy so why should I show you mercy?”

“Th-that’s because..” Leehyun looks up, frantically searching for an answer when something pops into his head, and the begging stops as his eyes twist into something sinister. You’ve seen that before, an expression you’ve met and encountered with so many people throughout your years of surviving in this world. “That’s because you never stopped me,” he says and you blink at him, brows knitting.

“..What?”

He sits up as if a realization had hit him, his eyes sick and dark while the boys keep their eyes on him to make sure he doesn’t do anything rash, guns still readily pointed at him.

“That’s right, you..you never stopped me so why is any of this my fault? Did you ever beg me to stop? Did you ever scream for help? Now that I think about it, you must’ve liked it, didn’t you? You enjoyed it just as much as I did. You never went to your father for help, you never told anyone anything about the situation. If you really hated it, you would have done something but you didn’t.”

Ah, he’s really doing this. Trying to twist the situation, trying to gaslight you, even though he knows he only chose you as a victim because you wouldn’t do anything to go against him.

A silent little doll who only listened to the words of her father. If your father tells you to fight back, you’d do it. And if your father tells you to endure it, you’d let others hurt you. Leehyun was just a coward who wanted someone who would listen to his words without fighting back and you were the victim he preyed on.

A silent doll whose voice box was broken, unable to scream for help. He used that to his disposal.

“No one would believe you,” you hear his voice echo repeatedly in your head, the same words coming in and out in every situation he placed you in. If you had emotions, if you wanted to scream for help, he’d remind you over and over again that he could just manipulate the situation into letting others believe you came onto him instead, that you were a dirty little slut who would go for anyone.

You never called for help.

You didn’t care to call for help because you didn’t know how to call for help.

In the moment when you’re with him, your body felt nothing, lifeless, a corpse of some sort, the socket of your eyes void of light as if you weren’t human at all. But even then you understood to some extent that Hyunjin would believe you. He was the only one who would believe you, were you to open your mouth and let the words ring out.

You didn’t know him and he didn’t know you, but you shared a connection with how powerless the both of you were against your fathers, both forced into a position that almost required you to fall bound into an engagement. 

Hyunjin always treated you kindly no matter what. He never forced you to do anything, never stopped looking out for you. Your suspicion of his kindness was confirmed when he moved away with his father, leaving the country for you.

If you knew how to speak then, you would have told him “thank you” and you would have accepted the kindness and warmth he always wanted to provide you with.

“When you decide to let your thorns be known to the world, I hope you can come after my father and kill him yourself. I will wait for you until then.”

He was kind to the end, prepared at any moment to kill his father for your sake, for his sake, for both your sakes.

As if understanding just how sick and manipulative his father is, Hyunjin steps up with fierce anger flashing in his eyes, ready to tear his father down. But you stop with a look, shaking your head, telling him in your silent manner that he doesn’t have to fight his father for your sake.

“Come on, Y/N,” Leehyun takes a step forward, approaching you as the others fit into a defending stance in an instant, watching him closely without doing anything unless you signaled otherwise.

This is your fight, you’ve told them, and they aren’t allowed to meddle unless you say so.

Leehyun holds a hand out to your face, his finger gently grazing against the skin of your cheek while you stand there, not doing anything.

“Be a good girl, won’t you? Tell your people to leave. We’re fine, aren’t we? If you’re unsatisfied with something, all you have to do is tell me and I’ll fix it. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. You’re my obedient little girl, aren’t you…princess?”

Princess.

As if on cue just by that small little nickname, your pupils dilate and something flashes before your eyes, the buried memories slowly but surely resurfacing back into your mind.

“Hello there. You’re very pretty, aren’t you?” An older gentleman who looks the same age as your father watches you with eyes that confuse you a bit. You don’t like it but who are you to act up?

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Hwang sir,” you bow your head before him in a respectful manner, polite and quiet.

“Yes…it is indeed.” He touches your hand in a gentle manner and brings it up to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back with eyes never leaving your face.

It’s weird. You feel strange.

Not the good kind of strange. Not at all.

“..Sir?”

“Keep calling me that,” he grins as he pats the top of your head with his other hand. “I quite like you calling me sir.”

“Sir,” you take a step back, retreating your hand, “your son and I–”

“No one has to know,” he says as he grabs your hand again with a little more force this time. The smile he gives you causes you to stare in slight horror, his words echoing in your head.

No one has to know.

No one has to know.

Who are you to refute that? Not when you’re taking a glance at your father and he does nothing to approach you from where he stands. You know he can see Leehyun and you know he knows what’s going on. 

He does nothing to move and tell you to get away from the man. Instead, he only looks away as if he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t care one bit.

‘Endure it,’ you hear the words without it needing to be said aloud, so you turn back to Leehyun with obedient eyes, no longer trying to force your hand away, and letting him in.

If father doesn’t care, why should you?

“What a good girl you are. You’ll never do anything to go against me, will you?”

“Such a good little princess.”

“You’re so pretty.”

“If you tell anyone about this, no one will believe you, you know that?” Whether Hyunjin cares or not does not matter. Nothing matters.

Just endure it.

Endure it.

“Does your father even love you? That’s alright, I can share my love with you instead.”

“Do you let Hyunjin hold you like this too?”

“Hyunjin doesn’t hold me like this.” Hyunjin doesn’t dare to do anything to hurt you. Even then you aren’t sure how to trust him. He shows you goodness by not doing anything to you but how do you trust when trusting only leads to your break?

“Of course he doesn’t. If he does, you’ll let me know, right?”

“...Yes sir.”

Endure it. Obey his words. Keep quiet. Keep quiet.

Quietquietquiet.

“What a good girl.”

“Sir-”

“It’s alright, just a little longer.”

Stop.

Stop it.

Stop it all.

Something shakes your core, your stability, your foundation, and your emotions. And all of a sudden, you feel something you’ve never felt before. All the emotions spiraling into one single wave, rushing down your body, building up so strongly and forcibly you tremble on sight, knife stabbing into his skin without warning.

Leehyun shouts in pain at the sudden intrusive pierce and when his hand reaches out to force you away, you pin him down by the legs, ignoring the pain shooting up on one side as if possessed by some sort of demon.

The boys all watch in horror when you carve your knife into Leehyun’s skin like a force working on its own, eyes staring widely with sealed lips like a silent killer who holds no emotion for her victims as the knife goes in and out. In and out. In and out. 

And it isn’t you anymore.

It isn’t you.

Die die die die die! Your thoughts repeat over and over and over. You hear his scream loud and clear as your arms work the tool into his body, the blood oozing out and painting your cheeks, your dress, your thighs, everywhere. It’s like a scene straight out of a horror movie as the rest of them watch on, eyes widened in shock at the sight of your merciless self stabbing the man even as he no longer cries and lays on the floor, clearly already dead.

The guns point down, arms releasing tension on them but they can’t take their eyes off you.

You thought you’d kill him slowly and painfully, so he can feel every little pain with his eyes wide open. You thought you’d give him a slow death, one where he’d suffer the most in the same way he had hurt you and made you suffer and endure.

But your body acts impulsively as the memories resurface and all you can do is continue on the action until someone has to rip your arm away, forcing your body off the man with the knife thrown far away from your grasp.

“Y/N, stop.”

You push Hoseok’s hands away, head spinning, eyes falling into a blur and it seems as if everyone in this room is against you and is out to harm you. Your mind falls clouded as the world falls all at once, emotions becoming unstable and suddenly you know you’re panicking.

Tremblingtremblingtrembling.

Where’s Mingyu?

Yuna?

Where are the Reapers? Why aren’t they here?

It’s hard to breathe. Can you breathe? Ah, how do you breathe again?

The memories horrify you as they fall back vividly and suddenly you remember all the times when you were left tortured as a kid, screaming, looking around for help but no one makes a move. No one helps no matter how hard you cried and begged.

No one’s on your side.

No one’s on your side.

Endure it, they tell you. You have to endure it all and everything will be okay. You just have to…you just have to endure it.

“Y/N!” Someone grabs ahold of both your shoulders forcefully.

“Y/N!” Seokjin shouted, ripping you from your state of panic.

Seokjin, it’s Seokjin.

You’re safe with Seokjin.

“I’m here, I’m here,” he repeats in a soft, soft whisper. Enough for you to hear. “It’s alright, Y/N, you’re safe now. No one’s going to harm you, I’m right here. Breathe, just focus on breathing, don’t focus on anything else right now.”

Seokjin.

As your vision narrows in on him, his face clearer with each blink you make, you remember the familiar face of your eldest lover.

Seokjin’s safe…right? He loved you once.

He loved you once.

Ah, but he left you too, just like everyone else in your life. But you don’t really have a choice, do you? He’s the only one in your sight, the only one safe for now.

With trembling hands, you grab onto his white dress shirt, the blood on your hands dirtying it with red as you look up at him with pleading eyes, and two soft, barely audible words escape your lips.

“..Save me.”

Your eyes turn blank, dull, a void walking right in, and the shaking disappears as you stare at nothing before you, as if your soul has just been snatched away from your body, the light in your eyes no longer in sight.

“Y/N?” Seokjin calls your name cautiously but you don’t hear him. You can’t hear anyone, not even yourself as your body falls into a state of void.

You feel nothing, like a lifeless corpse living in the body of a human.

💜💜💜

Before I Leave You (Pt. 35)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Your first scene as Namjoon and Jin’s submissive doesn’t exactly go to plan… but oh, poor Yoongi.

Pairings: Omega! Reader, Omega! Jungkook, Omega! Seokjin, Alpha! Namjoon, Alpha! Hoseok, Alpha! Taehyung, Alpha! Jimin, Beta! Yoongi,

Tags: Dom! Jin, Dom! Namjoon, Switch! Yoongi, Sub! m/c, implied pet play, overuse of the word ‘pup’, fingering, impact play, floggers, pussy spanking, subspace, domspace, Fluff, soft sex, soft bdsm scene, voyeurism, exhibitionistm, Safeword usage, Subdrop, Triggers, References to Past abuse, Traumatic flashbacks, Anorexia mention, References to past eating disorders and relapses. 

W/c: 13.4k

A/n: this chapter has it’s fair amount of flashbacks! i do realize that this series is REALLY FUCKING LONG so i’ve done my best both to reference the chapter where these things happened in addition to using italics and copying and pasting the sections i reference to incorporate them into the narration. 

Previous Chapter - Masterlist

*This chapter is recommended for mature audiences only, by reading the tags you have verified that you are aware of its content* (content moderation policy)

~-~

“I don’t think that we have anything to worry about,” Yoongi says, tapping his fingers on the bedspread the morning after your date with Tae and Jimin. Both of you perched on the edge of the nest rife with disarray, but your nest looks so homey after four people slept in it last night. It almost makes Yoongi feel better.

Almost.  

Ccidic dread still curdles in his stomach at what you’ve said. Somehow Yoongi didn’t expect this plot twist. Maybe it was a futile hope- that once he’d walked away he’d be done with his family. But maybe family, like blood never changes its nature. Maybe it was foolish to think that only your trauma would hover like a black cloud and not- not this. 

Yoongi knows the only greater liability than a liar is someone who doesn’t want to work for you. Yoongi and Moonbyul had that tacit agreement back then at least, that the events of last winter had firmly severed him from any responsibility that he had to the pack. 

He wonders what changed. 

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Petal - Taehyung soulmate/mafia au Drabble

Next

Guess who’s meant to be asleep but decided to write a Drabble? Heavily unedited since I’m literally falling asleep but I’ll fix that tomorrow.

Angst TW: assault but nothing graphic

In all your years of living, you don’t think you’ve heard Kim Taehyung speak a word to you, yet you can’t remember a time he was absent from your life. You did meet your soulmate when you were both three after all, while most others met theirs a lot older.

You’ll never forget the day you did, it was the earliest memory you had. Playing in the park on a Thursday, seeing a little boy crouched down in the flower bed, picking petals off the flowers with awe in his eyes. You remember the pull, and wondered if that’s why they called the bond between soulmates red string. He must’ve felt it too, because he turned around and gave you a boxy grin that visited you in your dreams as you grew up without him.

“Trust the red string of fate, Y/n,” your mother always used to say in that knowing tone of hers whenever you doubted the very foundation the world was built on. But your soulmate was an anomaly, where most people meet and rarely leave each other’s side, your fated other barely acknowledged you.

And yet, you still felt your soul alight when he was near, still felt a smile, because while he may have never spoken to you directly, you still saw him as your knight in shining armour.

The first instance was aged 5, when a boy in your class decided to pull your hair in the park after school, and your mysterious boy was somehow there to pull the boy’s grip off you. That was when you learnt his name, when the other onlooking children whispered “that’s Kim Taehyung.”

They were words that followed you in life, as it seemed so did he. At thirteen, you went to the fairground with ten pounds in your pocket and two friends. You felt him before you saw him, the tug in your chest grew when he was near, and you caught a glimpse of him with two friends of his own before you lost sight of him. Instead in your line of sight came the school bully, Yeji, who’s sneer told you exactly who her next victim was. It really shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you when she punched you in the stomach for not giving her your well earned ten pound note, what was definitely a surprise though was the second punch that never came. You had braced yourself for it, but his hands caught the swing before it reached you. You couldn’t see his face, only his soft hair and the wince on Yeji’s face as his hands crushed her fist.

“Leave her alone,” you hadn’t heard his voice in a long time, it was too deep for someone so young. When did he start to sound like that? Yeji fell to her knees with apologies babbling from her mouth, and again you could hear the whispers around you, “that’s Kim Taehyung.”

It was at 16 you found out why everyone knew who he was, it was prom, and Taehyung and his friends decided to gatecrash. If the teachers had any idea these rowdy boys were not from your school, they didn’t show it.

“Trust Kim Taehyung to show up at a school he doesn’t go to and act like a king,” your classmate, Rubin muttered.

“Why is he even here?” His date whispered.

“Must be something his fathers told him to do, a low level drug deal or something.”

“Drugs?” You didn’t mean to pipe in, but you couldn’t stop the outburst. They both looked at you incredulously as if you’d grown a second head.

“Y/n you know who that is right?” Rubin scoffs, “that guy is the heir to the Kim line...”

Your blood runs cold and a sickness settles in your stomach, you turn to look at your supposed soulmate and his eyes are dead set on you, as if waiting for a reaction, like he knew what you just uncovered. You try to swallow the nausea down, you were an idiot to not to put two and two together.

Everyone knows the Kim line, the leaders of a notorious gang that ruled with an invisible fist over your city, a crime syndicate that dealt in more than just drugs and arm deals. The Kim line were the most powerful brothers in the country and it seemed your hands were tied with red string to the heir of the lead brother. Those other two must’ve been his cousins, the next three to run the family business.

Taehyung was the first to break eye contact, turning away from you, and you felt your young heart shatter.

You hadn’t really seen him since then, you felt him near, and you’d be lying if it didn’t comfort you, but the youngest Kim of his generation and the lead heir disappeared from all sight when his father died. You know that meant he must’ve taken over the mantle, and you gazed softly at your hands wondering where the red string was and why it decided to tie you to him. Your mother’s voice could be heard in the back of your mind, but you paid it no attention.

You had never admitted it out loud, but there was such a turmoil inside of you; you wanted your soulmate near but you also wanted him far away. Maybe he knew that, which was why you were in this predicament. Maybe he always knew. You wondered if he also knew you missed his presence, which was ridiculous because you were barely ever in it, you hadn’t said a word to each other and yet you ached for him. You stared at your fingers more intently, maybe if you focused you could see the pesky string and cut it off. Maybe that wouldn’t leave you feeling so hollow and numb.

It was a Thursday night when you felt a different type of presence behind you, why had you decided to walk the twenty minutes to your house from your friends at stupid o’clock instead of taking an Uber like a normal person? Something about saving money, which seemed idiotic considering you were now thinking about saving your life.

You can hear the footsteps behind you pick up their pace as the distance between you and this stranger reduces, so you act on survival - run. In the back of your mind you think if this was innocent and you look like an idiot running away so be it, better safe than sorry. Unfortunately you’re instincts are proven right as the steps behind you turn into a sprint too close behind. You feel your head hit the ground before you realise what’s happened, ears ringing too loudly to hear the gruff voice behind you. You try your best to fight and slip away but a strong hand holds you down.

“Stay still you bitch!”

You scream into the night before he presses his hand to your mouth to muffle you. And in the second you realise this is how you die, the weight above you is gone. You take a second to catch your breath, arms fumbling under you to find the ground and get up and run. It’s the sound of metal pounding against flesh that has you looking back. You don’t see his face, but you know it’s him. The gun should scare you, but it doesn’t, not in his hands, not when it’s beating the man who hurt you. It’s eerie, but you feel safe, even when the trigger goes off, even when you see blood pool down the street.

This is where he normally leaves you, and in your panic you stumble towards him, gravitating to him until your shaky hand meets his sleeve. He lets out a harsh breath of air at the contact and immediately you let go like you’ve wounded him. Your eyes meet the ground, maybe it’s best to resume your normal routine of ephemeral silent knight. You’re surprised as his forefinger and thumb lift your chin to face him, and you’re blessed with the sight of your beautiful soul mate the universe designed for you. Your breath catches in your throat, eyes drinking him in before he leaves you again, but he doesn’t rush away this time.

“Are you okay petal?” It’s deeper than you last heard, a voice made to pick at the strings of your soul and it does, you can feel it reverberate inside of you. You don’t realise your tears have welled at the sound until he’s wiping the first drop away. You nod softly, afraid a pin drop would shatter this dream away.

He frowns, looking like he’s about to speak again before he decides against it and looks away, jaw clenched. This was a complication for him, you could feel it, and it hurt. He lets out a deep sigh before gingerly taking your fingers into his, he feels so warm, and even though his large hands are nothing like yours, his touch feels just right. He leads you with slow steps in the direction of your house. It shouldn’t surprise you he knows where you live, you never really believed he left.

What does surprise you is that he has a key, and you want to voice the questions forming in your throat but you’re terrified once you distrupt the silence youve held with this man since the moment you met, he’d disappear again.

He sits you down on the sofa of the living room, a tsk leaving his lips as he notices the scratches and cuts on your knees from where you fell. He takes an arm into his hands, pulling back the sleeves as you wince, and his suspicions are right, there are cuts there too. He inspects your face next, fingers brushing back your hair as he caresses your head and his eyes penetrate you. You don’t maintain eye contact, finding the speck on the wall ridiculously interesting, as your cheeks burn against the cold in the air. Why does he feel amused and angry at you at the same time?

He leaves you for a moment to grab the first aid kit in the kitchen, how the hell did he know it was in there?

“What idiot goes out by herself at this time of night?” He grumbles harshly as he takes out the ointment and bandages. Really he’s been wanting to scold you since he put a bullet in that bastard but his anger died when he saw your innocent little eyes look up at him. He’s really messed things up, no you messed things up by being stupid with your safety. The angry flame decides to burn again, as he takes your hands a little less than softly and presses the ointment onto your cut. It’s your wince that has him reeling back.

Is this really the first conversation your soulmate decides to have with you?

You were staring at his face until then, eyes instinctively shutting against the pain, you miss the way his face softens, placing plasters on your skin gently when he’s done. He’s more careful with your knee, watching for your reaction as he dabs the ointment there, blowing lightly to ease the sting.

Your eyes flutter open at the new sensation, a chill running up your body as your fingers go to grip at the ends of your skirt at the sight in front of you, but you can’t look away. You’ve been denied this face for too long, your soul was trying to beat out of your heart to get closer to him.

Instead of answering his question, you ask your own.

“Why have you stayed away from me for so long?” Your voice is quiet but it cuts through him, a new pain in his chest from how small you sound. His soulmate speaks to him for the first time and she sounds hurt because of him. He looks away then with a sense of shame. What was he supposed to say? He’s been destined to take over a crime syndicate that’s been passed through generations and doesn’t want his soulmate involved? That it was easier to keep you safe if no one knew who you were to him, and it killed him to stay away this long. That in his soul he knew you were pure and gentle, and the universe was playing some cruel trick in making you for him when he also knew you wouldn’t stomach the life he could give you.

He remembered your face too well, that prom night when he saw you find out about who he really was. He always feared you finding out, he knew it would happen eventually but it did nothing to soften the blow, the look you had etched in his mind forever. He would see it when he closed his eyes every night, alone, ruling his empire.

He doesn’t answer you as he moves to the cut on your forehead, but you push him away, looking into his eyes as if he’d written the answers there.

“I really missed you,” you confess breathlessly, it had taken a lot of strength to say it. “Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?”

You can’t stop the tears welling up now but you don’t break eye contact, not when you needed to get this turmoil out of your chest.

“We’ve never spoken until tonight but I missed you, I looked for you every day but pretended I didn’t, I looked for you everywhere hoping to catch at least a glimpse, just something that didn’t make me feel like you weren’t real or something to tell me you were safe!”

You were weeping, and he wanted to wipe it all away, but he didn’t feel like he had the right to. Your words crushed him and he knew he deserved this feeling of anguish after making you feel it for so long.

He remembers the day he met you, how elated he felt in such a tiny body with such a big grin. He was so shy then, completely innocent to the world his father laid out for him, he couldn’t say a word to you. You looked at him with big eyes and an open mouth, not understanding the pull you were feeling, it was too soon, you both were so young. You were so pretty to him, like all the flowers that surrounded you both, he had to leave before he could hear your name but in his heart he called you petal. Even much later when he did find out everything about who you were, in his heart you were still petal, fragile in his world, he wouldn’t let you enter it.

He wanted to tell you how hard it was to stay away, how his body rejected the idea of being apart from you. He knew the pain it caused you both, but in his mind it would be worth it. You would live a safer life without him, and while it might not feel complete it was better than exposing you to the danger he could not leave. He hoped in his abstinence he would crave you less as time went on, but it never lessened, so he watched you from afar, making sure you were always safe.

“Petal,” he lets out a deep sigh, and your heart flutters at the sound, hoping you aren’t imagining the affection in his voice.

He doesn’t know what to say to comfort you, he never has before. In all the moments he’s interfered with your life to keep you from harm, he always walked away before he could give into the temptation of talking to you, how his tongue burned to ask you if you were okay each time and how he bit it to stop himself.

“You know who I am, and I am so sorry the universe picked the likes of me for someone as beautiful as you,” he holds your gaze with sincerity, you didn’t think that look could break your soul, but it does. You miss your boxy smiled boy, you both should’ve lived in that moment so long ago forever. In this world, soulmates were an ugly thing.

“I never wanted you to stay away Taehyung,” why did you have to say his name for the first time with such sadness? He smiles humourlessly to himself, if he thought the pain of staying away was unbearable, he didn’t know how to describe this new torture.

“Petal, I’m a monster,” he says disgusted with himself. He hated that this was what he was in front of you, the day he met you he wanted to become your prince and instead he became king of hell on Earth, a depth he would never let you reach.

“Did you ask me if I cared? Did you say a word to me before tonight Taehyung!”

“You didn’t need to tell me, I could see it on your face,” he scoffed. You didn’t expect the hurt to crack through his mask, but for a second you could see how deep it ran. A fear of rejection like your own, and you realised maybe you both hurt each other.

“I was sixteen Taehyung,” you say softly, not wanting to break the mask as much as wanting to take it off. “I was shocked, but then it passed and I put my faith in the universe because it wouldn’t have picked you if you weren’t made for me.”

It’s getting harder for him to keep his mask from slipping off, if only he were the type of man to deserve you, maybe then this wouldn’t be so hard.

“I was just waiting for you to come around,” you whisper. “I didn’t want to push you, so I waited because in my heart I knew one day it would be okay.”

“I don’t think that days today Y/n,” he says bringing it all to an end and shattering any hope you had left. He watches you begin to cry painfully, your soul anxious at being hollow once again. It becomes too much and you curl into yourself, digging your nails into your skin, not letting yourself watch him as he gets up and leaves you alone once again.

💜💜💜

summary: in which you say i love you to jungkook for the first time.

> fluff, angst and suggestive kinda / wc: 4.5k

> seokjin and jimin cameo :P

> warnings: a creepy guy follows you around the mall and you get really scared and anxious :( and period cramps ? 😭

note: this was inspired by this ask! :] i’ve been planning on this for a while already but the inspiration only hit recently. this is the longest in which drabble i’ve written as i got carried away i’m sorry T_T

as always i’d love to hear what you think or feel <3

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i love you.

how many times have you said these three magical words in this lifetime? and how many times did you genuinely mean it?

these are the questions you used to think about extensively before you fell in love with jungkook. there came instances in your life when you felt pressured to say i love you. there came a point when it felt more like a heavy burden. an obligation. a meaningless utterance. and the guilt weighed you down.

however, these days you find yourself counting all the times you hold yourself back from saying it. because for the first time in your life, you mean it wholeheartedly. and it’s terrifying.

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