Sequoiared - Tumblr Posts
Point.
"Loving anyone is a curse, because you love them too much to leave them behind. And hate them enough to consistently think about it so much you are sure one day love won't matter...and you'll just go and you won't feel anything as you've loved to the point of numbing."
- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red) "Working on a novel...here's a snippet) @feelsgoodtogasp)
Uninhabited cluster. I wonder if Jesus ever felt like this? open. vast. loneliness. So much uninhabited space, empty and yet an incredible amount of clustered pain. frustration. confusion. uneasiness. anxiousness… I have a mother and a father, under the same roof. A sister and brother, who moved 386km away because that is how far their hearts and minds desire to live from mine... But I am...alone...abandoned...’ (via - Sequoia Red)
-- Sequoia Red
“My family, they ‘love’ me But neglect me and consistently beat out my passion, inspiration, self-belief And are usually quite successful As I have grown tired. I have to learn to not need the love of people. To just accept that when it comes to ‘that…’I am alone. When I cry for hours, they can’t hear and when I am in unimaginable pain, it seeps through my pores They still cannot see it. They cannot feel it Unless it is their own And even if I beg them to try They choose not to It’s time for me to go, to be fearful To shudder, And ignore it.”
- Sequoia Red
I am so tired of not having control, being led by someone else's gravity pull. Will I ever live life for me?
- Sequoia Red
I have a love. And as strong as it is inside of me. It is not enough to help me. Help me survive help me make it. I find myself confused. Still lost. Still unable to communicate how I truly feel.
- Sequoia Red (taken from poem Why is it?)
I try to speak. Assuming with you I am safe. I made a mistake of forgetting my voice is noise to you and trying to prove that point, hurting me is comical…laughter for your own pain. Sequoiared.tumblr.com
Sequoia Red
"I do not exist. My words without meaning. The inspiration for living slowly diminishes. As each second passes...The air I breathe... Vanishes. Goes unnoticed. The sound of my feet walking Goes unheard. My name Unheard of."
- Sequoia Red
I hate how I feel today. And it's for the exact same reasons. My family. The only people in my life break my heart, my spirit, and tear at my self-esteem...on top of that the strangers who enter my life and try to do the same. But my spirit has survived still. My heart may be full of nails, but it is still passionate.
- Sequoia Red (http://www.sequoiared.tumblr.com
When life makes a fool out of you with catastrophe and tears you down. When part of that includes people coming in to your life and uprooting you. Hang tight. Fight.
- Sequoia Red
All this time I wanted to save myself. But I am so tired. I just want out. I wish heroes were real. I wish I could be my own hero.
Sequoia Red
Ever since the doctor said he found something which may be cancerous or benign, you're telling me now you 'care,' when my life is on the line? Death is now what makes me worthy?
- Sequoia Red
There's no place I belong. I go through everyday feeling uncomfortable and out of place.
Sequoia Red
"I understand why I must be a misfit. everywhere. Even my own home--within my own family. But why must I also lack the ability to solve my problems...to fix anything and no chance and no one other than myself. A stray weed peeking between rocks..."
- Sequoia Red [snippet from UNDERSTOOD]
I am apologetic to my family for being sick and unable to fix it. For making so many mistakes I couldn't be rid of them or them of me. For wanting so badly to save them and being incapable of doing so when they so much deserved to live a day to just breathe and smile. For not living through experiences. Not following my heart. I'm sorry.
- Sequoia Red [snippet from Apology]
I wish I could understand, what I did wrong to make me so much unlike everyone and be punished in a way that makes my bones and soul ache.
- Sequoia Red
In the Negative
"I wasn't always like this... I didn't always lash out. I didn't fear pain. I never feared the unknown. I never feared my love for you I never hated you. I didn't feel like I was wronged. But you make me wrong, as if I shouldn't be here. as if I was made incorrectly, with mistakes that are undoubtedly repulsive."
Notes:*..hmmm this is unfinished. But I thought I'd share with you wonderful people. It's going to be lyrics I think. Keep hearing songs in my head these days.
I had to tell someone I love more than anything...that I can't stay.
- Sequoia Red
I think of telephone conversations with people I used to admire and yearn to speak to, only to discover they bring me nothing but pain as they only know how to love everyone else, except for me.
Sequoia Red - – taken from I’ve Tried. It Hurts
I ask myself questions pretending I’m someone else so it feels like someone cares enough to wonder why I write what I write. I’d say things like ‘I wrote such characters with trust worthiness because everyone I have ever trusted betrayed me and it hurt so badly I was sure I’d die sooner than I should. …’
- Sequoia Red - taken from [I’ve Tried. It Hurts.]