Feeling Numb - Tumblr Posts
Was it wrong of us
To learn to live with pain?
Written by me
Neeed to talk about sex, and feeling distraught. Full imagination involved, just need to chill out. Your help could mean my peace for me. ā¤ļøāš©¹
I would love for anybody to come and approach for my solace. āŗļøšš
Im getting so tired of either feeling waaayyy too much or nothing at all.
Tw: drugs, sh, suicide
I made my mum cry 2 times today. And I feel guilty for it, but at the same time I just feel numb.
It's funny how hearing my perception of the world and her actions can make her cry when she always tells me that I have nothing to be sad about.
I think that she loves me, I just also want to feel it.
Feeling this numb is always a risky time, right now it would be so easy to just take a few more of my sleeping pills and leave.
I don't mind the pain I cause other people when I can't feel it. It's freeing to not care and cater to everyone's needs, but I also loose everything that makes me me.
I have to get out of this state or it could get dangerous. Maybe I'll make myself bleed again, relapse after more than two weeks again. Or I could drink, wake up tomorrow not remembering anything and with a headache that will kill me. Or maybe I should just smoke some weed. Relaxing and unwinding, caring even less but in a nice way. Getting lost in the smoke and my own mind.
I don't know. I probably shouldn't do any of it. I know I shouldn't. But keeping me alive takes killing me slowly.