Dissociative Episode - Tumblr Posts
Dear diary 3/8/2020
They are here, I can can feel them watching me. I am not alone and it scares me.They are in my mind saying my name, and using it as a place for their thoughts. But are those my thoughts? But if they are why would they suggest the things they do? Why would I want to hurt and cause drama between my friends? I went through life wanting friends. I can't just throw that away, not now. I feel like they want me alone, scared, and in the dark. I'm was pacing in large circles around my backyard. But now I'm sitting on a swing I don't remember walking to. Just thinking about everything....... This may seem strange, but right now I feel like necklace is creating a barrier between me and them. Maybe it (my friends) can stop them. But I don't know what they are. I want to embrace them. But it is hard when all they do is make you feel so unsteady, and anxious. I would tell people, but most aren't like this. I don't want to be questioned again. Maybe they are the embodiment of the feeling I've always had. The feeling of emptiness, the feeling that I don't belong. Maybe they are trying to get my attention so I can be with them.. Or maybe they are mad and want me gone... But who cares? They might try to do something while I sleep. But right now I'm too tried, and numb to care. I don't want to give in. But if I do maybe.......... No. I had this feeling for too long. I want to know my REAL emotions for once. But for now that is not a option. Maybe one day though...... Thanks to the kids that used to bully and make fun of me I've learned to have pride. To identity myself in a thing that only pulls me under. Don't worry I'm just the "weird" kid. This is why I don't talk to people about "feelings". All it dose is make people worried, scared, and sad. Making me nothing but a killjoy. As for the ones watching me they may scare me. But they taught me not to judge or hate something/someone because you can't understand. At least they are always there. They can't do the things my friends can. My friends can't judge me the same way they can. Because they unlike my friends. Can see through my mask and see the whole picture, not just a piece.
This is so good holy shit!!
Im glad your okay now!
Or recovering at least!
Happy two year anniversary of the release of the Rise of the TMNT movie. To celebrate, here's my interpretation of what Raph experienced before and during his time Krangified.
Some personal notes below the cut.
During the time the movie first premiered on Netflix, I was going through one of the worst periods of my life, and began to experience extreme dissociative episodes that would leave me in an extremely vulnerable physical state. I already related heavily to Raph after watching the TV show, but seeing what happened to him in the movie hit me on a much more closer and personal level. It took me two years to fully complete this comic, because working on it made me think back to these intense and painful memories, and that was a struggle for a while. Only recently, within the last couple months, has my situation bettered enough for me to work on it without being too uncomfortable.
This is me putting my raw, firsthand experiences onto paper, because I want to make peace with my past in order to move forward. Raph's victory in overcoming the Krang's control is, in my eyes, the same as my victory in surviving those intense dissociative episodes. This is a reflection of my personal struggle, meant to help me attain a very specific closure. I hope that perhaps someone else who is suffering, or who has suffered similarly, will see this and know there is hope. Our experiences may not be exactly the same, but I want you to know that you are not alone.
Lastly, I would like to thank every individual person who worked on bringing this show to life, from first conception to the movie's premier. Rise has been a source of light in my life that I never could have imagined. From the friends I've made, to the art I've created, to the fits of laughter and the tears I shed as I sat through every episode over and over again. It wouldn't be possible without any of you, so thank you for being a part of it. No matter how big or small a role, I am eternally grateful to you. 💚