Cillian Murphy X You - Tumblr Posts

Master List

Tag List and Tag List Requests

Please see below the links to my Masterlists:

Thomas Shelby (Peaky Blinders)

Cillian Murphy 

Jonathan Crane

Emmett (AQP2)

Chris (Free Fire)

WARNING: All of my Fics include SMUT! All of my fics that are written for Cillian Murphy himself are not based on his real life. 

WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/user/MissCarolineShelby

The wrong path (Cillian Murphy x reader)

Request: Could I request a cillian x female reader one shot where the reader is a lot younger than him, like twenty years or something, so cillian is hesitant to make a move and he thinks the reader isn't into him but really they're hesitant because they have BPD

Warnings: Age gap/age difference, Borderline Personality Disorder (I’m not sure if it’s real respected or not, but I assume that no one will be able to explain the disease as well as a professional or a person who has the illness/deasease/trouble)

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Before him, you had never admired anyone. You admired him for his personality, his talent, his breathtaking beauty, you were able to admire him as a sculpture of Rodin. Perfection emanated from his body. You could only be receptive.

When his baby blue eyes were on you, your heart was melting. His freckles contrasted with the hardness of his high and sharp cheekbones. And those lips... Those lips that you wanted to kiss. You were infatuated with this man without him having to make the slightest effort. It wasn’t mere feelings. Yours were much stronger than the norm, those who almost took your heart off your chest and literally triggered butterflies in your stomach. His presence was amazing, he made you feel better and you had never felt so good in the presence of a man. Your emotions increased tenfold affecting your feelings for the man. This older man, this man who could be your father, this man just divorced and who has children just a few years younger than you. As his body began to age, yours had finished blooming.

That man who loved you too, but had no idea you had feelings for him. This man to whom you hid your passion for him. Each of your discussions were short, short and intense. It’s through these discussions that you have fallen in love with each other, through these discussions that you have hidden from him your darkest secret. A secret that you hated, that gnawed you, that leads your life and affects each of your relationships.

A whole weekend with him? Who could have thought? The idea didn’t make you nervous, it frightened you to the point of panicking. An anxiety attack before joining him at the rendezvous point and you put your mask on, you refused that people know this part of you. The disturbed mental part, would tell people who don’t understand the disease. Could he understand it? He was always mature and smart, but you didn’t want to lose him forever.

He came to pick you up by car, the trip went perfectly, your fear had immediately dissipated at the sight of the man, a real feeling of release. During the whole trip, you felt normal. Normal? What does this word mean? With or without Borderline Personality Disorder? Often you dodge this question.

His house and the garden were wide and it was a good thing, it would allow you to not always be with him in his house. Why did you accept? Your feelings had pushed you there and a part of you hoped something would happen between you two. After all, you would be home alone with him for two and a half days. Only, would you accept such a rapprochement without hesitation?

"Do you really want to impose your trouble to him? Cillian doesn’t deserve that..." you remembered thinking that.

Later, he invited you to the restaurant and you couldn’t say no. You were delighted as if he had just bought you a house in front the sea, you restrained yourself from exploding with joy, you just smiled and thanked him with a little hug. You wanted to kiss him, but it didn’t seem like a good idea. Gently, you realized that you were slipping on the wrong path, the one that separates friendship and love.

The meal went very well, now you waited for dessert and in the meantime, you left to go to the bathroom. It was during that time that Cillian took the opportunity to think about the situation. Try something or not? Your beauty hypnotized him, your kindness too, you were so adorable with everyone. Looking in your eyes, there was something he couldn’t decipher: a triumphant form of innocence over cracked foundations. You've never shown him a particular interest, you never have especially flirted with him and yet, you always agreed to see him and this weekend, you were there, with him, you would sleep in his house. Could you really agree to go out with a man 20 years older than you? Someone who was 42, who already has two sons aged 13 and 11? How could he, possibly, make you meet them? Actually, he didn’t care of the people’s staring, but he didn’t know if daring to make a move toward you was morally right. Perhaps you only saw him as a father? The idea made him shiver with disgust. He also knew very well that a girl your age wouldn’t have the same expectations as him.

When you came back to him, that beautiful smile stretching your lips, sparkling joy in your eyes, he knew he had to do something or give up. Although cliché, he saw an opportunity to offered to him when you finished your chocolate fondant, there was this light piece of cake at the corner of your lips. He leaned toward you as you watched him, intrigued and excited from the inside as he brought his face closer to yours, running his thumb to the corners of your mouth to remove the crumb. Finally, he gently put his lips on yours for a brief kiss, but it was enough to have the answer to his questions.

You blushed when he stepped back, but you wanted him to start again, you already miss the sensation of his hot lips against yours. You wanted to see again his beautiful and light freckles and his captivating iris. Yet, you didn’t know what to say, you wait for the man to speak. You were close to the point of no return. You were terribly afraid of losing him because he would regret his action or he was playing with you, that he made you wish a serious relationship like some men his age do with women much younger...

"I like you a lot, Y/N.” He confessed with a small smile, himself nervous. For how many years did he not seduce a woman? It was almost 22 years ago, he felt like a teenager again. And even if he played Thomas Shelby, a womanizer, it did not help much. After all, he was the kind to be shy.

"I can’t be with you, Cillian."

Cold, hard, you didn’t want to say it that way. Fear was already in your eyes. The state of nervousness didn’t exist for you. You also didn’t think this simple sentence could hurt him; this is one of the symptoms of your illness, you have trouble predicting the consequences of your actions. A symptom among many others who concerned you; the disruption of identity, in other words, often questioning yourself, not being able to analyze your own emotions clearly, to idealise (or devalue) the other, the constant fear that one plays with your feelings. At that moment, you were trying to protect yourself against the one you were idealizing.

"You don’t want or you can’t?"

The question was simple. You only had to repeat a part of the sentence. You closed your eyes a few moments and bit your bottom lip until you felt the taste of blood spread in your mouth.

"I can’t.” You ended up answering while your vision was blurred, you had tears in your eyes.

"Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.” You told yourself mentally.

"Y/N? What's the matter…?” He asked in a soft voice, anxious as he saw your eyes wet. "I don’t blame you, I just want to understand what's going on and why you can’t.” He added, placing his hand on yours before caressing her tenderly to reassure you.

"I can’t be with you because I'm not normal..." you answered with a trembling voice, looking down at your plate.

"Hey, don’t say that-"

"I assure you it's true, I'm not the kind of girl to be perfectly normal. You can’t be when you have borderline personality disorder..."

You put your hands on your face, it was a bit childish, but you didn’t want him to see you crying. Despite your illness, you were sufficiently aware of your symptoms, except that you couldn’t completely control them.

Cillian got up from his chair and went to kneel beside you, putting one hand on your knee and another on your shoulder that he was stroking. He knew this trouble a little, but he had never realized that you were touched by it. He knew what it represented, build a relationship with you would be delicate, but he wanted to try the adventure.

"It's not because you're borderline that you're not normal. It won’t my feelings for you."

You raised your head before giving him a slight smile and taking refuge in his arms, no matter how many eyes were on you at that time.

He knew perfectly well that the critics would be numerous: a great actor in a relationship with a 22 year young woman, borderline and not a celebrity. He already saw the titles and the insults that will come, always discreet about his private life.

But he wanted only one thing: your happiness together.

Love war (Cillian Murphy x reader)

Request: Could I request a cillian x female reader where the reader meets his children for the first time and they get along really well (the reader is younger than him - 20 years like your other imagine) xx

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

I know, it took me six weeks to write just an imagine and I’m so sorry I made the anon wait this long... I’m sorry. Really.

***

You were nervous. It was an understatement. Being in a relationship with Cillian was already a lot, he was 20 years older than you, but it never had been a problem. It's just that people always judged you for the age gap even if you've learned to ignore them. A serious relationship was: getting involved, which meant, among other things, meeting his family. You already met his parents and his siblings, you pretty get along with them, they were really nice, but his two sons? Never. Why? Because your boyfriend wanted to be sure it worked between the two of you.

Even if you were stressed, a part of you was excited to meet Malachy, 12 and Aran, 11. You had seen them in photos and they were the spitting image of Cillian, especially Malachy. You were in your new apartment, the one in which you now lived with Mr. Murphy. You waited impatiently, sitting on the sofa in the living room, for the arrival of Cillian and his sons. Your leg was moving nervously, you knew they were going to show up from one minute to the next. When you heard the front door open and their little voices, you smile without realizing it.

You got up and went to join them before gazing at them. The first to see you was the youngest of the two who greeted you shyly. A small laugh escaped your lips and you hugged him. It was something you hadn’t controlled. You wanted to see their adorable faces for ages! You did the same thing with Malachy before presenting yourself and showing them the apartment, especially their bedrooms.

Even if you were happy, you were still awkward because you didn’t know if they already liked you or hated you and what you could do to get to know them! You really hoped they were as sweet as Cillian. So, when they dropped off their belongings in their respective rooms, you went to see them to ask if they wanted to do a particular activity. The two young boys had the same idea: go to the fair. You loved it too. Then, inevitably you promised them that you would go in the afternoon, after eating.

At lunch time, you had cooked lasagna and the two boys feasted, seeing this warmed your heart because you knew you were on the good way to make them like you as a stepmother. You almost choked with your food after Aran asked a question "important" for a couple:

“Are you going to make a baby? Are we going to be big brothers?”

You casted a glance at your boyfriend who was hiding his amused smile, letting you voluntarily answer the little boy. Of course, you had already talked about it, the idea was very tempting. You hadn’t had a child on your own yet, Cillian dreamed of having a daughter and since he was 42 years old, he wanted to avoid waiting too long for a third child. You two agreed to wait a little longer, which meant that you would try in the following months. You cleared your throat before answering:

“Well… Would you like to be big brothers?”

“You make dad happy and we always wanted a sister… So, it would be great!” responded Malachy with a smile.

You couldn’t help but smiled back.

“That’s something we were talking about. You’re alright with that?” intervened Cillian in the discussion. Aran nodded with a smile and Malachy thumbed up in approval. You were already very relieved.

While the boys were brushing their teeth, you took the opportunity to do the dishes with your man and stole him kisses from time to time. He laughed before he kissed you properly.

“They understood the reasons why their mother and I divorced and I’m sure they already like you.”

A big smiled stretched your lips.

*

The boys were so excited, they ran everywhere, desiring to try every merry-go-around even when Cillian kept telling them to stay calm and avoid drawing attention to you. You accompanied them in almost all attractions, except those that were a bit too thrilling to your taste. The fact that you only had nine and eleven years of differences with the two boys made you understand them and have fun with them. You spent your day laughing with them, teasing them and letting them do the same. You acted like you were their friends, even if your boyfriend intervened once or twice, judging they were going too far.

Malachy and Aran asked you to have candyfloss and an ice cream at 4 o’clock as a snack, you decided paid with a good heart, running with them to one of the food stands. You were already fond of the kids. When you gave them their delicacies, they thanked you, but before they had a chance to eat, you put ice cream on Aran’s nose before he wiped it with a little grunt. His little grimace made everyone laugh. He tore off a piece of his brothers' candyfloss before tucking it in your mouth.

“Thank you, little munchkin!” you said after you emptied your mouth, then you laughed.

You held the child in your arms and in exchange, he put a slobbering kiss on your cheek to bother you. With this, he ran away, knowing full well that this little war wasn’t over and that Malachy will ally to you. Cillian watched the scene, a big smile stretching his plump lips and his crystal blue eyes sparkling with joy. He was so much reassured and happy that his children got along well with you.

A love war just begun.

Moving to Los Alamos

Cillian Murphy as J. Robert Oppenheimer

Warnings : none

Word count : 1681

a/n - this was lightly proofread so there may or may not be some mistakes and this is also my first time writing fanfic in like 5 years so I'm kind of rusty. I hope you enjoy :)

You hated change and you always have. You had just gotten used to living with your husband and adapted to his long work hours and constant work trips. You had made a couple friends in the neighborhood and could see yourself living there for a while. So when Robert came home one night and said you two were moving to Los Alamos, you weren’t exactly thrilled.

You were sitting at the kitchen table reading a book in the dark underneath the dining room table light as you liked to do. You enjoyed the ambience and peace. A set of headlights entered through the kitchen window that you had opened earlier causing you to look up from your current page. You watched Robert climb (more like rush) out the car with his briefcase and head to the front door. He seemed to be in a good mood, but knowing him it could be something small that happened at work he couldn’t wait to tell you. You smile to yourself at the thought.

Once he walks through the door and notices you sitting at the table he gives you a wide smile. You return it along with a confused look. He quickly sets his hat down on the hat rack, his briefcase down on the table, and finally sits down next to you. Throughout all of this, his smile never fades and now you have a feeling it’s not anything small that’s got him like this. You lay the book in your hands on the table after making a mental note of your current page, and give him your full attention.

“Well, how was your day?” you smile at him, already partially knowing the answer.

“What do you think about moving to Los Alamos?”he asks, causing your smile to falter.

“I asked you how your day was not about moving to New Mexico,” you gave him a confused look. Robert scoots his chair closer to yours and grabs your hand, resting it in your lap. Your brows are still deeply furrowed as you look at him.

“This is what I have been working towards these past months. I moved out here to California for my work to be recognized and it’s finally paying of-“

“Robert, what are you talking about?” You cut off his rambling with a wave of your hand.

“Remember when I told you about that special project and how no one would let me on?”he asks and you nod. “Well they finally did and they want my help.”

“And what do these people need help with?” you ask, and he gives you an uneasy look. You motion for him to continue and he hesitates a little.

“They want to build a bomb,” he finally answers with a hushed voice, and you just stare at him not knowing what to say with your mouth slightly ajar.

An hour ago you were thinking about how to change the look of your living room and now your husband comes in and hits you with this. You’re not even sure he’s supposed to be telling you this.

“Say something,”he gently says once he notices your silence.

“I-I don’t know what to say. I mean what am I supposed to say? You just said the word bomb Robert! What is it for? Who is it for?”the whole time you speak in a whisper but you still manage to raise your voice at him.

“That I can’t tell you, you just have to trust me.”

“Trust you? You want me to trust you and move to a different state for something you can’t even tell me about because I might get killed for knowing too much!”

“No, no, no. You’re not going to die, you just don’t have security clearance for me to tell you,”he says with a small laugh. You lean back in your chair and give him a dumbfounded look because there’s no way he’s laughing right now.

“Security clearance? What the hell is this Robert?”

He grabs your face with his hands and looks into your eyes.

“This will all make sense when we’re in Los Alamos, I promise. I need you to trust me. Will you trust me?” he searches your face for an answer.

You don’t want to but you look him in the eye. The same blue eyes that you instantly fell in love with the first day you two met. The same blue eyes that were always able to convince you to do anything as long as he pairs it with a smile. Move to New Mexico. Trust him. Just like you trusted him when you decided to kiss him for the first time back when you were married to your ex-husband. Just like you trusted him when he asked you to marry him, which you did and divorced your previous husband without a second thought.

You let out a sigh. Once again this man was able to persuade you, this time though, with hardly any details. He raises his brows expectantly and you nod.

“Thank you,”he smiles at you as he gently caresses your cheek before leaning in to place his lips on yours, and then repeating it again. “Thank you.”

About a month later it was time for the move to Los Alamos. You and Robert had packed ‘only what you needed’— Robert’s words not yours —  and made the drive down from California. According to him there would be a house waiting for you with everything that you needed. Along with the clothes you packed, there were also some knick knacks from home you planned on putting in your new temporary one. 

When you two finally arrived you hadn’t even realized until he told you. Based on your surroundings it didn’t look like much given the fact that you were in the middle of nowhere. It was just a hot, dry desert with the sun beaming harshly down on you. That was until Robert kept driving, and you saw something in the distance. You glance over at Robert, and he gives you a quick glance back along with a reassuring smile. 

Once you get closer you’re able to make out a small down that looked like it didn’t belong. Robert had told you the government had built a temporary town to help with whatever it is that was going on here, but you didn’t think he was serious. Robert pulls the car up to a gate with a couple uniformed men who had to be drenched in sweat from this heat standing around. As you were pulling up, there was a car already waiting to enter. The guard standing closest to the driver’s side window hands what seems to be some sort of pass to the driver and motions for the gate to open and for the driver to continue. Once you pull up, the guard notices Robert and just motions for us to continue.

“They were checked, but there was no need to check us,” you thought. You continued to think about this as Robert continued the drive into the town.

You could tell all the buildings were new from how bright the paint or letterings on the buildings were. But, that could also be the New Mexico sun reflecting off the buildings. Robert had told you the main reason for the town was so the men working on the project could bring their families. You passed by convenience stores and other small stores, as well as a makeshift hospital. To go along with the new buildings, the people who worked in them and shopped filled up the streets. Some of the wives of the men that were working on the project could be seen casually walking and gossiping as if this had been their home all along. The men who they belonged to were too busy running in and out of work the different work buildings. You were somewhat impressed with the town.

You also wondered how some of the other men were able to convince their wives to move out here.

You eventually reach where all the houses seemed to be, but Robert never stopped in front of one of those. The one he did pull in front of was secluded from the others. It was 

“I thought you would like your privacy,” he tells you as he turns the car off. You give him a small smile at the gesture before exiting the car.

The house looked pretty small on the outside, but so did all the other houses you passed on the way here. As you step inside you realize the house is not yet furnished making it appear bigger than it was. Robert follows you inside with his hands inside of his pockets and watches you as you look around waiting for your reaction.

“Robert,” you call out to him from a different room and he follows the sound of your voice. He raises his eyebrows as a way of asking what was wrong, even though he already knew the problem. “There’s no kitchen. What am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already dealt with it. Some guys are going to come out and bring everything you need.”

“Why isn’t it already here?” You ask him.

“That’s just how it is, but don’t worry, in a couple days everything will be fine. The house will be furnished and you will have fixed it up how you like. Think of it as a home away from home” He grabs a hold of both your hands to bring you closer to him. 

You take your hands out of his and wrap your arms around his neck. He places his hands on your waist and starts to do a gentle sway — something he did to calm you down once, and now he does it for every similar situation. He knows you’re not completely content with it, but hopes you are able to handle it for the time being.

“I sure hope all this is worth it,”you tell him as you look up at him. 

“Me too.”