Bipolar Writing - Tumblr Posts

The pain never ceases.

They say my condition is characterized

By infinite ups and downs,

But I have been going downhill

Forever more;

For when the depression hits I am static,

Drowned by my own despair,

Incapable of resisting the current

That violently pulls me lower and lower,

And when the mania hits

I am trapped in quicksand,

Uncontrollably thrashing and flailing

As I am pulled under.

What I never get to do is breathe -

Feel the fresh air fill my lungs -

I am suffocating just by existing at all,

And always they tell me

That life will turn around,

And yet it's been almost 30 years

With no change in direction.

Staying alive is getting harder by the day.

Having the faith that life is worth living

Is impossible

For the likes of me.

For if the days fail to feel brighter,

And the abyss seems endless

And devoid of an exit,

What could possibly be the point?

I eat my food that tastes like garbage,

I wash my skin, which feels like shit.

An endless cycle and yet somehow,

I am lower every day.

I listen to my music that no longer sounds good.

I watch the TV series just to have some noise.

But no amount of pretending will normalize me -

No amount of pretending will make me alive.

No amount of pretending will give life any flavour...

None,

At all.

Keep fucking going!!!!!!!

Yes, in my darkest days, i'll wish they didn't look for me, but it doesn't change anything about how I felt when I woke up in that hospital. Happy i was still able to move my fingers and toes. Seeing my mum and dad. Trying to be strong for me, fighting their tears. Kills me, I put them through that, and I never wanna do that again. The crazy part was I was soooo happy to be like.... alive. I didn't understand why or how I got there but I was happy to be okay ♡ owe my life to my ex bosses, miss yous.

Please be kind to your self 🙏❤️ keep fucking going ( is what the ring says that I wear everyday from my lil cat who im happy to be her maid of honor this summer )