Communicate Or Die ! - Tumblr Posts
🪐 — IZZY HANDS for stede !
The truth of things was that Izzy had a handful of ideas of where Ed might have gone. Stede was right when saying that Izzy of all people would have the best chance of figuring out where the heartbroken captain had gone. After all, Izzy had known him the longest and the best even if there was still parts of who Ed was that he needed to work on. More and more izzy was realizing how wrong he’d been to try to contain Ed to his own expectations. Contain wasn’t the right word. Izzy couldn’t impose his will on Edward even if he wanted to but their bond led Ed to trying to fit Izzy’s ideas as much as Izzy tried to fit what he thought was expected of him. What a fucking mess they were. Maybe Calico Jack was right. He’d said it many times that friendship was not made for men like them. Not made for pirates. In their younger years when Izzy followed Ed around like a lost dog, Jack had rolled his eyes at the young swordsman’s devotion and admiration.
The familiar spiral of negative thoughts had started to swirl around Israel’s head, only to be shaken a bit by the question about Lucius. Izzy’s heart skipped a bit. In truth, the young man had grown on him. He couldn’t say he hated the man but obviously he’d also never admit to liking him either. The first mate had felt mixed emotions the night that Blackbeard pushed Lucius overboard. Of course there had been the intense pain, fear and humiliation of having his toe cut off and fed to him but even that he’d focused on less since it had meant that Blackbeard was back. Or at least he’d thought.
The Kraken was a terrifying force and had put izzy back into his place. Lucius’ demise had further made it clear that the soft Ed was gone but at the expense of a crew members life. For all Izzy’s many faults he did care about the crews well-being when he was in charge of them. That included this rag tag bunch of idiots.
Clearing his throat and avoiding eye contact for now, Izzy made himself get back on his feet. This was not a discussion to have sitting on his bed. He grabbed his cane to help with the process. Hands ran his tongue against the underside of his teeth to feel the slight roughness as he thought of how best to answer this. The truth. Right ?
“I’ll stay. You won’t be able to find Edward without me and — I’m not ready to leave his service unless he dismisses me himself.” Or kills me, thought Hands. A pause as Izzy fussed with the cuff of one of his sleeves. “The night that Blackbeard did this,” he gestured to his foot. “He — he pushed Lucius overboard and — I guess the lad wasn’t a strong swimmer,” he said carefully, brow furrowed. Izzy actually looked troubled by this. “I’m sorry. Mister Spriggs is dead.” Taking a slow breath, Izzy was focusing on Stede’s face now as the man took this in. “He was a pain in the ass at times and a shit manual laborer but — he was a good lad. I’m sorry he’s gone.”
THERE’S SOMETHING OMINOUS in the way that izzy hesitates. stede has always known him to be dangerously decisive, rarely in need of an extra moment to consider anything. & while he also has yet to see the man looking anything akin to happy, the expression on his face turns somehow darker still at the mention of lucius. for a moment, it’s as though he’s lost in a storm of his own thoughts. & when he pulls himself slowly to his feet with the aid of his cane, weight noticeably imbalanced as he leans on his uninjured foot, stede feels a sickening lurch in his stomach, certain before the words leave izzy’s mouth that the answer will not be a pleasant one. while he isn’t surprised that blackbeard’s first mate chooses to return to his captain no matter the consequences ( that much has already been made abundantly clear ), stede still isn’t entirely prepared for the way the next words land on his body like blows. he had expected something like this, but the impact is heavier than expected, forcing him to stagger backward a step & brace himself against the door of izzy’s cabin. it is his fault — lucius had been his scribe, bidden to stay close enough to the action to record everything. he had only been placed in danger’s way in the first place by his orders. that much could not be denied by anyone. & besides that, it was the most solemn duty of the captain to protect his crew. instead, he had left them all. & so his death was on stede’s hands. & for as sharp & bitter as the guilt is over the harm he had caused edward, & his crew, & even izzy, this is far worse. even now, in spite of the harm, through it stede was coming to understand izzy in a way he had thought impossible before now. & he would surely be forgiven for endangering the crew in due time, if he proved himself to them. perhaps he could even mend the damage he had done to edward’s heart, if given the chance once they found him. but this cannot be undone, no matter what he does or how long he lives. there is no forgiveness for this. it takes a long moment for stede to gather himself enough to remember that he is not free to grieve as he would be if he were alone. he can’t say how long it’s been since izzy fell silent, but he does not need to be told that this is not a reaction befitting of a captain. & stede draws himself back upright, squaring his shoulders again with considerable effort. ❝ a good lad — indeed he was, ❞ he agrees, his voice unsteady in spite of his best attempt. & a trembling hand smoothes at the wrinkles in his linen shirt. though it does little good, the material hopelessly creased after the days spent at sea in a rowboat. this too, is just one more thing that he had ruined beyond repair. ❝ thank you for telling me, mr. hands. i’m — i’m very sorry to hear that he was harmed because of me. ❞ & then his eyes flicker down again, lingering to the bandages on izzy’s foot. ❝ i never suspected he would — i didn’t know this would happen. & for what it’s worth, i am sorry, too for the pain that my actions caused you. ❞