Being Better - Tumblr Posts

I'm feeling incredibly crappy and sad today.

Keep thinking about his treatment, his cold and cruel silent treatment towards me. His cold cruel heart. How can you live with yourself knowing you caused another human being, someone you once loved and cared for, so much pain, hurt and heart ache. How can you sleep at night? How can you go about your daily life and put on a smiling face and acted as if nothing happened???

How?? Why??

I'm a good, decent person who gave my all into him and the relationship. I gave all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body to this person and now they're throwing me away like trash. Like 3.5 years so nothing, meaningless to them. Now they have someone new and younger they discard you like trash.

How pathetic and disgusting that he has become this person or maybe this is who he was all along. Just didn't show his true colors because he didn't have to. Now he's shown who he really is. Just a shitty person. Can't wrap my head around it. This is fucking me up.

Maybe I am really depressed. I hope they call with an appointment soon. I so need the help to help me move on and become my old self again.

How can someone whom you gave your heart to can cause so much damage and pain? But I'm not going to allow that piece of shit to take power over me. He's not going to win in this battle.

I AM

I WILL

I'm the better one

I didn't wronged anyone

I wasn't mean nor cruel

I am a good, decent person who will receive decent and good things in life

I'm not the one psychologically abusing someone so they can avoid the pain and the mature adult conversation

I'm not trash

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My family thinks I’m absolutely nuts. They’re constantly whispering to younger cousins “don’t copy her” and “she’ll always be the wild one, never thinking”. I was desperate to fit in but I never really did. And now I’m out here wondering why the hell I ever wanted to in the first place.

Blood is thicker than water, but water has the power to dilute the strength of blood.

True, I can be reckless and impulsive. If I want something, I have to have it. I am selfish and persistent in my pursuit. Whether or not it’s good for me is another story. I’m stubborn and sensitive, sometimes blindly optimistic.

But frankly, if we spend time waiting for the perfect moment….it’ll never come. No matter how much we plan and prepare, there are always uncertainties.

I believe we have to create opportunities for ourselves. I don’t want to wait around and wonder, I want to know. If I fail (is anything really a failure or just a redirection?), then I have more information than I started with. Something was still gained.

Some caution is a good thing. However, awareness + acceptance always > caution.

It’s not about succeeding - it’s about trying. It’s about having faith, trusting that things are always working out in your favor. Reflection and introspection, then continuing to move forward. Everything is a lesson, to teach us more about ourselves.

At the end of my life, I want to be able to say I lived a full one. That I didn’t hold back out of fear. That I didn’t succumb to being a victim of circumstance, I didn’t stay complacent within the status quo. I don’t want there to be any “what-ifs”. I want to be able to say that it all had to happen this way. That I understand the meaning of my story.

That I loved fiercely and passionately. That I didn’t allow the injustices of the world to harden me. That I used my pain for good, turned it into hope. That I continued to strive for better, that I never gave up.

That I didn’t do it perfectly, but I did it with compassion, self-respect, and grace. That I confidently pursued my dreams and I humbly acknowledged my mistakes. That my experiences shaped me, they didn’t just happen to me.

At the end, I want to say that I know who I am and what I stand for. That in my life, I made the most of it to become the truest version of myself.