Sister Beatrice Character Analysis - Tumblr Posts
Oh buddy, you did it now. You gave me more thoughts @halobearerhavoc. Your tags, for posterity.
#i absolutely love this addition
#yes yes yes
#and even going into more detail about the rehabilitation period of her anger
#i 100 percent agree with this
#her tendency to feel safest expressing her anger with acceptable targets is exactly how i see her too
#that's why i think she is smiling under the mask when she wears it
#i could go on about how great this addition is but it speaks for itself
#yes this feels like her this feels real and big inside like an actual fully emotional human being
#sister beatrice
#warrior nun
#ALSO! there is a reason that beatrice was assigned to be in charge of the CONTROLLED EXPLOSIVES in season 1
My thoughts on it. Remember Sister Crimson!! Do you? I do! I remember they fought before the for real fight, Sister Crimson and Bea. And Crimson was losing in their spar. So she pulled out nunchucks (there’s a pun there) and struck Bea (I think after the fight was unofficially over). And she looked so fucking smug. Like, full smug. Despite the fact that, y’know, the spar was over? And she’d lost? And escalating to weapons when your opponent didn’t need to makes you look weak. Sister Crimson looked, somehow, like she’d won. Oh man, I need to rewatch the scene. Hold on.
Ok, didn’t rewatch the whole first season but here’s some thoughts. We never see Beatrice training anyone until Ava. I forget if they mentioned she was a trainer before then. I suspect not. Because if she was training Camila it would make sense that Beatrice was constantly examining her work. But if Bea’s not responsible for training Camila it makes more sense that Camila gets so upset that Bea’s watching over how she does thing. Also, if Bea was an official trainer then why would Lilith be the one training Ava? Like, that seems needlessly cruel to Lilith. Mary’s already established as more likely to use a gun and Camila is still a newbie. This matters because if Bea’s not training people, it’s not due to lack of training. It’s something else.
Loner is her official term on her dossier. Duretti offers a place and he’s the one that brought Sister Crimson back in. He starts by pointing out how he’s impressed by how she ‘fought her way through Arq-tech’ and [he] can use more sister warriors like her. He makes a reference to how all her outside school activists were fighting based and he’s impressed by that. Bea’s the one that points out it leaves not much time for anything else. The first time Vincent talks about Beatrice he says she’s “brilliant but guarded”. Which is another reference about how Beatrice keeps herself separate. When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness. Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism.
Also, did anyone notice that Bea is leading the service for Lilith’s funeral? Even Mother Superion is in the audience. Which is the scene where the sister warriors rejects come in. Then the spars. Starts with Sister Crimson beating up Camila. Bea looks at Superion and gets the nod. She nods back. Very “do I have your permission to beat this bitch?” Bea does her bow to her instructor and her opponent. Displaying her discipline, the rigid rules in which she engages in this violence. Crimson snickers. Which, Crimson was there a year ago, she would have fought Beatrice before. I could see a display of disrespect to the rules being anger inducing. Crimson attacks first. Misses. They trade a few blogs in the background while Superion and Duretti talk. Crimson punches Bea in the face and grabs her by the throat. While Duretti is saying Crimson is an ‘impressive warrior’. Superion says she’s ‘agressive, undisciplined…’. Duretti says ‘sounds like someone I used to know. Superion finishes ‘and possibly sociopathic’. Bea breaks the chokehold, they both go to the ground (Bea tosses her). Bea gets up first and offers her hand to help Crimson up. Duretti’s talking about new methods to fight old problems. Crimson takes Bea’s hand, stands up, keeps hold of it, draws out a nunchuck and gut punches her. Bea staggers back and holds a restraining hand out to the watching sisters. Crimson holds up both hands in a peace gesture to the sisters. Again, Crimson’s body language and face before she turned from the camera is very smug. Very much ‘I won’. It could just be because she hurt Bea. But it reads very much like last year she learned how to push buttons. Angry buttons. And if she hits Bea once then fakes ‘fights done’ but Bea goes after her, then she does win. She ‘proves’ the better fighter. She creates chaos. So it very much could read like she fully expected Bea to go rage monster on her after her gut hit.
When Bea is being kicked out of the OCS Vincent references how Duretti helped Superion make the OCS her home. Bea says “Mother, please, it’s my home too.” Again, making the connection between how Superion was (aggressive, undisciplined) and Bea. This pairs well with Mary’s talk with Superion where she says Superion holds herself back, creates a prison for herself, not from lack of care but abundance. Bea creates a prison for herself too.
When Bea’s giving back all her weapons Camila apologizes and talks about security protocols, assignments and necessary weapons. It reads like a hand off, like Camila’s new to this role and trying to assure the person who did the job before (Bea) that she’ll take care of the job. A very organization task with limited contact with others. Allowing Bea to be a ‘loner’. Then when Mary is planning how to get to the secret room. Bea says she joined the church to save her eternal soul. Mary asks if that’s the version of the truth she’s telling now. Implying there’s another reason Bea joined. Acceptable targets maybe?
The real (second) fight between Bea and Crimson, Bea calls out her moves. Even going as far as saying “Just say when.” This is cocky asshole behaviour. This is the part of Beatrice likes fighting. That likes the controlled application of violence.
So, I know as a fandom that we like to think Bea’s parents caught her doing something gay and shipped her off. But what if instead she was caught doing something violent. Like protecting a gay/lesbian couple from homophobe in a very physical way. And they were like “you need to be restrained, you’re too wild, and if you were going to do violence in public you should not have done it for this reason” so sent her off to Catholic school even though they aren’t. Bea tries. She always tries so hard. But the harder she tries to fit into the box of what’s wanted from her the more her anger grows teeth and claws. She isolates herself while she tries. So that the only person her anger makes bleed is herself. And no matter how good she is at hiding it away, sometimes she slips up. Then it’s like the blinder come off those around her and sudden she’s no longer this self possessed shy girl. They see her as ‘what she truly is’. A barely restrained attack dog just waiting for a fight. She holds herself back with rule after rule and every rule makes her just that much more aware that she’s not like other people. She has a reputation within the school. A reputation which makes it’s way to the OCS. The OCS come to her and offer something she hasn’t ever admitted to wanting. A morally acceptable way to let that anger make something bleed. Because the OCS is full of women who understand a demon of their own making, as well as those from the other place.
Side note: “He who bears the relic of Adriel shall be the Lord of Demonkind.” Direct quote that Ava reads from the Warrior Nun book. But… isn’t the halo the relic of Adriel??
the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline
mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously
i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway
while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland
the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares
mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback
and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did
i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place
Apparently I am not stopping at this. Because @halobearerhavoc pointed out something I absolutely forgot. So thanks? I guess. Here’s you tags so you can see what my thoughts spiralled off of.
#When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report
#Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness.
#Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism.
#< this part right here
#it's everything
#beatrice is a ball of internally controlled nerves and mechanisms waiting to open the floodgates of her rage
#but only when appropriate
#honestly this entire analysis is the most engrossing recap of what happened in the crimson fight i could have ever imagined
#it's so good
#and i think you're right about why beatrice didn't train ava too
#expanding on the similarities between superion and beatrice and calling attention to the subtext of the dialogue and visuals
#the concept of acceptable targets is molded in part by shame for physically acknowledging the part of you that could do others harm
#and beatrice would very much like to do harm to those who do others harm
#her self loathing is exponential and feeds on itself like an ouroboros
#it's part of why sister melanie's diary caused this cathartic reaction in her entire body
#because it wasn't just about being gay it was never just about being gay because beatrice is written as a wholly fleshed out human being
#it was also about Melanie's RAGE exploding into the physical world
#it was all of it
#and this is another incredible addition
#truly incredible analysis
#sister beatrice
#warrior nun
There are a few highlights in this for me.
#beatrice is a ball of internally controlled nerves and mechanisms waiting to open the floodgates of her rage#but only when appropriate
Yes! That’s how Beatrice does rage. Even during the ‘fight’ with Ava she’s holding back those floodgates (mostly). She does raise her voice a bit but the moment she throws something in the suitcase she stops packing. She stops touching anything. She relies on making her point logically, with no name calling. It’s still sharp, she can’t hold it all back. Not anymore. She’s been holding it back for hours. Days. And it isn’t until Ava apologizes, acknowledges that she knows what she caused, that Bea actually expresses that anger. She even cuts herself off when she starts raising her voice too much until Ava asks ‘what’. She stands absolutely still while Ava is yelling.
When Ava storms off she takes a moment to breath, to re-centre. To approach Ava from some place other than anger. When she follows after Ava she *whispers* whispers her name. A whisper Ava matches when she says she’s sorry and Beatrice continues when she denies that apology and offers her own. A whisper she continues when she says she understands where Ava is coming from (I trained my whole life for this and sometimes I forget that you haven’t). Returns to more a speaking voice when she says it’s her job to see Ava through this (professionalism! Yeah, Bea can do this). Then Ava asks if it’s just her job. And the whisper back “and my pleasure.” People who’ve never needed to control their anger don’t learn to pull it back like that. Not when it’s so raw and valid feeling.
Which matches Beatrice’s fighting style. Assess all the factors. Devise a plan. Execute the plan. “Never spark a conflict until you have a complete understanding of your odds.” I really wonder if that’s how she was *before* the OCS.
#and beatrice would very much like to do harm to those who do others harm
#her self loathing is exponential and feeds on itself like an ouroboros
Ok, these two tie together in my mind. Because as we are presented Beatrice’s history it become more and more apparent that ‘those who do others harm’ included her parents. To her. Maybe not physical but certainly emotional and psychological. Maybe not maliciously but does that matter to little!Bea? No, it still hurts. And she doesn’t have the power or the influence to make them stop. Which is why anger. Anger is our guard dog. It protects us and ours.
Beatrice’s guard dog was beaten every time it tried to protect her. Every time she tried to stand up for what she knew in her heart she was shamed. Until she learned to shame herself before they could. Because at least if she does it to herself first then her parents can’t/won’t. At least. Five year old logic, but Bea was five when she came up with this plan. And it worked, kinda. She was able to twist her self loathing and anger together into this ouroboros. Which meant she stopped raging against her parents in a no win game.
Until she does have power. Does have influence and training and anger. Until she’s face with someone she can do harm to in order to stop them from doing harm to others. And it’s easy. So incredibly easy. It’s cathartic and empowering and bad wrong ‘how could you take joy in another’s pain don’t you even care about how I feel at all Beatrice?’ It’s everything her parents ever told her when she tried to stand up for herself against them. It’s wearing a mask not to protect her identity but to protect her emotions.
the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline
mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously
i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway
while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland
the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares
mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback
and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did
i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place
Also! She’s not just teaching Ava ‘know to do the thing exactly as I would’. Bea’s teaching her to be a Leader. Bea could have easily been like “here’s the plan”. Which she (mostly, kinda) does when it comes to Ava’s safety. Instead she gives all the information to Ava and lets Ava make the plan. Which she’s done a number of times before. Big “give it a try and I’ll catch us if you fall” vibes. That dedicated attention and safety net with no fear of failure? No wonder Ava kicks so much ass this season.
Warrior Nun | 2.03
"Yes, I've noticed."
Serious faces. Mortal danger. IMMA MAKE YOU LAUGH.
“Besides, your still a nun. Aren’t you?”
This line comes when Father Vincent attempts to join Beatrice and Ava in the van and Beatrice says no. Ava says she doesn’t trust him either but it’s better for their mission that he comes. Then she drops this line before reminding Beatrice that forgive is kind of her job.
Proof that Ava’s salty over Beatrice turning down her ‘let’s run away’ plan.
This season starts with Ava rearing to fight Adriel. She wants to get (back) into it. When one of Adriel’s cultists says she can’t run away from his light she shoves the guy so hard he goes flying. In public. That scene’s set up to show that Ava has changed. She’s no longer the irreverent civilian she was. She’s the Warrior Nun. In action not just in halo. So much so that she almost blows herself up when their initial plan to put the crown on Adriel fails.
It’s not just Beatrice’s faith that was shaken by that fight. It was also Ava’s. She fell back into the old pattern of survival that she knew. Slightly different, though, because she wanted Bea to run with her. Which brings us to Beatrice’s faith (which is her business, as a nun). This whole season Beatrice’s character arc is figuring out how to be herself (how to live) without relying on the expectations of perfection in a role. Beatrice knows how to be perfect in a role. She’s way less certain how to be herself (and have that be enough for others and herself).
Except when they finally did return to the role that Beatrice can excel at, she fails. Epically. She (thinks she) gets her friend killed by her actions. Worse, the friend who was a trainee under her (Camila), who she was supposed to be looking out for. Along with Yasmine, who was not a Sister Warrior and Beatrice would assume she was also supposed to look out for. And she actively stopped the action that (might) have stopped Adriel. She failed so hard at being a Sister Warrior it was practically treason (in her mind).
It wasn’t until that moment where her mission as a Sister Warrior was exactly opposite her feelings for Ava. With no time to think, Beatrice chose Ava. When she does have time to think, she regrets it. Not because she regrets saving Ava. Ava brings this up. Ava very pointedly says if Beatrice did what she ‘should’ have done to rescue Camila and Yasmine and the world, Ava would be dead. Beatrice ignores this. Doesn’t even go there. What Beatrice regrets is not being good enough to both do what she should have done (save everyone) and what she wanted to do (save Ava). This calls back to Bea’s first scene this season and Ava saying “you know, you don’t have to be so perfect all the time”. In this moment, Beatrice’s greatest crisis of faith is between that part of her that hoped Ava was right and that part of her that feared Ava was wrong. Beatrice has no idea how to reconcile those parts. Other than doing what she’s always done, throw herself harder into the role given to her. No matter what it costs her.
After the whole mind bending Crown of Thorns experience Ava appears a whole lot calmer about what she decided (did she though??). She approaches Beatrice in the van and makes a (kinda awkward) joke. “You look like you could Aikido someone into submission”. Only to get shot down with Beatrice’s “don’t test me then.”
Of course, Ava then proceeds to test Beatrice by saying Father Vincent (y’know, the guy who betrayed her and who directly killed one of Beatrice’s best friends and was tangentially responsible for the death of two others as well as releasing Adriel, that guy) was coming with them on their last ditch effort to save the world. NBD I guess. Beatrice immediately says no. Says she doesn’t trust him. Offers all the logical, mission centric reasons why this should not be allowed. Ava out logics her mission centric reasoning. Then proves she’s still salty (as much as she loves her nun wife) by practically saying “you want to be a nun? Then be a nun.” Very ‘you made your bed, now sleep in it.’
Ava very much wants to help Beatrice’s journey to loving herself, to being herself. And not just for the potential sexy times rewards. She thinks Beatrice is awesome and beautiful and wants Beatrice to think that too. She sometimes also gets very frustrated at how Beatrice hides behind duty to such a hypocritical degree (eg: becoming the boss after a month but Ava’s not allowed to blow their cover, being jealous of guys Ava talks to and calling it protection, pretending like she wouldn’t make the same call to save Ava).
Which I think is why the scene where Ava’s dying after defeating Adriel is so important. Ava tells Beatrice to take the halo. Beatrice says no. Lilith offers a way to save Ava that means Earth looses the halo. Beatrice says yes. Beatrice has time to think (at least more than a split second reaction). She still chooses Ava. Living isn’t about Beatrice not fighting, it’s about Beatrice being true to herself. And the first step Beatrice took to that was choosing Ava.
“She never did. Before.”
Alright, the Bea/Ava run away fight. Let’s do this thing!
Rewatch #??? I notice how damn quickly in universe they go from fighting Adriel to this conversation. Like, Lilith and Ava fight, Mother dies, Ava resurrects her, the go for a shower and change of clothes then sit down for tea to discuss the miracle of resurrection and how two of their friends are probably dead. That’s when Bea says fuck prayers. Important to note how they sit down for tea. With Bea and Ava at exact opposite ends. Cinematographically this sets up the conversation visually, that they are already looking in different directions (literally). Story wise it shows how distant Bea is feeling from Ava in the wake of her decision. Bea then storms out because “who are we even praying to anyway.”
This is actually really fucking significant and has been for some time. Beatrice has been doubting her faith in a number of super important ways. Admittedly most of them around her growing feelings of Ava. And because those doubts tie into that which she cannot allow to exist (big gay feelings) Bea has been avoiding the hell out of this conversation. Even when she was drunk and they were leaving the Bar Bea approached the topic of her faith and what Adriel means to it only a tiny bit before she shut it down.
Ava knows this is an important conversation. One that has been some time in coming. So when she follows Bea outside the first thing she says is “Beatrice, talk to me.” And Bea does.
She goes right to the heart of herself. “I let my emotions blind me to my mission.” Aka I let what I want *now* blind me to what I *should* want. Ava tries to address the explicit concern by pointing out how Bea saved her life. And Beatrice repeats herself explicitly with the addition of what ‘could have’ been better if she had done what she *should* have wanted and not what she *actually* wanted. Again, Ava talks about what Bea explicitly said and not what she implied. Pointing out that what ‘could have’ been better only happens if Ava dies in that scenario.
This is not the first time they’ve done this. Their first fight was “excuse the fuck out of me” about exactly the same thing. Bea is so focused on what *should* be she ignores what it would *actually* mean for Ava. Ava’s far more grounded in reality (ironic considering the whole levitation thing). In the first argument Ava was able to point out that Ava and her happiness are the necessary sacrifices for Bea’s perfect *should*.
Bea doesn’t acknowledge that point at all because it’s not actually what she ever wants to think about, thanks. She instead ‘clarifies’ what she’s saying by pointing out they’re only ‘delaying the inevitable’. What’s the inevitable, Bea? Because as much as you pretend you are, you’re not actually talking about fighting Adriel right now. You’re talking about having prioritized your wants over what is expected of you. And if what’s expect of you is ‘inevitable’ I wanna talk to your parents with a baseball bat. Ava’s starting to get it at this point. 🥹 She’s giving off huge confused puppy dog eyes. She’s starting to realize there’s two conversations happening right now. “The Beatrice I know never stops fighting. Never looses hope.” She’s telling Beatrice she’s not acting like herself. That the Beatrice she knows would fight for a better way even if it meant not putting the crown first. That the Beatrice she knows fights to keep Ava safe. Fights to open up and let down her guard because Ava asked.
Beatrice agrees from the exact opposite direction. “No. She never did. Before.” She’s saying she changed because she put Ava first. Because she put Ava’s safety above the world’s and her love before her duty. Who she was Before didn’t love anyone like she loves Ava now. Who she was Before would leave Shannon to die in order to protect the halo. Who she was Before would risk Camila’s life and her own for the mission. Before means, clearly, Before she developed feelings for Ava. (Potentially before she knew Ava at all because her first action against that idealized version of Beatrice was returning to Cat’s Cradle to protect Ava and help Mary despite orders telling her to fuck right off as politely as she’d told Duretti to do so).
“You said we’d stop him our way.” (Italics from Netflix’s subtitles, which holy fuck) “Together.” Ava would her Bea back, please. She has spent months with that as her only Bea and this version is scary and closed off. Tellingly Ava then says “there’s always something else we can do.” She’s asking Bea to find an option with her. Any option that keeps Bea with her. “There is nothing else you can do.” (Italics mine for emphasis) “Run. Hide.” And oh, oh, Beatrice shows she’s maybe not as changed as she’s hoping. Because if “our only priority now is to keep the halo out of Adriel’s hands” then Ava running off and hiding by herself is… kinda dumb? Like if running and hiding were the winning (or only) strategy right now then someone should go with Ava. And if fighting Adriel is something that someone needs to stay behind it should be Ava. The one with the superpowers literally chosen to do so. ‘Run away, hide and be safe while stay behind and do my duty’ is, like, such an emotionally repressed dumb ass idea actually. This is when Ava advances, asking Bea to run with her, asking for Beatrice to be her Beatrice. And Bea puts her walls up instead. Denies Ava without further explanation. Keeps her arms crossed despite Ava have gotten into arms length. Despite Ava blinking away tears and looking like she’s about to cry for the first time in Beatrice’s vicinity without Beatrice holding her. Despite Ava playing with her own hands and literally holding herself back from reaching out.
I am a normal amount of sane about this. For reference, that’s horrible gutted and ready to throw things at my tv.