. Choi Soobin - Tumblr Posts

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ huge hearts and 52-hertz.

Regretting what had led you to this point in your life: you reach out to the one person you know would understand you and what you’d lost.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 4k ✧ angst , fluff , choi soobin x reader

There was a split second before the feeling caught the memory— a small haven of neutrality that was quickly followed by a headlong crash into recognition.

The crashing of the waves in front of you served as some sort of comfort, the moonlight bouncing off of the waters simultaneously reflecting the light in your heart as you waited anxiously with bated breath.

The light of hope that he would come to see you, despite the severed ties.

Your mind pulls him to the foreground like a snapped rubber band and you find yourself combing through all the memories you could gather as if they were slipping through your fingers with the passage of time.

And you think of the line he drew in the sand, both figuratively and literally.

The first time you had walked the beach together, there were things written in the sand. Things that you’ve since forgotten over the years but the memory of how your heart seemed to jump never wavered.

Now there was a line drawn that you can't seem to put a foot past, no matter how hard your mind tells you to fight against it.

Instead, you sat on the same beach you shared many memories on prior and found yourself tracing hearts in the sand yourself, only for them to be washed away by the waves that brush against your feet.

The night was just as cold as the water and you shivered slightly, pulling your knees closer to you. After the hearts were washed away for the third time, you decided to give up on them.

Did you ever give up on him? If you did, surely you wouldn’t be sitting where you were.

That line he drew like a tripwire, you found yourself afraid of the damage but you knew you couldn’t keep standing still as you watched the distance between you grow further and further.

The urgency in your voice must have been hard for him to miss because it wasn’t long until you heard the shuffle of footsteps in the sand and felt it being kicked up behind you.

The air was tense but you didn’t need to question who it was because the warmth of his heavy coat being placed on your shoulders and his familiar scent was answer enough.

And the world falls away and you're exactly where you were on the last night you saw him, when he had his hands in your hair and his chin on top of your head as he hugged you and he never said a word about leaving.

The silence then was much more comfortable than it is now.

“It’s a little late for a walk on the beach.” Finally breaking the silence, you didn’t bother to look as he sat down next to you. The distance between you felt excruciatingly farther than it had ever been before.

“Haha,” your voice was laced with sarcasm yet he still gave you a tight lipped smile.

It took everything in you to claw against the instinct to turn and look at him, knowing that the tenderness in his eyes alone would bring you to tears.

“You look different,” his awkward attempt to break the silence made you laugh and you rolled your eyes.

You knew that Soobin wasn’t usually one for emotional talks so his presence alone was enough to warm your heart.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel things, but he preferred to stick to his own devices when dealing with his emotions.

He was very unlike you. Maybe that’s why things ended up how they did.

“You look pretty.” You were quick to swallow the lump in your throat and take in a deep breath, that familiar jump in your heart seemed to take the helm.

“How have you been?” Your voice came out quiet and defeated, for the first time in months, Soobin couldn’t pretend that he didn’t understand why.

It was difficult to be in a relationship and watch your partner go further and further in their own life while you felt stuck. The fact that time could never slow down for you— never afford you one moment of peace together where you didn’t have to worry about falling behind.

His heart broke for you.

“I’ve been… alright. Schedules keep me busy.” It seemed like he was proceeding with caution, almost as if he was scared his words would break you.

You laughed.

“You don’t have to hold back, I’m fine. I can afford to be sad without wanting to end it all, you know?”

The sigh of relief he let out didn’t slip past you and you shook your head, looking down at the sand. Stuck together through the wetness of the water but ultimately, it would be torn apart and washed away regardless.

“I’m glad.. you’re okay. I’m fine, too. I was just worried about you. We haven’t talked in a while and it’s really late to be out at night. You should be more careful.”

Finally you found it in you to face him. Before you could open your mouth, he continued.

“It’s not your fault we haven’t spoken. It’s mine.”

Your mouth closed and you furrowed your eyebrows together in confusion.

He wasn’t necessarily wrong, you had even felt that way once you realized he had begun to distance himself. There was never once a moment in your mind that you could find to excuse why he had begun to disappear from your life.

It just happened, as it always does.

“How’s the band?” He smiled at you again and suddenly the air felt new again.

“Good, they’re… good. They miss you too, you know. Beomgyu has been giving me absolute hell, talking my ear off. Says he misses his vacation partner more than I miss my ex.”

The word ex hurt to hear directly from him but it couldn’t be helped— that was the proper label for your relationship now. Reality had begun to sunk in and all of the time spent, all of the distance traveled ultimately led to that word.

You weren’t each other’s anymore.

“Yeah.” You let out a deep breath and turned back toward the waters, they seemed much calmer now.

“I’d give anything to be stuck on a plane with Gyu for a few hours again.”

Soobin raised an eyebrow at you and leaned back, his hands propped up behind him in the sand. “He’d just be asleep. It’d be a ride full of snoring.”

You shrugged.

“It’s the time spent together that matters.” He only hummed in response.

The two of you sat in each other’s presence for the first time in months, the first time without the lingering question of ‘what are we?’ hanging over your heads and just existed.

It was nice, until it wasn’t.

“How are you really, Y/N?”

The same way the memories of him and your relationship were tossed at you the moment your feet touched the sand, it felt like that rubber band inside of you had snapped again as you felt your eyes well up with tears.

You were quick to blink them away but Soobin had noticed the change of your breathing pattern and frowned.

“I swear I’m okay—”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.”

Frustration bubbled in you before you remembered that you had brought this upon yourself. The fact of the matter was, you wanted to tell him.

That small light of hope inside of you wanted to tell him how your life was going as you’d done hundreds of times before, and you found yourself praying that he’d hold you in his arms the same way he had before.

“I could sit here for hours, and detail every single worry and anxiety that I’ve had all throughout my life. I could go through every second of my life, and remember exactly where I felt what emotion, but no matter how in-depth I go I still feel like no one will ever truly understand me.”

The sudden confession had him sitting up and shifting his body to face you fully, a sign to show you that he was listening.

The small smile that spread on your face made his own heart skip a beat. You appreciated his efforts.

“I know that that sounds… super corny or that I’m trying to be mysterious but at the end of the day, I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand you and what you go through as much as you can understand yourself, you know?”

“Getting close to that feeling of understanding is very hard and… sometimes it feels completely impossible but when I’m with you, I find that I don’t have to worry about feeling understood. I just am.”

The urge to cry seemed to overtake you and a tear managed to slip past your defenses as you cleared your throat, straightening your posture with a deep breath.

Soobin’s hand twitched at his side as he debated on grabbing yours to comfort you.

The last thing he wanted was to give you any false hope, so he didn’t.

“And I know that you don’t like when people cry in front of you and you’re probably gonna make fun of me. You’re probably going to laugh but I think… I need to hear your laugh..? Just to serve as some strange reminder that you still exist.”

If it weren’t for your shaky breaths and confession, there was always a small chance that he couldn’t tell you were crying.

But when you turned to face him once more and the streaks on your cheeks were revealed by the moonlight, it was unavoidable.

“I exist.”

All he could do was echo the words back to you as you smiled.

Despite what the rational part of his mind was telling him from before, he found himself ready to reach out and grab your hand.

He only stopped when you had already brought yourself to hold his.

“I guess with time, I realized that you helped me deconstruct whatever weird, hatred and bitterness I had towards the world and slowly, without me even realizing it— you replaced it with love.”

During the course of your relationship, Soobin had learned everything there was to learn about you. The same was true for you, as well.

When you spend so many years together, completely inseparable, the slips of truth and peeks into your soul were inevitable.

To know someone so intimately, to become one and the same.

“I always felt like when you’d kiss me, whatever sickness was in me slowly washed away and all I felt was sweetness.”

The noisy song of cicadas served to fill the silence as you took the time to catch your breath.

There were a few thoughts running through Soobin’s mind and as he did his best to follow the thread you had given him to somehow find out what conclusion you were trying to reach, he found himself resonating with anything you said.

Maybe his love for you could make anything you say sound reasonable.

“I found myself wondering if I’d be able to keep that sweetness in me without you, or if I’d just become bitter all over again.”

Your voice wavered a bit with the hesitancy to be honest, as if you were somehow admitting to a crime.

Soobin found that sentiment ridiculous. You weren’t guilty of anything, you were just in love.

“That sweetness wasn’t from me, it was always in you.”

Maybe it was the night getting to you as your eyelids began to grow heavy, puffy and welled with tears you still fought to hold back despite your newfound exhaustion.

The gentleness in his voice, always prominent when he was with you.

“I know. I know that now,”

“And I know that everything is over, so saying that probably sounds cringey now, but it’s still true.”

“It’s not, I feel the same way.” When you locked eyes his smile wasn’t held back.

There was no hesitation in his voice and the worry seemed to melt away, all he held was that same look of pure love and adoration he always had.

And you love the way he looks at you. Shy and half-cocked as though he was caught off guard by your words, as if he was worried that the time had somehow erased all that you felt and this sudden reassurance was exactly what he needed.

You couldn’t help but smile too as you stared into his eyes. Neither of you could look away, you searching his face as if you could see his thoughts. As if he was retracing his steps to remember all the ways to make you smile.

Soobin had always said you reminded him of the sea and attached you to a metaphor you had never heard before, when you thought you must have heard them all.

The same way that he had become your forest, you had become his sea.

You wondered if someone had broke his heart once and since then he couldn’t bear to be apart from the ocean.

You realized now that it was just how things were meant to be for the two of you. A bit of foreshadowing. The truth that the sea and the forest were much too different to exist together.

The strangest thing was how the smallest things could wreck a ship— like a rock, or a wave, or a hairline crack in the hull.

He’d call you his sea and stars and he would say it tenderly as he traced circles into your skin, as though you could sink him.

“I can’t say that I’m glad it’s over because that wouldn’t be true. I would just be lying to you and I was never really good at that in the first place.”

The sincerity in his voice confirmed what you were afraid of— he still loved you as much as you had him.

“I love you. That love will always be apart of me.”

Everything felt unfair in that moment. The way that happiness always seemed just out of reach— the unbearable yet undeniable fact that you were completely and irrevocably in love with each other in every single way.

But life moves on.

“I wanted to be connected to you forever so I guess even though I feel angry now, I’m grateful I got to feel that way at one point in time.” Still hushed, your voice was much more firm now.

Maybe the new rush of confidence was from how final these moments felt.

Finally being with each other after so much time spent apart, it felt like the only opportunity you had left to say everything you could before he was inevitably whisked away to bigger things.

“Right person, wrong time. Huh?”

He flashed you a sad smile and you scoffed, pushing his shoulder in a teasing way as he dodged you, shuffling closer.

Your heart skipped again.

“You’re kind of a jerk for saying that when you know that I hate when people use that as an excuse for things,” you sighed.

“But I guess it’s kind of true in our case...”

The silence took over again as he continued to study your face. Marks and features he once knew like the back of his hand he was now studying all over again as if it was the first time.

“Sometimes I wonder if whales feel anger as much as they feel grief.”

This time, it was his turn to give you a confused look.

“Whales?”

You nodded and found yourself focusing on the distant sound of a plane passing by overhead.

“It’s well known that whales experience emotions just as deeply as humans. There was a story about a whale whose child died and it traveled throughout the sea, carrying its corpse with it.”

Soobin grimaced at the idea but continued to listen, simply for the fact that it was you.

“I guess I can’t really blame it… because even though it’s a pretty morbid idea that most humans probably couldn’t even fathom, at the end of the day, none of us really know how to process those emotions and sometimes we do things that are completely illogical to other people just to find a way to cope.”

“It’s the same way that things like religion seem completely nonsensical to people who don’t believe in them because at the end of the day we’re all grasping for something to believe in to keep us going. Some people are perfectly content never finding that… I want to be one of those people. Perfectly content, I mean.”

He stared down at your hands, your grip on his slowly loosening. It wasn’t until he realized this and rushed to lock his fingers with yours that you looked back at him.

“…I think I don’t wanna have to worry about anything. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like if I was just drifting away at sea, with no thoughts, and no worries. If I was completely alone and enveloped in the water and the waves, where the only thing that I could see for miles was the stars.”

Throughout your life, there was the constant knowledge of having a self, a heavy burden.

In everything there was a reminder: existence is immutable.

This reminder, with time, became more and more suffocating as you spent your years alone.

Burying yourself into school and work, all the way into adulthood to avoid the complete destruction that comes from existing.

Adulting and the weight on your shoulders that grew with the passage of time.

“But even though I want that I think at the end the day, I’d still miss you which is pretty scary.”

This existential loneliness and the desire to not exist was present in everyone’s life at some point and it could become overwhelming and almost unbearable.

You found, only in existing with other people could it become a bit more bearable.

Maybe running to other people for help was the easiest thing to do, or maybe it was what you needed to do to stay afloat.

After so many years of being alone, it was just nice to have someone to listen.

“You don’t have to miss me, I’m right here.”

“I’ll always be right here, even when you’re surrounded by the sea or the stars I’ll always come and find you.”

Always here, at the same place you had fallen in love.

Understanding him and the warmth that came from his reassurance didn’t help you stifle the giggle that you let out.

“You know that sounds pretty romantic when you say it, even though the conversation topic is pretty morbid.”

Now, he chuckled. “Nothing is ever really conventional with you though, is it?”

That was one of the things he found himself adoring about you and he would admit it a million times if you had asked him to.

Your mind was one of, if not, the most fascinating.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, something about whales helps me feel more. Maybe that’s why I’m here—“

Besides the beach being a special place for the two of you and your relationship.

“Maybe it’s their songs, even if I can't understand them... though, sometimes they can't even understand their own.”

“What do you mean?”

As he shuffled closer for the second time, the gap between you was officially closed. The closeness reminded you of the first time he had kissed you, nervous and stumbling. It was sweet.

You found yourself pulling your hand away from his.

A part of him felt dejected at that but it was quickly washed away as he watched you raise your hands and pull his coat tighter around you.

He smiled again.

“There’s this story about a whale that traveled throughout the sea, all by itself, crying and wailing and no one ever found it. No whales ever found it because the vibrations were too low that they couldn’t understand and so the Navy had heard it, but they couldn’t find it themselves. And then eventually… it stopped.”

The ending didn’t seem to satisfy him as he raised an eyebrow towards you, urging you to continue.

“What happened to it?”

“Soobin,”

You looked over at him and in that moment of silence, there was a mutual understanding.

“…Oh.”

Burying yourself into his coat more, you found yourself wondering if he was cold as well. Not that he showed it.

“…Anyway, he was probably was roaming all by himself and died alone because no one ever came to help him.”

Soobin brought his hand to rub his arm and you realized that he was, in fact, cold.

Bringing his eyes back from the water for only a moment, he caught you staring and gave you a small smile again.

You never understood how he could be so comforting in moments like this.

“I know that story is really depressing but when you think about it, I think we’re all a little like that. At the end of the day when you’re going through these things alone, no one else will really know.”

“I don’t want you to go through things alone.”

You frowned, “I know you don’t.”

“It’s not their fault that they can’t hear or understand but on occasion, sometimes there will be someone who can hear it… and they’ll try their best to come.”

He felt heat rise to his cheeks and for a moment he felt bashful, as if he was somehow caught in an embarrassing situation.

“I think you did that for me, because you’re here— and you’re here because you heard me…”

After a few moments of Soobin thinking your words over in an attempt to find the perfect response, you finally pushed yourself to stand up.

His coat fell off of your shoulders as you brushed the sand off of yourself.

Soobin scrambled to his feet, picking up his coat and you smiled at him.

As the two of you stood, you anxiously stared down at your feet in the sand as he brushed the sand off of his coat.

Without anymore words, you found yourself clinging to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

He stumbled back a bit in surprise but was quick to wrap his arms back around you, dropping the coat, long forgotten, onto the ground.

The waves seemed to pick up again, washing up on the shore once more as the cold temperature hit the both of you.

Neither of you seemed to mind.

“Thank you for coming.” Your voice was barely above a whisper now as you spoke into his ear.

He placed his hand gently on the back of your head, holding you close.

And when he touched you back, you felt a lifetime of indifference—of apathy melt away in that single moment.

And you ached for him.

His touch was the never ending reminder that you would bleed for him until the day he is gone. And you will continue to bleed for him every day after that.

The time will always pass and you will feel robbed— and you will grow bitter. But the memories will always be so, so sweet.

“Thank you for calling.”

The rest of the night was spent speaking in hushed tones as if the rest of the world was somehow listening in on the two of you.

Secret moments that you would remember for the rest of your days spent with the man who had showed you what your heart was worth.

What you didn’t tell Soobin that night was that during the Navy’s ten day search, a new 52-hertz frequency sound was found. The same sound, from two different locations.

Two different whales traveling through the sea, singing the same song of anguish.

Despite never finding each other, it’s possible that they heard each other singing this song only they could understand.

And although they were lonely, they were never truly alone.

Even in the seemingly endless ocean, it seemed possible for life to evolve towards connection.

The story you would always go back to when you remembered your love for him. The love that you would always hold.

Your past is what made you, because what happened then is how you got to where you are now. Good or bad, it's still apart of you.

In the end, Soobin would always be a part of you.

Everything he had shown you in your time together. And even though it was over now, you would treasure it forever.

The calming feeling that he had given you, like a gift. The comfort that the immediacy of your existence doesn’t have to define you, in that moment where the two of you simply existed with each other.

Everything was in a constant state of becoming, people would grow and change apart from each other in a variety of ways. But in the end, the love that once was will always remain.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ Café au lait.

A new face visiting your favorite café haunts you for days afterward as you imagine what could have been if you’d said anything. Little did you know that he was experiencing just the same.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ fluff

There was this man who drove you crazy— a man that you knew absolutely nothing about aside from the way his eyes widened behind the rims of his glasses and the dimples he had when he smiled at you.

This man who drove you absolutely mad, to think he saw you— as his eyes passed over you and if only there had been some small mishap in that pivotal moment.

A spilled drink, a stumble through the door—his hand reaching out to steady you and it would have happened.

In the perfect world in your mind, it happened.

And in this perfect world, a whole new world would have opened up like a vortex to swallow you both into blissful delirium. The smile he gave you would be one of pure love and in that moment, in his mind, everything had clicked— you were the one he could never let get away.

But that didn’t happen. Instead, you turned away, out of shyness or indecision and by the time you turned back to stutter out an introduction, he was gone.

The first and only time you had ran into him, you were in a rush to leave carrying a tray of drinks for you and your friend as your phone continued to buzz in your pocket with questions of your whereabouts.

Barely holding onto the tray in your arms, one side tucked under your chin for extra protection you reached into your pocket to check the screen.

(11:35 AM) Na-gyung ♡: Tourney starting soon!!

There, stumbling about in frustration as you attempted to unlock your phone, you failed to realize the tall figure walking directly towards you.

Instead of the two of you walking into each other and causing a head-on collision outside of this quiet cafe, the worker behind the counter quickly took notice of the impending incident and cheerfully called out a warning.

The two of you looked up from your phones, startled and locked eyes standing right in front of each other.

His eyes cast down towards you and he gave you a small smile, weaving around you with a quick apology as he made his way to the counter to place his order.

His eyes kind behind thick rimmed glasses, you somehow had decided in that moment that those eyes were the ones that you wanted to wake up to every morning.

How ridiculous you were to believe in love at first sight.

Unlike him, you stood for a moment mentally cursing at yourself for almost running into him. And then mentally screaming at yourself for how attractive you found him.

Berating yourself for how desperately you wished that worker was instead focusing on the bubbling foam in their hands rather than the chime of the bell.

Later that day, you tried to explain the encounter to Na-gyung as she gave you a small laugh and a dismissive wave of her hand while reaching for her coffee.

“Sounds like you missed your ideal man… sorry! That’s a bummer, Y/N. But hey, at least you have your café au lait.”

There was no way to explain it without sounding completely unsound, you were sure of that as she put her headphones back over her head with a laugh and straightened her back, focusing her energy to the game she was playing for.

Too distracted by the man you had seen then, you sat back and watched the colors flashing on her monitor, mind drowning out the chatter around the both of you.

There was no way to explain it and yet, it was all you thought about.

That click you felt when your eyes met his, like the switch of a train track, transporting you for one miraculous moment, to what could have been.

Even though the ride to the convention hall had you drowning in imaginary scenarios with this man you knew nothing about, wondering if it was some sort of cosmic sign— reality was quick to intervene and with a shake of your head, you told yourself to stop chasing shadows.

Thoughts of him popped up every now and then, passing faces on the street that seemed the slightest bit familiar had you turning back.

You wondered if he had thought about you too, conveniently giving yourself an excuse to wonder about him more.

Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt and allowing yourself to imagine that this stranger had fallen as deeply into you as you had him.

You were sure what you felt was real— and you found yourself subconsciously always listening for that click.

Imagining it was the sound of your fate beckoning or somehow the voice of your destiny.

Eventually, you decided that it sometimes would only call once.

Meanwhile, Soobin leaned against the wall of the practice room, doing his best to steady his breathing after the intense choreography the group had to endure.

“Tired already?” Taehyun asked with a slight amusement to his voice. Soobin shot him a glare and he just laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

Yeonjun seemed relieved that their practice was over as he made his way to him, wiping some sweat off of his face.

“You’re not too tired to go out, are you?”

Soobin shot him a look as if to ask if he was insane, his heart beating out of his chest. The five of them had been practicing almost everyday between any scheduled appearances or meetings that they had, barely affording them any time to go out.

Normally, Soobin didn’t mind being busy as much using their fans as a source of encouragement or energy but these days he found himself growing a bit resentful at this busy schedule.

Not for any particular distaste for his job, he was forever grateful to be where he was and do something he was so passionate about.

It was because of you.

Whoever you were, that was. He’s seen thousands of faces, some more memorable than others but none as indelible as you.

The split second that he saw you, the bell chiming behind him as you both froze in front of each other at the call of caution.

The brief eye contact and the way your eyes widened as he gave you a small, awkward smile.

And though the moment happened in a flash, for him it felt as if time had frozen altogether and in that split second he had memorized every feature of yours a million times over.

He found himself thinking back to you, wanting to see you again for whatever strange reason.

Soobin had gone back to that cafe a few more times after that, never finding you but somehow always feeling as if he had just missed you.

The perpetual motion of a spinning ballerina trapped inside a music box.

The gentle tune of a piano, delicate fingers pressing down on every key.

A complete stranger who had made the most devastating impression on him simply from existing.

You were the zigzag in his straight line, something new thrown into his life to keep him on his toes.

The absence in his direction.

Anytime the bell would chime, any greetings called would fall on deaf ears as his eyes scanned the area only for him to be faced with the slight disappoint.

“Excuse me for asking but— you always seem like you’re looking for someone.” The girl behind the counter said hesitantly as she worked to make his drink.

Soobin looked up from his phone beside the counter, eyebrows raising a bit in surprise.

Then, his cheeks heated up with the embarrassment of being caught in the act of daydreaming.

“Sorry! I wasn’t trying to call you out or anything— actually, there’s this girl that comes here too around the same time so I was just wondering if…”

She paused, focusing on placing the top securely onto the cup.

Soobin opened his mouth to answer before a yelp sounded behind the girl, the boy behind her calling for as he quickly grabbed paper towels from under the counter.

“You— seriously, Jake?! The milk frother again?!”

The girl handed him his drink with a rushed apology behind spinning on her heel and going to help the boy who gave a nervous chuckle, standing back from the mess to let her take over cleaning.

Since then, Soobin had gone back whenever he had the time hoping that it was you.

Overtime, reality began to sink in as he found himself questioning why he had gone back in the first place.

If he saw you, what would he even say?

“Yo! Earth to Soobin,” Yeonjun shoulder checked the taller boy, successfully bringing him out of his fit of disassociation.

Beomgyu snickered, “he’s probably daydreaming again about cafe girl again.”

“Was not—” the defensive tone was clear to all of the guys as they shared knowing glances toward each other and Yeonjun just laughed as Soobin shrunk into himself.

Letting you slip up one day in a conversation with him, Beomgyu hadn’t let him live his infatuation down.

It wasn’t that he thought it was childish— even though they both knew it was, he was simply entertained to see Soobin so passionate about a stranger.

There was a few times Beomgyu had gone himself, searching the patrons for someone who fit Soobin’s description of you but none seemed quite perfect enough.

“Well, whether you were or not… I’m feeling like an iced americano. Why don’t we go to that cafe that you’re definitely not obsessed with?”

“Very smooth, Yeonjun.” Taehyun added.

That was how he found himself walking in, his members trailing behind him like some sort of posse.

The large cafe now felt much smaller and he began to realize just how much attention they had garnered being so close together.

The chime of the bell behind him went unnoticed as he engaged in conversation with his members tiredly, running a hand through his now freshly washed hair.

“I’m not saying that you’re an obsessed loser, what I am saying is—“

“Uh, Soobin—”

“I’m not obsessed, it’s just— actually, no. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Have to? No. Do I want you to? Well, yes!”

“Soobin—”

“I gotta side with Beomgyu on this one, I never thought of you as some hopeless romantic, y’know? Your dedication is definitely cute, though.”

“What? I’m not— it’s not cute, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just—”

“Soobin—!”

Growing annoyed at his older friend’s bickering and blatant ignorance of him, Kai finally nudged Soobin to gain his attention and motioned toward the line they had previously occupied.

Begrudgingly, Soobin’s eyes trailed to where Kai had pointed only to freeze for a split moment.

And all over again, he remembered exactly what you were.

You were every turn taken when racing through a hedge maze, against the setting sun.

You were the tide that came in and out, like the breath of the wounded. The blood that flowed between his heart and head.

The book that was not yet written, the sentence that was not scripted.

You were the words he wished he could have said that day.

There tiredly rubbing your eyes, you gave your order and stepped aside with eyes cast down as you typed away at your phone unaware of the people around you.

Unaware or uninterested, he couldn’t tell. What he could tell was how exhausted you seemed, yet even in that state you were just as distracting as ever.

Maybe it was just because it was you.

And how you were standing there, in front of him. After slipping just out of reach so many times, he was finally looking at you again— and you were so, so beautiful.

All those times he thought about seeing you again, thinking over everything he could say and only coming up empty at the thought of your eyes alone.

Finally in front of him— no longer a sad reflection of a dream once lost, he realized why his heart had sent him to search for you in every street.

He realized he didn’t want to go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back, no matter what you said.

Then, that first day searching for you had arrived and with it, the disappointment. It was so damn hard but the next was harder.

That sinking feeling of disappointment every time he had walked in was gone— it had gotten worse, and he was convinced he wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

To experience all of this over a stranger, he was sure he had gone completely mad.

To lose you wasn’t an event— it didn’t happen once. It happened over and over again, every time he scanned for you in those walls only to come up with nothing but the lingering scent of your perfume.

He lost you every time his eyes trailed that familiar menu; knowing in his heart his order would never change.

Standing and studying it to buy some time as if that would somehow will you to appear behind him.

Whenever that one song he remembered from that day played on the cafe’s playlist, or when he would hear that bell chime all over again.

To lose you— to lose something that was never his in the first place.

But he wanted you to be. Without any rhyme or reason, he felt like he had to find you and never allow himself to grieve the loss of you again, if you would allow him to.

Always going back to that moment of brief eye contact and that ‘click’ he had heard in the back of his mind, as if all the gears in his heart stopped working— only for that split second.

He lost you every time he thought of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you.

Going to bed at night and wishing the two of you were walking down cobblestone streets instead, wishing you could tell him about your day.

Wishing he knew your name and aspirations, what small habits you had that he would grow to love like he had grew to love the scent of that cafe.

Simply for the fact that your memory— and in turn, you, existed within those walls.

“Order for Y/N?” The familiar voice of that one employee you never seemed to remember the name of— embarrassing, considering how often you had occupied the cafe— rang out and you paused your typing, looking up with a smile only to find someone else had grabbed your drink.

Your eyebrow quirked up in irritation, already exhausted from a long day as your eyes followed to see who dared to grab it out of your reach only for your heart to skip at the sight.

Those same glasses, that same smile.

Now he stood in front of you, holding out your drink of choice with that same small smile he gave you the first time you had ran into each other and you could have sworn you had seen the admiration you only dreamed of.

Maybe you weren’t crazy to believe in love at first sight, or maybe he was just as crazy as you were.

“Café au lait?”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

selected: [ soobin's song ] replay? ✧

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you. You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

Looking at each of them, it felt almost impossible to pick just one. The feeling that everyone was waiting on you made you even more anxious, the idea of annoying the people around you getting your nerves up even more.

“Hey, Y/N it’s fine. Take your time.” Taehyun commented.

The small smile he gave you was enough to have you letting out a sigh of relief, though the beating in your chest was still as fast as ever.

“Um… Soobin!” You said a bit loudly, almost like a cheer.

“I win!” Soobin said causing Yeonjun to roll his eyes with an annoyed huff, watching as he made his way toward you.

The ride attendant quickly got the both of you situated and gave a thumbs up before moving onto the next passengers.

With a lurch, the Ferris wheel began its slow ascent.

As the ferris wheel raised, Soobin sat comfortably, seemingly without a care in the world and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

His calm demeanor was a contrast to everything around you, the excitement of the lights below taking up your attention.

Even though he was introverted, he did so well at huge events like these. You’d almost be jealous if you didn’t admire him so much for it.

Soobin’s eyes were focused on you, your eyes sparkling with the reflection of the colorful carnival.

“What can you see?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You turned to him, only to find him staring at you with a look that almost seemed like he was lovestruck.

Rather than answering his own question, he looked down and began retracing your footsteps throughout the night over the landscape, as if he was following a map.

In truth, all he could see was remnants of you.

In the gentle sway of the carriage, he nudged you, pointing down toward the carousel the group had previously been on.

From high up, it looked so small yet you could still hear the gentle chimes if you focused hard enough.

And if you closed your eyes, you could still see all the small details on that horse.

“I’m really glad I came with you guys,” you started swept up in the moment.

The lights down below began blur with a magical glow over the shared space.

“I’m glad that you’re here, especially.”

Soobin’s eyes widened a bit behind his glasses as he fixed them with a smile. “Yeah?”

Maybe it was the enchantment of the lights down below or the stars above, but your mind had been yelling at you to come clean to him in the moment.

The scariest part of the moment wasn’t him but how unwaveringly certain you had been in choosing him.

“I like you.” You mumbled, words carried on the breeze between you.

In the moment of vulnerable honesty, he responded with a hum.

“Well, I love you.” His voice was nothing but kind and certain. Your eyes widened, quickly turning to face him in surprise at the sudden confidence.

Soobin laughed, his admission breaking the serene silence as you were carried higher, above the world below, over the rainbow lights.

“You had to one up me?” You asked, nervous if he was joking.

Soobin gave you an almost judgemental look, sensing your apprehension in believing him.

“I'm not asking for a grand declaration of love back. If you just like me a little, that’s fine.”

Embarrassed, you looked away. He smiled, putting his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in closer.

“I'm not asking for promises or tenure, I just want you to know that you’re the hand I reach for at my breaking point.”

In the way he wanted to become your home; you had become his island. A place of solitude he could wander to when seeking comfort.

“I reach for you too,” you started quietly. “I think you’re just better at words than me, but I do love you too..”

“I’m not good at words, at all actually.”

“Dude, you just recited like… some romantic poem or something as a confession!”

Soobin stared off into the distance, lips jutted out slightly in thought before he shrugged.

“Hm? I don’t think it sounded like anything too special, it was just the truth.”

Burying your face into his shoulder, you refused to look at anything else as you sighed.

This made him chuckle again as he began pointing things out to you to get you to look down.

The small sights of couples play fighting and your friends conversing down below somehow calmed your aching nerves.

In truth, it had been to calm the both of you down.

Even if he did a good job at not showing it in the moment, the internal freak out he had on ground in the wake of being picked by you had shook him quite a bit.

Not that he would admit it, the last thing he needed was you making fun of him.

Regardless, the words he had been waiting to tell you for however long had finally been spoken, a wave of contentment washed over him.

Soobin, who would always speak your name with gratitude, knowing it was the mantra of his soul.

Forever grateful to know you in any way you would allow him.

The man who would leave markers for you at every turn so if you had ever gotten lost, you would know where to return to.

Soobin who could find pieces of you in everything that caught his breath.

Somehow, you had never felt more loved than you did at this moment.

“Y/N, you’re special to me in ways that I can’t describe. You are love at its most inexplicable.”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ LOVE WAR!!

“We missed you!” “So the two of you decided to... break into my house?”

Being voted into your school’s contest, you’re partnered with class troublemaker Choi Beomgyu and your old childhood friend Choi Soobin. Making sure that the three of you can represent your class well enough is already difficult without the two flirting with you at every turn!

@ contents

[🌸] choi beomgyu + choi soobin / afab!reader [WIP]

genre. fluff , humor

warnings : cursing

playlist.

+ tracklist.

001. class rep’s picks.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ Lovers' Roulette.

[🍷] private eye! soobin & afab! criminal! reader [WIP]

genre. suspense , mystery , enemies to lovers , angst , (eventual) fluff , comedy

warnings : use / consumption of cigarettes & alcohol, cursing, suggestive content, death

TEASER.

+ tracklist.

001. Negative Zero Lounge.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

Lovers’ Roulette. ⭒ TEASER

The way grief blooms can only be compared to something like a flower: a heart-shaped wound that can never fully close, held together with a thin protective layer of stardust gathered through out time.

For grief to be unexpressed love: in its’ most painful yet pure form, always wanting more.

The only thing that cuts through love.

But what of the people who cause grief?

Those who stampede their way through, never bothering to look back toward the fault lines they’d left behind. The heartless abandoning the rest of them in the hourglass of their past and broken memories.

There are rules to these kinds of people.

Never think where you are or what comes next— let go of the need to know and everything tends to fall into place.

Know that it is okay to dream, to allow your higher self to take care of the rest as you wash the blood off of your hands. This is only temporary.

And if something— someone— is calling you, answer.

Even if it bursts out of your chest like a trapped bird set free, you must follow it.

When all of your instincts are kicking and fighting against you like a wild caged animal, allow those hands to calm the tremors and let the light in.

It may be the only time you’ll be able to bask in it.

There is always something between you and love. A closed door, an endless corridor. Flames burning higher and higher until they cover you whole.

Maybe in some universe you are under the lamppost at dusk, he can see you across the road, arms above your head waving hello with a smile.

Is it summer or are you still in spring? It wouldn’t matter then.

In his chest, something crashes hard as a head-on collision.

But in reality, you grow further away like gravity turned on its side, he is up, and you will always be down.

The feeling of falling you had forgotten and tried to bury beneath the years has reared its’ head.

“Do you see me still, my dear? Do you trust yourself now?”

“Does it make you smile to know you were right about me all along? Or somewhere deep down, does it kill you?”

⭒ home. ➔ masterlist.