
972 posts
Oh Buddy, You Did It Now. You Gave Me More Thoughts @halobearerhavoc. Your Tags, For Posterity.
Oh buddy, you did it now. You gave me more thoughts @halobearerhavoc. Your tags, for posterity.
#i absolutely love this addition
#yes yes yes
#and even going into more detail about the rehabilitation period of her anger
#i 100 percent agree with this
#her tendency to feel safest expressing her anger with acceptable targets is exactly how i see her too
#that's why i think she is smiling under the mask when she wears it
#i could go on about how great this addition is but it speaks for itself
#yes this feels like her this feels real and big inside like an actual fully emotional human being
#sister beatrice
#warrior nun
#ALSO! there is a reason that beatrice was assigned to be in charge of the CONTROLLED EXPLOSIVES in season 1
My thoughts on it. Remember Sister Crimson!! Do you? I do! I remember they fought before the for real fight, Sister Crimson and Bea. And Crimson was losing in their spar. So she pulled out nunchucks (there’s a pun there) and struck Bea (I think after the fight was unofficially over). And she looked so fucking smug. Like, full smug. Despite the fact that, y’know, the spar was over? And she’d lost? And escalating to weapons when your opponent didn’t need to makes you look weak. Sister Crimson looked, somehow, like she’d won. Oh man, I need to rewatch the scene. Hold on.
Ok, didn’t rewatch the whole first season but here’s some thoughts. We never see Beatrice training anyone until Ava. I forget if they mentioned she was a trainer before then. I suspect not. Because if she was training Camila it would make sense that Beatrice was constantly examining her work. But if Bea’s not responsible for training Camila it makes more sense that Camila gets so upset that Bea’s watching over how she does thing. Also, if Bea was an official trainer then why would Lilith be the one training Ava? Like, that seems needlessly cruel to Lilith. Mary’s already established as more likely to use a gun and Camila is still a newbie. This matters because if Bea’s not training people, it’s not due to lack of training. It’s something else.
Loner is her official term on her dossier. Duretti offers a place and he’s the one that brought Sister Crimson back in. He starts by pointing out how he’s impressed by how she ‘fought her way through Arq-tech’ and [he] can use more sister warriors like her. He makes a reference to how all her outside school activists were fighting based and he’s impressed by that. Bea’s the one that points out it leaves not much time for anything else. The first time Vincent talks about Beatrice he says she’s “brilliant but guarded”. Which is another reference about how Beatrice keeps herself separate. When Shannon is dead and Mary tells Beatrice to stop treating it like just another report Bea says she “loved her to.. I just need something to focus on.” Which could be read as sadness. Or temptation to burn the world down being held back. That she doesn’t know how else to react if it’s not in anger or professionalism.
Also, did anyone notice that Bea is leading the service for Lilith’s funeral? Even Mother Superion is in the audience. Which is the scene where the sister warriors rejects come in. Then the spars. Starts with Sister Crimson beating up Camila. Bea looks at Superion and gets the nod. She nods back. Very “do I have your permission to beat this bitch?” Bea does her bow to her instructor and her opponent. Displaying her discipline, the rigid rules in which she engages in this violence. Crimson snickers. Which, Crimson was there a year ago, she would have fought Beatrice before. I could see a display of disrespect to the rules being anger inducing. Crimson attacks first. Misses. They trade a few blogs in the background while Superion and Duretti talk. Crimson punches Bea in the face and grabs her by the throat. While Duretti is saying Crimson is an ‘impressive warrior’. Superion says she’s ‘agressive, undisciplined…’. Duretti says ‘sounds like someone I used to know. Superion finishes ‘and possibly sociopathic’. Bea breaks the chokehold, they both go to the ground (Bea tosses her). Bea gets up first and offers her hand to help Crimson up. Duretti’s talking about new methods to fight old problems. Crimson takes Bea’s hand, stands up, keeps hold of it, draws out a nunchuck and gut punches her. Bea staggers back and holds a restraining hand out to the watching sisters. Crimson holds up both hands in a peace gesture to the sisters. Again, Crimson’s body language and face before she turned from the camera is very smug. Very much ‘I won’. It could just be because she hurt Bea. But it reads very much like last year she learned how to push buttons. Angry buttons. And if she hits Bea once then fakes ‘fights done’ but Bea goes after her, then she does win. She ‘proves’ the better fighter. She creates chaos. So it very much could read like she fully expected Bea to go rage monster on her after her gut hit.
When Bea is being kicked out of the OCS Vincent references how Duretti helped Superion make the OCS her home. Bea says “Mother, please, it’s my home too.” Again, making the connection between how Superion was (aggressive, undisciplined) and Bea. This pairs well with Mary’s talk with Superion where she says Superion holds herself back, creates a prison for herself, not from lack of care but abundance. Bea creates a prison for herself too.
When Bea’s giving back all her weapons Camila apologizes and talks about security protocols, assignments and necessary weapons. It reads like a hand off, like Camila’s new to this role and trying to assure the person who did the job before (Bea) that she’ll take care of the job. A very organization task with limited contact with others. Allowing Bea to be a ‘loner’. Then when Mary is planning how to get to the secret room. Bea says she joined the church to save her eternal soul. Mary asks if that’s the version of the truth she’s telling now. Implying there’s another reason Bea joined. Acceptable targets maybe?
The real (second) fight between Bea and Crimson, Bea calls out her moves. Even going as far as saying “Just say when.” This is cocky asshole behaviour. This is the part of Beatrice likes fighting. That likes the controlled application of violence.
So, I know as a fandom that we like to think Bea’s parents caught her doing something gay and shipped her off. But what if instead she was caught doing something violent. Like protecting a gay/lesbian couple from homophobe in a very physical way. And they were like “you need to be restrained, you’re too wild, and if you were going to do violence in public you should not have done it for this reason” so sent her off to Catholic school even though they aren’t. Bea tries. She always tries so hard. But the harder she tries to fit into the box of what’s wanted from her the more her anger grows teeth and claws. She isolates herself while she tries. So that the only person her anger makes bleed is herself. And no matter how good she is at hiding it away, sometimes she slips up. Then it’s like the blinder come off those around her and sudden she’s no longer this self possessed shy girl. They see her as ‘what she truly is’. A barely restrained attack dog just waiting for a fight. She holds herself back with rule after rule and every rule makes her just that much more aware that she’s not like other people. She has a reputation within the school. A reputation which makes it’s way to the OCS. The OCS come to her and offer something she hasn’t ever admitted to wanting. A morally acceptable way to let that anger make something bleed. Because the OCS is full of women who understand a demon of their own making, as well as those from the other place.
Side note: “He who bears the relic of Adriel shall be the Lord of Demonkind.” Direct quote that Ava reads from the Warrior Nun book. But… isn’t the halo the relic of Adriel??
the more i think about it, the more obvious it seems that beatrice was at one time way more outwardly angry at the world. her repressed demeanor and how she internalized her shame and faith and the projected deficiencies of others on her is where she was at before the ending of s2. and she had to work hard to get there, to that level of calm and control. after the years of training and praying and growing to look forward instead of backwards. that kind of internal work takes time and discipline
mary's comment about beatrice's narrative of why she joined the sisterhood reveals some level of dissonance between who mary sees beatrice as and how beatrice wants to be seen, and it never seemed like it was as simple as her being gay. that's because mary remembers when beatrice arrived. mary naturally being the force of calm for lilith and a guide for ava to find purpose in season one makes me think she could have played that role for beatrice at one point as well. instead of the buttoned up, aloof person we see now, i could see a younger beatrice as someone whose anger was undeniable. the way she gets when she fights for ava, but worn on her sleeve, intimidating and silently furious at the state of her life continuously
i imagine a younger beatrice who spent the first few years training for the ocs seething. it's why lilith never saw her as a rival for the halo - beatrice? burning so hot on the inside that she practically creates mirage lines when she enters a room? skilled, certainly, but that's no one to worry about as a contender for a leadership role. beatrice's attitude problem was ironically what allowed lilith to feel safe enough to grow close to her. she didn't even care about being halo bearer, only throwing herself into study and drills and combat practice so intensely that you'd think she barely saw her opponent and would rather be fighting herself anyway
while beatrice eventually became a trusted advisor, that was something that came about gradually, maybe even surprisingly. it took years to feel comfortable enough for her to even commit to the idea of sisterhood. a loner who arrives with an ominous roiling storm cloud under her brow wasn't the natural leader stepping into a predictable role. and it shows. the expectations placed on beatrice aren't something she humbly and gratefully accepted because of her many talents. her many talents had proven worthless to her, just like she felt after her exile to switzerland
the reason that beatrice is so well-respected in the ocs by those who have known her a long time isn't about her skills or her intelligence or her reliability alone. it's because they're proud of her. they saw her at her worst, her most self-loathing, her most despondent and embittered. yes, she still has some issues, some demons, but they don't talk about them unless she brings it up, because they're so proud of how far she's come and how hard she tries to be there for them and show that she cares
mother superion doesn't thoughtlessly put her faith in beatrice because of her competence, she does it because she has watched her change over time and work at being the friend, sister and leader she became. she's grateful for beatrice not because of her skillset or her pedigree but for how evident it is that she cares about her found family. because there was a time before when she didn't. when she was a very different person. maybe mother superion was similar when she was younger. she clearly had some fire in her as well in that flashback
and then you had shannon. beatrice specifically mentions her love of pranks to ava when she tells her about how being a nun didn't feel like a natural fit for her. this angry, solemn young woman who barely speaks to anyone else suddenly finding ridiculous incidents happening to her and around her that force her to lighten up, to laugh and feel like she's part of something. it says a lot about beatrice that it seems like she saw a little of herself in shannon and her intensity. maybe she was inspired by shannon's ability to still hold space for whimsy and camaraderie despite her burden. thinking about the hushed, trembling hope that watching mary and shannon together must have given her, and then knowing how it was snuffed out only helps contextualize why reading that journal broke beatrice the way that it did
i think all of the women of the ocs before shannon died helped beatrice grow into the version of beatrice that we meet in the first episode. it makes her leaving them in the s2 finale easier to sit with when they watched her evolve into a person capable of deciding what she wants in life and not just settling for what will have her. camila had a hard time letting go because she didn't know beatrice in those stormy days. but mother superion did, and knows what beatrice has lost since then, too. so she lets beatrice go easily. she always knew to be grateful for each day that beatrice woke up and decided to care for her sisters because it was never a given that it would happen in the first place
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More Posts from Stoically
Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Resources
Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
You had the right for basic resources
Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
My house = my rules is blackmail
Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
Physical abuse
You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
Why do parents hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Blatant Lies
Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
You got too affected by it’ is a lie
Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
You are not abusive for resisting abuse
When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Psychological abuse
Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
References to how healthy parenting looks like
Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
If parents want you to act the way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad child’ is a shame tactic to control you
There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
But how do they meet? And how quickly do they find out about the other’s nature?
When you spend your childhood learning how to hunt monsters, being told your role in life is to protect the uninitiated civilians surrounding you until your likely brutal death, some habits are hard to let go of. Even when you become the very thing you were destined to fight. You’ve learned over the past few years that not all who are monstrous are monsters and not all are monsters are monstrous. The OCS has helped with that.
You’d known of the OCS, growing up. Hunter groups were rare and ones that lasted as long as the OCS even rarer. You’re parents hadn’t approved of them. The singular hunter group that accepted human and beings that were distinctly non-human into their rank. Joined by the common cause of protecting those innocents. You’re parents had often scoffed a dismissal at the OCS for their hubris. Warning that the OCS would be betrayed by the evil it invites, one day. Despite a thousand years worth of days in which that had never happened.
You hadn’t set out to be an independant hunter. No one in their right mind would take on such a suicidal tasks. That’s rather the point, wasn’t it. After the *incident* you weren’t in your right mind. Your future was taken from you. Not with sharp teeth and spilled blood. With sharper tongues and bruised hearts. A single mistake to be met with a life time of penance. Insufficient. Just like you were. They took your destiny, took your weapons, took your safety net. But they could not take your training.
When you saw all the signs pointing out a fresh risen zombie was hunting in Woltshire you didn’t even hesitate. You’d learned about hesitating. How much it could take from you. Luckily for you salt is common. Luckier (debatable) for you, you could walk off the broken leg. And arm. And rib. And countless bloody scratches. Your clothes were not so lucky but you were old enough that your trust fund was truly yours so they were easily replaced. It was after the coven of want to be witches who were going to sacrifice a group of school children, and entire too long spent regrowing your skin, that you decided if you were going to do this (you were) that you needed specialized equipment to do so. (You didn’t, not really, but for all you were significantly harder to kill now it still hurt. Mostly, it was so much less effective and you didn’t want anyone else injured. Not because *you* were too slow.)
That’s when you meet Mary. Some two bit gun runner in Spain offhandedly mentions your not the only ‘hunter’ seeking special gear. You make a mental note to avoid any of his other clients, just in case. Far too likely they’ll decide your their next target than that they’ll let you go. Not that you’d blame them. You’ve yet to hurt an innocent. So far. You can recall hours of learning that shows you it’s only a matter of time. You’re success at avoiding this other hunter. You know how they think. It’s how you think.
Then you stumble across a wraith demon. Not a demonic. Not a fell visitor. A full on demon. You only know because your senses are more attuned then they were as a human. You’re half certain if you were still human you would have missed it, would have dismissed this as a bad human. Not a possessed human. He smells off. He smells off and you don’t know how because you’ve been avoiding your changed nature so hard you failed to train your new senses. Another failure lays at your feet. And penance, the only penance for it, must be stopping this wraith demon the only way you can.
You don’t have to equipment to fight a demonic creature. Divinium would be best but that’s rarer than phoenix eggs. (You’re family has exactly one knife of pure divinium and one sword with a divinium edge. The knife is the weapon they are proudest of in their collection.) Failing that certain religious iconography can affect demonics. Hopefully one can even affect a wraith demon. If only you had a contact within the Church. Or, well, anywhere really. You need back up. It’s not even a matter of this is a suicide mission alone. It’s a matter of you could die and have absolutely no impact of the wraith demon. It is with great reluctance that you ask your gun runner to arrange a meeting with his other hunter client.
She’s not stupid. She comes with back up. Which is a great first sign. Her body language is all confident contained violence and her eyes are open, assessing. You like her immediately. (Would you have if not for that other set of instincts weighing upon your mind?) Your in public so she’s not in her full hunting kit. Again, another good sign that she still pays attention to blending in. What she is wearing is good quality and well looked after. Worn just a bit, just enough that human you may not have noticed (you would have, your mind was the only area you could reasonably out preform those you hunted).
“You Beatrice?” Her voice is brisk but not without care. Her back up, lurking far enough away in the dark human eyes would have only seen a blend of shadows, keeps the scope of their gun trained diligently on you. You wonder if they looked for your back up. If they thought less of you for not having any.
“I am,” you agree. You gesture at the other empty chair at your table. “Please, have a seat.”
She sits, body half turned to the entrance. Ready to fight or run as needed. “You can call me Shotgun Mary.” She must see the pinched look in your eyes at her moniker because she laughs. “Or Mary if you must.”
You nod. “If that’s comfortable for you, it would be my preference.”
She chuckles again good naturally. “You wanted a meeting?”
No more time being wasted with meaningless pleasantries. Good. “I did. I’ve come across something I cannot handle on my own. I don’t know that you’ll have resources for it either,” you caution, “but I find myself bereft of other resources.” You’re aware you sound uncomfortably formal. You can’t help it. You need her help. (You kind of want her to like you.)
“You gonna tell me what it is or you wanna dance around it some more?” Mary questions gently. You can tell she’s been in this long enough to have learned some things are harder to address than others.
Asking her to take a leap of faith that your right and this isn’t a trap is something you are particularly loath to do. Even before the incident. “I have found a,” you wet your lips in unbearable display of nervousness and unconsciously drop your voice, “wraith demon.” You scan her eyes, wondering if she heard you. If she believes you.
A vampire flashes into the cafe and your halfway up, knife in hand, when you notice that Mary didn’t flinch at all due to the vampiric display. You flick your eyes into the dark street and see Mary’s backup in gone. No, not gone. Pulling out a chair from the table beside yours with a squeal that makes you flinch. You sit back down, sliding your knife back but keeping your hand close. Mary’s eyes watch you patiently, her own hands dropped under the table and likely gripping her own weapons. A gun, likely, based on her moniker. Probably not silver shot. More things respond poorly to much cheaper shot like cold iron. Unless they knew what you were and came prepared. “You saw her,” Mary says knowingly.
She gives away more than you think she intended. They didn’t expect you to see the vampire in the dark shadows of the street. They thought you were human. They know you’re not now, even if they don’t know how. They work with vampires. Which means either Mary and her back up are independents, like you, or they’re part of either the Coalition or OCS. If they’re Coalition then Mary is human, because she’s not vampire and the Coalition works with only humans or vampires. The vampire smells mostly like you’d notice as a human. Just, stronger. The deep, rich smell of dirt mixed with the metallic undertone of blood. It’s not unpleasant, despite the stories she’d heard growing up. There’s a mid tone smell you’re unfamiliar with. You mind insists of describing it as the comfort of shadows, the safety of darkness. You don’t know if it’s a smell unique to this vampire or if your nose is just capable of scenting it now where it couldn’t before.
“Yes,” you admit. There is no harm in admitting that which they already know. Something you intended to admit anyway to prove you could be trusted to have found a wraith demon. “My senses are,” you search for a neutral word, “heightened.”
Mary hums. “This is my partner, Shannon. Shan, this is Beatrice.”
“A pleasure,” Beatrice says while holding out her off hand to shake. Something that would but them both in a fairly vulnerable position but something Beatrice’s upbringing insists she do when they sit so close together. Shannon takes her hand and Beatrice feels a flash of comfort from the cool of Shannon’s skin against her often too warm (now) hand.
“Sorry for the scare,” Shannon smiles congenially. “I heard what you said.” She shares a knowing look with Mary and they both catch your confusion.
“I have no proof,” you offer apologetically. “Nothing beyond what my own senses have experienced.” You know it’s a paltry amount of proof. Painfully insufficient. Perhaps you’ll use that as a title of your memoir should you ever write one.
“Why’d you come to me about it?” Mary asks, voice even. You can hear something beyond it and again curse your avoidance of your non-human traits. With training you might be able to figure out what’s going on beyond what you can see.
You look down at the table for a moment before meeting Mary’s eyes as unflinchingly as possible. “I don’t know anyone else.” Unsaid but you suspect not unheard is that there’s no one else *you* could go to. No one just stumbles into this life, this world beneath. Not if they plan to survive. “I couldn’t just, just let it hurt people.” And now your begging. Great.
Mary and Shannon share another significant look, micro expressions flashing quickly in silent communication. Shannon turns to you with a grin so wide her fangs peak out. “Well, guess it’s your lucky day. We’re with the OCS and we’re here to help.”
Turns out the OCS was the perfect place to ask for help against demons. It was something of a speciality for them. You wonder why you never knew that. If they were just so good at keeping that quiet or if your family intentionally downplayed their strengths. After that first wraith demon you were officially offered a chance to join the OCS. You take it. You expect to find a cause worth fighting for. Your surprised to find a family too.
You spend years with your new family. Fighting for innocents against those that would harm them. You still have moments with the OCS where the hatred you were ingrained with comes bubbling to the surface. Most of those are no more than small pauses while you incorporate a new understanding of an old subject. Shannon and Mother Superion, the OCS’s base leader, are both vampires. Mary is actually part dwarf. Lilith has a Snoligoster ancestry she’s still figuring out (which is all sorts of terrifying after meeting Lilith). Camila, who joins after you but is no less loyal or driven, has jinn somewhere not to far away in her family tree. Humans are vastly outnumbered by non-humans in the OCS. You are able to overcome those internalizes hatred’s for your new family. You just haven’t quite figured out how to extend the same compassion towards yourself.
Perhaps it’s due to some, deeper, fundamental part of your nature. You are wilder. Less controllable. Shannon and Mother Superion come the closest to empathizing. They were driven by impulses they could hardly control for years when they were first turned. Of course, that was many years before they met you. You can logically acknowledge they must have felt similarly but you can’t emotionally convince yourself it’s true. There are other vampires in the OCS, at other chapters. None younger than Shannon.
All vampires at the OCS were turned by Adriel. An ancient vampire whose death was the sole purpose of the OCS. An incredibly powerful being with control over demons. He passes along some unique traits to all his descendants. Traits that make OCS’s vampires among the most powerful and deadly in the world. You’re a little confused at how he can still be turning vampires when he’s, supposedly, been locked away since the OCS was first founded. You become significantly less confused when a hunt goes bad. Very bad. Bad enough that Shannon’s perforated by divinium shrapnel and half feral trying to heal it. You’re too busy fighting off armed gunmen to hear the whole conversation but you manage to hear Shannon whispering at Mary to “take it out, please, you won’t survive if I-”. It’s impossibly private and you volunteer to buy them time before you hear more.
You return to Shannon dead, smelling of so much blood and earth and Shannon. To the heavy uncertainty if she’s truly dead or the coma dead of a healing vampire. To a grief stricken Mary wondering if she’s just lost the love of her life. To an apologetic Camila and an angry Lilith. To secrets you didn’t realize existed until your not invited to understand why your family is breaking in front of you. Mother Superion enforces a week long break while the healers look into Shannon’s state. Mary stays, because she’d never leave Shannon. Lilith stay too, to look for something no one wants to tell you about. Camila stays to help Lilith in apology for loosing it.
So basically it’s only you that leaves. Fine.
Fine.
You hadn’t realized how much time training and fighting had taken up in your day until suddenly it doesn’t. What are you supposed to do with sixteen unscheduled hours? You decide to do the tourist thing in the city you’ve been living in for nearly three years now. Somehow, you’d never had the time before now. The museums are gorgeous and inspiring and oddly repetitive after three. The bars are not gorgeous or inspiring and repetitive after two. You probably should have just gone home after the museum tours instead of trying to be ‘normal’ by going to a bar. It wasn’t even like you drank there. You’d never risk your self control like that.
The sun has dipped over the horizon, only the yellow orange glow of street lights make it bright enough to see. You wander for a bit, wondering if it’s you or the creature inside you that feels restless. You smell her before you see her. See her before you see them. You’ve been training you sense of smell. Embarrassing as it is to be able to tell when your comrades have been canoodling with nothing but a sniff. Half way down an alleyway you catch the soothing scent of dirt, the sharper scent of blood, the soothing smell of darkness. Vampire. Judging by the lingering scent of death, a new one. You follow the trail, waiting to sniff out this vampire’s sire. Wanting to reassure yourself that a new vampire hasn’t been left utterly unattended in a heavily populated urban area. Movement in front of you draws you eye.
She’s magnetic. The smile on her face, the curiosity in her eyes. The way she approaches everything like it’s a new present just for her, just waiting for her to unwrap it. She trails her hand along everything she can reach, rough stone, cool metal, smooth glass, the warm arms of people who walk too close. She embodies herself and it takes you an embarrassingly long time to realize this girl who is so alive and in love with life is the vampire you were following.
The newly raised vampire with no sire anywhere around her. The newly raised vampire with a pack of human men fanning out behind her with lethal intentionality. Idiotic human men with no understanding that in this confrontation they won’t be the predator, they’re about to be the prey. Part of you (a mean part that you worry comes from your human half) is tempted to let them spring their trap and reap their unplanned rewards. The other part (the part that’s spent a lifetime saving people) couldn’t bear to wonder how she’d feel if her first introduction to her new state is a collection of bodies around her. You can imagine it all too well (even if you knew your bodies were as guilty as hers).
The men call out to her, asking if she’s ok. She turns to them with wide eyed wonder. “I think I might be dead,” she says. They hesitate and you, fool that you are, decide that you can’t stand to see her smile destroyed. You step forward.
i just binged warrior nun season 1 and its mostly ur fault (i did want to watch it originally but life and procrastination and what year is it?) and i'm grateful and i need to sleep now, but also i didnt need more characters to rotate in my brain but they are There now and since most of my current thinking space is monster romance i now have on one hand: werewolf beatrice and on the other: mermaid ava so my hands are full and its because of u so u get to hear about it ;)
beatrice from a monster hunter family, the family disgrace after letting herself get bitten by a werewolf.. being removed from the family business, living a mundane life as best she can, removing herself from the city for the full moon. ava as a newly turned vampire - done by someone careless? - who is stoked to be alive but lowkey devastated that she can’t go into the sun. doesn’t know all that much about vampires. hates that she can’t take the lords name in vain anymore bc it was one of her favourite swears. seemingly unconcerned by her own monstrosity. seemingly delighted by beatrice’s monstrosity (just delighted by bea in general but bea is determined to misunderstand ofc)
Beatrice & the horror of losing control over herself. beatrice & the acknowledgement of monstrosity, of being pushed out pushed away despised reviled by the people who she had worked so hard to be worthy of. Beatrice, who prides herself on control & measured reactions, measured wants, who meters out her life like she has to ration it, make it last
ava, hungry for life, for blood, for everything & anything delicious she can get her hands on. spoiled, selfish, greedy maybe. but why not? the heightened reflexes the heightened awareness. the decadence of being alive. the heat of blood the lure of it. the kindness the joy the laughter the exuberance the drive of her.. she wants to sink her fangs into the world & drink her fill
Oh my god! That makes so much sense! In the scene’s with Vincent they’re in that side room then go through that hallway to the bedroom where Ava lays on the bed while using the crown. That’s exactly where Bea is coming from. They are definitely still sharing a room (and bed).

So I’ve seen people talking about this scene. Some argue she’s checking to see if the light will burn but come on, why she caressing the sheets like that if that’s the case? Makes no sense.
The argument that this is where Bea would sleep is a lot more plausible. Especially since this scene comes shortly after Ava asked Bea to run away with her. That’s all the convincing I need.
Now, I’ve also seen people suggest that maybe they’ve continued to share a room here since they got used to it in Switzerland. Some people have pointed out that there are a couple times, like when Vincent is in the room, where Bea just marches in no hesitation.
But I think this right here is stronger evidence

I’ve seen poeple talking about how Ava barely looks surprised to see Bea standing there.
When I first saw this, I assumed Ava was storming out, as in out of the room. But she’s actually storming into the bedroom. Where Bea just came from.
It’s implied there’s an exterior door in the bedroom as well but like, either Bea was already in there, or she just straight up walked into the bedroom. No knock. No hello. Just directly into the room where they sleep.
Ok, but now I’m not done with it. Because Bea shows up from outside. Where the plague fog is causing hallucinations. It’d be entirely reasonable to not wander around looking for a kidnapped Ava. But Bea does it anyway. And Ava (with Michael) have intentionally been on the move. To get away from Adriel’s people. They are ‘hiding’ in the one place they probably shouldn’t be. And Bea finds Ava anyway.
Ava has no way of knowing how long it’s been other than probably not a day. Then not only does Bea come strolling up, she fights her way though a room full of possessed people (makes a bee line straight for Ava) just to stand beside her. Because Bea is the type to carefully calculate odds before engaging. She’s the level headed second in command. She’s just willfully tossing that away because Ava needs her. She’s the epitome of responding to Ava’s “you know, you don’t need to save me” with “no, I’m gonna”.
Bea’s peak chivalrous lesbian and I love her for it.

i love this hug so much. they just like, slam into each other. like it’s inevitable. like they can’t help it. and there’s so much relief on ava’s face and you can see how she just breathes out cos bea’s there
Can we talk how this scene was shot too? I’m not that knowledgeable about cinematography but we can see this continuing theme of certain things highlighted, certain things low lighted, and shadows surrounding them. It’s a stylistic choice that represents what they are doing verbally. Speaking of things plainly (”I’m not her”), referencing but not saying others (I’m not a fighter), and intentionally not even pointing out some points (I’m not good enough). Plus there’s the camera angles. Moving around them, peaking at them from the corners. Gives it a very sneaking around in high school feel. It adds to the sense of them sharing things. Choosing to share things just with each other. Of things not share but still allowed to be there in the dark.
Daily avatrice analysis (day 2)
Hello and welcome to day 2!
I love to see you guys adding on to my analysis! please keep doing that, agree with me, fight with me, whatever you wanna say, let's talk about avatrice together :))))
So
Season 1 Ep 3 (yes im doing this in chronological order cause why not)
ah yes the first breakthrough of avatrice
where we got some actual interaction between the two
(surprise is still not the canteen scene lol)

But here Bea said “and if she dies?” does indicate there is some level of empathy from Bea
Since she no longer view Ava as just the mission, then a actual person after seeing her
here we can see that Bea took the more soft and suggestive approach(compared to lilith which is more demanding) to calm Ava down
Further suggesting there has been a change in Bea’s attitude towards Ava(as shown in the gif below)

which leads to the first time they interacted one on one(yesss is the canteen scene)
Bear in mind that this scene happened after she sparred with(pissed off)Lilith and mother superion
She is starting to pick up that the members of the OCS didn't exactly give her the warm welcome, making this interaction more heartwarming in a way
It just makes so much sense that Beatrice is the one who welcomed Ava into the OCS
If I have to guess why
must be because this is how Beatrice feel when she first arrive to the boarding school her parents shipped her to
an outcast, the odd one out of the bunch, someone who stands out
and she doesn't want Ava to experience what she hand been through
so she decided to be the one who welcome her and try to help her fit in
Which Ava gladly accepted(I mean who wouldn’t is Bea we are talking about here)
now back to the scene

(this is kinda out of topic but NO ONE sits with Bea??? How??? Where is camila??)
reasons why I think Ava does this assessment thing and why is it important:
a. from being quadriplegic she quite literally had to intact with people by observing them since she can’t initiate the interaction with physical contact
b. confirming the avatrice endgame agenda (Bea was saving the sit for ava, and giving of friendly vibes because she wanna help/get to know ava more)
Father Simon did say that they planned Avatrice from this start so
c.she took inspiration from shows she watched and she recognize the trope(potential love interest trying to subtly interact with main protagonist)
(you can't tell me this is not what happeded lol)
anyway

Starting of a conversation with a joking manner, classic Ava silva
which were met with Bea trying to ground her to reality/truth that is Ava needs to start seeing the bigger picture here
Bea your logical is showing
Bea countering Ava’s attempts to underestimate the situation with logical explanations we love to see it
To be fair Ava is just trying to lighten the mood which is understandable but is not what Bea and rest of the OCS sees
OCS saw Ava as someone who was unfit to bear the Halo, which yeah I kinda have to agree with the OCS
but Ava’s weakness(? is also her strength
her out of the box mindset is literally what saved the world in s2
the OCS needed someone with a fresh pair of eyes
normally that would be Mary
but with Ava being the new kid in town, the collective dislike towards people/ideas that are solar opposites to the religious traditional cathlic values that OCS follows went to her instead
(okay i'm getting off topic again back to avatrice

This is where Ava realized that shit is real
People have died(Rip Shannon
Now is not the time to take things lightly
So being the kind hearted kid that she is
She asks Bea what’s Shannon like
As a way to try to comfort Bea

Really love the way Ava is looking at Bea while she is reminiscing her first encounter with Shannon
Moments like these reminds me how kid like Ava is
Yeah sure she’s an adult(19 years old is still young as hell btw, as a fellow 19 year old)
But because of what happened to her
The child like behavior never fades into adult responsibilities
The way Ava looks at Bea like a kid listening to their parents telling them stories is just ughhhhh
(Plus Alba had no reason looking this good
Avatrice really said:

Anyway the conversation ends with Bea and Ava bonding over being the odd one and Bea encouraging her to give OCS a shot
okay thats a lot of words what the hell
so i think i'm going to continue the first avatrice hug and that hallway scene tmr
stay tuned for ep 3 part 2 :)