Don't Tell Me You Love Me And Then Try To Control Me.

Don't tell me you love me and then try to control me.

- Sequoia Red

There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares.

Richelle E. Goodrich (via perfect)

Weww...my heart just skipped a beat reading this.

The production team asked Rain why he never talked about his past in detail.  Rain explained, “People used to think of me as a proper and charismatic person, but one day, those thoughts became distorted.  However, I did not think that this was unfair. Even if it were unfair, I did not want to show this.  I thought that whatever I did, I should just endure it, thinking that the truth would be revealed at some time or another.”

He continued, “It is not like I could just be applauded forever.  There has to be ups and downs.  Long ago, I used to think, ‘What am I doing,’ but these days, I accept good criticism and I let other criticisms like ‘I just don’t like you’ go in one ear and out the other." Rain said, "I am working harder for those people who love me.  The public are my parents.  They gave birth to me and allowed me to eat and live.  The people who created me as ‘Rain’ are the Korean fans.  They definitely have the right to criticize me and they also have the right to like and love me because I have enjoyed a lot of happiness over the years.”

Is it worse to be alone with no one, or feel alone surround by people?

Is there even a comparison?

I have family. A mother and father, a sister and brother. And I love them dearly. But I feel alone. Sometimes when I am with them, I question if they are even aware of my existence. I am not sure they can even see me unless they have some sort of insult to sling. I am my families punch line.

When I feel low and I need someone to talk to. I have no one. Except my siblings. I regret contacting them every time. As when I am low. It is as if it excites them. So they push me lower. And it surprises me every time. I am always so sure they will see my desperation. See the pain in my eyes that i usually hide.

I think about running away. But I have no where to go. I think about it every day. 

I wonder if I move away where they can't get to me easily, will I be happy that I am safe from their prison? Or will I finally be thankful that I am alive to see that day where I can breathe and feel safe that I am living on my terms. And my wounds finally have time to heal, will I feel hopeful?

man I can't write today. nothing poetic about those words. I've lost it.

- Sequoia Red

Sometimes I wish, my mind wouldn't allow me to dream. Waking up is the hardest, as you visit me only in my dreams, that's only 8hrs a day.

Sequoia Red