Brene Brown - Tumblr Posts
For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. And it wasn't until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient."
And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?" I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."
TAKEAWAYS:
Connection is why we’re here. Shame stops connection. Shame is: …the fear of disconnection, …the feeling of “I’m not _____ enough,” …the idea of “Is there something about me that if people know it or see it, that I wont be worthy of connection?”
There are people who struggle for love and belonging, and then there are The Whole Hearted. The Whole Hearted are people who: 1. Have the courage to be imperfect, 2. Practice compassion and kindness for themselves and others, 3. Have connections that are a result of authenticity, 4. Fully embrace vulnerability.
For those of us who do NOT embrace vulnerability, we… …numb ourselves (with food, alcohol, drugs, social media, video games, etc.), …perfect everything around us, …deny, …avoid, …distract, …overpower others, …control others and control circumstances…
Dr. Brene Brown’s advice: 1. Let yourself be “seen,” deeply seen. 2. Love with your whole heart, even with no guarantees. 3. Practice gratitude and joy, even in moments of terror. 4. Believe that you are enough.
can y'all imagine if season 3 starts of with a shot of Rupert.
If you were raised in an environment where emotion was minimized, seen as weakness, invalidated, shut down, perceived as wasteful (e.g., crying won’t help), or even punished, then giving yourself permission to feel, recognize, and explore may be a bigger challenge. You might be the first person in your life to grant yourself the permission you need to experience emotion. If you’re worried that giving permission to experience and engage with emotion will turn you into something you’re not or someone you don’t want to become—it won’t. It will, however, give you the opportunity to be your most authentic self. We are wired to be emotional beings. When that part of us is shut down, we’re not whole.
Brené Brown, Rising Strong (via weltenwellen)
One of the outcomes of attempting to ignore emotional pain is chandeliering. We think we’ve packed the hurt so far down that it can’t possibly resurface, yet all of a sudden, a seemingly innocuous comment sends us into a rage or sparks a crying fit. Or maybe a small mistake at work triggers a huge shame attack. Perhaps a colleague’s constructive feedback hits that exquisitely tender place and we jump out of our skin. (...) I grew up around a lot of chandeliering, and I’ve also worked with people who pushed down emotion, then exploded. I know firsthand that uncontrolled eruptions of emotion sabotage the safety that most of us are trying to create, whether in our families or our organizations. If it happens often enough, chandeliering leads to eggshell environments—fear-based settings where everyone is on edge. We can’t pack down hurt, nor can we off-load it to someone else while maintaining our authenticity and integrity. Most of us have been on the receiving end of one of these outbursts. Even if we have the insight to know that our boss, friend, colleague, or partner blew up at us because something tender was triggered and it’s not actually about us, it still shatters trust and respect. Living, growing up, working, or worshipping on eggshells creates huge cracks in our sense of safety and self-worth. Over time, it can be experienced as trauma.
Brené Brown, Rising Strong (via weltenwellen)
“I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
~ Brené Brown
Always remember that
A quote from Brené Brown about saying "yes" to rest & play, with personal reflection to follow.