Wartezimmer - Nebelgewirr - Tumblr Blog

Just a little walk before the storm is coming.

Heute auf einer öffentlichen Toilette gesehen.

But do you really understand me?

My Morning thoughts

Time out

This summer everything feels a little bit melancholic with a sense of romance.

Stop thinking.

First time I really like my own art.

I just realised that chances, that they all hate me is high.

Someone told me that our break up wasn’t correct. Yes a little bit that’s right because I screamed at you. But I said all the things you did to me. All the harassment. But you don’t like to hear this words so you decided to create your own story of this shit. Your story only protects you from what you did.

I am sure you did this and that means that all my past friends must hate me now. This feels like I am the wrong person. I am the problem, and it costs me so much Energie to ignore all this voices.

But:

YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY POWER OVER ME!

Manchmal werden all die Stimmen so laut in meinem Kopf. Sie schreien mich an.

Jeder Versuch nicht auf sie zu hören scheitet.

Jeder Versuch realistisch zu bleiben scheitert.

Jeder Nerv in meinem Körper gribbelt.

Jedes Bild Blitzt auf.

Ich weine. Ich fühle mich ausgelaugt und wünsche mir ein Ende.

Manchmal frage ich warum ich so weiter mache. Aber ich mache es einfach. Tag für Tag und vielleicht finde ich irgendwann einen Sinn dafür.

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Sometimes all the voices get so loud in my head. They yell at me.

Any attempt not to listen to them fails.

Any attempt to remain realistic fails.

Every nerve in my body is tingling.

Every image flashes.

I'm crying. I feel exhausted and wish for an end.

Sometimes I ask why I keep doing this. But I just do it. Day by day and maybe I'll find a sense for it at some point.

Trying to believe in this words. Every-body is beautiful in there own way!

Sometimes I’m getting completely lost in my adhd dreamworld. A better world where I am accepting myself as the person I am. Here i can be free. I can love without the fear of doing anything wrong. I can discuss with people without thinking about it months later. I can say stuff that comes to my head and people aren’t mad or confused because I forgot to make a whole sentence. It’s not, that people always like that, it’s more, that I am overthinking situations because bad thinkings kick more dopamine. I can just eat when I am hungry without making 1000 of other things instead. I can jump around and just make stuff that make me happy. I can feel truly love without questioning myself in one second and creat a drama in my head in the other. Without having anxiety. Without overthinking. Without involuntary planing every step I take in my head.

Sometimes I’m just so tired of being mindful in every second. But I know I have to go one and maybe one day it will be better. Maybe I am just healing right now.

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Sorry if my english isn’t correct.

Und da ist sie wieder, die Sehnsucht nach dir. Nach einem Dasein welches nie kommen wird. Die Illusion eines besseren Seins.

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And there it is again, the longing for you. For an existence that will never come true. The illusion of a better being.

Alles dreht sich weiter nur du stehst still.