Ok, But Now Im Not Done With It. Because Bea Shows Up From Outside. Where The Plague Fog Is Causing Hallucinations.

Ok, but now I’m not done with it. Because Bea shows up from outside. Where the plague fog is causing hallucinations. It’d be entirely reasonable to not wander around looking for a kidnapped Ava. But Bea does it anyway. And Ava (with Michael) have intentionally been on the move. To get away from Adriel’s people. They are ‘hiding’ in the one place they probably shouldn’t be. And Bea finds Ava anyway.

Ava has no way of knowing how long it’s been other than probably not a day. Then not only does Bea come strolling up, she fights her way though a room full of possessed people (makes a bee line straight for Ava) just to stand beside her. Because Bea is the type to carefully calculate odds before engaging. She’s the level headed second in command. She’s just willfully tossing that away because Ava needs her. She’s the epitome of responding to Ava’s “you know, you don’t need to save me” with “no, I’m gonna”.  

Bea’s peak chivalrous lesbian and I love her for it. 

i love this hug so much. they just like, slam into each other. like it’s inevitable. like they can’t help it. and there’s so much relief on ava’s face and you can see how she just breathes out cos bea’s there

Fuck yes! And being quadriplegic Ava’s probably got a great memory as it’s one skill she honed. So she quotes books they read together and expects Bea to quote them back. With absolutely no understanding or care about how a) nerdy and b) rare that is.

i see all of your "beatrice reading in bed with ava tucked in her arms, ava staring at bea like she hung the stars in the sky" headcannons and i raise you:

bea never had the choice to discover a love for learning, it was always something she was expected to do. she reads all those thick books because she thought that it was the only way to earn her parent's love. once she came to the ocs, she threw herself into research because beatrice has always known that reading was a means to an end. she doesn't read to calm her mind, she reads so that she is seen as better, as worthy.

ava, on the other hand, made a hamlet reference and has a poster of george orwell's 1984 hanging in her bedroom. she loves to read, and she grew up with people reading books to her. she fell in love with these stories that rewrote the world. they were a place of refuge, where ava's life could be something it wasn't.

(the thing about the hamlet reference is that it was directed to the other girl, even if she was looking at bea. she wanted to look at bea, so she did. bea knows ava loves to read.)

ava was the one that dragged bea to the library the first week there, even when bea said "there won't be anything of use there, ava. there's no point in looking."

bea is perusing the religious section of the library, looking for something to help them in the fight, when she feels a book drop into her hands and then another. the stack of books in her hands grows, ranging from a tale of two cities and one of the magic tree house books. by the time ava stops adding to the pile, the stack threatens to cut off beatrice's eyesight.

"This everything?"

"Yup."

"Alright, then."

when ava started reading aloud in their apartment, her sweet honey voice filling the cracks in the walls, bea decides that lugging 17 books home was worth it. there was a lightness in her eyes that bea hadn't seen since the vatican and her energy seemed to settle, blanketing everything in a warm comfort. it was beautiful, angelic even. maybe she could give books another chance, if they made ava smile like that.

this was a long winded way of saying ava definitely read books aloud while bea cooked in the kitchen.

Oh buddy, you did it now. You gave me more thoughts @halobearerhavoc​. Your tags, for posterity. 

#i absolutely love this addition

#yes yes yes

#and even going into more detail about the rehabilitation period of her anger

#i 100 percent agree with this

#her tendency to feel safest expressing her anger with acceptable targets is exactly how i see her too

#that's why i think she is smiling under the mask when she wears it

#i could go on about how great this addition is but it speaks for itself

#yes this feels like her this feels real and big inside like an actual fully emotional human being

#sister beatrice

#warrior nun

#ALSO! there is a reason that beatrice was assigned to be in charge of the CONTROLLED EXPLOSIVES in season 1

My thoughts on it. Remember Sister Crimson!! Do you? I do! I remember they fought before the for real fight, Sister Crimson and Bea. And Crimson was losing in their spar. So she pulled out nunchucks (there’s a pun there) and struck Bea (I think after the fight was unofficially over). And she looked so fucking smug. Like, full smug. Despite the fact that, y’know, the spar was over? And she’d lost? And escalating to weapons when your opponent didn’t need to makes you look weak. Sister Crimson looked, somehow, like she’d won. Oh man, I need to rewatch the scene. Hold on. 

Ok, didn’t rewatch the whole first season but here’s some thoughts. We never see Beatrice training anyone until Ava. I forget if they mentioned she was a trainer before then. I suspect not. Because if she was training Camila it would make sense that Beatrice was constantly examining her work. But if Bea’s not responsible for training Camila it makes more sense that Camila gets so upset that Bea’s watching over how she does thing. Also, if Bea was an official trainer then why would Lilith be the one training Ava? Like, that seems needlessly cruel to Lilith. Mary’s already established as more likely to use a gun and Camila is still a newbie. This matters because if Bea’s not training people, it’s not due to lack of training. It’s something else.

Loner is her official term on her dossier. Duretti offers a place and he’s the one that brought Sister Crimson back in. He starts by pointing out how he’s impressed by how she ‘fought her way through Arq-tech’ and [he] can use more sister warriors like her. He makes a reference to how all her outside school activists were fighting based and he’s impressed by that. Bea’s the one that points out it leaves not much time for anything else. The first time Vincent talks about Beatrice he says she’s “brilliant but guarded”. Which is another reference about how Beatrice keeps herself separate. When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness. Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism. 

Also, did anyone notice that Bea is leading the service for Lilith’s funeral? Even Mother Superion is in the audience. Which is the scene where the sister warriors rejects come in. Then the spars. Starts with Sister Crimson beating up Camila. Bea looks at Superion and gets the nod. She nods back. Very “do I have your permission to beat this bitch?” Bea does her bow to her instructor and her opponent. Displaying her discipline, the rigid rules in which she engages in this violence. Crimson snickers. Which, Crimson was there a year ago, she would have fought Beatrice before. I could see a display of disrespect to the rules being anger inducing. Crimson attacks first. Misses. They trade a few blogs in the background while Superion and Duretti talk. Crimson punches Bea in the face and grabs her by the throat. While Duretti is saying Crimson is an ‘impressive warrior’. Superion says she’s ‘agressive, undisciplined…’. Duretti says ‘sounds like someone I used to know. Superion finishes ‘and possibly sociopathic’. Bea breaks the chokehold, they both go to the ground (Bea tosses her). Bea gets up first and offers her hand to help Crimson up. Duretti’s talking about new methods to fight old problems. Crimson takes Bea’s hand, stands up, keeps hold of it, draws out a nunchuck and gut punches her. Bea staggers back and holds a restraining hand out to the watching sisters. Crimson holds up both hands in a peace gesture to the sisters. Again, Crimson’s body language and face before she turned from the camera is very smug. Very much ‘I won’. It could just be because she hurt Bea. But it reads very much like last year she learned how to push buttons. Angry buttons. And if she hits Bea once then fakes ‘fights done’ but Bea goes after her, then she does win. She ‘proves’ the better fighter. She creates chaos. So it very much could read like she fully expected Bea to go rage monster on her after her gut hit. 

When Bea is being kicked out of the OCS Vincent references how Duretti helped Superion make the OCS her home. Bea says “Mother, please, it’s my home too.” Again, making the connection between how Superion was (aggressive, undisciplined) and Bea. This pairs well with Mary’s talk with Superion where she says Superion holds herself back, creates a prison for herself, not from lack of care but abundance. Bea creates a prison for herself too.

When Bea’s giving back all her weapons Camila apologizes and talks about security protocols, assignments and necessary weapons. It reads like a hand off, like Camila’s new to this role and trying to assure the person who did the job before (Bea) that she’ll take care of the job. A very organization task with limited contact with others. Allowing Bea to be a ‘loner’. Then when Mary is planning how to get to the secret room. Bea says she joined the church to save her eternal soul. Mary asks if that’s the version of the truth she’s telling now. Implying there’s another reason Bea joined. Acceptable targets maybe?

The real (second) fight between Bea and Crimson, Bea calls out her moves. Even going as far as saying “Just say when.” This is cocky asshole behaviour. This is the part of Beatrice likes fighting. That likes the controlled application of violence. 

So, I know as a fandom that we like to think Bea’s parents caught her doing something gay and shipped her off. But what if instead she was caught doing something violent. Like protecting a gay/lesbian couple from homophobe in a very physical way. And they were like “you need to be restrained, you’re too wild, and if you were going to do violence in public you should not have done it for this reason” so sent her off to Catholic school even though they aren’t. Bea tries. She always tries so hard. But the harder she tries to fit into the box of what’s wanted from her the more her anger grows teeth and claws. She isolates herself while she tries. So that the only person her anger makes bleed is herself. And no matter how good she is at hiding it away, sometimes she slips up. Then it’s like the blinder come off those around her and sudden she’s no longer this self possessed shy girl. They see her as ‘what she truly is’. A barely restrained attack dog just waiting for a fight. She holds herself back with rule after rule and every rule makes her just that much more aware that she’s not like other people. She has a reputation within the school. A reputation which makes it’s way to the  OCS. The OCS come to her and offer something she hasn’t ever admitted to wanting. A morally acceptable way to let that anger make something bleed. Because the OCS is full of women who understand a demon of their own making, as well as those from the other place. 

Side note: “He who bears the relic of Adriel shall be the Lord of Demonkind.” Direct quote that Ava reads from the Warrior Nun book. But… isn’t the halo the relic of Adriel??

the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline

mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously

i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway

while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland

the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares

mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback

and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did

i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place

Can we talk how this scene was shot too? I’m not that knowledgeable about cinematography but we can see this continuing theme of certain things highlighted, certain things low lighted, and shadows surrounding them. It’s a stylistic choice that represents what they are doing verbally. Speaking of things plainly (”I’m not her”), referencing but not saying others (I’m not a fighter), and intentionally not even pointing out some points (I’m not good enough). Plus there’s the camera angles. Moving around them, peaking at them from the corners. Gives it a very sneaking around in high school feel. It adds to the sense of them sharing things. Choosing to share things just with each other. Of things not share but still allowed to be there in the dark.

Daily avatrice analysis (day 2)

Hello and welcome to day 2!

I love to see you guys adding on to my analysis! please keep doing that, agree with me, fight with me, whatever you wanna say, let's talk about avatrice together :))))

So

Season 1 Ep 3 (yes im doing this in chronological order cause why not)

ah yes the first breakthrough of avatrice 

where we got some actual interaction between the two

(surprise is still not the canteen scene lol)

But here Bea said “and if she dies?” does indicate there is some level of empathy from Bea

Since she no longer view Ava as just the mission, then a actual person after seeing her 

here we can see that Bea took the more soft and suggestive approach(compared to lilith which is more demanding) to calm Ava down

Further suggesting there has been a change in Bea’s attitude towards Ava(as shown in the gif below)

which leads to the first time they interacted one on one(yesss is the canteen scene)

Bear in mind that this scene happened after she sparred with(pissed off)Lilith and mother superion

She is starting to pick up that the members of the OCS didn't exactly give her the warm welcome, making this interaction more heartwarming in a way

It just makes so much sense that Beatrice is the one who welcomed Ava into the OCS

If I have to guess why

must be because this is how Beatrice feel when she first arrive to the boarding school her parents shipped her to

an outcast, the odd one out of the bunch, someone who stands out

and she doesn't want Ava to experience what she hand been through 

so she decided to be the one who welcome her and try to help her fit in 

Which Ava gladly accepted(I mean who wouldn’t is Bea we are talking about here)

now back to the scene

(this is kinda out of topic but NO ONE sits with Bea??? How??? Where is camila??)

reasons why I think Ava does this assessment thing and why is it important:

a. from being quadriplegic she quite literally had to intact with people by observing them since she can’t initiate the interaction with physical contact 

b. confirming the avatrice endgame agenda (Bea was saving the sit for ava, and giving of friendly vibes because she wanna help/get to know ava more)

Father Simon did say that they planned Avatrice from this start so

c.she took inspiration from shows she watched and she recognize the trope(potential love interest trying to subtly interact with main protagonist) 

(you can't tell me this is not what happeded lol)

anyway

Starting of a conversation with a joking manner, classic Ava silva

which were met with Bea trying to ground her to reality/truth that is Ava needs to start seeing the bigger picture here

Bea your logical is showing 

Bea countering Ava’s attempts to underestimate the situation with logical explanations we love to see it

To be fair Ava is just trying to lighten the mood which is understandable but is not what Bea and rest of the OCS sees

OCS saw Ava as someone who was unfit to bear the Halo, which yeah I kinda have to agree with the OCS

but Ava’s weakness(? is also her strength

her out of the box mindset is literally what saved the world in s2

the OCS needed someone with a fresh pair of eyes

normally that would be Mary

but with Ava being the new kid in town, the collective dislike towards people/ideas that are solar opposites to the religious traditional cathlic values that OCS follows went to her instead

(okay i'm getting off topic again back to avatrice

This is where Ava realized that shit is real

People have died(Rip Shannon 

Now is not the time to take things lightly 

So being the kind hearted kid that she is

She asks Bea what’s Shannon like 

As a way to try to comfort Bea

Really love the way Ava is looking at Bea while she is reminiscing her first encounter with Shannon 

Moments like these reminds me how kid like Ava is

Yeah sure she’s an adult(19 years old is still young as hell btw, as a fellow 19 year old)

But because of what happened to her 

The child like behavior never fades into adult responsibilities

The way Ava looks at Bea like a kid listening to their parents telling them stories is just ughhhhh

(Plus Alba had no reason looking this good

Avatrice really said:

Anyway the conversation ends with Bea and Ava bonding over being the odd one and Bea encouraging her to give OCS a shot 

okay thats a lot of words what the hell

so i think i'm going to continue the first avatrice hug and that hallway scene tmr

stay tuned for ep 3 part 2 :)

i love this hug so much. they just like, slam into each other. like it’s inevitable. like they can’t help it. and there’s so much relief on ava’s face and you can see how she just breathes out cos bea’s there