This One Goes Out To All The Star Trek Fans.

This one goes out to all the Star Trek fans.

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It’s cool, Ari … I’ve got this one under control.

So, How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Um … so, what is a woodchuck, exactly? You might know it by its more common name: a groundhog. That’s right, a woodchuck, or Marmota monax, is a solitary rodent of the marmot family also known by the flattering names “land-beaver” and “whistle-pig”. “What’s a marmot?” you may be asking … well, I can’t do everything for you. May the Google be with you.

Woodchucks/groundhogs live in underground burrows, and when they aren’t busy determining the patterns of wintertime meteorology via shadow analysis, they do a lot of digging. It’s the digging that’s important in this question. 

See, “chucking” is, for some reason, often confused in people’s minds with “chewing”. The actual meaning of “chuck” is to throw something carelessly or casually. What we really want to know is how much wood could a whistle-pig carelessly throw if a land-beaver could carelessly throw wood?

Luckily, we can come up with a number for that. New York wildlife expert Richard Thomas reported that a woodchuck could tossingly excavate up to 700 pounds of dirt while digging out a burrow. If we assume that’s the most intense chucking that the groundhog undertakes, then we merely need to replace dirt with wood.

So the answer is 700 pounds.

On another note, if you’d like to impress your friends, ask them this question in Latin: Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

who was the roundest knight at king arthur’s round table

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

Barry Petchesky

As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.

Sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear: KEY BUTTON HOT WAX PLASTIC DART PIECE OF PAPER "TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN" WOOD SCREWDRIVER PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW ERASER FLY RUBBER BAND KNIFE

Nose: DIXIE CUP HAIR BARRETT "TWO KITCHEN MAGNETS IN EACH NOSTRIL" COLORING PENCIL NICKEL WAD OF TOILET TISSUE MARDI GRAS BEAD SMALL TOY PIECE OF PLASTIC HANGER PICK-UP STICK "BB PELLETS WHILE TRYING A MAGIC TRICK" SCREW STICKER CRUCIFIX BATTERY TOY DIAMOND "A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

Throat: LEMON SEED MAXI PAD CHECKER THIMBLE THUMBTACK BUTTERFLY PLASTIC TOY GUN STAPLE KEYCHAIN RING NAIL MODEL TOY AIRPLANE

Penis: SPOON PLASTIC ZIP TIE FORKS ORNAMENT "PIECE OF TIMBER" PEN SODA CAN POP TOP

Vagina: BEDPOST "WAS DARED TO PUT A COSMETICS BOTTLE IN VAGINA" TOY MICROPHONE STAND SPOON "COCK RING THAT BECAME DISLODGED" METAL BAR 2 SPONGES PIECE OF BASKETBALL SHORTS SEWING NEEDLES "PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING" HAIRSPRAY CAP TUB STOPPER "12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"

Rectum: FRENCH BREAD HAND WRENCH CIGARETTE LIGHTER CRAYON "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED" VIAL OF BATH SALTS ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH DRUM STICK VINEGAR BOTTLE LOTION BOTTLE MOUTHWASH BOTTLE SHAMPOO BOTTLE BABY BOTTLE "LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

This surprisingly lovely little orange is being illuminated from the inside by a lightbulb powered by the orange itself. That’s right, it’s an orange battery:

“The electricity powering the lightbulb inside the orange is generated through a chemical reaction between citric acid and the zinc nails inserted into each wedge.”

The beautiful orange battery was built by photographer Caleb Charland (previously posted here) as part of an ongoing project using pieces of produce and other objects as light sources for his long-exposure photography. Pretty awesome stuff. 

“…but before you start work on a bunch of orange lights to keep on the nightstand, the light generated was so dim this particular photograph required a 14 hour exposure.”

Visit Caleb Charland’s website to view of his wonderful photographic work.

[via Colossal]