Dvsurvivor - Tumblr Posts
(Okay long post) ..
(These pictures are from my past abusive marriage) .These bruises are not "Love" .. it is hatred, it is hurt, it is pain. An yet I stayed.. . October is Domestic Violence awareness month.. be aware that it could happen to ANYONE!! it isn’t something that you “ask” for.. nor is it something you ever think you will face, until one day you meet the devil hidden under the skin of someone you thought was “good” “loving” “caring” ... they wrap you up and completely fool you of who they really are.. you could be with that person for a couple days, weeks, months, hell sometimes years before they snap and next thing you know your hiding bruises, coming up with cover stories as to why your arm has hand printed bruises, or why your face is black and blue.. “I fell” “I ran into something” ... but it also destroys you mentally!!!! You begin to think you “deserve” the best downs your getting at home from the person you “love” so much.. you begin to think that your this awful person who deserves to be treated the way you are getting treated.. your afraid to leave, afraid to talk to someone, afraid of what consequences may come if you open your mouth or if you walk out the door.. you become trapped..
your family, friends will see the marks, they will ask questions, they will beg for you to leave.. sometimes even plead.. yet you will stay in hopes it might all change.. in hopes that this isn’t really your reality. sometimes you even cut those people out because you don’t want to hear their opinions.. but First it starts off small, a punch or throat grab here and there, and then it becomes a every day occurrence even with your children around... Until you wake up in a hospital bed and don’t have much memory of how you got there, until your pushed down a flight of stairs at 27 weeks pregnant and now your in the hospital giving birth to your now still born daughter. Until they break into a friends home and beat the crap out of you and break your friends leg... at what point do you pick yourself up and say ENOUGH!? I did this for 4 years.. lived this nightmare because I was so scared of what would happen if I left, I was scared of everything that could happen badly. Until finally I said no more!! And I took my life back, and I got out of it. But unfortunately some people don’t get out of it.. some people can’t leave and they die in this situation.. because they feel like there is no way out!! I GET IT! I have been there. 😏😣 but you can get out!! You just have to be willing to loose and risk it all!! No matter how scary, no matter how attached to the person and situation you are..
I have come so far from the toxic marriage I left 3 years ago, I often wonder if I never left that relationship if I’d be in a box somewhere because of domestic violence. The night before my divorce got finalized my ex came into my friends house With full intention of killing me, instead I survived! And one of my friends ended up with a broken leg in the midst of trying to save my life because if that friend wouldn’t have stepped in I may have very well died that night because of domestic violence. I was in a 4 year relationship with someone that beat me every single day. I now know that is not at all what love is or what it looks like. I’m thankful today to be happy, And to know what a healthy relationship with someone really means!!! I’m glad this chapter closed and I am alive today. Reach out to the ones that you may think are being abused help show them that there is a way out!!! I will always speak out and be an advocate as a survivor of domestic abuse myself. Be aware!!!
You can be lovingly assertive.
For a lot of my life I associated assertiveness with abusive personalities- as a sort of warning sign of violence to come. But that's not right: we need to have the courage to defend ourselves. Sometimes assholes just get ahold of that power and misuse it.
There is a happy medium between saying "Shut up, you're a piece of shit and I'm going to do what I want" and letting people walk all over you.
You can enforce your boundaries and refuse to accept mistreatment and disrespect without being verbally demeaning. If you don't speak up and let people know when they cross your lines, though, you can be taken advantage of. You owe it to yourself to fight in your corner, and for the benefit of everyone involved. It doesn't make you an asshole to say that the way you are being treated is not okay. You're an asshole when you use disrespect and your own anger as an excuse to say things to hurt others more than the situation demands.
It doesn't matter if you piss others off for standing up for yourself, and for what is true. Anyone who wants to hate you for protecting yourself is invariably an asshole.
You can stand up for what is right and kind, even if everyone around you hates you for it, and you can do it in a firm, loving way. Assertiveness is not abusiveness.