Ankh Morpork - Tumblr Posts

The only good cops are in the Ankh Morpock Night Watch. Not the Day Watch though, those guys are shit.

But, much to my dismay, they're all fictional. So i agree - all cops are bastards

Yeah I'd read that alternate reality version of Small Gods. Probably in a world where Ankh-Morpork is heavily Omnian, given the hippo

Fascinating, I had no idea. The connections grow...

When I listened to this song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hqEFhx8-CQ0&pp=ygUnbmV2ZXIgbWV0IGEgbmljZSBzb3V0aCBhZnJpY2FuIG9yaWdpbmFs , all I could think about was Discworld and Ankh-Morpork.

And I thought to myself: if I can think about it, why don’t I make it?

So… I rewrote this song Discworld-style! No points for guessing who the narrator here is, heh…

I’ve traveled this whole Disc of ours from here to Counterweight

I managed to escape alive from the Sender of Eight

I’ve flown on a dragon and I’ve fallen from the Rim

And I’ve met Death so often I’m a hobby now to him

I’ve been to Agatea, and I shook the ‘ntire nation,

But I’ve never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

No, he’s never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

And that’s not bloody surprising, man!

‘Cause we’re a bunch of arrogant bastards

Who hate dwarfs and trolls!

I once met a seamstress who knew nothing about sex

I haven’t been eaten alive while traveling Fourecks

I’ve once been in Death’s Domain and boy was it a shock

I’ve once fought a sourcerer with a half-brick in a sock

I’ve got a sentient Luggage and it’s absolutely savage

But I’ve never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

No, he’s never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

And that’s not bloody surprising, man!

‘Cause we’re a bunch of talentless murderers

Who smell like baboons!

I once controlled an army made of terracotta guys

I’ve been hit on by ladies who were my colleagues in disguise

I’ve been in another world where I’ve flown on a plane

And I have seen the world being created yet again

I’ve met a water troll who lived under the Rimfall

But I’ve never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

No, he’s never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

And that’s not bloody surprising, man!

‘Cause we’re a bunch of ignorant loudmouths

With no sense of humor!

I’ve met Cohen the Barbarian and he’s got diamond teeth

Thanks to my friend’s diary I’m an Agatean myth

I have met the Lady though I’ve never called her name

Because I’m her chosen pawn in all this goddamn game

I once had a good noodle but I’ve never had a poodle

And I’ve never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

No, he’s never met a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

And that’s not bloody surprising, man!

‘Cause we’ve never met one either!

(Except for Havelock Vetinari!

And he’s now on a train to Quirm!)

Yes! He’s quite a nice Ankh-Morporkian!

And he’s hardly ever killed anyone!

And he’s not smelly at all!

That’s why we put him in prison!