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Baby, You’re Wondrous (M)

Summary: Pregnancy is rough and tiring and even a bit gross, but your dearest husband comforts you and shows you just how desirable you still are.

Pairing: Namjoon x Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, Smut

Format: Female Reader’s POV

Word Count: 5.4k

Rating: Mature (18+)

Warnings & Features: domestic & established relationship (Husband!Namjoon); pregnant Reader; profanity; brief gender talk; graphic sexual content (pregnant sex, slight body worship(?), lactation kink/colostrum suckling, cunnilingus, penetrative sex, creampie, associated dirty talk)

Author’s Note: I’ve wrecked myself with this.

Keep reading

gender segregated bathrooms are OUT instead i'm proposing a new way of dividing up public bathroom spaces:

1. unisex general adult bathrooms - these should have a variety of stalls and sinks and (where space allows) a separate, screened-off urinal area for your dedicated stand-up pee-ers. it should also have at least a couple of fully self contained stalls with a toilet and sink inside (behind a lockable door) that can double as a changing room for people who need a costume change on the fly

2. children's bathroom - with low-level toilets and sinks and stalls big enough to allow an adult to comfortably help a lil buddy pee. include some toilets with those potty seats for toddlers. the kids bathroom would also have some designated baby-change booths. adjacent to the kids bathroom should be a room for feeding babies and/or pumping breast milk and it should have facilities for heating water and cleaning out baby bottles

3. accessible bathroom - for elderly and/or disabled people. larger toilet stalls, hand rails, emergency alarms etc. the accessible bathroom should also have facilities for e.g. changing out colostomy or catheter bags and for hygienically changing and disposing of adult diapers/incontinence pads etc, including some stalls big enough to allow a carer to come in and help a brother out if necessary

all bathrooms should also have enclosed shower facilities and free sanitary products. thank you for coming to my TED talk entitled "i just wanna take a piss in peace is that too much to ask"

Gahhhhhh!!!!!! so soft!!!!!!!

Prompt: If someone had told you an hour ago that Vil and Rook would attempt breaking into Ramshackle, drunk out of their minds, you would have laughed and waved off their words. Well, that was what you would have thought an hour ago.

Pairing: Rook x Gn!Yuu/Prefect/Reader x Vil

Genre: Fluff

TW: Underage drinking, mentions of being very drunk, Rook and Vil are most definitely ooc (cause they're drunk)

A.N: For the record, I am not trying to encourage underage drinking. That is not my intention. I just had a funny story told to me by my aunt that inspired this. Again, not trying to encourage underage drinking or heavy drinking (drink responsibly and only after you come of age please).

If someone had told you an hour ago that Vil and Rook would attempt breaking into Ramshackle, drunk out of their minds, you would have laughed and waved off their words.

After all, Rook would never willingly compromise himself by drinking to the point where he couldn't walk without stumbling. He was a hunter; his sharp senses were his pride, and alcohol muddles the senses, rendering them dull. The idea of such loss of control over his actions may be a bit tempting, but you knew he wouldn't be as irresponsible as to have alcohol on a school night.

The same could be said for Vil. He was comfortable with showing you and Rook more of his natural and less put-together side, but he would not exactly let himself be drunk to the point where he slurred his words, each syllable melting into the next as he attempted to communicate with you. Not just to keep his dignified and elegant image, but also because of how horrible the hangover on the next day would be for him (he was a lightweight who learned it the hard way after getting into his father's special alcohol stash one day).

Well, that was what you would have thought an hour ago.

You sighed as you looked at the two boys who had all but broken the door to Ramshackle down. The pounding on the door (courtesy of Rook, who was also saying something that sounded like an essay in French as he stood outside your dorm) had woken you up from where you had fallen asleep completing assignments. You could still remember Grim's confused "Mrah?!" as he walked over and opened the front door for the two, bolting upstairs when the stink of alcohol became too much for his poor sensitive nose to bear.

Somehow, you had managed to bring the two inside, to the guest room, where they were both sprawled in a messy heap of limbs on a couch. It would have been a little cute, had they not been absolutely hammered beyond belief.

"Mon cher Trickster~" Rook hummed, eyes sly and captivating even as they drooped from the influence of alcohol. "Come nearer, and allow me... allow me the privilege of... basking in your glory..."

His voice was smooth and silky, and if it weren't for the way you saw him struggle like a newborn fawn just moments ago, you would have believed him to still be somewhat sober.

Vil, meanwhile, was just staring up at you with an awe-struck look on his face, eyes wide and shiny. Cheeks warm and a soft red from whatever he drank, he seemed content to just watch you as you stood in front of them wondering what to do. You looked over their appearance. Both the Pomefiore boys looked as beautiful as ever, even with their very obviously inebriated actions and reactions.

"What did you two drink? And how much?" You asked Rook, crouching slightly to reach his eye level. Rook scrunched his nose, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to remember; meanwhile your eyes focused on the freckles that had begun making their appearance after hours of being hidden beneath makeup.

"Apple... juice," Rook said, head tilting towards you as he answered your question. "Just... apple juice," Vil agreed, words mixing in his mouth even as he answered you with all the seriousness of a five year old trying to tell his mother that he had not had any cookies before dinner.

"You two don't seem like you had just apple juice though," you hummed, holding back a smile as Vil pouted at your words. Before he could voice any protests, you lightly patted his head, running your fingers through the silky blonde strands. Vil melted under your tender touch, eyes closing in bliss as he rested his head on Rook's chest.

"Stay," you ordered him, much in the way Crewel would with his students, but with a marked gentleness to your tone. Vil nodded, watching you with half-lidded eyes as you tried to make them more comfortable on the couch. Coaxing Rook to get up just a little for you to slip a pillow under his head, getting one of the blankets Vil had gotten especially for you, he watched you do every little thing to make their impromptu sleepover more comfortable for them.

Rook had fallen asleep by the time you finished making arrangements for the two of them to sleep somewhat comfortably. While you would have preferred to get them to your room and on an actual bed, they did not seem to be in any condition to climb the rickety stairs Ramshackle was famous for.

Ruffling Rook and Vil's hair one last time, you turned to move... only to be held back by a hand closing around your wrist. Your eyes trailed down your arm, an amused expression on your face as you saw Vil holding onto you.

"Yes, Vil?"

"Stay," Vil mirrored your words from before, the softly uttered command lacking the impact it otherwise would have had on you. Dewy eyes looked up at you, and a gentle "Please.." slipped through his lips, tugging at your heart strings the way he was tugging at your wrist.

You chuckled and acquiesced, sitting down in front of the couch with your wrist still in his grasp. Moving Rook's hand out of the way, you laid your head on the edge of the couch, looking into amethyst eyes. Eyes that softened with sleep and contentment as he watched you settle down near the two of them.

He stubbornly tried to remain awake, even as his eyelids kept drooping in protest. You, who had already had quite a restful nap (thanks to Professor Trein's homework) kept watching him in thinly veiled amusement and adoration for a few minutes, before speaking to him in a gentle tone. "You should go to sleep Vil. It's late."

A petulant pout was directed at you, and you resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks. "Come on, you need to sleep. It's important for a healthy and glowing skin, y'know," you hummed, using his own words (that he used nearly everyday for you) for him. His eyelids drooped even lower at the warmth in your voice, yet he stubbornly kept looking at you.

"I'm not going anywhere, Vil. I promise."

Finally, the male seemed satisfied with what you said. At least, that's what you figured from the way his eyes fully closed and remained closed, his breathing gradually slowing down as he fell into a deep sleep.

Your hand was still held in his. While his grip had loosened in his sleep... you did promise to stay.

Well, there were more uncomfortable places and positions you could have slept in.

Another request by @vaschenko-chao was Alex and Julius's final confrontation. yuh.

It's read left to right if you weren't sure.

Hot damn 😶

cooking for people who have no idea what they are doing (or are just, like, real depressed)

Okay, I’m a professional cook, but also, I get depressed. This is the cooking I do when I’m depressed, because I need the simplest path to a whole meal.

This is not for vegetarians, because, while I wholeheartedly support people choosing vegetarianism, and also enjoy cooking for vegetarians, for me, the simplest path to a meal includes meat. Perhaps when I am less depressed I will work on options.

A lot of recipes focus on achieving food that is in some way special, using special techniques, or using a precise list of carefully measured high-end ingredients… and that’s not this, this is all the parts of cooking that are not those things.

First, shopping

Meats Starches Veggies Sauces Breakfast/Snack

For a whole week you’re going to want

3 kinds of meat, with five portions each. So, for example, five chicken breasts, 10 sausage links, and 2-3 pounds of ground beef. Other possibilities include pork chops, salmon, some kind of steak, whatever. 

You’re going to want up to 3 starches. Honestly I usually stick to just rice, but you can go with rice, potatoes, and pasta. If you want to use quinoa or polenta or something, thats on you.

And, you’re going to want about 3 types of vegetables, again, about 5 portions each – and try to stay green. So personally, I usually get 5 medium zucchini, 2 medium heads of broccoli, and then either yellow squash or mushrooms. A bag of salad greens is also a good option, and I have an easy way to make a good salad, which I will do as a separate post.

Next pick something easy that works as either breakfast or a snack. For me this is a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a bunch of bananas. Sometimes it’s nice to have an additional option here, like cereal or yogurt. 

Last, you’ll want 2-5 sauces in bottles. I would definitely recommend a low sodium soy sauce be one of them, and maybe a BBQ sauce for the other. I usually also include worcestershire and sriracha but go with whatever you want, teriyaki sauce, A1, whatever you know you’ll eat. Hell, you can use Italian style salad dressing as a cookable sauce if you really want.

Oh, and If you don’t already have some at the house, you’ll need pan lube: butter and/or some kind of cooking oil. 

Okay! we’re done shopping! Affordability isn’t the main focus here, but is undeniably important – I live in a very expensive area, this shopping trip is going to feed me well for a week and costs me about $100 bucks. When I was living in Alabama, it probably would have cost me more like $70. You won’t need to get stuff like the sauce and rice and peanut butter every week, so you’re definitely looking at a monthly grocery bill of something like $300 depending on where you live, and that’s not too bad. 

Prep

hell no, I’m depressed, the only prep I’m doing is putting two packages of meat in the freezer and the rest of this stuff in the fridge. You CAN box or bag each portion of meat separately so you can really alternate what you eat – me, I’m gonna eat chicken for two or three days, then beef for two or three days, etc.

and listen, don’t fuck around with microwave settings or running water on things to defrost them. If you package the meat all up separately, just move a portion from the freezer to the fridge each time you cook dinner. Or, if you do like me, move the whole package when you go to cook your last portion of the previous stuff, and just deal with the fact that it will probably still be a tiny bit frozen when you go to cook next.

Tip: When you cook dinner, you’re going to make enough for lunch. That just leaves you one small meal - I often smear peanut butter on a peice of bread and wrap it around a banana like a taco - fast, easy, practically no dishes, relatively healthy

____________________________________________________________

Cooking (this is going to take about 25 minutes)

You’re going to need

ONE frying pan, medium size w/ lid ONE boil pot, medium size w/ lid knife, a spatula and a cutting board.

If you want to be fancy, you can include a big spoon. Looks like this

No matter what the specific ingredients you’ve chosen, the basic format is going to be:

Start your starch heat pan, put meat in the pan flip meat and add veggies, cover with lid remove meat and add sauce finish starch put everything on a plate while it is still too hot to eat and you are standing in the kitchen anyway, wash the like, 4 dishes you’ve gotten dirty. eat.

Okay, before you even get everything else out, start your starch. For rice this means rinse the rice and put it in the cold water and set it on high heat, for pasta this means put your salted water on the stove on high heat. For potatoes, you can use my perfect mashed potatoes recipe (I’ll do that as a separate post) or, honestly, you can wait until you’re halfway done with the rest of everything and microwave the sucker for like 8 minutes. I would never do that in a restaurant, but trying to feed my lethargic depressed ass? Absolutely.

easy rice: Fill your smallest coffee cup with rice, put it in the pot. Rinse. Fill the same cup twice with water, add to rice. Bring to a boil, give a good stir, turn heat all the way down, put a lid on it for something like 15 more minutes.

Okay, now lube your pan. Butter, olive oil, whatever. You’re probably looking at an amount more than a teaspoon and less than a table spoon of whichever you use. Personally I try to use as little olive oil as possible, so I pour a large coin sized amount (a quarter in the U.S.) into the pan, ear off a piece of the paper towel I’m going to use as my napkin for the evening, fold it up tight, and sort of paint the oil around so a little goes a longer way.

Pan lubed? Great, turn your burner on. highest heat will work but is not ideal, medium heat will work better but is still not ideal. Halfway between the two is perfect for chicken, a little hotter for beef, a little lower for fish.

Now remove two portions of your chosen protein (that way you’ll have tomorrow’s lunch too). By the time you get the packaging open and stuff, your pan is probably hot. If it’s not, let it get hot. You don’t want the oil to start smoking (warning, butter will burn faster than oil) but if you shake a single drop of water off your finger into the pan, you want it to sizzle.

If your pan is hot, put your meat in. The more you do this, the more you’ll perfect the timing, but you’re going to cook it for ~about~ 7 minutes before you flip it, maybe a couple minutes longer if it’s chicken or pork, maybe a couple minutes less if it’s beef.

Now that your meat is in, prepare your veggie. Rinse it off, cut off any part of it you don’t want to eat, and then cut what’s left into pieces the size of a large bite. Don’t worry, it’s going to get a little smaller when you cook it. Take your time, you’ll probably finish in less time than the meat needs.

Time to flip your meat? Great. Do that, and then dump your chopped up veggie in the pan. It does not matter at all if the pieces are not touching the bottom of the pan -probably most of them will not be, a bunch will be on top of the meat, that’s fine.

Put a lid on it. Now add your pasta to the water, or put your potato in the microwave, or check your rice. If following my perfect mashed potato recipe, mash now.

Rice tip, checking: eat a grain, you want zero crunch. If it’s not done and there’s no liquid, add a splash of water and stir. It it’s done or close to done, but it is still very wet, give it a big stir and leave on the stove with the lid off for a couple minutes.

Your meat still has like, at least 4 minutes, so rinse off your cutting board and chef knife, get out a plate, table knife and fork.

 Meat done? Great. Take the meat out of the pan, leaving the veggies in. Add sauce to the pan. I like to also use a little wine, because it’s usually already in the house, if you have some and want to, pour a large swallow of wine in the pan with the sauce. I’ll often mix a couple sauces, like worcestershire and soy (makes something similar to teriyaki) or hot sauce and BBQ

Stir the sauce around with the veggies. This, called deglazing, is an important step for two reasons, 1: it will get up a lot of the flavorful stuff that has stuck to the pan and make your sauce better, and 2: it will make washing the pan much easier. Okay, put the lid back on for one to two minutes, maybe stir a couple times. Basically you want the sauce to stain the veggies.

Your starch should be done, turn off the burner, put a portion on your plate, and stick the rest in a ziplock or tupperware or something. Go ahead and throw the second portion of meat right in there with it. 

Turn off the stove and scoop the veggies onto the plate, and pour the sauce from the pan over everything.

Now, while it’s too hot to eat, and you’re standing in the kitchen anyway, wash the pot, pan, and spatula. It should be very easy because of the way you used the sauce and because nothing has had a chance to harden. This usually takes me about 2 full minutes.

__________________________________________________________

OKAY! it’s been 20-25 minutes, you’ve got dinner and tomorrow’s lunch (just add another cut up veggie, pour a different sauce on, and put it in the microwave for two or three minutes) AND there’s no danger of dishes piling up on you :) You can even add “washing last night’s plate and fork for use tonight” to where you rinse the cutting board to really keep it full circle.

It’s not gormet. It IS accessibly healthy, affordable, and easy.

If you are extra depressed, forget the starch and use more veggies; this cuts what little work there is by up to half

Using this format, you can have three good meals per day and only spend 30 total minutes a day in the kitchen — including clean up! (dishes piling up tends to exacerbate my depression and makes cooking your next meal harder)

And it’s easy to give yourself a wide variety, from soy glazed chicken, zucchini and rice one night; to steak, mushrooms and pasta the next; followed by BBQ pork chops, brocoli and potatoes… I suck at math but there’s probably a hundred options

Just to recap, because I know I was very detailed and this might seem overwhelming, once you read through the above to answer any questions you might have, simply

-Start your starch -lube & heat pan, put meat in the pan, about 7 minutes -flip meat, add veggies, lid, about 7 minutes -wash knife and cutting board -remove meat and add sauce to veggies, re-lid, 1-2 minutes -finish starch, refrigerate extra meat and starch  -put everything left on a plate -wash pot and pan -eat.

EMILY PRENTISS and JENNIFER JAREAU in CRIMINAL MINDS (2005 — PRESENT)

3.04 “CHILDREN OF THE DARK

bad enough || lc x f!reader

summary: lee chan isn't the type of guy you usually go for... but you don't know that (based on the song bad enough for you by all time low)

warnings: swearing, angst, smut 18+ (oral f. receiving, kitchen sex, protected sex, degradation, slight dacryphilia)

word count: 3.7k

masterlist + ko-fi

Chan hasn’t texted you in two days, at the advice of his roommate, but he’s starting to think Soonyoung is full of shit. The thing is, you run in Soonyoung’s circle. He knows you way better than Chan does, and according to him this is the way to your heart. If Chan had it his way, he’d be texting you every thought that crosses his mind, answering you immediately instead of leaving you on read for hours... but since he doesn’t, he’s forced to sit around waiting for you to be the one to initiate. 

“She likes guys that treat her like shit,” Soonyoung had explained when Chan first expressed interest in you. 

“What? I don’t know if that’s tr-”

“No, trust me,” he insisted. “Every guy she’s brought around has been a fucking asshole. We hate all of her exes, and I mean all of them. We have a separate group chat just to talk shit about them.”

“They can’t be that bad,” Chan tried.

“The last one stood her up in the pouring rain and she still gave him another chance. I know you like her, Chan, but you’re too much of a nice guy. She’d never go for you.”

It’s supposed to be a compliment but it still hurt to hear that he basically had no chance with you. Especially since he’d had a crush on you for the longest time. 

“I can be a jerk.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “Are you for real?”

Chan nodded, resolute. “If that’s the kind of guy she likes, that’s the kind of guy I’ll be.”

“Is it really worth all that effort to act like someone you’re not just for some pussy?”

“It’s not just for- I actually like her, Soonyoung. I’m not just trying to get into her pants.”

“And that’s exactly why you’ll never be able to pull this ‘bad boy’ thing off.”

Chan shook his head. “You’re wrong. You’ll see.”

That conversation had brought Chan here, checking his phone every few minutes to see if you had messaged him. It was pathetic and he knew it but he wasn’t sure what else he could do. After bickering back and forth with his roommate, he had to turn around and practically beg him to help coach him on how to win you over. 

So far, Soonyoung’s intel and advice has worked, much to Chan’s surprise. You’ve hung out twice now. It hasn’t escalated to anything more than a kiss goodbye but that’s mostly because Chan’s a coward. You’ve made it clear you want him but he’s been too afraid to act on it. You’ve sexted exactly once when you were a little tipsy and wanted him to come over, but Chan was out that night and Soonyoung forbade him from leaving so that he wouldn’t come across as ‘desperate’. He was forced to tell you all of the things he wanted to do to you while trying not to get hard out in public to help you get off. He was happy to do it, of course, he just wished he could’ve been there with you like you wanted, or at the very least at home in bed so he could jerk off with you. Instead, he blueballed himself all night until he got home and could finally scroll back through your messages and cum all over his hand in the privacy of his own room. 

As much as Chan does want to sleep with you, he also wants to do all of the other things couples do together with you. He wants to take you out on dates, show you his favorite movies, meet your friends, and maybe also bury his head between your thighs and eat you out for hours. Mostly he just misses you. 

Just when he’s about to cave and text you first his phone lights up with a notification from you. It’s a text inviting him over, just what he’s been waiting for. He replies instantly, already knowing Soonyoung would be shaking his head in disappointment if he knew just how whipped Chan was acting. It’s only one deviation, though. One little slip up won’t tip you off that this whole thing’s all an act, right?

It’s too late to worry about that now because he’s already told you he’s coming over. Chan throws on a clean pair of sweats and a black t-shirt, dabbing a little cologne behind his ears for good measure. 

Soonyoung stops him on his way out of the apartment with a suspicious expression. 

“Where are you going at this hour?” he asks.

Mingyu’s over tonight too, just Chan’s luck. From the looks of it, he and Soonyoung are already a couple of beers in, likely debating about something stupid. Both men stare at Chan expectantly and he knows he won’t be able to lie to them so he comes clean. 

Mingyu whistles while Soonyoung just smirks. 

“You’re not taking an overnight bag just in case?” his roommate presses. 

“Uh, all she said was that she wants to hang out. I don’t know if it’s that kind of night.”

“Knowing her, it is,” Mingyu mused. 

It bothers Chan that Mingyu seems to know that about you but it’s really none of his business what kinds of things you talk about with your friends so all he can do is chuckle awkwardly and bid the two good night. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Soonyoung calls after him. “And remember to be a dick!”

Your apartment isn’t that far from Chan and Soonyoung’s but it still takes Chan twenty minutes to get there with how slow he’s driving. 

Don’t be too eager, don’t be too eager, he repeats to himself as he slows to a stop at each yellow light instead of blowing through them like he normally would. He doesn’t want to make it seem like he was waiting around for your call (which he was) and dropped everything to go see you (which he did) because he knows that will turn you off and that’s the opposite of what he’s trying to achieve. He needs to make it seem like he’s only coming over because he had nothing else going on even though that’s not the case. 

You open your door on the third knock and immediately usher Chan in, beaming at him, which nearly makes him melt right there on the spot. He kicks off his shoes and leaves them by the rug before following you into the kitchen.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” you exclaim in a hushed whisper. “Sorry it was short-notice, but I’ve just missed hanging out with you.”

Chan tries not to show how happy that makes him and simply shrugs. “Glad to be here.”

“I’ve been thinking about the other night,” you continue before trailing off. 

“The other night?” he asks. 

“Yeah, when we... you know.”

Oh. That other night. The night that you sexted. The night that Chan came more than once to the thought of you getting off to his messages. 

He tries to play it cool, leaning back against your counter and crossing his arms. “Oh yeah? What had you thinking about that?” 

“I was sad that you were tied up and couldn’t come over,” you hum. “I thought maybe you could make it up to me tonight.”

Chan chuckles. “So that’s what this is all about? Just feeling needy?”

He takes a step forward and you take one back in turn. “I-I no, that’s-”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m happy to help.”

He closes the gap between you and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close so that he can kiss you. Your lips are just as soft and warm as he remembers and you moan as soon as his tongue swipes across the seam of your mouth. 

There’s not much talking as Chan leads you backwards, helping you jump onto the island once your back meets the cold marble. His hands travel down to the waistband of your pants and he’s tugging at the elastic as a means to ask permission to take them off mere moments later. 

“Wait,” you stop him with a hand to his chest. Panic washes over Chan like he’s just been doused with ice water. Had he done something wrong? Was he moving too fast? You’re quick to assure him that everything’s alright with a squeeze of your hand but you go on to explain, “not here. My roommates are just down the hall asleep. We might wake them up.”

He cocks his head to the side, taking your words as a challenge. “You can’t be quiet?”

Your thighs tighten around Chan’s hips as you whimper and it takes everything in him not to grind forward into you. He maintains his composure, although just barely, and begins to kiss your neck. 

“I can be,” you assure him. 

“Are you sure?” You nod. “Make a sound and I’ll stop, okay?”

You pout but agree to his terms. “Okay.”

And then he’s kneeling on your kitchen floor, helping you out of your pajama pants. He places a hand on each of your thighs and spreads them apart, cursing when he sees the little wet patch on the front of your panties. He presses his finger to it, letting your arousal seep through the material even more. 

You flinch when he touches you.

“Sensitive already?” Chan asks with a smirk. 

You don’t answer. Instead, you push your hips into his hand, silently asking for more. He’s happy to give it to you, rubbing his thumb where he approximates your clit to be. He knows he’s found it when you gasp quietly above him. 

He touches you like that for a while, teasing you until you’re trembling. He doesn’t move on until he’s satisfied with how wet you are which doesn’t take long. You’ve been turned on since you first texted Chan to come over so he barely has to do anything to work you up. 

“Please, Chan,” you whine. 

“Please what?”

You groan in frustration. “Need more. Anything, please.”

“Anything, huh?” he repeats.

You nod, giving him the green light to continue. Rather than taking your panties off, he simply pushes them to the side and leans in close enough to dip his tongue in between your folds.

One of your hands flies to Chan’s hair, the other to your mouth as you bite down on your knuckles to muffle a moan. 

Chan begins to leisurely make out with your cunt, taking his time to savor the way you taste. You’re even sweeter than he anticipated, something he didn’t think possible, and the way you’re reacting to his actions is driving him absolutely crazy. He’s been hard from the second you suggested you wanted to fuck him and having his head buried between your thighs isn’t doing anything to help. He’s half-worried that he’ll cum way too early and embarrass himself, but he can’t focus on that now. Not when you’re grinding your pussy into his face like your life depends on it. 

The closer you get, the tighter your thighs squeeze around Chan’s head. He works his tongue inside of you, nose nudging your clit as he hums against you. 

“C-can I cum?” you ask suddenly, jolting Chan out of his thoughts. 

His eyes widen when they meet yours. You’re asking his permission to cum? He wasn’t expecting that. How did you want him to respond? Was he supposed to be mean? Did you want to be edged? 

Apparently he doesn’t make a decision quickly enough because you’re asking again with even more urgency before he gets the chance to answer. “Fuck, please? I can’t hold it-”

“Go ahead,” Chan mumbles into your cunt, hoping you can understand him.

You must, because you cum immediately after he says it, pushing his head even further into you as you ride it out. Chan happily laps up all of your arousal and then finally pulls away. He could eat you out all night but he has a feeling there’s something more you want from him. 

“How was th-”

You’re kissing him before he can finish his question, having pulled him in by the waistband of his sweats. Chan isn’t complaining in the slightest but he certainly hadn’t been expecting it. It’s a little clumsy at first until he finds his rhythm again, tongue slipping into your mouth so that you can taste yourself.

He’s a little relieved when you push him away to catch your breath because he’s so fucking hard it’s bordering on painful and he could definitely use a break as well. 

“Do you want to keep going?” you ask. There’s a look in your eye he can’t place. 

“Only if you do,” he answers.

“I thought it was obvious.” 

“I didn’t want to assume.”

“Hm, that’s nice,” you say thoughtfully. 

Fuck. That’s the opposite of what Chan wants you to think about him. You don’t seem put off by this, though, and he’s relieved by that. 

You jump down from off the counter and attempt to trade places with him. 

“Let me return the favor,” you offer, kneeling in front of him. 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Chan assures you. 

“Are you sure?”’

“Positive.”

You’re quiet as he helps you back onto the counter. He wants to ask you what’s on your mind but you beat him to it. “I didn’t take you for that sort of guy.”

“What sort of guy?”

You shrug noncommittally. “I don’t know. Guys like you, they don’t usually take the time to go down on a girl before having sex with her. And they definitely don’t turn down a blowjob.”

Damn, you were right. Even subconsciously Chan was acting too nice. In his mind, he was doing the bare fucking minimum but apparently even that was too much. 

“Hooking up with someone isn’t fun if they’re not into it,” he points out. “Men who skip foreplay are only screwing themselves over. And as good as I’m sure your mouth feels, I came over with something else in mind.”

It’s the cheesiest goddamn line he’s ever used on a woman but he hopes you buy the fuckboy act anyway. He’s almost positive that you can see right through him, see that the only reason he turned down a blowjob was because he was scared he’d cum too soon and ruin the moment. He’s smirking but it probably doesn’t reach his eyes, and oh god he’s such an idiot-

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Chan almost breathes a sigh of relief but catches himself just before he does. Instead he smiles wider, and brings one of his hands down to squeeze your ass. “Why don’t you let me show you?”

-

Chan finds a condom exactly where you told him he’d find one, in the drawer by the wine bottles. You share the stash with your roommates, you tell him, so there’s plenty of variety for him to choose from. He tears the foil package open with his teeth and rolls the condom on without much fuss before returning to where you’re perched on the counter waiting for him.

“Can I take your shirt off?” he asks you.

“Only if I can take yours off too.”

“I think that sounds like a fair deal.”

You go first, fingers ghosting along the sides of Chan’s body before catching on the hem of his t-shirt. You pull it upwards over his head and place it behind you on the island. Chan does the same to you, taking an extra moment to run his hands along the smooth skin of your breasts. 

“Can’t believe you’ve got me completely naked in my kitchen,” you murmur, leaning in for a kiss. “So dirty. You want me to be caught by my roommates or what?”

“You won’t get caught if you’re quiet,” he reminds you. 

“In theory,” you muse, “they might just wake up for no reason, come out here for some water or something, you know.”

“Well, I’m banking on that not happening,” Chan says as he runs the head of his cock through your folds. You’re still so wet that his dick is easily lubricated but he spits in his hand and pumps it a few times for extra measure. 

You’re teasing him now. “I don’t know, kind of seems like you want to be caught.”

In truth, Chan doesn’t want anyone to see you naked but him. But he can’t let you know that. Having sex in a place you aren’t supposed to is exciting, as is the risk, but that’s as far as the appeal goes for him. 

“If I suddenly develop an exhibition kink, you’ll be the first to know,” he grunts. “Would it make you more comfortable to move to your bedroom?”

“No, here’s fine. I was just giving you a hard time. I’ll fuck you wherever.”

Your words go straight to Chan’s dick and all he can do to keep from saying something he’ll regret is push himself inside of you so that he’s thoroughly distracted. 

“Fuck, you’re big,” you gasp. 

It does wonders for his ego. His knee-jerk reaction is to say something nice back to you but that’s not what an asshole would do so he doesn’t. 

“Thanks,” is what he decides to go with. Stupid. 

You feel perfect, so tight and warm, and Chan wishes he could tell you that. He’s not sure if that’s what you like to hear during sex, though, so he keeps his mouth shut. What do the guys you usually like say? He wishes he knew. He just wants you to enjoy yourself. 

If Soonyoung knew how in his head Chan was at the mere taste of your pussy he’d be so disappointed. All of his advice gone to waste. God, he shouldn’t be thinking about his roommate while he’s balls deep inside of you. It isn’t helping at all. 

“You can move,” you whisper. It’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear it but the desperate little whimpers that follow grab his attention instantly. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please move,” you repeat.

“Okay. Remember, you make a sound and I stop. Got it?”

“Yes, yes, I know. Please just... fuck me already! Been wanting it all night.”

Chan tsks and lifts your chin with a finger. “So fucking needy, I knew it.”

He doesn’t make you wait any longer, pulling almost all the way out before thrusting forward again. It’s slow but it feels so fucking good. Chan doesn’t know how he’s going to last. You wrap your legs around his waist to keep him close and he buries his head in the crook of your shoulder, nipping at the juncture of your neck softly. 

“God, Chan,” you moan lowly. 

“Baby,” he warns. 

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop if you do start to get loud so all he can do is scold you and pretend like he’ll make good on his word and hope that does the trick. God forbid you call his bluff. 

“I know, it’s just... you feel so good. It’s so deep.”

“Shit,” he hisses, hips stuttering forward on their own accord. 

“You can go faster,” you say in his ear. 

So he does. He didn’t account for how loud the sex itself would be. The sound of skin on skin, made worse by just how wet you are... the noise echoes off the cabinets but Chan can’t find it within himself to care. He hopes your roommates are heavy sleepers. 

You sniffle suddenly and Chan’s about to reprimand you for being noisy but then he sees the tears.

“Crying already?” he asks, voice dripping with faux sympathy. 

He doesn’t know where the confidence came from. If any other partner started crying in the middle of sex he’d immediately panic, stop, and ask what’s wrong. But it’s you. 

“C-can’t help it,” you choke out. “Just so good.”

“Yeah? You get a lil cockdrunk and all you can do is cry? So fucked out already?”

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth and nod pathetically. “‘M cl-close, Chan.”

It’s simultaneously a relief and a surprise to hear this. It’s a relief because Chan’s on the edge himself and it’s taking everything not to cum right this instant. It’s a surprise because he hasn’t even been fucking you for that long and you’re already on the brink of an orgasm. Chan knows he isn’t bad in bed, but he also never considered himself to be excellent or anything of the sort. You must like him a lot. 

The realization makes Chan’s heart do a somersault in his chest and he has to bite back a smile as he continues slamming into you.

“Gonna cum?” he coos. You nod again. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Panic washes over your features as your body begins to tense with anticipation. “Can I? Please can I cum?”

“Do you think you deserve it?” he whispers. 

“Mhm, I’ve been good! I’ve been so good- please, baby...”

Your begging is what does it for him. Chan groans out a raspy “cum with me, angel,” as he tips over the edge himself, hands gripping your thighs so hard that he’s sure he’ll leave marks behind. 

You’re still weakly fucking yourself through your orgasm when Chan comes down from his. His cock is already feeling sensitive but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t help you ride out your high. He might be playing the part of an asshole but he can’t bring himself to be that mean, especially when you look so pretty when you cum. 

He doesn’t help you get dressed even though he wants to and he doesn’t offer to help you shower off either. He just... picks up his things and leaves, feeling like absolute shit when he does. 

You stop him right as he reaches the door, looking shy for the first time all night. 

“I had a good time,” you say quietly. 

Chan isn’t about to lie to you so he agrees. “Yeah, me too.”

“We should... do it again sometime.”

He pretends to think about it, arguing internally with himself. Shouldn’t he just be honest? Come clean? He hated playing your game. But Soonyoung had been very insistent that he do exactly that. His roommate’s words ring through his head as he stands there in the doorway. 

“Every decent guy that’s ever shown interest in her has been shot down. They usually don’t even score a date with her. It’s not like you have to be a bad person, at least not entirely. You just have to be bad enough. She won’t give you the time of day otherwise.”

Chan sighs, sticking his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “Sure, yeah. Maybe. I’ll probably be around.”

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Sympathy For The Devil

i want him to break me in half

if I was president I would have all our nations top scientists working on technology to allow everyone with a pussy to feel what it's like to cum with a dick

BTS mixtapes in a nutshell

RM: I’m so conflicted between by idol and rapper identities that it’s tearing me apart, but I’m slowly coming to terms with my identity as a musical artist, so I’m gonna rap in a flow so intricate and sesquipedalian that y’all cant even pretend I’m not the best in the game, also I’ve read so many nihilistic philosophy books that I wanna DIE, but not before I’ve DRUNK my WEIGHT in LIQUOR and had a RAP BATTLE with GOD

Agust D: fuck all you fake rappers, fuck your moms, fuck high school, fuck the bourgeois, fuck depression, fuck social isolation, i cant trust nobody not even myself because im possessed by an evil rapping demon consumed by its lust for greed and fame, meet me in daegu for an ass kicking you fake fucks, i’ll kick your ass, i’ll kick his ass, I’LL KICK MY OWN ASS

Hope World: 🌺 ✨ 🌸 ✨ 🌺 WELCOME TO THE PARTY ZONE🌸 ✨ 🌺 ✨ 🌸It’s A Struggle To Maintain My Public Vs Personal Personas ✨ But I’m Still ✨ Like ✨ A Super Successful Idol ✨ So Life Is Pretty Sweet For Me Right Now ✨ I Love My Bros And My Fans ✨ I’ll Give The Haters My Free Flyer Points Since They Don’t Have Any! 🌺 ;) 🌺  🌈 follow ur dreams 🌈 i luv u 💖

Once you see the real me, will we still be friends?

michael is so genuinely a guy who thought all this was just a him thing

The way people describe memories with such vivid detail and nostalgia will always be wild to me. It always feels like an exaggeration, like they must be partially making it up. Not that they're lying, but they're embellishing the memory to make it seem so much more magical. But then, I remember that that is how most people talk about their memories. I see it everywhere. Is everyone exaggerating at the same time? No. It seems real. They seem genuine. Their memories really are that rich for them. So impactful and emotional.

I watch a lot of video essays. I love hearing people passionately talk about certain topics. I like hearing people talk about games. And the way people can describe their first time playing something blows my mind. The excitement, the wonder, the joy. You can hear in their voice how much they cherish those feelings. It's so important to them, something they'll hold dear for their whole lives.

I don't have this. Towards any piece of media, or any type of event. I get excited, I have fun, I get swept away by hype, my heart can be ponding in my chest as my hands shake. I know, factually, that these things happen. I know, factually, that I could have been buzzing with so much excitement that I couldn't sleep. But I have no idea what any of it felt like. Memories that should be important to me, like me graduating only a few months ago, are reduced to a list of flat, emotionless facts.

It's not something I can re-experience.

I can't cast myself into the mind of myself from the past. I merely have the facts of the past being interpreted by myself from the present.

Heavily recommend checking out this fic by @remedyturtles