Voices In My Head - Tumblr Posts
evan hansen, probably
evan: there are voices in my head buT NOW THEYRE THE NORMAL KIND
connor: evan, please
evan: THE LOUDEST ONE IS MY crippling anxiety
Humans evolved buttcheeks to prevent them from getting suction-cupped to flat surfaces when they sat on them
It leaves you and you don't know how
You don't see your friends just shadows dancing in your mind
You do what you love what you can until you don't
The desperate call for help takes away all the joy
Nothing's real
You're not here
You're not sleeping
Not waking
Just that tantalising
Feeling of weakness
Where breaking is freedom
They want you to let go
To give up your struggle
Why hold on
When it clearly makes no sense
They try to prove you that there's nothing left
Not even yourself.
Emily Yvonne
๐ฌ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ด'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ด ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ป๐๐๐ธ๐ต๐ฏ, ๐๐ก๐๐
๐๐ท๐ญ ๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ท ๐ ๐ซ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ธ๐๐ท ๐ ๐ญ๐ธ๐ท'๐ฝ ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ธ๐น ๐พ๐ท๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ต ๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฑ ๐ช๐ป๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ธ๐พ๐ฌ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ฏ๐ฝ๐ด๐ป
I Digress
My son is nine, beautiful in the unconscious way only the young are. My son is creative and brilliant and clever and fierce; an unstoppable force of nature packaged in shorts and a tie dye shirt.
My son is nine, and voices live inside his head.
One is mean, and can speak with his mouth, the other can push a button to make him calm down.
They have names, these girls, these alien entities embedded in my son's psyche, they have names and personalities, individual characteristics and they Are. Not. Going. Away.
I always knew I would lose my son to another woman someday, I just never thought the woman would be inside his own head.
god, nothing is loud enough to stop the voices screaming
the person who loves you wouldn't make you feel like crap. the person who cares for you wouldn't make you feel like crap. the person who cherishes you wouldn't make you feel like crap.
Sometimes Iโm getting completely lost in my adhd dreamworld. A better world where I am accepting myself as the person I am. Here i can be free. I can love without the fear of doing anything wrong. I can discuss with people without thinking about it months later. I can say stuff that comes to my head and people arenโt mad or confused because I forgot to make a whole sentence. Itโs not, that people always like that, itโs more, that I am overthinking situations because bad thinkings kick more dopamine. I can just eat when I am hungry without making 1000 of other things instead. I can jump around and just make stuff that make me happy. I can feel truly love without questioning myself in one second and creat a drama in my head in the other. Without having anxiety. Without overthinking. Without involuntary planing every step I take in my head.
Sometimes Iโm just so tired of being mindful in every second. But I know I have to go one and maybe one day it will be better. Maybe I am just healing right now.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
Sorry if my english isnโt correct.
Manchmal werden all die Stimmen so laut in meinem Kopf. Sie schreien mich an.
Jeder Versuch nicht auf sie zu hรถren scheitet.
Jeder Versuch realistisch zu bleiben scheitert.
Jeder Nerv in meinem Kรถrper gribbelt.
Jedes Bild Blitzt auf.
Ich weine. Ich fรผhle mich ausgelaugt und wรผnsche mir ein Ende.
Manchmal frage ich warum ich so weiter mache. Aber ich mache es einfach. Tag fรผr Tag und vielleicht finde ich irgendwann einen Sinn dafรผr.
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Sometimes all the voices get so loud in my head. They yell at me.
Any attempt not to listen to them fails.
Any attempt to remain realistic fails.
Every nerve in my body is tingling.
Every image flashes.
I'm crying. I feel exhausted and wish for an end.
Sometimes I ask why I keep doing this. But I just do it. Day by day and maybe I'll find a sense for it at some point.