This Summer Everything Feels A Little Bit Melancholic With A Sense Of Romance.

This summer everything feels a little bit melancholic with a sense of romance.

I just realised that chances, that they all hate me is high.

Someone told me that our break up wasn’t correct. Yes a little bit that’s right because I screamed at you. But I said all the things you did to me. All the harassment. But you don’t like to hear this words so you decided to create your own story of this shit. Your story only protects you from what you did.

I am sure you did this and that means that all my past friends must hate me now. This feels like I am the wrong person. I am the problem, and it costs me so much Energie to ignore all this voices.

But:

YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY POWER OVER ME!

Manchmal werden all die Stimmen so laut in meinem Kopf. Sie schreien mich an.

Jeder Versuch nicht auf sie zu hören scheitet.

Jeder Versuch realistisch zu bleiben scheitert.

Jeder Nerv in meinem Körper gribbelt.

Jedes Bild Blitzt auf.

Ich weine. Ich fühle mich ausgelaugt und wünsche mir ein Ende.

Manchmal frage ich warum ich so weiter mache. Aber ich mache es einfach. Tag für Tag und vielleicht finde ich irgendwann einen Sinn dafür.

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Sometimes all the voices get so loud in my head. They yell at me.

Any attempt not to listen to them fails.

Any attempt to remain realistic fails.

Every nerve in my body is tingling.

Every image flashes.

I'm crying. I feel exhausted and wish for an end.

Sometimes I ask why I keep doing this. But I just do it. Day by day and maybe I'll find a sense for it at some point.

Und da ist sie wieder, die Sehnsucht nach dir. Nach einem Dasein welches nie kommen wird. Die Illusion eines besseren Seins.

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And there it is again, the longing for you. For an existence that will never come true. The illusion of a better being.

Alles dreht sich weiter nur du stehst still.